3/4/16

Two months with our newest little Dude.


Hey internet friends.  It's been a while so I thought I'd catch up a little.  Last week we arrived home from a trip to visit my parents in Belize. It was a good adventure and lots of family memories were made as we spent time exploring the beautiful country of Belize.  I didn't have internet while we were away, and didn't take a computer, so I didn't blog at all about our trip.  I did post a whole whack of photos on my blog Facebook page though.  It you want to explore Belize through photos you are welcome to enjoy viewing our central American invasion. 


Flying and travelling anywhere with six children (including one toddler that despises sleep and change) is a character building adventure all in itself.  Overall it was a great trip and I know we will have an impressive photo album, lots of memories, and hearts filled with times spent together as a family.  Travelling is one thing we've always loved to do as a family.  We scrimp and save and prioritize to make it happen and feel very thankful that we have been fortunate (and brave) enough to have done many trips to various locations with our kids.  I really feel that experiencing other cultures, hearing (and learning) other languages, eating new foods, and seeing other parts of this amazing world God made is the best education. 

We were unable to take our newest little family member along with us.  It is never ideal to leave a newborn for two weeks, but then again nothing about fostercare or the need for it is ever ideal.  We rarely live in ideals.  The trip was planned and paid for when we agreed to bring this sweet boy into our home, and some good friends stepped in and loved him well while we were away.  He grew so much while we were gone, I hardly recognized the baby that was handed back to me.  He has certainly changed from being a scrawny newborn into a full fledged chunky baby.  He's got jowls, adorable huge cheeks, thigh rolls and is a big boy.  Even just the width around his chest and head seems big.  I wonder how long it will be until he is bigger than his petite 23 lb, 23 month old sister.  He's gaining on her quickly already! 




Lots has happened recently in regards to both our foster children's cases this year.  Unexpected changes, long prayed for relief, and fall on our knees in shock surprises.  It has been amazing, once again, to see God at work in these precious children's lives, in our families life, and in my own heart.  Having another baby in the house was not part of our short term, or long term plan.  It was unexpected, a bit scary, and our "yes" was a weak one.  I trusted that God would turn timid act of obedience into a joyful, gratitude filled, love for this child. He has most certainly done that.  What began as more of duty has morphed into our family feeling extremely blessed and so thankful for this adorable little chunk.  He is such a sweet baby.  He's had some tummy troubles but even in spite of that he's been a mostly content, easy natured baby who sleeps well at night.  Seriously, he only gets up once a night at around 4am.  He's a dream baby.  At over two months old he is now smiling and cooing and responding to all the attention he gets.

I'm so in love with this little guy.  I sit an look at his handsome little face and I'm completely smitten. I marvel at how beautifully he was created and wonder with a sense of awe what his life and purpose will be. I am overwhelmed by the great privilege it is to get to be the one to love and nurture this precious little life.  The word "legacy" is being pressed into my heart since the first day I met this sweet boy in the hospital.  There is so much weight to that word and I'm not sure what it really means in our context, but there's a coming together of past, present and future in this little boy.  So much brokeness, death and violence, loss and grief, bondage and despair birthed into hope for something better, prayers heard, new life and hope.  We get to have a front seat in this amazing story! He is the legacy of his birth family because their story isn't over yet either.  What a privilege and great responsibility to carry in my arms, and care for in my home, this precious child.

The whole household is smitten with this new little addition.  Even the former baby of the family has learned the word "baby" and is always eager to help find his pacifier, hold a bottle, or insist on holding him...even though he seems nearly as big as she is.  She's a tiny little Mama.  I hope these two will be best buds for years to come.  It's a busy, bustling, loud, and messy house....but there is never a shortage of love.

1/15/16

One week at home.


We survived our first week as a family of 9!
Despite some kids with fevers, a cold virus making it's rounds, a house still torn up with renovations, and vehicle troubles we're really not any worse for wear.  

In fact, this little guy has been a very sweet tempered and content baby, considering the issues he's coping with.   He merged into the household pretty seamlessly.  Maybe we're just getting used to having babies around.  He really has brought out the best in each of the other kids.  It's always a joy to see them so easily embrace a new little person in the house.  There is certainly no shortage of love or eager arms in this house. 


Annie, who is currently 20 months, had a rough first day learning to share Mommy and her bottles (which she had not long ago been weaned from) but it didn't take her long to decide she adores having a baby brother.  Most of my day is spent making sure she is not loving him with too much exuberance. The good news is she has decided to embrace the roll of big girl and has slept through the night a few times this week! 

 The 1 year old and newborn combination certainly keeps me on my toes. When Annie was a newborn I spent a lot of time just sitting in the rocking chair while she slept on me.  That's not so much an option this time.... there's much toddler mischief to be had while Mommy is busy with the baby! 


I have no idea how long Tiny Prince will be in our home but he has certainly stolen our hearts already.  He is a precious little boy who has had a rough start to life. 


He's doing really well right now though.  He's eating like a champ, pooping like he's trying to win a contest, and sleeping as well as can be expected at less than a month old.   He's having longer alert times, looking at our faces, and taking in the world around him.  

Good night friends, I'd better go try to get some sleep now.  Morning comes far too quickly these days. 






1/6/16

Unexpected


This year began a little differently than we anticipated.

We are only approved for one foster child.  We are not on the call list.  We had no plan to raise our kid count from six to seven.

Then out of the blue we got a phone call.  We were not at all prepared for what we would hear.  One of the children in our family had a new baby brother.

It felt like a completely unplanned, unexpected pregnancy....and then being told that the baby would arrive in two hours.

Our minds raced through all the reasons it felt impossible.

Our house renovations are crawling along, although we are making headway and enjoying some added space, the mess and work is far from over.

We have a trip to Belize planned and paid for next month.

We have a house full of excessive noise, boisterous energy, big personalities and various special needs.

We have a packed schedule filled with appointments and obligations.

I don't get much sleep.  Annie has been horrible sleeper and at 20 months has only slept through the night a couple times.  I have a couple other early birds and restless sleepers as well.


After many tears, quite a lot of arguing, panicked calls to friends and our pastor (who were wonderful enough to not only tolerate our crazy, but remind us of truth in the midst of it)....we said "no, not now.  We had to decide within a couple hours and it just wasn't enough time to come to any sort of wise, prayerful, and unified decision.

From what we understood he would be sent to an emergency foster home (since he had to be discharged from the hospital that same day) and then we would wait another week until the case worker was back from holidays and we could get more information.  That would buy us some time to get our ducks in a row....or get off the hook, depending on perspective.

This week we called and found out that little guy had been readmitted to hospital the day after he was discharged and there was no other foster family.  He has been a sick little guy for the past week.  After some chatting with the case worker, gaining as much information as we could, and going to visit this precious little boy....... we said "yes".

It's weak yes and a timid yes.

It's a trembling and unsure yes.

We know there are so many reasons why this is crazy, irrational, and illogical.  We know it will be hard.  Those things have swirled through my brain on repeat for a week now.

Even in those doubts I am reminded of truth.  The Gospel that has been pressed so far down into my self preserving heart starts to chip away at the fear.

As we prayed and reviewed our assets and limitations one huge factor is that we are equipped with an amazing church family.  Not only are we so well spiritually fed and cared for by our leadership, we are served and loved by our gospel community.  We know we will not walk this road alone.  We have support, help, encouragement and even people bold and loving enough to helps us with our own sin and struggles.

It's crazy to see how Jesus takes a group of people who come from extremely different backgrounds, a wide variety of ethnicities and cultures, make up every different demographic, who otherwise would have nothing in common and probably wouldn't even know each other, and makes them family.  He forms them into authentic grace saturated community.  Family that is committed to do life together ...through all the messy stuff of life and relationships.  Knowing we are not lone rangers doing this crazy life by ourselves makes all the difference.

 




As I sent out panicked texts to a friend immediately after getting the phone call, I was met with instant offers to help and even an offer to care for the baby while we go to Belize.  Within minutes the one biggest barrier I could think of at that moment was relieved and removed.  

Today I am stuck at home, two hours away from the hospital where baby is still residing, and two of my friends have spent time at the hospital holding this tiny boy.  

After two weeks of laying alone in a hospital bed, he is going to be loved with the full force of a community that knows what it is to be so generously loved by a merciful God.  Even on the days when I can't be there, I know someone will go and take my place.  I'm honestly just sitting back watching God's grace unfold and wrap around all of us.  

This little boy who's circumstances are so tragic, who is viewed by society as a social problem, who was born with so many strikes against him already... is now being treated like a Tiny Prince.  

Because that's the way the upside down Kingdom of God works.  Because that's what Jesus' people do. 

I'm praying that God will take our whispered yes and turn it into a thunderous testimony of God's redemptive mercy and goodness.   He writes good stories....and it will be our privilege to enter into this one. 

Soli Deo Gloria, 

12/24/15

From our family to yours

The official Burlando Family Christmas letter.





Greetings from our family to yours.  I decided to write a Christmas letter because it's important to keep in touch with loved ones and perfect strangers on the internet. Just in case you just haven't had your fill of my family via the various forms of social media I spent too much over sharing on, here is a festive overview.  

As you can see we live in a winter wonderland.  Otherwise known as a place that looks beautiful and magical for about a week during Christmas and then quite instantly transforms into "It's so cold! Why do I live here? We have to plug in our vehicles for crying out loud!"

Here is a run down of the family pecking order. 

Our eldest daughter is 14.  She does teen ager type stuff like playing basket ball, going to youth group events, and trying to escape her home any way possible.  Her current hobbies are doing her hair, spending obscene amounts of time primping, obsessing over makeup, posing for selfies, feeling chronically embarrassed of her parents, and teasing her younger siblings. 

Our eldest son is 12.  He is not quite a teen ager but he is as tall as his mother and is as moody as his father.   Even as I regularly exclaim "Good lord what is that smell?!!" it is fascinating to watch a boy slowly morph into a man.  We found a perfect outlet this fall for his gratuitous amount of energy.  It turns out he really likes to run.  Which could come in handy because his little brother may end up bigger than him someday and pay back will be rough.  

Son #2 is 9 years old and is loving school.  We are loving having him in school too.  
His hobbies are watching people do stuff, repeatedly asking obvious questions, and eating noodles.  

Son #3 is turning 9 next month.  He is the family comedian and generally a happy guy....as long as no one messes with his Mine Craft world, gets in his way, says the wrong thing, or suggests he do something he doesn't want to do. His hobbies are watching TV, eating apples, and following me around asking for the App Store password. 

Daughter #2 is as sweet as ever.  She has smile that is pure sunshine and a giggle that can melt ice. She has also recently traded her preschool biting streak with full on punching.  She's pretty good. We may have a future UFC star on our hands.  I'm putting my money on this one.  

Foster Daughter is still stuck with us.  She seems ok with the arrangement.  That may be because she has lived with us since she was a newborn and has nothing else to compare our family with.  Her stubborn streak, sense of humour, and ridiculous amount of energy are good survival tools and she fits in perfectly.

The Father of the pack has been working very hard building a sound proof addition on our house.  He's hoping to move into it early in the new year.  While wondering how he ended up with five children, despite having a vasectomy after three, I snuck in a sixth.  He now insists that we are "done".  For real this time.  No really, for realz.  More real than the last four times he has said that.  

The mother of the pack has many hobbies.  These include being woke up at night, making appointments, driving kids around, cleaning up messes she didn't make, and counting down the hours until wine O'clock.  






It's a long winter.  Sometimes you just need a hotdog cooked over a fire....when it's -20 degrees Celcius.  




They're all on the naughty list. Every last one of them. Even the cute one. 


Cece still hoping sure can use her charm and good looks to change her fate of getting coal for Christmas. 




This one has the good looks but completely lacks ability to charm.  The look on his face suggests he's pretty sure Santa might kidnap him and take him to the north pole to work as a toy slave. 



With the current state of the economy and a rising concern about the use of fossil fuels we decided to forgo modern methods of transportation.  It's really very efficient mode of travel if you aren't concerned with things like warmth, comfort, speed, and distance.  








So from our family to yours.  
Yule Tide greetings.  
May your New Year bring with it an abundance of chocolate, coffee, and Netflix marathons.  



11/24/15

What Foster Parents Aren't



We are not baby sitters.  I am not a nanny, a childcare worker, or an in home daycare. For one, those are all paid positions.  Foster parents do receive some money from social services which is intended to cover the expenses associated with caring for a child.  If I were to consider this income a wage it would work out to about 90 cents per hour, considering we get no weekends off and I am on duty 24 hours a day.
We are not hired babysitters.  We are parents. There is no clocking out at the end of the day.  We parent children, sometimes for a long time and sometimes for a short time.  Too often "the system" can treat foster parents like they are contracted staff, and children are put on ice until they can come up with a game plan.  But then pesky emotions and deep relationships get in the way of policy and bullet points...and that complicates things.  Some social workers appreciate that complicated reality, some don't.

We are not immune to heart break.
"I could never do that"
"I would get too attached"
Those are the most common response I hear when fostering comes up.  I understand it's meant as a compliment but it also assumes that somehow we are a different sort of human.  Getting attached is what we do.  It means that we have loved this child well.  Kids in the foster system deserve nothing less.  There is a difference between a strong love for a child (that can be just as deep as the love we have for the children born from our bodies) and unrealistic expectations.  We expect loss and grief.  We constantly push ourselves forward knowing that just around the corner the little world of safety we've created for this child might come crashing down.  Again. We do it because they're worth it.  Choosing to love, and pour myself out completely, for a child who may never remember me, who may never love me back, or who even resents my role,  has given me a much more tangible view of Christ's love for me.  We aren't stoic saints or calloused robots.  We love, we hurt, we love again.

We are not neglecting our "own" kids.  In all honesty one of the biggest fears I had about fostering is how it would affect my own children. We are a foster family, not just foster parents with other kids.  We are in this together, the excitement of getting a phone call for a new placement, the anticipation of shuffling to make room for the new arrival, the adjusting everyone's lives to accomodate a small stranger, the learning to love and the walking through loss.

This touches every one of my kids.  I would be foolish not to tenderly consider and assess their own hearts every time we say "yes". In fact the thing that breaks me the most when facing a child leaving or a "transition" to a new home is knowing it will hurt my kids.  Watching their little hearts break is worse than having my own torn to shreds.  I carry that heavy burden with each step we take as foster parents.  We have been fostering, typically one infant at a time, for 8 years now.   From this vantage point I can see that this thing we do as a family, this ministering to tiny vulnerable humans, has not ruined my kids.  I sense no resentment from them at all at this point.  Right now one of my children is displaced from an actual bedroom because a baby with horrible sleep habits moved in a year and half ago.  He sleeps on a camping mat, last night it was located on the living room floor. Sometimes it's in the toy closet. Yet, he loves her fiercely and doesn't complain (or at least rarely complains about the arragmements). Their lives are disrupted in every possible way, and yet these disruptions have the potential to forge character.

 I see how they each have a deep sibling bond and love for their little foster sister.  All five of them have their own unique and very sweet relationship with her.  Having little ones around has brought virtues out in my big kids that I'm not sure would have been this developed otherwise.  Watching a 12 year old boy nurture and tenderly care for an infant or toddler is precious site.  By being a foster family they have had ongoing practical life lessons in flexibility, responsibility, compassion, empathy, sacrifice, patience, generosity, and gentleness.  No, it's not always easy.  Siblings are siblings.  But if fostering has changed my kids it is for the better.  If it has ruined them, its for a superficial and selfishly lived life.  

We are not the enemy.  Fostering drops us into the middle of someone else's nightmare.  We are thrust into stories of heartache, brokenness, failures, and loss. Our role is to help pick up the pieces for a child who has become collateral damage in a family's crises. Sometimes that crises has gone on for generations, other times it might be a brief bump in the road.
By nature this role puts us in an awkward position.  As we strive to advocate for and protect the child in our care, this can potentially put us at odds with some biological family members (It can also put as at odds with social services).  This is not typically our desire or intention.  In fact, I find that with each new foster baby I welcome into our home, my heart is broken with compassion and expands with love for this child's birth parents. Even in their addictions, brokenness, illness, and poor choices, their biological family starts to feel like an extension of our own. Even if they don't have a relationship with or visit the child, they are never far from our prayers and thoughts.  We want success for them.  We want healing and transformation in their lives. We long for that, even once the option of custody has long since passed.

Foster parents see the worst of what broken adults can do to children (and what this broken world can do to adults), we know all too well that reunification attempts can be a disaster and the a child's best interest is not always put first.
That being said, if a parent or close relative is stepping up and working hard toward gaining custody we will do all we can to help that transition to be a success (even if our hearts are breaking from the personal loss).  I can honestly say that I love nothing more than to have positive relationships with a child's family of origin.  In some cases foster parents are co-parenting, even after a child has gone back to their family of birth. They become part of a birth parent's support network.  Some former foster parents switch from the role of active parent, to being a loving Auntie and Uncle that gets to be involved in that child's life.  It's not an "us" vs. "them mentality. It doesn't have to be.  Birth parents, foster parents, and case workers are all part of a team that is trying to salvage a childhood, and build a positive future.

We are not trying to strip a child of his heritage.  

In fact we try very hard to do the opposite.

This topic is pivotal and a focal point for social services in the area I live.  In my opinion tragic actions of the past have triggered opposite over reactions of the present.  Like a driver who hits ice and starts to slide off toward a steep ditch, who then over corrects by quickly turning the wheel in the opposite direction....which then puts the car into a dizzying out of control spin.  The pendulum has swung from having no consideration for a child's ethnicity or culture of origin to making that the apex of decisions being made, the most important thing. Being moved to "their own culture" (even to live with a non relative and stranger) can  trump things like current strong bonds, permanency/adoption, a child's current community and support network, and a consideration for things like trauma and attachment.  It's a very sensitive mine field that we walk as a multi-racial family.  Policies of racial segregation are one of the biggest frustrations I have with status quo.

 I believe that it is important for an adopted or foster child to grow up being connected to her roots, her culture and family of origin, and to have her ethnic background be part of her positive identity.  I'm sure we won't get it right all the time, but we really do try. We make that effort and naturally incorporate those things into our family life. My husband and I are as white as Wonder Bread and we have children from four distinct ethnic makeups.  Our home is a melting pot of various cultures.  Traditions that were passed onto us, ones we combined when we got married, some we create on our own, others we adopt into our unique family culture. So many things make us who we are and build our identity....our families, our values, our faith, our ethnicity, our experiences.  These are all so much more nuanced and complex than the dividing lines of colour that the world likes to draw.
I love all the children that are cared for in my home. As such, we start to identify with and have a deep appreciation for all those various cultures of origin...in our own way. Our family is a eclectic mix of Canadian farmer, American city, Chinese, M├ętis, Saulteaux, English, Scottish, Scandinavian, Polish....and Mexican because we love Mexico and thoroughly appropriate their culture any chance we get.  One of my blonde children actually convinced he was Mexican for quite a few years.  We have family members and close friends from many more fascinating cultures. Anyway...you get the point.  It's complicated.  Colour coded dividing lines get blurry.

We are not strong.   Don't get me wrong, foster parents are a passionate breed.  We love deeply and protect fiercely.  We resist very intense Mama bear fight or flight impulses regularly.  We get our hearts battered and bruised and then we are crazy enough to sign up to do it again, and again.  Don't let that fool you though.  We aren't always strong.  Sometimes we just make it through each day.  Sleep deprivation, toddler tantrums, various doctors appointments, visitation schedules, dealing with chronic behaviors stemming from damage that was done in utero, trauma, abuse or lack of healthy parental attachment at crucial points in development....they can take their toll.  The stress of never knowing what's around the bend or what news the next phone call will bring can make a heart and body weary.  I'm not strong but I lean hard on the One who is my strength. A God who rescues, pursues, and who binds up broken hearts. 

 Foster parents need community that "gets it", they need encouragement that what they are doing day in and day out actually matters.  An image from a story in the Bible just came to mind. Joshua and other Israelite men went out to do battle with the Amalekites.  Moses, Aaron and Hur stationed themselves up on a hill.  As long as Moses had his arms raised with the the staff in hand, the battle was being won.

 "But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun."

That is a fairly accurate depiction of why we need our brothers and sisters standing along side us. We are not doing "battle" against flesh and blood, but the battle is real just the same.  Our arms grow weary as we stand in the gap for each child that enters our home. Exodus 17:12

We are not in control.  I have very little say (none really) in what happens to any of the foster children that come into my home.  I do not make the case plans nor do they need my approval or permission to move a child.  I love these kids as my own, but they are not my own.  When you are fostering you have no option but to contend with the feeling of helplessness.  Like a little boat tossed around in a big ocean.  We just hold on for the ride.  We are not in control but we are trusting a God who is.







11/16/15

Living with a locked door and an open heart.





There seems to be a misconception in our culture that having boundaries equals a lack of love.

This spills out into many different aspects of relationships, family dynamics, and our society in general.  One way I've seen this explode to the surface is in regards to actual national borders and immigration policy.  There are huge debates right now on how "open" our borders should be, especially in light of the recent horrific Islamic terrorist attack in Paris and the Syrian refugees.

On one side you have people insisting that anything but dissolving national borders, and rolling out large welcome mats to anybody and everybody that wishes to relocate from the country of their birth is "xenophobic". These people often smugly insist that people who disagree with them are hateful, bigoted, racists. Because when you lack a logical argument name calling is an effective way to discredit and silence others.  There is also the assumption that if you have a more nuanced opinion you must lack compassion and are certainly being "unChristian".

On the other side of this issue we have people who feel that that borders need to be slammed closed, that people shifting around puts their way of life, their jobs, the economy, or their own comfort level at risk. Governments should only ever spend money on their own citizens and the world can burn outside the safety of their little bubble of serenity.

I find myself wandering through the murky grey area between.

 As Christian I am compelled by certain principles of generosity, grace, mercy and sacrificial love. I also believe that every human being is an image bearer of God and are inherently equal in worth. As such I will treat you with respect and dignity regardless of who you are or whether I agree with you on any particular topic.  As a Christian I also believe in justice and acknowledge the reality of evil in the world as well as the darkness nestled within the hearts of mankind.

Because of the reality of human depravity and sin,  I lock the door of my home at night. I am a realist with solid hope, not an idealist with pixie dust.

I lock my door, not because I hate everyone on the outside of my home, but because I love and want to protect those who are sleeping peacefully within it's walls.

I lock the dead bolt of my door knowing full well that there are some people in the world who callously choose to harm others.  It may be simply a small deterrent, but it's something.  There is some security in knowing it will be difficult for someone to enter unexpected and uninvited. I do it because that is the loving thing to do.

Some might say that locking my front door is hateful because someone might be in need of a home and they have every right to mine.  My home might have a nicer computer than theirs which really isn't fair.  Not allowing them free access is heartless and not compassionate. One might even justify home invasion and theft because the perpetrator might have felt disenfranchised or marginalized. Maybe it's a cry for help and we should put up signs on our doors saying "home invaders welcome" or "free hugs for burglars".

If you want to do that, more power to you.  You either lack good sense or are far braver than I.  Maybe you don't care about the safety of those you love or being a good steward of what you have been given.

My guess is that most everyone who wails against a cautious immigration procedure or secure border, locks the doors of their own homes. To me it's a very similar thing.

You see, my humble home is filled with people I love.  So filled up that we are in the middle of a construction project to add a couple extra rooms.  Our house is full because we have open arms and open hearts.  We have welcomed the weak, the unwanted, the rejected, the disabled and the wounded into our home.  We have become family. My prayer is that our arms and hearts will remain open and ready to embrace those in need.

Whether it's someone who's vehicle has broken down on the the bitterly cold Saskatchewan highway, or someone who has recently moved to our country...our kitchen table, as small as it is at the moment, is always ready to be set with an extra place.  Even if it means some of us have to eat on the floor or in the living room.  We will make room.  We will give you what we have.  Whether you are rich or poor, whether you are refined or so rough around the edges we have to remind the children not to stare, you will be treated with dignity and kindness.

This is our home.  This is the home I strive to create.  A place of warmth and welcome.  A place to belong and to be welcomed as you are.  A place where grace is lived out.  That grace is important because I am very aware of that not one of us who live here is without desperate need of it.

Here's the catch. We get to choose who we allow through our front door. We should and do swing it wide open to people in need, to neighbors near and far, to friends, to orphans, to widows, even to strangers.   On the other hand if someone is outside our home yelling death threats it is not unkind to close that door, lock it and call the police... Maybe even apply for a restraining order. 

Not only do I secure the door of my warm and welcoming home at night but I also have general boundaries regarding who I will share my home with, and who will be permitted to dwell within these walls.

 If I know that someone is a heightened risk to harm my children, for example they are known to have raped children in the past, they will not be seated comfortably on my sofa or curled up in one of our beds. If I feel compelled to minister to that person in any way, it will be outside the walls of my home. Some might consider that mean or ungracious, but it is something that my family has had to navigate.

I will not only protect my children but I will model that strength for them so they learn to develop their own healthy boundaries.  Love does not equal "tolerance" of anything and everything.

Those boundaries are not a fortress and our home is not a bunker where we hide. I teach my children to leave their comfort zone, and the relative safety of these walls, and go out into the world.  Love draws people in and it also means going out and meeting the needs of people where they are.

 Yes, as Christians we are called to love and forgive, even our enemies, but forgiveness doesn't delete consequences or equate trust.  Love doesn't ignore reality.  Sometimes love means saying "no".  Sometimes it means allowing someone to experience the consequences of their own choices or experience the just reward for their crimes.  Even if our heart breaks for them.

Loving those within my home requires my vigilance and scrutiny.   It requires that I carefully consider who I allow to babysit, and who I trust to spend time alone with my children.  It requires that I might offend, I might hurt feelings, and I might seem unwelcoming or overly cautious.  This is me loving those who are entrusted to me.  Those within my little flock will always come first.

I can promise you this, if someone does breach the border of my front door uninvited, and with malicious intent, they will not meet a passivist they will meet two fierce parents who would rather sacrifice their own lives, or end someone else's, than allow their children to be harmed.

Bottom line is this.  Loving parents do what they can to protect their kids.  Good shepherds protect their flocks. A responsible government protects it's citizens.  That is first priority.

In the past few days people are spouting all kinds of smugly absurd things all over social media.  One of the most troubling patterns I see are those people scrambling to deflect, distract from, or downplay the actions of the vile terrorists who massacred roughly 130 unsuspecting people. Many more were injured. The world, especially those who live fairly insulated lives in the west, doesn't know what to do with that.

 My theory is that people pretend violent Islamic jihadism isn't a threat because they don't know how to reconcile that sort of barbaric undeniable evil with a humanistic world view that claims everyone is essentially good. When something unimaginable happens they scramble to prop up rhetoric, like a corps with rigamortus.  Anything but call it what it is.  Anything but look evil squarely in the eyes.  Anything but believe that there are people in the world, who with a clear mind and passionate sense of purpose, have schemed, studied and planned ways to brutalize people they hate.

Christian doctrine accounts for that kind of evil.  It angers and saddens me, but it doesn't pull the carpet out from under my assumptions or beliefs about humanity.  We contend with sin, while proclaiming God's extravagant mercy and scandalous grace available to the vilest repentant sinner. We don't pretend evil doesn't exist.  We also don't pretend it doesn't exist in our very own hearts as well.

Denying how deeply depraved humanity is, is a false sense of security.  Metaphorically speaking, it's not us with our secured front doors and careful screening of babysitters that are clinging to false control, it's those of you who pretend that at is well while you "lovingly" welcome the devil into your children's bedrooms.

Some cling to the hope that they can appeal to, appease, and reason with stone hearts and blind eyes.  I believe heart transformation is something only God can do.

Some move forward with the hope that if they can make evil small, manageable or explainable...then they can prevent those horrible things from happening.

This world will be dangerous and unsafe as long as it continues to spin.
My hope doesn't begin or end here.

 I  have the assurance that, despite the raging chaos in the hearts and minds of mankind, Jesus is still on the throne.  Our God is sovereign and He is both the beginning and the end.

Terrorist don't win,  Jesus does.

Until that day, I will continue to have open arms and a secure door.





11/8/15

If your church's only response to the orphan crises is sending groups to an orphanage, there is a problem.

I'll explain the strange title of this post eventually, but first I want to tell you about something we had the privilege to witness.

Last night our church family rallied together to help bring a beautiful 11 year old girl home. She is currently in an orphanage in China and has cerebral palsy. The Peters family leaves next week! This is a complete miracle and amazing story in itself. From their first home study visit to their travel time was 3 months. That's crazy fast enough to leave their heads spinning and funds drained. 

All we did was organize the fund raiser...it was everyone else that showed up with big hearts and open hands. We had 72 people show up for the steak night dinner. I'm not sure of the exact total amount collected was since there were some donations in envelopes and some that came later.....but over $5500 was raised. That's not bad for one small church family and a handfull of other family friends.  We had dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, we could come away from the evening with $2000 to give this family.  
God is so good. 
I know I belong to a very generous church family...who live out the gospel they preach...but sometimes I'm still just blown away. The room was packed with young families living pay check to pay check, college students, immigrants, other adoptive and foster families, limited income retired folks, some who have more, some who have less..... all came to joyfully give, knowing all they have comes from and belongs to the Lord.
This is Jesus' people.
I'm brought to tears over it still.
Not everyone can adopt or foster but everyone who takes the name of Christ has a role in caring for our worlds most vulnerable.
Now we are all excited to welcome this newest child home, and welcome her into our church family. 
My heart is swollen from last nights display of love and generosity.  My heart still constantly aches for all the children still waiting to be loved.  Two very conflicting emotions that leave me inspired and driven to keep beating this same drum.. all children deserve to be safe, protected and loved.

I will be living out that mantra, and waving that flag, until the day Jesus takes me home.

I've written about orphan care in the past and how I think that the Church needs to do better than we have.  That's not to say that churches around the globe aren't mobilized and filled with people who are bringing children into their homes, speaking on behalf of the voiceless, and working tirelessly to affirm the value of each child's life ...but there is still a long way to go, a lot of Christians sitting on the sidelines, and one specific paradigm that needs to shift.  
Please take some time to watch this documentary on orphan care methods and how we can address the crises of so many vulnerable children wasting away in institutions, bouncing around foster care, or at risk of abandonment due to poverty.  Please listen as experts in orphan care from around the world discuss their dream of a complete paradigm shift in how we, as the Church living out the gospel within local church communities, care for vulnerable children. 
The dream is that orphanages would become a relic of history and that every child would have a family of their own.... Preserving their own biological family unit, placement with a close relative, or a permanent loving adoptive family or guardianship.

The practice of putting kids into orphanages stopped a long time ago in North America. How can we justify exporting, or even just supporting, that outdated and harmful method of childcare to other nations?
Warehousing kids just needs to stop.  Although I don't want to focus as much on the mantra that orphanages need to close as much as we need to challenge our brothers and sisters around the globe to step up to the plate and care for orphans.  Children need a family.  Period.  That's the way God designed children to be raised.  
I couldn't agree more passionately with this video regarding orphan prevention and permanency.
The Church needs to be on the front lines of "best practice" when it comes to caring for at risk children.... not a century behind clinging to detrimental residential orphan care practices.  

Residential, institutionalized child care is fraught with so many problems. Even the "good""reputable""Christian" ones.  Whether we call it a group home, a children's home, or an orphanage it's all still various shades of the same spectrum.  This documentary discusses many of the problems that come with residential orphan care.  They're right.  As an adoptive parent, a mother who has been fostering for 8 years, and former orphanage staff, I whole heartedly agree. 

 I've seen these issues played out before me while I lived and worked at an orphanage in Mexico.  Every problem addressed in this video, and all the problems I addressed in my blog post here were a major problems there. My own observations, and experiences, are not at all isolated but normative with institutionalized care. The more I inquire, talk to people, observe "aged out" children, and study orphan care methods the more I'm utterly convinced of this.  

As Christians we need to do better.   We need to do better with our money and the ministry/orphan care models we choose to support.  I would even dare to suggest that in many cases our well intentioned donations to "orphan care" ministries actually make the orphan crises worse.  

We must not do nothing....but doing something wrong isn't acceptable. 

This is a discussion those who care about vulnerable children need to be having.  These are changes that must be made in the way we think about caring for children.  

In Canada we have a dark stain in our history.  It's called "residential schools".  I think there was some shred of good intention that created them but they are a tragic example of why institutions raising children is a horribly devastating idea.  Of course there are some differences between Canadian First Nations children being taken from their families and placed into residential boarding schools and current orphanages around the world but many of the motives, methods, and harmful consequences overlap.  In Canada, the effects of that breaking up of family units still lingers. When a system decides that children who are perhaps living in poverty or who may be lacking educational opportunities with their families of origin, would be better off living in an orphanage, group home, or other institution....something vital has been missed in the equation.  Children must have love, nurture, stability and a family to call their own.  Without that any food, clothing and education means nothing.

   Taking (or luring) children from vulnerable families to fill up orphanages or residential schools is reprehensible.   Of course there are occasions when a child is being abused, severely neglected, or is totally abandoned.  Not every biological parent is able to parent. As a foster parent, I know the painful reality of this well.  When dealing with real world brokenness and vulnerable children there are no real cut and dry answers but rather a lot of nuanced partial remedies to complicated and tragic individual circumstances. 

What we do know needs to remain constant as we weave our way through the mess of this sin wrecked world, proclaiming life and redemption into the darkest corners.   

Children need families.  They need to belong and they need to be loved.  That's foundational to every aspect of child development.  That's how God designed children.  That's why he instituted family.  

There is something new happening within the church, and in many countries that are beginning to realize that something must change.  Fledgling foster programs are beginning in places like Mexico and Belize as well as around the globe.  The Church needs to be on the front lines of those changes.  Local, national churches, must be taught, equipped and challenged to view children differently.  They are not someone else's problem...they are ours.  

The North American church, where so many resources exist, needs to consider both caring for "orphans" in our own cities (and beyond) and also how we can help globally.

We must evaluate where our North American resources are going and pursue ethical movements to keep children in families of origin, or to have them placed within a healthy, loving family units.  Let's choose to support families that are on the front lines of new in-home, family based initiatives in developing nations.

If your church's only response to the orphan crises is sending groups on mission trips to an orphanage there is a problem.  

It's not malicious, just short sighted and narrowly focused.  You may be missing out on so many opportunities to create a culture within your church that proclaims that every child deserves a family.  The Church must affirm a self sacrificing, gospel centered, willingness to open our own homes as well as support adoptive and fostering families.

Children are worth it.  They are worth getting out of our comfort zone for.  It's important enough to ask the hard questions and dig for answers.  






Also watch this because it will give you the happy cries.


10/28/15

Don't wait for perfect.


An acquaintance recently wrote to me, shared her heart for adoption as well as some of her own fears.  She shared with me why it seems crazy that she would be longing to adopt, when she already has a busy household and all the normal struggles of life,  I assured her that I could relate to most every point she made.

For some reason people look at adoptive families...or families that are doing something out of the ordinary, and think they must be some sort of saints or super family.  As strange as it seems some people may even think that about us.  Those who know us well may have just spit their coffee out all over their computer screen in laughter.

 I think it's human nature to put other families or people up on pedestals.  I know I do that.  There are always families, especially online, who appear to have it all together and in comparison my messy house, tangly haired kids, and drained bank account seem really inadequate. Comparison can be a horrible trap. When you hold an unattainable standard up, like a just out of reach carrot that needs to be obtained before you decide to surrender the reigns and say "Yes" to a child in need of love...you may miss out.

 There are families who just seem to float through life on rainbows and pixie dust. They do family devotions and the children actually listen.  They eat every Pinterest meal together with well mannered children having delightful conversations.  They actually play board games and like it. You're pretty sure their children have never thrown tantrums or said naughty words.  My theory is that most of that is an illusion whether created intentionally or simply assumed by onlookers.

If my family is anything it's a testament to the fact that God uses very imperfect people to accomplish his perfect will.  He is the skilled marksman who can hit a bulls eye with a crooked arrow.  We just trust that he is shaping us, these broken arrows, as we are willing to be used.

Every day I fail.  I get impatient.  I battle selfishness and laziness.  I get discouraged.  I'm a flake when I should be consistent. I overreact in anger when I should be modelling grace. Occasionally I resort to making parenting decisions out of pride or embarrassment. Fairly often I wonder why God would think I'm fit to raise any child, never mind children born to another woman.  Sometimes I'm almost crippled with the enormity of the responsibility of that.

If I let my mind wander among the "what ifs" I can become paralyzed with fear.  Fear that I will fail at this task.  The irony is that even in that fear I'm elevating myself.  That fear exposes pride. I'm taking on a role that is not mine to assume.  These little ones, they belong to the hands that created them.  I am just stewarding their little hearts, minds and bodies as best I can.  It IS a huge responsibility but He has the final word in their lives, not me.

Daily I have to trust that God's grace will meet me where I am and fill in all those spaces where I so desperately lack.  I choose to trust that God is sovereign and that the Holy Spirit is at work in the hearts of my children guiding and drawing them in.  My job is to obey and trust that he loves them more than I do.

Any redemptive story that happens behind these walls is His work.  I'm like the three year old with a plastic hammer "helping" her Daddy build a garage.  He has invited me into this work, not because of my stellar parenting skills or because I'm especially needed, but because it is His good purpose and joy to do it.  His joy has become my own.

So to the ones who long to someday open their homes to children in need of family but feel that they must first reach some new stratosphere of holiness, or have a perfect marriage, or have a nicer home, or make more money, or discover the key to being a flawless parent.... rest assured that the One who ignited that burning desire deep in your soul is faithful.   He is the one who will make orphans sons and daughters.  Jesus is the rescuer and redeemer. You are the three year old with the plastic hammer. Waiting and hoping for a shiner plastic hammer really doesn't' make that much difference.  Just be willing to join the Father in His work and stay close by his side.







10/24/15

It's been a while


This is definitely the longest "break" I have ever had from blogging.  
The neglect wasn't planned or even anticipated but somehow it just happened.   

The more time that goes by the less this little corner of cyber space seems  like any sort of a priority.  Writing for the sake of writing starts to feel like a luxury I can't afford.  

It ends up at the bottom of the list...the to-do list that I never quite get to the bottom of.  Far below the mountain of laundry, the never ending meals that need to be made, the pulling a toddler out of the toilet, and every other little responsibility that keeps this family from sinking into filth and debauchery. 

My last post was about our foster daughters 1st birthday.   She is now a year an a half old and a delightful, spunky and very active toddler.  She has a mind of her own, knows what she wants, and is always on the move.  She keeps me hopping literally 24 hours a day (no, she does not sleep through the night).  I think this is part of my absence.  There is now a brief window of time...that glorious time of day called "nap time", that I have to accomplish many things that are hard to accomplish with my very eager little "helper".   


Today I'm using that golden moment in time for writing this.  It feels very delectable and extravagant. Like sneaking a chunk of dark chocolate into my bedroom and eating it alone while kids whine outside the locked door. 

I now have about 5 minutes before the school busses arrive and the rest of the crew descends with their stacks of papers, backpacks, lunch bags, homework and noise.  

So...this post may take a few days.  Or weeks.

This is a quick recap of the last several months.   The main reason I blog is to keep a running journal of our family life.  I have begun printing out different years of my blog into hard copy blog books. Someday I like to imagine my grandkids or great grandkids flipping though the pages of these thoughts and photos.  I think it would be cool to have something like that from my own childhood or from the lives of my great grandparents.  Plus I enjoy it.  I forget how much I enjoy writing until I sit back down at the keyboard to do it.  My constant blabbering about stuff on Facebook really only lets the steam off the top of the kettle.  




First an update on this sweet girl.
She is still with us.  That is not something we take for granted even for a day.

Our journey with her has been a wilder ride than I anticipated.  It has been more of an emotional  roller coaster than any child we have had in our care.  She has been scheduled to leave our home twice.  The first I wrote about a year ago and the most recent being just this fall.  Both placement plans fell through.  It's hard to even describe the extreme emotional lows and highs involved in that.  The constant uncertainty has taken it's toll in many ways, but getting to be a part of her life is worth every minute of stress.  
She's worth the extra worry lines, grey hairs and ulcer.  
She's not doing this hard story alone. 
This hard story is also amazingly beautiful and it's an immense privilege to be a part of.

She is so very loved.

Onto the rest of the family.
Spring began with me doing this.

It was fun and I would totally do it again.  I had signed up for the "Dirty Donkey Run" (a 5k race filled with obstacles and mud) several months earlier in the dead of winter.  Some cousins of mine were forming a team and it sounded like good motivation to start running again.  What sounds like a good idea in January is a little scarier when you actually have to do it.  I had been running a bit but by the time the weekend rolled around I was in no mood to go anywhere or do anything.  We had just heard a couple days before the race that Annie would be leaving our family.  After over a year in our home that unexpected news hit like a freight train. In the days that followed simply breathing seemed like excessive and cruel work.  I was in a fog as I packed our trailer and we headed to a campground to join a group of my cousins and others on my team.  

I was surprised to discover that it was exactly what I needed.  A huge distraction.  Something just for me.  Something FUN.  I needed fun.  My life is a lot of things but "fun" isn't always on the menu. 



Summer brought with it plenty of time at the beach and lots of time in the garden.


Annie LOVED the beaches.  She was as happy as she could be playing in the sand and water all day.  A perfect place for a clever, curious, sensory stimulation seeking toddler to explore. 


We had a family reunion at my parents farm.  A highlight was the giant back yard slip and slide.




We went to family camp for a week.  The same camp we have gone to for several years. 

My nephew and sister in-law came up for a month.  A tradition we've carried on for 6 years in a row. 



I got my hair cut.  Short! 
It was time for a change.  Something to spruce me up a bit. 


My little garden helper.


Happy beach girl.


Our big kids did quite a few back yard campfires this summer.  The giant pile of dirt is from the hole where our new basement bedroom will be.  More on that later.


This kid turned 12. 
Seriously.



One of her favorite things about family camp. Icecream every day. 



My summer project.  It was bigger this year and produced a lot. 





The main thing we did this summer is tear apart our house.  

It's an old farm house that was moved into our little town a few owners ago.  
It really needed some major renovations.
We had put them off for too long already so this year we decided to go for it. 

As we tore in we discovered quite a lot of rot, and even some fire damage that we knew nothing about. Any doubts about splurging for the renos were quickly erased once we saw how bad the damaged areas were.  




Phase one: tear off existing siding, replace all the old windows, rebuild rotten parts of the wall, house wrap, insulate, put on new siding, shingle the roof.  

I guess step one would be go to the bank and re-mortage our house.  Thankfully we have quite a lot of equity after 13 years of living here. 

I'm also thankful that I have a very handy carpenter husband who is able to do the work himself.  We did hire out the roof job to save on time.  Summer is only so long here in SK. 

Having a construction zone inside my home was a bit of a challenge with a busy toddling baby. We survived phase one though. 



I kid you not.  Our house was only insulated with old sawdust and horse hair. Real 70 year horse hair was what was insulating the old wooden windows. Saw dust was our barrier from -40 degree Celsius Saskatchewan winter.  No wonder there was a windchill factor inside our home! I'm hoping that our heating bill appreciates the effort. 



This is how it looked after putting on the new roof, new windows and new insulation around the entire outside of the house.  I'm looking forward to a much less drafty house this winter. 


Phase 2 of the project is to build an addition onto the back of the house (also paint all the existing rooms and put window trim back on).  It will include a basement bedroom and a dining room above.  A dining room that will fit a table that fits our family! 
I'm super excited about that. 


My beautiful daughter turned 14.




This guy had his 9th birthday.



My biggest and littlest girls taking an afternoon nap after a few hours of picking tomatoes.

This fall all the munchkins started public school.  
I will write more about that at some later date.
I still love the ideal and philosophy of home based education.  I really liked, and even preferred, the curriculum options and the freedom it afforded us as a family.....but the trade off was my sanity and children' misery.  

There are pros and cons to both and we've always only ever been committed to do what we think will help our child best learn and thrive.  As kids grow and change their needs grow and change.  As our family grows and changes our collective needs change as well.  So here we are.  All the kids back in school with Cece attending Kindergarten half time (every other day). 

With Harvest, renos and bringing in the garden (including hundreds of lbs of tomatoes to can) ...and a very busy toddler, I haven't noticed a huge amount of "me time" opening up....but I'm hopeful that as winter settles in I can do some things that I've been putting off.  Maybe even writing on this little old blog more than twice a year. 

Now that I'm on the topic I may as well keep myself accountable. Here are a few winter goals....other than paint every room in our house.  

1) I want to make some more digital photo books.  I've been trying to get all our family trip photos into actual hard copy books.  A book for each new and old adventure.  I also need to do a baby album for Annie. I love the finished products but it's very time consuming. 

2) I want to work on my Spanish.  I bought a Rosetta Stone and need to commit a certain amount of time to studying.  I'm hopeful someday we will return to our friends in Mexico and I really need to improve my communication skills.  It's hard to find time without a million interruptions though.  

3) I need to go to the dentist.  That totally counts as me time.  I could also add "shower every day".....  Moms of little ones get it.  

4) Write more.  Because I enjoy it. 


Here are my Lovies growing up super fast.











They are all doing great at school and enjoying it.  They're happy.  I'm happy.  Most of the time I'm not feeling like a complete homeschool failure...or a completely inadequate mother.  We're cool.



The house with new windows, insulation and siding. 


Now we are working (and by "we" I mean my very talented husband) on phase II.  This is a large basement bedroom and a dining room.  It will make our living room and new dining room one large room with plenty of space for a big table.  Our current dining area is very tight.  It's just a little bigger than our small table (that doesn't fit all of us) and we push it up against the wall when we aren't using it.  I can't wait until we have a big old table with plenty of elbow room....and room for things like serving dishes.  That sounds super fancy. 




Harvest 2015 is over and the grain is in the bins.  Harvest went late this year and many of our friends have not yet finished.  We are thankful.



A family that threshes grain together stays together....right?


Our updated family photo.  With a certain little girl's face covered. 
You'll have to trust me when I say she's beautiful. 


With that I shall end this long post.  Hopefully we shall meet here again before next spring.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...