We're leaving for Mexico in a month!

I must start by apologizing for leading you on with my last post.   Even my own mother assumed I was reffering to some exciting news about our adoption.   Sorry to disappoint.   Still no movement on the adoption front.  Nothing to report.  Nada.

However, we do have a nice distraction from the fact that we are still lost in adoption land.  We are going back to Mexico!!   After a year and half of longing, working, trying, praying, knocking...we are finally headed back.   It will be a very different sort of Christmas for our crew this year.

This trip will be quite a bit different than our past adventures in Mexico.
For starters we are only able to stay for 1 month instead of 6 months.  6 weeks is the longest that we are allowed to leave the Canada with a foster child.   We now have all the permission letters needed to take Cece and get a passport for her...which should be arriving in the mail any day.

Another major difference from past trips is that we aren't returning to work at the same orphanage that we have been visiting/ working with on and off for the past 11 years.  The door was unexpectedly closed which led to my writing this recent post.  We have mixed feelings about that but are very excited for the new adventure that lies ahead of us.  We will be going to the same area so our plan is to stop by the orphanage to visit the kids we have grown to love, as well as let our own children reminisce a little.   Our children's
  "ice cream for orphans" fund has been changed to "Burlando kid's compassion fund" because only orphanage staff can take the kids off of orphanage grounds which would be necessary to take them all out for icecream.   They have $200 raised and saved so far.  The only guideline is that it must be used to show love, encourage, or meet needs of someone.  The other guideline we gave them is that they need to give prayerfully,wisely and with a sensitive spirit.   It will be interesting to witness how the Holy Spirit moves in their little hearts and leads them into action.

{Our sponsor kids at the orphanage..can't wait to see them again}

This change in our hopes and plans has  been an excellent chance for the kids to stretch their coping with disappointment/ change muscles (ours as well!).  We have had a lot of long talks with them, shed a few tears, and worked through to a simple sense of peace about it all.    God is faithful!

After only a few weeks of everything being 'up in the air' again other options and opportunities starting coming up.   After much consideration and prayer our trip has become a 'fee-lance family adventure vacation' to Baja.  We are just stepping out, going, and trusting that ultimately God will be glorified even in our adventure vacation.

 I prefer not to refer to it as a "mission trip" for a lot of reasons but the main one is that it suggests that we have to go somewhere to be on mission.   Our whole lives should be focused on His purposes, His kingdom, and living out the gospel in any and every situation and location God has us in.   This  isn't a go pet the poor, do our good deed for the year kind of trip, we aren't anyone's messiah,...we go as students and servants.  It's about God's calling on our lives, allowing Him to stretch and deepen our faith,  learning how to live out a sacrificial gospel, and getting our hands dirty serving people that we love.  A large motivation for this trip is also how it impacts and shapes our children's world view...and their God view.

 We are renting a furnished house that another ministry owns and will be doing some volunteer work with that Ministry.  For the first time we won't be living in and travelling with a trailer to Mexico.   God has provided above and beyond what we had expected.  We pouted and cried over what we had lost...literally...all the while He had something so much better just around the corner.   We will be working along side some good friends of ours.  Friends that we met as fellow orphanage staff in 2009/2010. I wrote about the time they came to visit us in Canada here.   They now work with different ministry and we are excited to experience a little sampling of the new work they are doing.  You can follow this family's blog here  "Because love is a lifestyle".  I am muy muy thrilled that we will be neighbors, and hopefully helpers, to this family!  

{ The kids who call me Tia (Auntie)}

We will also use this month to spend time with "The kids that call me Tia" , catch up with friends we've made over the years, visit other ministries, eat at a LOT of taco stands, and volunteer where we can.  We will just be hanging out, living, loving, giving, and open to whatever and whoever God brings across our path during those 6 weeks.  It will be new for us to have total freedom as a family to go and do what we feel led to do, and to be able to work together as a family while we're down there.

 Now that we have a location, housing, and Cece's passport all lined up we feel that we can actually start to get excited about our trip.  It looks like it will happen!   We are excited to see how God stretches, grows and uses us during that time.   We really have NO idea what to expect or what we will be doing.   It's going to be an adventure for sure!

I've already started packing and planning.  My mental packing went from packing up a trailer to suitcases stuffed into an SUV already full of kids.    We will be packing light.   Only the essentials.   I'm glad we at least have a rooftop carrier.  I'm a little nervous about over 30 hours of driving with a 1 year old...who doesn't love to travel and about sleeping in hotels along the way....with a 1 year old who doesn't like to sleep in new places.   It will be interesting I'm sure.

I have no idea if we'll have internet available while we're away, but I would love to take you all on the trip with us and document our adventure as we go.   We'll see.

So that's my big news.

In hind sight

I'm reminiscing and thanking God for all that we experienced while we were in Baja last winter. I think  it has taken time to fully appreciate what we had the privilege to be a part of. Now that we have been home nearly a year  it has really sunk in how much we  were blessed as a family.  It was so easy to take it for granted while we were in the middle of all our daily routines and work.  

A year ago today our kids clothes were faded and worn from months of use and hanging to dry in the desert sun.

Spring was making it's subtle appearance with new leaves and orange blossoms.

The weather warmed and our fleece sweaters were stored away under the bed in our trailer. 

My children's hair was sun bleached white and their cheeks were a permanent shade of pink.

We knew our time was coming to an end and we were making the most of every day.

We attended the annual "tea party"when all the little girls at the orphanage dressed up for a very special afternoon.  They were each treated like princesses and served tea and sweets  in a fairy tale setting.

We said a lot of goodbyes...and see you soon's to children and friends who mean so much to us.

I'm so thankful and humbled by what God did in us during that short time.

The impact we made there was so small in comparison. 

My children learned to see the beauty diversity.   They learned to see past a disability and see the person. 

They learned to be comfortable with those differences. 

They learned how to make friends even though they barely spoke the language and they were very visibly different than their peers.  

 They have empathy for others who struggle with English or come from a different culture.
They know how it feels.
They don't take things like a house, a bed, or a full belly for granted.

They have had close friends who had none of those.

We pulled our kids out of school and drove them across two borders into a country considered "unsafe".  We neglected to sign them up for sports teams and music lessons.   We removed them from everything familiar, safe and comfortable.   

At a very impressionable age no less.

The impression left by that recklessness has been great.

Letting them experience a world that includes children who sleep in dirt and babies left in garbage dumps,

allowing them to struggle, to give, to work, to see for themselves what a big God we serve

changed them.

It changed the people they will become.

We learned that God can take whatever we have to offer and use it in His work and for His glory.

I learned that what we think we have to offer may not be what he wants from us. 

I learned some lessons the hard way.

I was humbled and challenged.

We discovered first hand how faithful God is.  

We stepped out in faith, took a risk, and he was with us every step of the way.

We had the privilege of serving and loving alongside others who spend their lives for something bigger than themselves.

We were inspired and humbled by the passion, faith, and tenacity of our Mexican brothers and sisters.

We discovered that even a small investment of love into someone else's life may have eternal impact.

Only God can turn something that seems so insignificant at the time  into something worthy of his name.

He showed me that family ,at it's best, extends beyond the walls of my house and beyond my own blood line.

Is it any wonder I feel like I'm living with half our heart somewhere else?
I don't want to live in the past or feel discontent with where we are in the present.  What I do want to do is  thank God for it, learn from it, and use it to inspire our future.
What does God have for our family next?
I have no idea.
Right now we are trudging through the world of foster adoption and loving every minute of our newest little treasure.
We know that God's work in us and through us is always changing, always new,
and usually what we don't expect.

Te Extrano

                               I miss Mexico.  I miss our amigos.  I miss the kids.

 I miss Pollo Loco quesa-tacos.

I am particularly missing, thinking about and praying for these little ones.

I wish I could visit and check on the kids that call me Tia.

I worry about them.

I wonder if Minerva and Alvaro are still in school?  Will Carmela and Ramiro ever be able to attend school with their older siblings?  How is the new baby?  Are they being cared for?  Are they hungry?

Are they being abused? Are they sliding further into the cycle of poverty and all that goes with it?

What future will they have?

 I miss my princesses Minerva and Carmela.

I miss these princesses too.

 I miss hanging out with these girls...

 and this boy.

 I miss the girl we sponser (right) and the other little girl that is growing up so quickly.

I miss taking trips to the ocean, going out to eat at taco stands , and going on adventures with our friends.

I miss our friends.  All of you...who probably aren't reading this because of the mission's handy dandy internet blocker or because you don't read English.   

I miss baking with these little ones.

I miss the ocean.

 Silas misses his amigos too.

In fact, everyday, at least one of my three kids begs to go back.

Back to hanging out in this casa.

I miss these boys  and all the rest of the kids in the Learning Center. 

I miss fish tacos.

I miss shopping at globos.

I miss Spanish church.  

I miss worshiping with my Mexican brothers and sisters.

I miss the palm trees.

I miss oranges picked fresh off a tree.

I want to go back.  We all want to go back.

We just aren't sure at this point when that will be, or how it will happen,

where we will live or how long we will stay. 

We had hoped to drive down for a brief visit this winter but as long as Cece's adoption is still in limbo it would be tricky.  

We are now hoping next winter we can go back for another 6 months...although I think we have now (if our adoption plans are successful) outgrown the trailer for more than camping trips.  We'll hope and pray and watch to see how God provides all the little (and big )details that would have to fall into place.  

I feel like I'm caught between two worlds.

When we live there it feels like home.  I am content and I am happy.

Although I missed having an actual house and I missed being a foster mom.  

When we live here it feels like home.  I am content and I am happy.

Although I miss Mexico and everyone there.  

I miss serving and working.

Right now we are foster parents, we are farmers, we are a Canadian family...

but we are also missionaries at heart.  

We miss our other home. 

I feel torn.   I know I was made to love and care for children in need of love and care.  Period.  I've known that since I was a child myself.   God gave me that passion and calling early on in my life...it just took quite a few years for that to materialize.

There are SO many children here that need homes and a family to love them.

There are SO many children there that need homes, attention and love.

I know that wherever God plants us we will bear fruit.

My husband thrived there.  He loved his work.  He loves the people.  Not a day goes by (especially now that winter is facing us) that he doesn't talk about missing it.

We are torn.  We have a life here.  We have a life there.

Only God knows the future of either.  

Contrasts

This promises to be a scattered and random post. Consider yourself warned. I'm exhausted. We aren't home yet. Monday will be our arrival at the home we haven't seen since October. I've got a head cold...the first in months. I have a 3 year old with a fever (first all winter). I feel like I could sleep for days. I don't know if it's just slowing down long enough to let it all catch up with me or if its just the last week of a crazy schedule and crazy keep me awake at night itching. Last night was the first night that I haven't woke up wishing I could cut my legs off at the knees. Aili , who is covered from head to two with flea bites as well, has also been keeping me awake. Last night she slept well too. I'm hoping that we are done with these nasty bites. They kept us miserable for over a week! No new bites for a week though so I think we left them behind.

Anyway, making sense of our experiences this winter, processing it all in the middle of a very affluent neighborhood hasn't been easy. Such stark contrasts are messing with my head....or maybe emotions. So many stark contrasts, not better..not worse...just so opposite. Sometimes with wealth comes poverty of other kinds. Sometimes with poverty comes a wealth of a different sort.

I just looked back over several of my posts from our time in Baja Mexico. It seems already like a dream. A different life in a different world. A dream that I too abruptly woke up from and already long to return to. I miss those faces, those people, those children. How, when I am currently surrounded by such luxury and comfort, can I long to go back to the flea infested dust of Baja. Maybe it's because I'm still in limbo. Not quite in either home. Still 2 days and a 5 hour drive from our previous life and about a 35 hour drive from our Mexican home and family.

We really are enjoying our time of relaxing and visiting with relatives right now. Our kids are having a great time with their cousins. I was thrilled to take a shower without sandals for the first time in over 5 months. A shower in the same building that I sleep in. Doing laundry in my sister in laws fancy front load washer and drier is fun. The food is great, the beds are comfy, the company is good, the hospitality has been a welcome relief for weary travelers. I am so thankful for this time here. I can't complain. Still I can't figure out this funk I'm working through.

Too many contrasting images bouncing around in my head. It's hard to reconcile such extremes.

No one here could understand life there and no one there could ever imagine life here. Two different worlds...and I feel I have a one foot in both places.

"empty handed but alive in your hands"

I was just listening to my playlist that line from "Majesty/Here I Am" just struck me. I think sometimes in this culture our hands are so full of stuff that we don't know what it's like to truly be alive in His hands, to depend, to rely, to be broken and humble. Sometimes our kingdoms get so big we start to think that it's ours ,that we're entitled to it. That somehow we have because we deserve... because we work hard. Others don't have because they don't deserve, they are different from us, they must have done something wrong. The problem that now plagues me is that I know otherwise. The kids desperate for their next meal, covered in parasites, sleeping in cold dirt.....are just kids. The people who work from dawn 'till dusk picking the tomatoes and strawberries that fill our expansive supermarkets work harder than any of us ever have. Such a stark and disturbing truth. Reality isn't always an easy thing to see.

I can't even describe how many self-entitled attitudes, gluttonous lifestyles, and offensive derogatory comments we heard from "Americanos" (about Mexican's )on our recent travels. It's all been a bit much. Not that every "Americano" is that way , but as a society as a whole..... I know that comment will offend some...but like I said reality isn't always an easy thing to look at.

Maybe the contrasts won't seem quite as extreme once we get back to Hickville, back to my broken oven, second hand furniture and duct taped kitchen counter. The problem is I want my perceptive to change. I don't want to be a part of that society that places it's value of people on how much they own. I want to look at my old house and see the blessing that every imperfect inch of it is. I want to look at my little garden plot and be thankful that I can feed my children. I want to tuck my kids into bed with their mis- matched bed sheets and worn blankets genuinely thankful they have a warm place to sleep. I don't want the sin of discontent and the idol of materialism to ever cross my heart again. I know at some point it will. I will someday in the near future covet someone else's furniture. I will complain that my fridge doesn't close right and I will whine that my carpet is ugly. I hope that, as I write this down, I will have something to look back at and will be able to readjust my ingratitude to thankfulness. I will be able to get on my knees and confess my discontent and idolatry. I don't think that having nice things or a comfortable home is wrong, not by a long shot, I think it is the attitudes and priorities that I develop that get's me off track.

So now I've written it down. I am now accountable for it. You can point me back to this post when I get off track. :)

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for our family this winter and who has encouraged us with your words. It has meant more to us than you can know.

Thank you to our surrogate grandparents

After Christmas we had the privileged of meeting several people that are using their retirement years to serve God and others. The "RV'ers" usually start arriving the first of the year and continue to roll in and out of the mission until spring.

We were a little worried that the new retirees wouldn't appreciate their rowdy noisy neighbors.

I was pleasantly surprised that our new neighbors not only tolerated my kids but loved on and invested into their lives this winter.

One of the difficult things about deciding to follow God's calling in our life, pack up our family and spend six months in a foreign country was sacrificing certain things. It's one thing to sacrifice for myself but ,as any parent knows ,making your kids give up certain things or lack certain things is much harder. Taking my kids away (for a time) from a very close relationship with my parents was something that weighed on my heart.

God proved to all of us in such a tangible and special way how , when we step out in and actually trust Him, he is able to abundantly provide for our most basic needs. Even just the need of an eight year old girl to have a girl chat with someone other than mom. The need of a little boy to "help"and learn all kinds of things from someone willing to answer a million questions. The need of a mom and dad to go out alone together while a trusted "grandma" puts the kids to bed.

We are so grateful for all the hugs, time, long chats, patience, silliness and even popsicles that our kids were recipients of this winter. These people worked hard all day in their various jobs but still found the energy and desire to minister to our family as well. We made some very dear friends.

Thankyou for your all the time spent playing Uno with Aili, helping Roman with his reading, teaching Aili to knit, taking the kids for nature walks, showing them around the clinic, babysitting.......

I could go on and on.

To sum it up thankyou for making them feel special and for making this winter so much easier for them.

On the road again

Driving back up the Baja Peninsula. The grass is lush and tall and the wild flowers are blooming everywhere. This is definitely not the same landscape we saw on the drive down.

Aili has taken up knitting which is a good way to keep her busy fingers, busy.

The border crossing. Leaving Mexico behind.

Its really a shame that we don't see these north of the border. Where else can you find a giant flaming Mary statue or an un-liscenced Curious George?

or a large rooster?

On a more serious note. Crossing over into the U.S and leaving behind everything familiar has been harder than I anticipated. Not that I'm not enjoying public bathrooms with not only toilet seats but paper seat covers but it's strange how foreign and even overwhelming everything looked. Going from rural Mexico into the bustling city of San Diego is a bit of an extreme change. I turned my Spanish worship up loud and held on to the last bit of my life in Mexico that I could.

We spent Sunday and Monday night at an rv park in the San Diego area. We spent the day yesterday hanging out at Mission beach and visiting an old school amusement park and video arcades.

Silas' first impressions of the U.S compared to rural Baja.

"That is a BIG side walk" (The first large paved parking lot we parked in)

"Someone needs to sweep this patio!" (another , possibly dirtier, paved parking lot)

"That girl is wearing her underwear" (A woman in short shorts)

"That girl is naked!" (A woman in short shorts and a tube top)

It's been funny to watch the kids readjust to a different environment, and I admit at times a little embarassing. It was also a lot of fun to spend the day just enjoying each other. Our focus was just on our own kids and our family. For almost 6 months our focus has been on so many other kids and ministries that it was good for all of us to just re-group and enjoy each other.

We will be pulling out of California and making our way toward Canada this morning. We do have some reminders of Mexico and are setting of a "bug bomb" in our trailer while we are all in our car travelling. The sand fleas got really bad before we left Mexico, I suspect the recent warmer weather and the wet winter made the sand fleas were pretty happy. We haven't had more than a couple little bites all winter but the last few weeks have been miserable. If you have ever been bit by a flea, and reacted to it, you know how intense and horrible the itching is. Aili is covered from head to toe right now in bites. They seem to only like her, me, and Silas has a couple bites. They are picky I guess. Poor Aili looks like she has chicken pox! Anyone who knows would understand how desperate and miserable we are if I am willing to spray chemicals all over my mobile home. I still don't know if its the right thing to do but bringing a trailer full of fleas home with us isn't an option. We may have only picked up one little flea but they have an unnerving way of multiplying.

I know to anyone who hasn't lived in a place like rural Mexico the idea of fleas is pretty gross. I have a clean ,frequently washed and vacuumed trailer (fortunately with no carpets) and my kids bath daily and have all winter. I guess its the price we pay when we are hugging kids that live in a poverty stricken area and running around in the Baja sand and dirt. We'll chalk it up to a missionary experience. :)

So many goodbyes

This past weekend was full of so many goodbyes as we prepared to pull our trailer out of the spot it had been parked since October. Here are a few friends in neighboring trailers (staff housing) that came to see us off...or make sure we left. I told them I snapped the picture to prove that we had friends. :)

The day before we left Mexico we drove up to Santa Fe again to say goodbye to all the kids up there. There are now 10 children living in the same household. It's been a great way to pass on extra clothing and lighten our load home. A few of the cousins and Minerva didn't make it into the picture. The older girls were washing their hair. I think they were making their own little salon in memory of the events of the previous day.

We doled out lots of hugs to our 5 kids and as well as to the 4 other "primas" (girl cousins) who have also started calling us "Tia and Tio".

After the tea party our last two evenings and day included going out to dinner with some good friends, having a backyard bbq with more of our amigos, and visiting our favorite casa. Oh, and a whole lot of work! Packing, sorting, organizing , cleaning, ......

I'm missing the kids already!

Some very dear friends of ours. The houseparents of Casa 4 made us feel very welcome and opened their home and their lives to us right from the start.

Mireya (I don't know if I spelled that right) has been a confidant, a prayer partner, and a person whose arms are always eager for a big hug. She works so hard and loves the many children in her household despite serious health problems.

"Goodbye Teacher Aili!"

That was the chant as we left the house that evening. Aili has been teaching Casa 4 an English class for the last couple months.

Some more girls that I'm really going to miss! These ones came out to our trailer to say goodbye Sunday morning.

Have I eve mentioned I hate goodbyes?

I prefer "nos vemos" or hasta ano proximo"

I hope we will see them all again in the not too far away future.