Spring is here, and I'm tired.

(Daddy having some late night snuggle time)

It's seeding season here on the farm.  For my non-agricultural readers that is the time of year when us Canadian farmers put some grain into the ground in expectation that it will yield a harvest.  It's the kick off to our somewhat short growing season.  It is the time of year that my hubby leaves with a packed cooler first thing in the morning and then gets home long after the kids have gone to bed.  

Farm life, and it's constantly changing, unpredictable, yet cyclical seasons, has always been a part of my life.  Some farm wives have a hard time adjusting to their life being dictated by things like weather and seasons but it's just natural to me.  I grew up with a farmer Dad, and despite marrying an American city boy...ended up being a farmers wife. 

Right now being a farmers wife means single parenting for a few weeks. 

It's almost comical that the day seeding started this little bundle of sweetness arrived in our home.  Because we can't ever do things the easy way right?  Over all it's gone well.  We are making it through each day...and night.  I was thinking back to my other home-made newborns and neither of us has ever had "maternity leave" or "paternity leave".  Aili was born during harvest....so my husband was back out in the fields the day we got home from the hospital.  Roman was a summer time baby and was born during hay and silage season.  Silas was my winter baby and most likely my husband was around quite a bit more when he was tiny.  Adding another baby into the business of life just doesn't seem like that big a deal.  Baby Annie is our 7th foster child and our 4th foster newborn.

Right now my house is a mess.  My kids and I ate popcorn for supper.  We haven't finished up our home schooling year yet.  My days are a blur of noise, laundry, cooking, breaking up sibling spats, various appointments in various towns, long division, boiling bottles, feeding and burping a baby.  My nights are a blur of catching moments of sleep, rocking a baby, mixing formula into bottles, waking up to squeeks and cries, and falling asleep with a tiny girl on my chest. 

But I get to see moments like this.
I love my sleep as much as the next person...maybe more because it's such an elusive and rare commodity but in the end, 
It's a good trade. 

They're worth it.  Two beautiful precious little girls. I'm so thankful I get to love them.

It has finally warmed up enough to put in the garden. I'm rarely very organized about it but each year we get the seeds into the dirt. 

Roman is teaching little sister how to plant the onion sets. 

Today was the first day that felt like summer.  It was SO warm! 
Warm enough for some water play in the back yard.

 \Yay for green grass!

Big sister helping Elijah fill the water guns. Never too big for a turtle pool right?

This little girlie is so goofy.  Seriously.  She's our comic relief without even realizing she is.

Spring is here. 
 I'm tired
but it's short and beautiful season. 
Someday I'll get all the rest I can stand..until then I'll let Jesus be my Sabbath. 


Introducing our newest little one.

So much to write, and so little time and brain power to do it.
I'll muddle through my foggy sleep deprived brain and let you in on the newest little family member we are caring for.

I wrote a while back that we had re-opened our home for foster placements.  It took a little longer than expected to get our first phone call (about 3 weeks) but she was worth the wait.  

I spent those weeks preparing our home and my heart for any possibilitiy.  I prayed for the mystery child who I knew could be entering the world at any time.  We knew we were mostly likely to get an infant since newborns are the hardest to place...and that's what I like.  

I prayed for protection for this next child.  I didn't know who this child would be but a newborn placed into foster care is already a survivor.  A baby who likely already has many odds stacked against her.  I prayed she wouldn't slip through the cracks of the system, that she would be safe through childbirth, and that she would be protected. 

12 days ago we got "the call" asking us if we would take a teeny tiny little girl.  
We asked a lot of questions and answered with an eager "yes!"

She is just as sweet as can be, and we feel so blessed to get to be the ones to care for her. 
She didn't come home right away and we spent some time commuting back and forth to the city to visit her in the hospital.  
After a week of waiting for her she was finally discharged and came home.

The next day the kids had a little soccer camp.  Life doesn't slow down this time of year!  
This is really the first organized activity/ sport that Elijah has been involved with.
It was good to see him participate.  He tuckered out part way through and was more interested in playing with the dog of one of the other parents but he did well trying to keep up.

Elijah is doing great with the new baby.  He has really battled extreme insecurity and jealousy when mommy's affections are focused on one of the other children so I wasn't sure how this would go.  So far he's been very welcoming and has taken on a "big brother" role.  He is very sweet.

The pictures are a bit out of order but these were some we snapped with visiting our tiny girl in the NICU.

Love at first sight.

I am not permitted to share much information about the baby, show her face (trust me she's beautiful), or her actual name but I'll share as much of this new story God is writing in our lives as possible.  He gets the glory.

I've been soaking up the newborn preciousness.  She loves to be held close and I'm happy to oblige.

Not one kiss, or sleepless night is wasted effort.
She's worth every bit of it.

Once again, what her future holds is uncertain but while she is here in my arms I will love her ferociously and hold nothing back.  Simply because that's what she needs, and that's what she deserves. 

I don't know the future but I trust the One who does..  
Knowing what she has endured already I know that God has already answered so many of my prayers.  
Her life was preserved, she has been protected, and she is now in a place of safety and love. 

With each of my foster babies I have given them a social media alias.

This little one has officially remained nameless, but the nickname "Annie" was given to her by a caseworker and was used in the NICU.  The nickname has stuck. although it won't be her official, documented name.  It also works well for an online alias.

The day we brought Annie home was also the day my husband started seeding.  On the grain farm there are two busy seasons...seeding time and harvest.  This little one hasn't had her share of Daddy time, since he's in the field from morning until dark, but she's already got him wrapped around her itty bitty fingers.

I'm feeling very tired, but very very blessed.

Soli Deo Gloria,


My thoughts on Emily Letts and abortion...in case you want to know.

I came across something a couple days ago that, although is far from shocking and even mind numbing in it's banality,caused me enough of an emotional response that I figured I'd sit down at the computer and work out some of my thoughts.  You can find the article here.

The first thing that came to mind was simply Isaiah 5:20

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!"

"They take bribes to let the wicked go free, and they punish the innocent." (v23)

This publicity stunt  is merely a woman who has her abortion process filmed in order to show the cheery, positive side to having her baby killed.  This video is attempting to show a candid glimpse into a real abortion, but strangely enough the actual abortion process is not actually filmed, referred to or mentioned. All that is shown is a glowing mother humming and smiling her way through her child's execution.  I watch it and I pity her.  This is not empowerment it's delusion.

The ultimate goal is to rid abortion of it's inherit stigma.  It further promotes the "It's no big deal" mantra that is desperately being promoted by an abortion industry that profits off of the crushed souls of women and the lives of their children.

Despite the assertions otherwise there is still a lingering myth (I see it all over comments on social media) that no "pro-choice" activist or supporter is actually pro-abortion.  They lament that abortion isn't "good" but rather a heart wrenching personal decision that a woman must make, and no one should interfere with.  I have no doubts that there  are women who are heart broken, feel pressured, and wish they didn't have to go through with it.  I know that even more women are devastated with regret afterwards. My heart breaks for them.  That's part of why Pro-lifers are passionate about coming alongside of women and offering all kinds of helpful free services (unlike abortion providers).

 I think another sad reality is that for many pregnant mothers it's just not that big a deal.
Why is having a child suctioned limb from limb out of your womb no biggie?
Why is it just fine and dandy to use abortion as an afterthought form of birth control?
Why is ending the life of a completely unique human being who will never exist again, and has never existed before (and in doing so snuffing out all future potential, joys, endeavors and generations) not something to grieve?
Simply because they've been sold on a deceptive marketing scheme.  They've already bitten the carefully laid hook of idolatry that tells them that their god of comfort, life goals, me-time, and sovereignty over their "own body" is worth killing for.  Pregnancy is simply a nasty potential side effect of their right to unhindered and uninhibited sexual gratification, much like an STD.  It's no wonder that when those two little lines appear on the pregnancy test that they are met with horror and a resolve to remedy the situation. The reality is that abortion doesn't prevent you from being a mother, it just makes you the mother of a dead baby.

If you actually believe, contrary to every bit of scientific fact, that an abortion is nothing more than having a hairy mole removed, or treating a parasitic infection...then why wouldn't you celebrate your emancipation with a night out with the gals afterwards.  After all, it was simply you asserting your "rights".

When you allow your mind to soak into that bog of delusion long enough all sense of right and wrong become mixed into murky shades of grime where "it's right for me" is sovereign over every other factor including the life of another human being.  Good is condemned as evil, and evil is celebrated as good.

I don't know that I've ever seen as glaring an example of this as this woman's description of the actual termination of her child's life.

 "I was focused on staying positive and feeling the love from everyone in the room. I am so lucky that I knew everyone involved, and I was so supported. I remember breathing and humming through it like I was giving birth. I know that sounds weird, but to me, this was as birth-like as it could be. It will always be a special memory for me. I still have my sonogram, and if my apartment were to catch fire, it would be the first thing I'd grab."

This heart breaking mix of words is such a stew of contradiction that it hurts my brain.  This baby meant something to her whether she wants to admit it or not.  She will drown out the natural grief she feels with her new found notoriety, and accolades.

She was "feeling the love" as the unborn child in her womb was being exterminated.   I can think of a lot of words to describe this scenario but "love" is not one of them.

"It was as birth-like" as can be.  Clearly she has little concept of what a "birth" actually is. I can't reconcile the suggestion that spending a few minutes with your legs spread and having a small vacuum invading the once safe depths of your womb, has any sort of resemblance to childbirth.  The agonizingly miraculous experience of welcoming a baby that you have carried and nurtured in your womb into the big wide world and into your loving embrace is very un-abortion-like. In fact I would suggest the two scenarios couldn't be more completely opposite.  Which leads me to my next bit of confusion.
"During my training, I learned there are three kinds of doulas: birth doulas, adoption doulas, and abortion doulas. A light went off in my head.
I had never been political about abortion rights before, but the idea of helping women through an abortion and supporting them and reassuring them that they are still wonderful and beautiful resonated deeply with me."
An Abortion Doula??  That's a thing? I've heard of abortion counselors who assure women that they are doing the right thing, and the clinic workers who piece the tiny babies bodies back together after the procedure to insure that all of the dismembered bits made it out of mama's body.  Of course we know an abortionist is going to show up at some point to do with dirty work....but an "abortion doula"?

I get wanting to help women.
 I understand the desire to comfort women through a potentially scary and invasive "procedure" but why must they use a term that is so connected to child birth?
 It also makes me wonder why we don't we have "root canal doulas"?
Or "pap smeer doulas"?
 If it's truly no big deal then why does a woman need to be coached through it?

 If she is truly pro-woman and passionate about helping them...leading them like a blind guide into a room where their child will be killed, and their own bodies and hearts will be scarred, is not the best outlet for that.

"Once I caught my breath, I knew immediately I was going to have an abortion. I knew I wasn’t ready to take care of a child. The guy wasn’t involved in my decision. "

Once again it doesn't seem like a terribly agonizing decision, but rather the natural and unsurprising thought process for someone who has dedicated her life to assuring other women that their children are merely disposable bits of inconvenient tissue.

What about "the guy"?

She puts that out there like it's another star on the feminist chart.  Of course he had no say, why would the baby's father have a say in it's future?  I mean, you could demand money from him if you decided to raise the baby...but heavens no he doesn't need to be involved in it's demise.  I don't know if she just picks guys who are so uninvolved and so cowardly that they don't want to be involved or attempt to protect their children...or if he's just bought into the lie that this is merely her body and none of his business.  Or maybe he didn't even know.

"I knew I wasn’t ready to take care of a child. "

This woman is 25 years old.  She is a full fledged adult.  She has a job (albeit a questionable one). I'm assuming she has a boyfriend or something of the sort. She apparently has a lot of love and support.  What qualifies someone as "ready"?

When I turned 25 I was pregnant with my third child...we were the most broke we've ever been (and money has always been tight), and we were virtually unemployed and wondering what the future would hold.  Was it ever an option to sacrifice our children until we got our act together?  No. What on earth makes someone "ready" to be responsible for the choices they've made?  What is this extended adolescence, other than rampant selfishness?  The truth is no one is ever "ready" anyway...they may want a child desperately, they may prepare endlessly but when that child comes you realize really quickly that you have some adjusting of priorities to do.  The truth is a lot of people don't feel very "ready" until that baby is placed in their arms and they fall in love. Sometimes readiness comes from doing the thing you're most afraid of. I don't feel "ready" to parent teenagers...but in a couple months my daughter will officially enter her teen years. I don't feel "ready" to parent another baby who may possibly have a variety of health and developmental issues. I still don't feel "ready" to raise a son with cerebral palsy. It's a good thing that their health and well being doesn't rely on my ability to muster up confidence.

"Everyone at the clinic was really supportive of filming it. At first they wanted to sit down and talk about the real consequences of this. There are a lot of politics involved. We knew we could have hundreds of protesters at our door; we could have bomb threats. Working at an abortion clinic, every once in awhile it feels like you’re working in a war zone.
But I said, “Bring it,” and they were on board."
 I guess this is my "bringing it".  Not very scary, I admit. This part made my eyes roll so hard they stabbed my brain.  "A lot of politics involved".  The abortion battle isn't fought over politics, it's fought for basic human rights.  Bomb threats? Seriously.  Hundreds of protesters at your door? Protesting your sad little video when the exact same thing happens in clinics all over the world?  It's just not that special. What pro-lifers will do is honor the brief life of your unborn baby, and pray for you. In fact here is a letter written by one of those rabid pro-life "extremists". It might feel like a war zone to you...not because of imaginary militant pro-lifers launching hand grenades...but because of the spiritual battle at war within your own heart.  All I've got to bring is my pity for you as a woman, my sadness at the whole scenario, and my prayers that a heart of stone would be turned to flesh.  A heart that feels...even if that feeling is remorse.  

This isn't Emily Letts.  This is Lisa and she is a Canadian woman who courageously shares her story.  She had three abortions.  This is why Pro-Life is Pro-Woman.  For women like Lisa and the children she lost.  Canada failed her.  

*I was tired of seeing the same smiling photos associated with this video...so instead decided to share a candid photo of our newest little foster baby. She is precious beyond words. More on her coming soon....*

Soli Deo Gloria,