My heart misses you today. Actually I miss you most every day, which still astonishes me because I've never actually known you. I know about you, I've seen your smile, heard your voice, and studied every facial expression but I have not yet held you in my arms. I have not yet comforted you during illness, I've never wiped away your tears with my hand, I've never watched you sleep in my arms...but somehow my mother's love has expanded to encompass you, my son, even as we wait. Our lives are inexplicably intertwined, our hearts meshed for reasons and purposes I cannot comprehend.
We are living in the time in-between. You are mine and I am yours, but the ultimate fulfillment of that promise has not yet come...and so we wait. We wait in eager expectation. We wait with readiness and preparation. We wait with deep longing, like the pangs of labor waiting for new life.
This is the time of hope, knowing that what is yours is now being secured, that someday soon you will be in our arms. Your Baba and Mama will come. We will come and we will bring you to the home we have prepared for you. A home filled with your brothers and sisters, and more noise and love that you will know what to do with.
Even as I write those words I am reminded of how we wait for Jesus to return, to gather together his Bride, and to take us home forever. Our status is secured, our ransom was paid, the papers have been signed but yet we wait for the fulfillment of the promise. We live in the time in-between. We wait with confidence and hope, we wait with purpose and preparation, we wait in eager expectation, we wait with longing for the day when every tear will be wiped from our eyes and all things will be made new. We wait to feel the arms of the One we love....the One who loved us first. (John 14)
I know that it is so hard for you to comprehend our love for you, and it is impossible to understand the word "forever". I know that as you trust your life to us, it will, at times, be terrifying All that is comfortable and familiar will be gone, and a new life as a son will begin. Learning to be secure in that will be a long road, it is a road we will walk with you. There may be days when you doubt and you strive to earn our love, fearing it will be taken. There may be days when you decide you don't need it at all, that the risk is just too great.
I can't promise you that we will know how to perfectly handle every fear, hurt, and doubt but I can promise you that we will love you with a never giving up, always and forever love....a love that that can't be earned or lost, a love that will spend itself, a love that will travel from one world to another to say "you are my child".
You are so much more loved, and so much more wanted than you could ever know.
"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" John 14:18
Soli Deo Gloria,