We're leaving for Mexico in a month!

I must start by apologizing for leading you on with my last post.   Even my own mother assumed I was reffering to some exciting news about our adoption.   Sorry to disappoint.   Still no movement on the adoption front.  Nothing to report.  Nada.

However, we do have a nice distraction from the fact that we are still lost in adoption land.  We are going back to Mexico!!   After a year and half of longing, working, trying, praying, knocking...we are finally headed back.   It will be a very different sort of Christmas for our crew this year.

This trip will be quite a bit different than our past adventures in Mexico.
For starters we are only able to stay for 1 month instead of 6 months.  6 weeks is the longest that we are allowed to leave the Canada with a foster child.   We now have all the permission letters needed to take Cece and get a passport for her...which should be arriving in the mail any day.

Another major difference from past trips is that we aren't returning to work at the same orphanage that we have been visiting/ working with on and off for the past 11 years.  The door was unexpectedly closed which led to my writing this recent post.  We have mixed feelings about that but are very excited for the new adventure that lies ahead of us.  We will be going to the same area so our plan is to stop by the orphanage to visit the kids we have grown to love, as well as let our own children reminisce a little.   Our children's
  "ice cream for orphans" fund has been changed to "Burlando kid's compassion fund" because only orphanage staff can take the kids off of orphanage grounds which would be necessary to take them all out for icecream.   They have $200 raised and saved so far.  The only guideline is that it must be used to show love, encourage, or meet needs of someone.  The other guideline we gave them is that they need to give prayerfully,wisely and with a sensitive spirit.   It will be interesting to witness how the Holy Spirit moves in their little hearts and leads them into action.

{Our sponsor kids at the orphanage..can't wait to see them again}

This change in our hopes and plans has  been an excellent chance for the kids to stretch their coping with disappointment/ change muscles (ours as well!).  We have had a lot of long talks with them, shed a few tears, and worked through to a simple sense of peace about it all.    God is faithful!

After only a few weeks of everything being 'up in the air' again other options and opportunities starting coming up.   After much consideration and prayer our trip has become a 'fee-lance family adventure vacation' to Baja.  We are just stepping out, going, and trusting that ultimately God will be glorified even in our adventure vacation.

 I prefer not to refer to it as a "mission trip" for a lot of reasons but the main one is that it suggests that we have to go somewhere to be on mission.   Our whole lives should be focused on His purposes, His kingdom, and living out the gospel in any and every situation and location God has us in.   This  isn't a go pet the poor, do our good deed for the year kind of trip, we aren't anyone's messiah,...we go as students and servants.  It's about God's calling on our lives, allowing Him to stretch and deepen our faith,  learning how to live out a sacrificial gospel, and getting our hands dirty serving people that we love.  A large motivation for this trip is also how it impacts and shapes our children's world view...and their God view.

 We are renting a furnished house that another ministry owns and will be doing some volunteer work with that Ministry.  For the first time we won't be living in and travelling with a trailer to Mexico.   God has provided above and beyond what we had expected.  We pouted and cried over what we had lost...literally...all the while He had something so much better just around the corner.   We will be working along side some good friends of ours.  Friends that we met as fellow orphanage staff in 2009/2010. I wrote about the time they came to visit us in Canada here.   They now work with different ministry and we are excited to experience a little sampling of the new work they are doing.  You can follow this family's blog here  "Because love is a lifestyle".  I am muy muy thrilled that we will be neighbors, and hopefully helpers, to this family!  

{ The kids who call me Tia (Auntie)}

We will also use this month to spend time with "The kids that call me Tia" , catch up with friends we've made over the years, visit other ministries, eat at a LOT of taco stands, and volunteer where we can.  We will just be hanging out, living, loving, giving, and open to whatever and whoever God brings across our path during those 6 weeks.  It will be new for us to have total freedom as a family to go and do what we feel led to do, and to be able to work together as a family while we're down there.

 Now that we have a location, housing, and Cece's passport all lined up we feel that we can actually start to get excited about our trip.  It looks like it will happen!   We are excited to see how God stretches, grows and uses us during that time.   We really have NO idea what to expect or what we will be doing.   It's going to be an adventure for sure!

I've already started packing and planning.  My mental packing went from packing up a trailer to suitcases stuffed into an SUV already full of kids.    We will be packing light.   Only the essentials.   I'm glad we at least have a rooftop carrier.  I'm a little nervous about over 30 hours of driving with a 1 year old...who doesn't love to travel and about sleeping in hotels along the way....with a 1 year old who doesn't like to sleep in new places.   It will be interesting I'm sure.

I have no idea if we'll have internet available while we're away, but I would love to take you all on the trip with us and document our adventure as we go.   We'll see.

So that's my big news.

Te Extrano

                               I miss Mexico.  I miss our amigos.  I miss the kids.

 I miss Pollo Loco quesa-tacos.

I am particularly missing, thinking about and praying for these little ones.

I wish I could visit and check on the kids that call me Tia.

I worry about them.

I wonder if Minerva and Alvaro are still in school?  Will Carmela and Ramiro ever be able to attend school with their older siblings?  How is the new baby?  Are they being cared for?  Are they hungry?

Are they being abused? Are they sliding further into the cycle of poverty and all that goes with it?

What future will they have?

 I miss my princesses Minerva and Carmela.

I miss these princesses too.

 I miss hanging out with these girls...

 and this boy.

 I miss the girl we sponser (right) and the other little girl that is growing up so quickly.

I miss taking trips to the ocean, going out to eat at taco stands , and going on adventures with our friends.

I miss our friends.  All of you...who probably aren't reading this because of the mission's handy dandy internet blocker or because you don't read English.   

I miss baking with these little ones.

I miss the ocean.

 Silas misses his amigos too.

In fact, everyday, at least one of my three kids begs to go back.

Back to hanging out in this casa.

I miss these boys  and all the rest of the kids in the Learning Center. 

I miss fish tacos.

I miss shopping at globos.

I miss Spanish church.  

I miss worshiping with my Mexican brothers and sisters.

I miss the palm trees.

I miss oranges picked fresh off a tree.

I want to go back.  We all want to go back.

We just aren't sure at this point when that will be, or how it will happen,

where we will live or how long we will stay. 

We had hoped to drive down for a brief visit this winter but as long as Cece's adoption is still in limbo it would be tricky.  

We are now hoping next winter we can go back for another 6 months...although I think we have now (if our adoption plans are successful) outgrown the trailer for more than camping trips.  We'll hope and pray and watch to see how God provides all the little (and big )details that would have to fall into place.  

I feel like I'm caught between two worlds.

When we live there it feels like home.  I am content and I am happy.

Although I missed having an actual house and I missed being a foster mom.  

When we live here it feels like home.  I am content and I am happy.

Although I miss Mexico and everyone there.  

I miss serving and working.

Right now we are foster parents, we are farmers, we are a Canadian family...

but we are also missionaries at heart.  

We miss our other home. 

I feel torn.   I know I was made to love and care for children in need of love and care.  Period.  I've known that since I was a child myself.   God gave me that passion and calling early on in my life...it just took quite a few years for that to materialize.

There are SO many children here that need homes and a family to love them.

There are SO many children there that need homes, attention and love.

I know that wherever God plants us we will bear fruit.

My husband thrived there.  He loved his work.  He loves the people.  Not a day goes by (especially now that winter is facing us) that he doesn't talk about missing it.

We are torn.  We have a life here.  We have a life there.

Only God knows the future of either.  

Strange Pictures from Baja

Yesterday three pickup trucks were used to transport supplies accross what's left of the Colonia Vicente Guerrero river. Our supply truck that usually makes a trip down from San Clemente each week has been cut off due to the bridges being down all along the route. Now that the route was cleared further North they were able to make it to the north bank of our river. It was a bit of a scetchy drive for the pickup trucks through the river. The video reminds me of pioneers fording rivers with their covered wagons. Hold on!

They made it back with boxes of donated food and supplies though.


Coincidentally ,the temporary bridge opened last night at about 10pm. The miles and miles of parked semi trucks and stranded drivers all blasted their horns in celebration as the procession of trucks began to work their way across the makeshift bridge. I wish I had a picture of that but I was sounds asleep by then.

 

 

 

 

Another strange site from Baja Mexico! That is a lemon from the orchard you are looking at. It is about the size of a tea pot and kind of looks like one too.

I'm feeling moderately more rested after an early bedtime last night. Lack of sleep has really caught up with me lately. My little boy insists on waking us all up at 5.30 or 6 am each morning. Since we all live within a few feet from each other , once one of is awake we are all awake. It seems we are all reaching burn out mode lately.

It's not the work here that I've grown weary of. In fact its the exact opposite. I find myself wishing I was working or doing one of the essential tasks or ministries here. I find myself fighting the residual feeling that so many mothers struggle with. The feeling of being profoundly useless on the grander scale. My days are filled with mind numbingly monotonous ,mundane, and often drudgerous tasks of motherhood.

Nagging my kids to do their school work and chores,
sweeping dirt off the trailer floor for the 12th time in a day,
wiping pee off the toilet seat,
washing clothes, hanging clothes,
searching for a missing 3 year old,
piles of dirty dishes,
brushing teeth,brushing hair, and clipping toenails.
screaming tantrums,
discplining the same child for the same offense for the 8th time in one morning.


That is what I am growing weary of.


"open your books and pick up your pencil!"
"get off your head and sit on your bum!"
"get your toe out of your brothers ear!"
"boys...learn to aim or sit down!!"
"stay out of the mud!"

ack!

I think our very cramped living conditions and unusual parenting environment is magnifying normal family challenges and stresses. For the most part we are very flexible ,go with the flo people and have all adjusted very well. The last couple weeks have compounded into a bit of a funk for us though. I know my attitude isn't what it should be and that is being reflected in how my children are behaving and reacting.


That is what I need spiritual strength for. Maintaining inner peace when chaos is constant. Setting the tone and the mood for the whole household. I feel like I need to hit the reset button and start over most days.

I guess its never too late to do that.

What are we doing here?

I'm sure there are many people who have been reading our family blog and wonder what on earth we are doing in Mexico....other than taking trips to the beach. Which, in my opinion would be a perfectly legitimate reason head south.

Nathanael, my husband, is working as volunteer staff doing various construction projects. The first couple weeks here it seemed like he was always digging. Ditches, foundations etc. Then they renovated the "Old Theatre" in time for the Christmas production. It was origionally built in 1946 as a movie theatre but had been abandoned and subsquently used by the mission for various things. It had been used less and less because of disrepair.
They have also started rebuilding a Daycare. The former building had to be torn down because of extreme termite damage. Next to that building is the Learning Center for Children with Disabilities.
Since Christmas Nathanael has spent the majority of his time on the "Casa 6" renovation project. The children's homes were constructed decades ago and had never been renovated. That is a LOT of wear and tear. They looked every bit their age and had been well used. There are only 2 out of 7 Casa's left to renovate. I don't have any photos of the work being done in there yet but the demolition took the house down to bare cement floor and walls...no bathrooms, no closets , no kitchen, no fixtures. They are now in the process of re building all of those things. I hope we are here long enough to see the finished product.

This past couple weeks Nathanael has been the work coordinator for the visiting work groups. Most every week the mission gets a team of volunteers (known at the mission as "visitors"). They spend a week here doing various work and ministry. They are an important part of the ministry here. This week there are about 65 visitors. He is scrambling from 6.30 am breakfast set up until evening outreach (somedays). He is such a people person and is very good at organizing people and seeing what needs to be done. This job, although very busy and sometimes stressful suites him well. He communicates with the various departments (kitchen cooks, orchard, construction, maitenance, day care etc) asks who needs helpers and then finds people in his work pool to fill the spots. Its like a big temp. agency! :) Keeping that many people equipped and on task is definately keeping him busy. I haven't seen him much other than as a passing blur.

One funny thing is that Aili joins her Dad for visitor orientation at the beginning of the week and he introduces her as his
" assistant work coordinator".

"Aili makes it a priority to know everything that goes on here so if you have any questions or need directions somewhere you can ask her".
She is such a little leader she would like her Dad to step aside and she would gladly take over his job. She is anxiously awaiting the day when she will be old enough to give the official mission tour. Her dream of being a tour guide would be fullfilled. Someday, another trip, maybe :)

Aili bagging up dried fruit for distribution by the outreach department. In this part of Mexico we are surrounded by a lot of poverty .

Nathanael is also on a small fire and rescue team here. They provide ambulance , rescue, and fire service to the surrounding community. My former firefighter/paramedic husband has enjoyed using his skills and being a part of this ministry.

Aili and Roman both LOVE to get little jobs around the mission. Its not an everyday occurance but when help is needed and they are capable of doing the job they jump at the chance. This picture is of Aili stuffing envelopes in the monthly news letter. She can be a very diligent little worker.

As for me, Carla, my main role is mom. As usual. It is a bit of a challenge when surrounded by such amazing ministry and need to be content sitting in a trailer homeschooling my kids or spending hours a day doing laundry, but that is the life of a mother. That is my first minstry. My other role here, currently, is to help out in various areas if needed. The kids and I frequently do various little tasks like sweeping, picking up garbage etc. but mostly we are in a relational ministry. The kids here come first...the work comes second. We are building relationships, giving attention and affection, and showing love to the kids here at the childrens home. Thats not something tangible that I can report on or finish before we leave but it is very fullfilling and also important to the kids here.

We are more than half way through our time here . I can't believe that in few months we will be back in Canada back to a completely different life.

our kids

We found our kids! On Friday we stopped by after our caroling excursion to check in on Minerva and Alvaro. We were also able to meet, for the first time, their three younger siblings.

"Tio" found them a couple nights before and reported their living conditions to me. He wanted to prepare me ahead of time for how they were living. He choked up as he told me that they lived in a tiny, cold, filthy, fly and rodent infested shack. They sleep on a damp mattress on a dirt floor. 5 kids, their mom and her boyfriend.
Nothing really prepared me to see these beautiful children in their "home". I can't even describe to you the inside of the house. All I can say is it makes the outside appear nice. The whole property is on the slope of a hill and I can't imagine what their floor looked like during last weeks rains.
They were thrilled when their Tio showed up in his car though....that someone cared enough about them to come find them. He said he'd never had hugs so tight or seen smiles so big.
I hesitate to even write about their home because I feel somehow I am betraying my sweet Minerva who deserves so much more. I was nothing but smiles and positive words while I was there. I would never let her see my heart breaking as I look at her home. I could tell she was embarrased and that killed me. The home she works so hard to keep. She cooks, she cleans and she cares for her siblings.

We have now visted them twice. Once while the mom and boyfriend were there, and this morning while just the kids were there.

Our beautiful and kindhearted Alvaro. You can see Romans soccer ball next to the house.
They don't even have a wash board. She washes all their clothes on a piece of broken cement set on top of a stack of tires. What a hard life. All the things we take for granted. Running water, hot water, a fridge, a floor in our house, beds, rooms, toys, food, a bathroom, showers, clean water, clean clothes. So much we don't even think to appreciate. So much this family lives without.

Minerva (right in pink) with her little brother Ramiro , sister Louisa and her mom. That boy is gorgeous! The biggest smile I have ever seen on a child.

Ramiro and Carmela. They are the sweetest kids. These two soaked up the attention. I sat myself in the dirt and these two both snuggled up on my lap. They just about started purring as I hugged them, caressed their hair and rubbed their backs. They were like little affection sponges.

This morning I came with some bags of food and some sweaters dug out of my kids cupboards. It gets cold here at night this time of year. It gets down to just a few degrees above freezing and it's a damp ocean air cold too. At night we all wear our fleece sweaters, pile on the blankets and turn on our propane trailer furnace to 15 degrees c. Last night I could hardly sleep thinking about those kids huddled up in the dirt. I laid awake thinking about which blankets I could spare, which sweaters my kids didn't need and what food I could take from my cupboards.

We are hoping to build the kids a better home before we leave. We have started looking into what it would take and getting the neccesary land information and documents. I wish I could pack them all up and bring them home with me this spring, but since running two different borders with 5 kids would be illegal, we will have to settle for doing our best by them while we are here.

Caroling

This Friday afternoon we loaded up three school buses full of people and set out to go caroling. All the staff and their families split up into groups and set out to spread some Christmas cheer. We each had at least one guitar player and we sang our way down the dirt streets, through packs of stray dogs, over streams of flowing sewage, and into some of the poorest neighborhoods and migrant labour camps in the area. We came prepared for the event with bags full of stuffed turtles made by the women at our home church and stuffed by the kids this summer at VBS. We also came to Mexico with many small toys cleaned out of the toy boxes at home, saved for this purpose.

Once Aili and Roman figured out what exactly we were doing they got really into it. Roman was determined to give every person he saw one of those turtles...even the 14 year old gangsters on their bikes. He was so cute. It was their first real experience being in the camps and in these slum type neighborhoods. They have seen and smelled poverty since being here but this was one step closer to it.
I think it was very eye opening for them both. They talked about and processed everything they experienced for hours afterwards.

Some precious little ones getting Christmas gifts from some singing strangers.

La Cuna

Little Christian. Isn't he just the cutest thing?

Aili and Nancy have a good time.

Elias hamming it up for the camera.

Christian soaking up some attention.

Amigos

Roman saying goodbye to Alvaro. Last monday we were notified that Alvaro and Minerva "our kids" were going home to their mom. The government agency made the decision. We were all saddened , shocked and some even angered by the decision to return them. We weren't sure we would be able to find them again so made sure to send with them their christmas presents, some photos and some other tokens of our time together. Of course we had lots of words of encouragement for them and lots of hugs. Roman ran and got his soccer ball from our trailer and gave it to Alvaro. It was so sweet.

One of Silas best buds is Diego. He was an amigo of ours when we were here last time too. He is so nice to Silas and always looks out for him.

Silas' two best "eedo's" Diego and Franco. We've known both of these boys since they were just little.

Aili loves the little ones. She would spend all her time in the "Cuna" if she could playing with the toddlers and babies there.

A beautiful wedding.

I used to babysit these two when we were here 4 years ago. They have sure grown up.

Some friends of ours. We felt so honored to be a part of their special day.