The Insecure Son

         Holding onto a Strawberry Shortcake book, little sister crawls up on Mama's lap and snuggles in close.  Across the room Elijah notices.  A look of betrayal, fear and horror crosses his face and he fights the urge to cry.

Holding back his tears, he rushes to mommy's side.  He insists that little sister only get one book.  Just one.  No more.

Mama invites him to sit up on her lap too, but that would be giving up half of what rightfully belongs to him.  No.  He will wait.   He tries his best to wait patiently for the book to end.
He fidgets.  He moans.  He sighs.
He slumps face first on the floor.
He starts to whine,
 then rant,
 then full on rage.

Like a jilted lover, his jealousy comes from a deep desire to love and be loved...and it is fueled by fear of losing what he had. Fear of losing his position as beloved son.

 It's just too much for his little scarred heart to bear.
Desperate, he begins to grab, pull, claw, flop and wail.
What began as a spark of envy, fans into a full on epic life or death battle.

A similar episode can be sparked by a simple hug, a kiss, or  Mommy helping little sister put on her pajamas.  Sometimes he has the fortitude to contain the misery, sometimes it all comes rushing out.  If Mama kisses little sister, she'd better give Elijah one too.  If little sister gets a kind word, she'd better reassure Elijah too.  He's keeping track.

When Mama finishes the second book (after offering to share her lap many times) she speaks firmly to her son letting him know that he needs to stop this behavior if he wants to have a story too. She reminds him how much he is loved...even while he continues to rage.

 Minutes later he is snuggled in on Mommy's lap weeping his remorseful "sorry Mama"  "Sorry chair"  "Sorry Cece"  Sorry book".

He is sorry.  So terribly, horribly guilt ridden. Immobilized with shame, and  fear that he will be found out, that others will know.  They will know the beast of insecurity that he keeps hidden inside.  He is terrified he has crossed the line and hit a point of no return.

For the next few hours his guilt and fear will motivate him to perform.  He will show off every skill he has mastered.  He counts to 10.  He cleans up.  He scrubs the floor with a rag he happens to find..then the wall.  He works to prove that he is worthy to be loved.  He works to earn what he fears he may have lost.  He reminds me of all the wonderful things he has done, and is doing, while at the same time pointing out the fact that little sister isn't keeping up.
He is pleased with himself, but still afraid.

This is a cycle repeated over and over and over by a little boy who is filled with fear.  We assure him of our unconditional, forever, love at regular intervals every single day...but he doesn't yet "get it".  Our love is still something he has to fret over, fight for, and earn.

As I watch my son go through this cycle of insecurity, it strikes me as a greater spiritual truth.

So why are so many Christians's lives stuck in this same pattern?
Do we resemble children who are secure, confident, and resting peacefully in the Father's love, or are we always watching for ways that others might threaten our position in the family?

Church, do you see it?

When someone succeeds, is thriving, or receives a gift that you desire (or that is different from yours) does it positively eat you up inside?  Do you feel it somehow takes away from you?  Do you make yourself feel better by undermining it, making excuses, or sabotaging someone else?

Do you carry a smug "sour grapes" attitude?   "I didn't want to read that book anyway..." "I bet it's a sucky book"

How about offense?  Do you feel that gut rotting, seething sense of being offended every time someone doesn't personally acknowledge or validate you?

Fear breeds loathing and envy.
Insecurity produces Christians who compete with each other and cut each other down, instead of cheer each other on toward holiness.

Security is born out of assurance.

Religion leads to either pride or despair...or cycles of both.
Religion tells us that we need to...
work for validation.
strive for acceptance.
prove we are worthy to be loved.
Free grace, a one way love poured out on sinners, is just too risky.  Too scary.  We would rather earn God's pleasure by putting our fear to work.  We want something we can calculate, control, and keep track of, like a resume of good deeds that we hope will tip the balance, and move the scales to our favor.


When Elijah goes into "look how good I am" mode it doesn't make me think
"wow look at all he can do.  I'm sure glad I have him on my team!".
It makes me sad.
It breaks my heart because I know he doesn't get it yet.
He is not yet secure in this, one way, unconditional love that brought him into our family.  I shower him with reassurance, encourage him, remind him how much he's loved and adored, and prove it daily by my care of him....but sometimes he's so busy trying to earn it himself, that he just doesn't hear.  

Little by little he is making strides.  Month after month he is showing more signs of peace, confidence, and assurance.

Here's the thing:  God changes, encourages, and motivates us not by fear of losing our sonship, but by the security of His love.  

This is one of the things that makes the *gospel* different and distinct from all religions. We are not driven into action by a fear based system of rules and requirements that will earn our way to God.


Until you know you are His, and He is yours,
your obedience will be limited,
your confidence will be shaky,
your love will be carefully calculated,
and your courage will be minimal.

That is not what we want out of our relationships with our children, so why would God desire that from us?  Do we desire that our kids obey merely because they think we'll kick them to the curb if they don't?  No, our desire is that they respond to our authority out of a sense of trust, and love for us....a love that develops by realizing how much they have been loved first,


Religion can command us to change behavior but it cannot change our hearts.  It can tell us what is right, but it will never make us love what us right.  Only the *gospel, and the complete assurance it yields, and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, create a passion for holiness in our hearts, because the very nature of our hearts is changed.

My children need a Savior just like I do.  My highest desire is that they would understand that.  I want them to recognize the Lordship of Jesus and believe he did what he said he did, and is who he says he is.
A saving faith looks OUTSIDE of itself to what Jesus has already done, not back onto itself on what it has done.  Faith can't rest securely in itself.
 It is not the strength of our faith, the sincerity of our beliefs, the flawless performance of our Christian life, or the list of deeds we have accomplished, that is the firm rock that we can plant our assurance on.   It is always, only, the object of our faith that can save.  Jesus.  The one who pursued and loved us first. 

That assurance creates not only a deep and lasting peace...
but also strength.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Church,  are we the peaceful, secure, "attached" sons who respond and work out of confident trust that we are already loved, and have been shown grace we couldn't earn?

 Or are we the coveting, defensive, fear motivated, sons who are constantly clinging to control, and trying to prove to ourselves, to others, and to God that we are worth loving? (or at least more "worthy" that that guy who's struggling to keep it together, or the lady who's a hot mess over there)

Watching this scenario play out over and over again in my home has made me ponder topics like this with a new set of eyes.

So many times I see my son battling his own insecurities, and lack of belief in what he already owns...

and I see myself.

*When I use the term gospel I mean the historic Gospel of Jesus Christ crucified and resurrected.   The word Gospel means "good news". "The Gospel" is more than a collection of facts to be believed, it is the good and true story that Jesus died and rose to defeat sin, death and evil in order to make all things new.  While we were still enemies of God, sinners by nature and choice, rebels bent on rejecting him and seeking our own way, God, being rich in mercy, sent is only son Jesus into the world to live the life we could not live and die the death we deserved to die.  As followers of Jesus we have come to realize that we are far more broken than we really comprehend, but in Christ we are more accepted than we could ever imagine.  That is good news indeed. 






Soli Deo Gloria,

What a Savior

"Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world.  The sun could not shine.  The earth trembled and quaked.  The great mountains shook.  Rocks split in two.  Until it seemed that the whole world would break.  That creation itself would tear apart.

The full force of the storm of God's fierce anger at sin was coming down.  On his own Son.  Instead of his people.  It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.
Then Jesus shouted out in a loud voice, "It is finished!"  (Jesus Story book Bible - The Sun stops Shining)

As I read through the Easter story with my Little's curled up around me, I came to this part and the tears started to flow.  The depth of response caught me off guard.   I wasn't in an emotionally charged service listening to powerful preachers...just simple words of profound theology from a children's book piercing my heart.  I forced myself to regain composure so I could finish the story, and get to to the good part.  The resurrection.  I was reminded again though, that this...although heavy, and somber is also the good part.   Words that make me want to weep and sing at the same time.

The FULL cup of wrath was taken.
There is none left for me.
There is none left for those who are in Christ.

God doesn't forgive me, and recreate my sin twisted heart, based merely on sympathy or my potential "goodness"....justice was filled, wrath was absorbed, my sin was atoned for...completely.
I am justified by HIS righteousness alone.

When I look at the wickedness, the atrocities, the depravity of our idol making, glory thieving race...I can't even imagine how God just didn't flick us out of his universe like we deserve ...but INSTEAD came in the flesh and was himself crushed for our iniquities.

Jesus in my place.
What can I do with a love like that other than surrender to it completely.  A rebel laying down her arms.

In Christ, there is nothing I could do that could make God love me more; nothing I could do, or have done that makes him love me less.

"For those in Christ, this is the confidence we have before God. 
We don't hope we're forgiven, we know it, because our standing before God has nothing to do with our worthiness, but the worthiness of the Advocate who now stands in our place."  (J.D Greear "Stop asking Jesus into your heart")

The gospel tears me all apart again.



"Could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone.
Thou must save, and Thou alone...
Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee!"

Hallelujah, what a Savior!

WWJD?

Most of you have seen that abbreviation for "What would Jesus Do?".  It was a bit of a craze among Christian marketers a while back.  I avoided it, not because I thought something was fundamentally wrong with the slogan, but because of my aversion to all things trite, neatly packaged and just plain lame.  It just never seemed to fit right.

For some reason the WWJD slogan popped into my brain the other day.  Once trapped in my head I started to ponder it in my overly analytical geeky way.  So this is the summary of my very obscure topic and random thought process.

Asking ourselves "What would Jesus do?" isn't so much wrong as it is painfully incomplete.  We may as well ask ourselves what would Gandhi do?  What would Mother Theresa do?  What would Oprah do?  Then we could pull ourselves up by the boot straps, give ourselves a good moral lecture,  try our darndest to  figure out what Jesus would hypothetically do in our situation and then attempt to copy it.


All it does is encourage us to be Jesus fans, not actual followers (or dorks wearing lame bracelets).   Jesus wasn't just a good example to follow for positive moral lessons, or sent to "improve our image of God" (as if God has a PR problem).....he was sent on a rescue mission.  God's law shows us how desperately far we are from him, the gospel shows us how far God is willing to go to reach us.   Jesus isn't a moral formula to decipher.

Perhaps a better question would be "What DID Jesus do?"  ....followed by "What does Jesus still do?"

When we are completely saturated with, overwhelmed under, and transformed by what Jesus DID... that changes what we do...or more accurately WHO we are.  Out of the transformation of who we are, what we do comes naturally....or as naturally as it ever can in this life.

We have been buried and resurrected with him, given the transforming power of the Holy Spirit,  and are being made new...through that same gospel by which we were saved.   We don't trade it in at the door for white knuckled hypothetical moral guessing.

The gospel isn't just something we believe in order to be saved.  It isn't a creed to hang our hats on.  It is something that lives in us, through us, and empowers us.  Continually.

So the next time I am temped to coddle life sucking resentment  and bitterness because someone sabotaged my hopes,  lied about me, slandered me, wounded someone I love, or treated me unjustly.......I will ask myself "What did Jesus do?"


There's nothing hypothetical in it.
He forgave me. In fact, while I was still vying for HIS throne, he left it to pursue me.  He loved me. He served me...not because I deserved anything less than to carry the weight of my own sin...but because of his incredible grace.  In that place of broken, eyes wide open, humility and gratitude...how can I not do the same with my enemies?

The next time I am tempted to live a life of passive complacency and people pleasing idolatry I will remind myself  "What did Jesus do?"  

He defeated death and our sin.   The battle is won.  It is finished.  He came for us!  How can I not proclaim that passionately?

The next time I am tempted to choose self preservation, comfort, and safety over sacrificial, radical love....you guessed it.. "What DID Jesus do?"


The God of the universe who commands the armies of angels... made himself an embryo whose sole purpose was to grow up, suffer, and die.  I could go on from there...but you get the point.


So instead of asking myself  "What would Jesus do?" in life's tricky, messy, sometimes wretched dilemmas, (most of us would mess it up, or just plain guess wrong anyhow).....I'm just going to keep preaching the gospel to myself.

The only worthwhile answer to WWJD question would be....rely completely upon the Holy Spirit, as he voluntarily submitted himself to the will of the Father, to the glory of God and the good of all mankind.  

Because of that truth, I can celebrate the perfect sufficiency of Christ,  rest in his grace, lean on his power, kneel before his forgiveness, submit to his will,  trusting that HE will make me new.    God is going to do what he delights in doing most in a heart that is continually surrendered to him.  Even if I don't wear the bracelet.

Only a couple more days!!

  In a couple more days we'll all be packed into our SUV and driving south!    Right now my house is a disaster (I'm going to clean  my way out the door so basically I have no ambition to do it now), there are suitcases, bags and piles all over my living room floor mixed with strewn about normal living room mess and toddler toys.  Our car is still broken.   We are waiting on another alternator (the second one) and still aren't convinced that this will solve the problem.   It should arrive the day before we leave.   Nothing like last minute car repairs.
We are also fighting colds and poor Celina has had a fever and cough for nearly a week.  I have a drs. appointment made for her before we leave as well.   She has not been sleeping well at all...and I'll stop whining now.  A week from today I'll be eating supper at a taco stand.  mmm..happy.

If you think of us could you please pray that we can make it to the highway?

I have hardly had  time to feel excited lately.   I know once we hit the road the reality that we're going back to Mexico after nearly 2 years of being away will sink in.   Right now I'm just trying to keep our heads above water long enough to pull out of the driveway.

I really should be hitting my long to-do list but my ambition has waned.

The distraction factor for me has been high this week (which is why my to-do list is so neglected).   We've had all kinds of family (the one I married into) situations swirling around us for the last several days....and for the first time ever  it's actually good drama.  Progress.  God is doing an unbelievable work in the brokenness.   Healing what has been broken for  nearly 4 decades, and can be traced back generations.  The devastation is finally being dealt with.    It's so freeing.    God is faithful and has answered so many specific agonizing prayers for reconciliation and restoration.    It's been a long hard road to get to this point!   I can't go into details obviously, but the last 3 years of our life have been filled with a lot of grief and division.  God has taught us so much through it all though and has been SO faithful.   I haven't talked about any of it here but it has inspired a lot of "when life gets ugly" , "grace", and "forgiveness" musings  that I've written about over the past years.  We are just so thankful that God sees the oppressed, that he frees those who are enslaved to darkness, and that nothing is beyond his redemption and grace.  







This family tree filled with generations of depravity and wickedness can have a new legacy in Christ.   We are being rooted up and made something new.  God has not abandoned us.    I think I've linked this song before but it really is a good reminder to us.   We can't cover our own wretched condition with pretty masks and religious moralism.   It may fool people for a while but it isn't regeneration.   It's like stapling fruit onto a dead  tree...it may look real for a moment but eventually that will just fall of and die too. Until we're pulled up at the roots, until we come in repentance before God realizing that we cannot make ourselves ,by sheer force of will ....good, or new, or righteous, or holy we will be that dead tree.   We can't pridefully hold onto our sin.   We need to kill it.  Only Jesus has the power to smash those chains.   We need to be dug up and grafted onto the one who gives life.   Abide in Him.

This band leads the worship at my sister in law's church in Seattle.   What an amazing story God is writing in her life.   He has turned mourning into dancing.   Devastation into victory.   Beauty out of suffering.   All I can do is stand back and watch in awe.

Something Hazardous

"My desire and prayer to God is that your life and your ministry would have a radical flavor. A risk taking flavor, a gutsy, counter cultural, war time  flavor that makes average American people in your church uncomfortable.  A strange mixture of tenderness and toughness that keeps people a little bit off balance.  A pervasive summons to something more, something hazardous, something wonderful.  A saltiness and a brightness about your life...something like Jesus. "


"Jesus said do this.  Be light. Be salt.   Reviling comes. Persecution comes....and you rejoice.
....Crazy people who meet cancer, and meet death, and meet suffering with unflinching confidence in Christ and joy in being known by him and loved by him." John Piper

So much easier said than done.

Are we willing to embrace suffering...especially the kind that we choose by following Jesus into a world that hates him?    Are we willing to set our face unflinchingly toward heart break, pain, sacrifice, sickness, and loss as Jesus set his face toward Jerusalem?

Our natural inclination is to run from it.   Run far far away.   We would rather live in pleasant denial, blindness, self righteous arrogance, or apathetic compromise. I know when I  face unjust criticism, slander, or malicious treatment I feel the need to justify, defend and vindicate myself, anything but carry it to Jesus.

The honest truth of it is, we love our own lives, our reputations, our comfort, our money and our success more than we love the people of this world...or the One who died to redeem it.   We  love people for what they can do for us (or our kids)...not out of genuine grace and sacrifice.  If someone had nothing to offer us in return, no relationship, no obligation, no status, no reward...would we still love them?  At the same time, sometimes genuine love involves holding someone accountable, and leading them toward God's best for them...even when we have to risk our own desire for relationship, reputation, and convenience to do so.

"When Christ calls a man , he bids him to come and die"  Bonhoeffer.

Most Christians hide from persecution.  We crave the affections and approval of people more than intimacy with and obedience to Jesus.  We bow to the idol of people pleasing, and self preservation.  We avoid discomfort at all costs.

Do we truly reflect the one we call our Lord?  Or do we just use him as our self help cousellor, ticket to heaven, moral example, or good advice giver?
Are we willing to actually get our hands dirty?  Are we able  to be slandered, rejected, despised, and hated  and to glorify God in the midst of it all?   Are we willing to be unpopular for speaking truth?  Not likely. Not without the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. It's easier to numb ourselves with easy lies.

"The truth will set you free"....but  in this life, for many believers, that freedom  looks like imprisonment, death, and persecution.

I think most average North American Christians know very little about suffering for doing good.  I know nothing of the persecution that many believers in the world and throughout history face.  The concept is completely foreign to most of us.   It seems we believe more in a Christian version of karma than we do the actual bloody, sacrificial, radical love displaying gospel of Jesus.   We tell our kids...."be nice, and people will be nice to you"...and even worse we believe it.   

I hear sentiments from Christians like "God just wants us to live our best life" in the context of make a lot of money, pursue a lot of wonderful experiences, and buy a lot of stuff to make us as happy as possible.  "If I'm a good person and try to live a life of integrity God will bless me with success, money, comfort etc" , as if God owes us something for our efforts.  {As if our moral efforts are anything but a steaming manure pile compared to the holiness of God.}  The problem of that line of thought is, at some point every body will come face to face with pain and loss regardless of how good you think you are.   How will your shallow sentiments and Christian karma feel then?  Probably like cold comfort...or an uncomfortable itchy sweater that you can't wait to tear off. What if God's blessing comes to you in the form of suffering...a "thorn in the flesh"?  Can we thank him for loving us enough to train and test us?
I think too many Christian believe the myth that "Jesus will make all your problems go away"...eventually He will...yes...but that comes after you die.  Until then, you follow in the steps of a homeless guy who was crucified, chances are that path isn't all gum drops and roses.  Pain brings us face to face with our idols and in crushing them...teaches us the essence of worship.

At some point everyone  feels the weight of grief, loss, disappointment, and the sting of betrayal.   If you are a follower of Christ you will, by default, choose it...and you will only thrive in it by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus warns his disciples, and Paul warns the churches that they WILL face hardship and suffering.  The disciples all chose death, stoning, being boiled alive, and crucifiction instead of returning to their previous comfortable life.  Not because they had to, but because God's love compelled them to.


When you choose to swim upstream your muscles will burn and ache and you will get slapped in the face by some salmon.  If you're comfortably floating downstream in an inner tube chances are you'll think this whole river ride is a breeze.

If you do nothing, if you stand for nothing, if you are not a threat to Satan and his ongoing deception and destruction, if you don't venture out,  if you don't speak the Word,  if you don't point to Jesus, if you don't  love the people that the lost world and the religious moralists despise.....you will feel no sting of opposition.

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil men will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived." 2 Timothy 3:12

I know someone who risked it all to love a child..poured their time, affection, money and tears into a child for a decade but were turned away by one judges ruling. Opposition.  That is running toward pain, counting the cost and following Jesus.   That is not playing it safe.

If you love sacrificially,  extend grace radically,  give generously, speak truth boldly, serve with humility, step into a journey of reckless faith,  and count your own life as loss...

You will be slandered.  You will be cast out.   You will be rejected.   You will suffer loss and heartbreak.
You will be opposed.
At some point you will look at your completely empty bank account but trust that God will provide.  You will know from experience that God will give you the strength to persevere even when everything around you says quit.

And you will thank him for loving you enough to refine you even more...
and you will beg Him to show you more of His glory.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" 1 Peter 1:6

"Do not be surprised, my brothers, when the world hates you.  We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.  Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and  you know that no murderer has eternal life in him." 1 John 3:13

"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."  Colossians 3: 12








On a different topic.   Have you heard of Marc Martel?....he was on Ellen this past Monday because his video singing "somebody to love" by Queen went viral and he entered a cover band contest.  He is a Canadian prairie boy too.  We actually attended the same Bible College as my husband and I did.  Small world.  Anyhoo.....he and his band are called "Downhere".  They have been a favorite of mine for years.  Check them out on youtube ...then go buy their album on itunes.

Here is Marc singing a very applicable song by Keith Green.  I love it!!
"the world is sleeping in the dark that the church just can't fight 'cause' it's sleeping in the light.
how can you be so dead , when you've been so well fed?   'Cause Jesus rose from the grave dead and you can't even get out of bed"



and just for kicks...Queen.

The Mercy Quilt

A quilt lovingly, painstakingly, patiently cut, stitched and embroidered.  

Hours spent kneeling.  Hands cutting fabric and a spirit deep in prayer.  

Boxes full of seemingly useless clothing salvaged,  a reminder of a life as vibrantly complex and contradictory as the mismatched patterns and colors stacked and waiting to be sewn.   

The hum of a machine that once belonged to the owner of the clothing now being used by an only daughter to sew a quilt for a granddaughter.  Two sets of freckled hands, two women with an ability to create beauty, united for a moment.  

Three generations being stitched back together in one quilt.

Grief untangled like thread woven  through knotted generations....   

 Severed mother/daughter relationships going back 6 generations. 

Women broken under their burdens.

Curses uttered with painted lips.

 Scars well masked and covered from sight.  

Daughter wounded and abandoned

turned to Mother who wounded and abandoned.

Each one tries, Lord knows she tried...but the well was dry.

  

Each woman sought to fill the well with something.

Like patterns laid on top of fabric each generation imprints their own pain on next.

Patterns are difficult to alter.  What has been cut is hard to mend...

but not impossible.

God is intricately piecing lives back together.

Grace.

Mercy.

Love.

Regeneration.

Hope.

Stitched into each square.

Random and uncharted beauty.  

Memories of women long gone.  

Forgiven, loved, and freed from the chaos they caused,

and the carnage they chose to overlook.  

Reality forgiven,

to free the future.

Bitterness, longing, hurt released.

Fabric embracing three generations of women who  never once stood in a room together. 

3 generations of females who never celebrated Christmas in the same house...

are now bonded in this quilt.

A mother.

A daughter.

A granddaughter.

A reminder of God's mercy

and renewal.

Mercy that we all so desperately need.   Mercy that we can now freely give to others. 

New beginnings,

with new patterns.

Beauty out of suffering.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!

All this is from God,

who reconciled us to himself through Christ

and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ,

not counting men's sins against them.

And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors,

as though God were making his appeal through us.

We implore you on Christ's behalf:

Be reconciled to God.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him

we might become the righteousness of God.   

2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Redemption.

"I took you from the ends of the earth,

from the farthest corners I called you.

I said "you are my servant" I have chosen you 

and not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

Isaiah 41: 9-14

"Therefor, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy,

to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-

this is your spiritual act of worship.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of you mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -

his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12: 1

Sailing and Such

Yesterday we took the Tanzer 22 out for another sail.  This was the first trip with all 8 of us on board.

We have it parked at a lake/ river about 2 hours away.  There wasn't a lot of wind this time which is ok with me.   Keeping 5 kids from going over board and out of the way of the rigging can get a little crazy.  

We spent most of the afternoon in a little cove enjoying the sunshine and water.

We entertained ourselves watching kids swing off of the boat.

We're cramming lots of fun into the summer while my sis-in-law and nephew are here.  Only 1 more week left of our visit.   I think they'll be tired of our crazy noisy full house by then.  

The water levels were a little higher in this dammed off part of the river so our little private beach was nearly gone.  The kids didn't seem to mind and were convinced they could find precious gems or gold if they dug deep enough. 

Can't you just hear the shrieking and laughter?

These two little munckins could entertain themselves in the sand all day.  

Cece spent nearly 3 hours in one location on a few feet of beach digging sand and dumping it on different parts of her body.   She was one happy girl, despite no naps. 

This is our little picnic spot. 

Silas had a much better experience on the sailboat this time! (thanks to Dramamine)

Kid tossing. 

 It's like throwing an octopus.

This boy is getting so big I think he'll be the one doing the tossing in a few more years!

This girl ADORES her Daddy.

He hasn't dropped her yet.

  I'm so thankful that God has given us the chance to get to know, and love, the nephew that we didn't even know existed three years ago.  

He's such a big hearted, silly and quirky kid.  He fits into our tribe of goofballs well.  

I mentioned earlier the classes about Christian relationships and healthy conflict resolution I attended while we were at family camp. 

One quick thought I want to share with you was the concept of superficial community versus authentic community. 

Pseudo community or superficial relationships are full of facades and pretending.   They may appear healthy and normal because there is nothing beyond the superficial.   Conflict is ignored rather than resolved.   Topics are skirted around rather than worked through.  Hurts, bitterness and unforgiveness fester under a pleasant smile until eventually something breaks and the slow death on the inside shatters even the phony image making the carnage complete.  Marraiges can last for years in pseudo community.  Families can build whole phony realities while the  dysfunction is hidden behind deception and  ignored.   

Pseudo community eventually equals death.  Death of a church, destruction of a family, the end of a marraige. When people or churches don't learn how to deal with  little conflicts in a constructive, loving, biblical way they will be completely annihilated when a major crises hits.   Relationships can appear peaceful on the surface but in reality there is no authenticity.  Pseudo relationships are defined by an absence of trust, a fear of conflict, a lack of commitment, and an avoidance of accountability. There may be an appearance of harmony but there is no lasting fruit.  

Authentic community  involves the willingness to speak truth in love.   It involves the tough work of forgiveness, communication and grace.  Feelings aren't easily hurt and emotions aren't used to manipulate.  Problems and breaches of boundaries are worked through respectfully as they arise, before they are given a chance to fester and build offense.    Communication is ongoing, honest and constructive.   Words aren't used in slander, pride, deception and gossip.  Sometimes moving into authentic relationships in our families, churches or friendships involves some healthy conflict.   It may mean moving through a period of transparent, honest chaos in which assumptions, lies and hurts are uprooted and discarded in order to move into an authentic  relationship.  

Authentic relationships are defined by a foundation of trust built by time, effort and healthy boundaries.  They include transparent communication, unified commitment, mutual accountability, and an awareness of each others needs. 

 Having house guests for a month is great practice for these principles of authentic relationship.  Combining two households into one functioning home is a perfect test in practical application  :) Because we are committed to the authentic relationship and the principles that define it we are able to deal with the little irritations and personality conflicts that will inevitably arise.  

A peace maker is not the same thing as a peace keeper.  

Keeping the peace at all costs involves overlooking sin, stuffing hurts,  and sweeping problems under the rug.   In order to keep an appearance "peace" we would need let others trample what is ours and invade healthy boundaries.  This is where many Christians like to take the "turn the other cheek" verses out of their intended meaning.  Jesus was  talking about aggressive love for our enemies and intentionally removing ourselves from the position of victim into an interaction between equals... not  a lesson in "How to be a Door Mat 101. 

  Being a peace maker involves a willingness to wade through crap in order to be reconciled into an honest healthy relationship.  

Living with authenticity, healthy boundaries, forgiveness, and free from offense isn't easy but it's a pretty sweet place to be.  

  

Easter in Seattle and a special Happy Birthday!

Easter at Qwest … Without the Rain | The Mars Hill Blog




This year in Seattle, WA there was an enormous Easter church service held at a sports stadium.  God is doing great things in what was once the most "unchurched" city in America.  I have a few ties to that city.   I married a man  that grew up near Seattle.  He and I spent 3 years living in the Pacific Northwest.  Our first son was born and died  in Federal Way, WA.    My husband's only sister lives in Seattle and last year she began attending Mars hill down town campus church.  Since then, I have been actively following sermons, events and the work being done in and through this church.   God has done an incredible work in my sister in law and he used this loving, bold, truth speaking body of believers to breath life and faith into her.  Needless to say , I'm a fan.

I conspired, wished and dreamed of attending this event with her but alas it was not to be.  Maybe another year.  Fortunately for us we can watch it online.  If you're curious about who Jesus is and what all the fuss is about 2000 years later...or if you just want to be encouraged by around 18,000 other Christ followers celebrating Easter Sunday take a look.  It's pretty sweet.  Click on the link above.

The first part of the video shows a little clip of some kids talking about Easter.  After that the singing, sermon and nearly 700 baptisms begins.  I loved the old school music!   Don't miss the "resurrection/baptism" party at the end.  

I can't post about this service without also bragging about my dear bsff ( "Best sister friend forever" I know that's totally cheesy but it's kind of our inside joke...well not so much "inside" anymore).  She is one of my very dearest friends as well as a sister.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.

If you watch three row up  behind the drummer ,in the golden robed choir, you might catch a glimpse of  her.
There is a moment that absolutely made me cry...and I'm not a crier.
"How Great Thou Art" transitions into "How Great is Our God" (quite possibly two of my fav. songs) and you can see my sister with her hand raised belting it out, knowing and believing every word she is singing.

Our God is great!

 It is a painful, tragic and stunningly beautiful redemptive story that God continues to write in her life.   I  mentioned our long lost sister here briefly before when she spent a few weeks with us last July.    God brought her into our lives 2 1/2 years ago after more than 2 decades of no contact.  My husband hadn't seen her since they were children, and I had never met her.  To know where she came from,  what God brought her through and where she is standing now...in this video....leaves me speechless.   I  can't help but share with you one of the dearest people in my life.

 I am looking forward to spending another month this summer with her and her adorably goofy son. We have so much fun together!  She is hilarious.
  She is an inspiration to me and one of the most genuine people I've ever known.  A beautiful example of extreme forgiveness, grace in the midst of persecution,  and unselfish love even towards those who could not show her love in return.   She exudes a quiet trust that God is her defender, her Father and her partner.

She lives an inner city life as a single mama. She spent most of her life without a family (which makes me wish we didn't live 1000 miles away!).  Her own life is still not easy , but she is a blessing to all those who know her.   Her apartment is always open to those in need, she usually has a few extra kids around,  she has been a surrogate mom to abandoned babies, and she sews quilts for prostitutes...just to brag on her a little.  She will be embarrassed.  She is learning, growing, and passionate about her new faith in Jesus.  You really can't even shut her up about it...she'll tell anyone she can how much Christ has done for her.

My blog friends, TODAY is her birthday.  She will be celebrating it by riding city buses with her son, being a mama, plugging coins into a machine at the laundry mat, and getting ready for her son's big birthday party tomorrow.  This special lady's birthday may just come and go like any other day.   I wish so badly that we could spoil her, make her a cake and have a big old family party...but she's there and her family is here.  She does have a lot of really great friends in Seattle and a fantastic church family.

If you have a minute pop on over to her knew blog  "We are more than"   browse a little, follow,  and wish her a happy birthday.  

I love her title "We are more than.."
Maybe you've heard that song from 10th Avenue North "You are more than" ?

She is so much more than...
Brook, you are a beautiful woman, a beloved daughter of the most high God,  a warrior mama, and a faithful servant of Christ.  (even if you're sink is always full of dirty dishes)


Today we celebrate you and all that you are in the eyes of God!

Why Good Friday is good

"The death of Jesus Christ is the fulfillment in history of the very mind and intent of God. There is no place for seeing Jesus Christ as a martyr. His death was not something that happened to Him— something that might have been prevented. His death was the very reason He came."  Oswald Chambers



"The greatest note of triumph ever sounded in the ears of a startled universe was that sounded on the Cross of Christ— “It is finished!” (John 19:30). That is the final word in the redemption of humankind."  Oswald Chambers







"Very few of us have any understanding of the reason why Jesus Christ died. If sympathy is all that human beings need, then the Cross of Christ is an absurdity and there is absolutely no need for it. What the world needs is not “a little bit of love,” but major surgery."


"

My son Roman asked me the other day why we call today "Good Friday" when Jesus died on the cross.  That doesn't sound like a good day.  
This past year I have been pondering, reading, and seeking to understand the cross and all it stands for more than I ever have.  In part my search for fuller understanding is spurred on by a fragment of the church that seeks to make the gospel of Jesus more comfortable, politically correct, and appealing to the masses.  In doing so some have  attempted to downplay or completely remove the wrath absorbing, mercy displaying, beautiful, terrible cross from the redemption story of mankind. 


  Along with the many diverse attributes of God, the purpose and person of Jesus has been further eroded and distorted to meet us on our own terms. The belief in ourselves, our worthiness, our loveliness, and the faith in our own human potential has rallied itself against the reality of our human condition and the crucified Jesus Christ. 


How can an ancient instrument for torture and death be not only good but wonderful?
  
Jesus hung dying, nailed to rough cut wooden beams.  

 By all appearances humans had defeated God.  

Death had victory over life.  Dreams were crushed.  Expectations were shattered.  All was lost.  What his followers of that time didn't realize, and we too easily forget is that...
The cross was chosen and the cross wasn't the end.  3 days later the victory would come.


It was not God's afterthought to redeem mankind.  It was not an unfortunate twist of events that martyred a "good teacher".  It was not a sideline to another gospel of Jesus.  It IS the very foundation, the pivotal point in history, and God's only provision for a race separated from it's creator.   

At the cross God poured out His own anger and hatred toward sin upon the sagging, torn, bloodied shoulders of Himself, God the Son.   Jesus drank the last drop of that cup for us. 

The day that we are able to stand righteous, forgiven, and pure before a Holy God...is a very good day.  Good is completely inadequate to describe how incredible it truly is.


"But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! " Romans 5: 8


 We can't fully understand or appreciate the fullness of God's love and mercy if we don't also acknowledge our desperate need for it and our hopeless separation and condemnation without it.   There is no greater love that this.  

The cross was Jesus carrying the weight, the shame, the guilt and the just punishment so that we could be reconciled to our Creator, who in his perfect Holiness cannot shrug and wink at our sinful state...just because he loves us.  That would not be Love, that would not be a mighty, just, Holy God...it would be a man made comfortable version of God.   It would be man worshiping himself.

The passion of the cross was so much more than nails, torture and death.  That alone does not pay the penalty for human sin.  After all, most of his disciples and early followers died in similar or worse ways.  It was the cataclysmic event that took place beyond the curtain of what bewildered eyes could see.  Perfection became cursed.  The One who knew no guilt, no shame, no sin...became sin for us.   God hates sin. He knows how it destroys us and those around us.   He knows what it cost  to forgive.   The weight of that burden is what caused Jesus to weep , pray and sweat drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane.  


Sin is not wrong doing, it is wrong being.  Each one of us have inherited the nature of our fallen world, the nature of sin.  We are born under the curse,  outside of the Kingdom, and Jesus provided the door for us to return to the Father.  The loving Father God that  desires each one of us to return to a life giving relationship with Him but He doesn't force us through that door, or allow us to build our own.  Other faiths deal with sins— the Bible alone deals with sin.


 If wrong doing was our only problem , a good teacher, a wise prophet, or a sentimental philosopher would suffice.  God would not have come to die in our place.   


"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.  He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."  Romans 3:23-26


   Seeing Jesus as our therapist, a dreamer-poet, and merely a good example to follow does not accurately portray the God that evokes such an ardency of spirit in his followers that we can't help but desire with ever fiber of our being to be emptied of self, annihilated, and filled with the living Christ.  Following the "way of Jesus" (as an alternative to being made a new creation by the crucified and risen Christ) may inspire us to live better lives and try to be better people but it will be the 'good' that can never be good enough.  That illusion of self-sufficiency will either bring pride or despair...not repentance and transformation.  


God is overwhelmingly holy, all-knowing yet made himself known, astonishingly merciful, mysteriously eternal, perfectly complete, comfortingly sovereign, absolutely righteous and abundantly loving. This is the God that inspired the prophet Isaiah to fall to his knees when he saw the glory of God.


"Woe to me!" I cried.  "I am ruined!"
For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips,
and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken
with tongs from the altar.
With it he touched my mouth and said 
"see, this has touched your lips;
your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" 
And I said "Here am I.  Send me!"
Isaiah 6:5-9


 The sum of my good deeds is a heap of filthy rags without Christ's sacrifice and glorious grace.   In Him alone I am made clean, whole, and guiltless.   It is in Christ alone that I can live abundantly, show grace to others, forgive the unforgivable, and love the world like he does.  

It is His exquisite glory,  consuming love, extravagant grace, and undeserved mercy that was lavished on us at the cross.  This is the atoning, sacrificing, life transforming, prodigal love that wins.  This is the love that I am so completely consumed by ,and grateful for ,that I can not possibly deny or diminish it with a counterfeit.  

 This is the love that won when Christ uttered the words 'It is finished'.