What a Savior

"Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world.  The sun could not shine.  The earth trembled and quaked.  The great mountains shook.  Rocks split in two.  Until it seemed that the whole world would break.  That creation itself would tear apart.

The full force of the storm of God's fierce anger at sin was coming down.  On his own Son.  Instead of his people.  It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.
Then Jesus shouted out in a loud voice, "It is finished!"  (Jesus Story book Bible - The Sun stops Shining)

As I read through the Easter story with my Little's curled up around me, I came to this part and the tears started to flow.  The depth of response caught me off guard.   I wasn't in an emotionally charged service listening to powerful preachers...just simple words of profound theology from a children's book piercing my heart.  I forced myself to regain composure so I could finish the story, and get to to the good part.  The resurrection.  I was reminded again though, that this...although heavy, and somber is also the good part.   Words that make me want to weep and sing at the same time.

The FULL cup of wrath was taken.
There is none left for me.
There is none left for those who are in Christ.

God doesn't forgive me, and recreate my sin twisted heart, based merely on sympathy or my potential "goodness"....justice was filled, wrath was absorbed, my sin was atoned for...completely.
I am justified by HIS righteousness alone.

When I look at the wickedness, the atrocities, the depravity of our idol making, glory thieving race...I can't even imagine how God just didn't flick us out of his universe like we deserve ...but INSTEAD came in the flesh and was himself crushed for our iniquities.

Jesus in my place.
What can I do with a love like that other than surrender to it completely.  A rebel laying down her arms.

In Christ, there is nothing I could do that could make God love me more; nothing I could do, or have done that makes him love me less.

"For those in Christ, this is the confidence we have before God. 
We don't hope we're forgiven, we know it, because our standing before God has nothing to do with our worthiness, but the worthiness of the Advocate who now stands in our place."  (J.D Greear "Stop asking Jesus into your heart")

The gospel tears me all apart again.



"Could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone.
Thou must save, and Thou alone...
Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee!"

Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Only a couple more days!!

  In a couple more days we'll all be packed into our SUV and driving south!    Right now my house is a disaster (I'm going to clean  my way out the door so basically I have no ambition to do it now), there are suitcases, bags and piles all over my living room floor mixed with strewn about normal living room mess and toddler toys.  Our car is still broken.   We are waiting on another alternator (the second one) and still aren't convinced that this will solve the problem.   It should arrive the day before we leave.   Nothing like last minute car repairs.
We are also fighting colds and poor Celina has had a fever and cough for nearly a week.  I have a drs. appointment made for her before we leave as well.   She has not been sleeping well at all...and I'll stop whining now.  A week from today I'll be eating supper at a taco stand.  mmm..happy.

If you think of us could you please pray that we can make it to the highway?

I have hardly had  time to feel excited lately.   I know once we hit the road the reality that we're going back to Mexico after nearly 2 years of being away will sink in.   Right now I'm just trying to keep our heads above water long enough to pull out of the driveway.

I really should be hitting my long to-do list but my ambition has waned.

The distraction factor for me has been high this week (which is why my to-do list is so neglected).   We've had all kinds of family (the one I married into) situations swirling around us for the last several days....and for the first time ever  it's actually good drama.  Progress.  God is doing an unbelievable work in the brokenness.   Healing what has been broken for  nearly 4 decades, and can be traced back generations.  The devastation is finally being dealt with.    It's so freeing.    God is faithful and has answered so many specific agonizing prayers for reconciliation and restoration.    It's been a long hard road to get to this point!   I can't go into details obviously, but the last 3 years of our life have been filled with a lot of grief and division.  God has taught us so much through it all though and has been SO faithful.   I haven't talked about any of it here but it has inspired a lot of "when life gets ugly" , "grace", and "forgiveness" musings  that I've written about over the past years.  We are just so thankful that God sees the oppressed, that he frees those who are enslaved to darkness, and that nothing is beyond his redemption and grace.  







This family tree filled with generations of depravity and wickedness can have a new legacy in Christ.   We are being rooted up and made something new.  God has not abandoned us.    I think I've linked this song before but it really is a good reminder to us.   We can't cover our own wretched condition with pretty masks and religious moralism.   It may fool people for a while but it isn't regeneration.   It's like stapling fruit onto a dead  tree...it may look real for a moment but eventually that will just fall of and die too. Until we're pulled up at the roots, until we come in repentance before God realizing that we cannot make ourselves ,by sheer force of will ....good, or new, or righteous, or holy we will be that dead tree.   We can't pridefully hold onto our sin.   We need to kill it.  Only Jesus has the power to smash those chains.   We need to be dug up and grafted onto the one who gives life.   Abide in Him.

This band leads the worship at my sister in law's church in Seattle.   What an amazing story God is writing in her life.   He has turned mourning into dancing.   Devastation into victory.   Beauty out of suffering.   All I can do is stand back and watch in awe.

The Mercy Quilt

A quilt lovingly, painstakingly, patiently cut, stitched and embroidered.  

Hours spent kneeling.  Hands cutting fabric and a spirit deep in prayer.  

Boxes full of seemingly useless clothing salvaged,  a reminder of a life as vibrantly complex and contradictory as the mismatched patterns and colors stacked and waiting to be sewn.   

The hum of a machine that once belonged to the owner of the clothing now being used by an only daughter to sew a quilt for a granddaughter.  Two sets of freckled hands, two women with an ability to create beauty, united for a moment.  

Three generations being stitched back together in one quilt.

Grief untangled like thread woven  through knotted generations....   

 Severed mother/daughter relationships going back 6 generations. 

Women broken under their burdens.

Curses uttered with painted lips.

 Scars well masked and covered from sight.  

Daughter wounded and abandoned

turned to Mother who wounded and abandoned.

Each one tries, Lord knows she tried...but the well was dry.

  

Each woman sought to fill the well with something.

Like patterns laid on top of fabric each generation imprints their own pain on next.

Patterns are difficult to alter.  What has been cut is hard to mend...

but not impossible.

God is intricately piecing lives back together.

Grace.

Mercy.

Love.

Regeneration.

Hope.

Stitched into each square.

Random and uncharted beauty.  

Memories of women long gone.  

Forgiven, loved, and freed from the chaos they caused,

and the carnage they chose to overlook.  

Reality forgiven,

to free the future.

Bitterness, longing, hurt released.

Fabric embracing three generations of women who  never once stood in a room together. 

3 generations of females who never celebrated Christmas in the same house...

are now bonded in this quilt.

A mother.

A daughter.

A granddaughter.

A reminder of God's mercy

and renewal.

Mercy that we all so desperately need.   Mercy that we can now freely give to others. 

New beginnings,

with new patterns.

Beauty out of suffering.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!

All this is from God,

who reconciled us to himself through Christ

and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ,

not counting men's sins against them.

And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors,

as though God were making his appeal through us.

We implore you on Christ's behalf:

Be reconciled to God.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him

we might become the righteousness of God.   

2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Redemption.

"I took you from the ends of the earth,

from the farthest corners I called you.

I said "you are my servant" I have chosen you 

and not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

Isaiah 41: 9-14

"Therefor, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy,

to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-

this is your spiritual act of worship.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of you mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -

his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12: 1

Sailing and Such

Yesterday we took the Tanzer 22 out for another sail.  This was the first trip with all 8 of us on board.

We have it parked at a lake/ river about 2 hours away.  There wasn't a lot of wind this time which is ok with me.   Keeping 5 kids from going over board and out of the way of the rigging can get a little crazy.  

We spent most of the afternoon in a little cove enjoying the sunshine and water.

We entertained ourselves watching kids swing off of the boat.

We're cramming lots of fun into the summer while my sis-in-law and nephew are here.  Only 1 more week left of our visit.   I think they'll be tired of our crazy noisy full house by then.  

The water levels were a little higher in this dammed off part of the river so our little private beach was nearly gone.  The kids didn't seem to mind and were convinced they could find precious gems or gold if they dug deep enough. 

Can't you just hear the shrieking and laughter?

These two little munckins could entertain themselves in the sand all day.  

Cece spent nearly 3 hours in one location on a few feet of beach digging sand and dumping it on different parts of her body.   She was one happy girl, despite no naps. 

This is our little picnic spot. 

Silas had a much better experience on the sailboat this time! (thanks to Dramamine)

Kid tossing. 

 It's like throwing an octopus.

This boy is getting so big I think he'll be the one doing the tossing in a few more years!

This girl ADORES her Daddy.

He hasn't dropped her yet.

  I'm so thankful that God has given us the chance to get to know, and love, the nephew that we didn't even know existed three years ago.  

He's such a big hearted, silly and quirky kid.  He fits into our tribe of goofballs well.  

I mentioned earlier the classes about Christian relationships and healthy conflict resolution I attended while we were at family camp. 

One quick thought I want to share with you was the concept of superficial community versus authentic community. 

Pseudo community or superficial relationships are full of facades and pretending.   They may appear healthy and normal because there is nothing beyond the superficial.   Conflict is ignored rather than resolved.   Topics are skirted around rather than worked through.  Hurts, bitterness and unforgiveness fester under a pleasant smile until eventually something breaks and the slow death on the inside shatters even the phony image making the carnage complete.  Marraiges can last for years in pseudo community.  Families can build whole phony realities while the  dysfunction is hidden behind deception and  ignored.   

Pseudo community eventually equals death.  Death of a church, destruction of a family, the end of a marraige. When people or churches don't learn how to deal with  little conflicts in a constructive, loving, biblical way they will be completely annihilated when a major crises hits.   Relationships can appear peaceful on the surface but in reality there is no authenticity.  Pseudo relationships are defined by an absence of trust, a fear of conflict, a lack of commitment, and an avoidance of accountability. There may be an appearance of harmony but there is no lasting fruit.  

Authentic community  involves the willingness to speak truth in love.   It involves the tough work of forgiveness, communication and grace.  Feelings aren't easily hurt and emotions aren't used to manipulate.  Problems and breaches of boundaries are worked through respectfully as they arise, before they are given a chance to fester and build offense.    Communication is ongoing, honest and constructive.   Words aren't used in slander, pride, deception and gossip.  Sometimes moving into authentic relationships in our families, churches or friendships involves some healthy conflict.   It may mean moving through a period of transparent, honest chaos in which assumptions, lies and hurts are uprooted and discarded in order to move into an authentic  relationship.  

Authentic relationships are defined by a foundation of trust built by time, effort and healthy boundaries.  They include transparent communication, unified commitment, mutual accountability, and an awareness of each others needs. 

 Having house guests for a month is great practice for these principles of authentic relationship.  Combining two households into one functioning home is a perfect test in practical application  :) Because we are committed to the authentic relationship and the principles that define it we are able to deal with the little irritations and personality conflicts that will inevitably arise.  

A peace maker is not the same thing as a peace keeper.  

Keeping the peace at all costs involves overlooking sin, stuffing hurts,  and sweeping problems under the rug.   In order to keep an appearance "peace" we would need let others trample what is ours and invade healthy boundaries.  This is where many Christians like to take the "turn the other cheek" verses out of their intended meaning.  Jesus was  talking about aggressive love for our enemies and intentionally removing ourselves from the position of victim into an interaction between equals... not  a lesson in "How to be a Door Mat 101. 

  Being a peace maker involves a willingness to wade through crap in order to be reconciled into an honest healthy relationship.  

Living with authenticity, healthy boundaries, forgiveness, and free from offense isn't easy but it's a pretty sweet place to be.  

  

Easter in Seattle and a special Happy Birthday!

Easter at Qwest … Without the Rain | The Mars Hill Blog




This year in Seattle, WA there was an enormous Easter church service held at a sports stadium.  God is doing great things in what was once the most "unchurched" city in America.  I have a few ties to that city.   I married a man  that grew up near Seattle.  He and I spent 3 years living in the Pacific Northwest.  Our first son was born and died  in Federal Way, WA.    My husband's only sister lives in Seattle and last year she began attending Mars hill down town campus church.  Since then, I have been actively following sermons, events and the work being done in and through this church.   God has done an incredible work in my sister in law and he used this loving, bold, truth speaking body of believers to breath life and faith into her.  Needless to say , I'm a fan.

I conspired, wished and dreamed of attending this event with her but alas it was not to be.  Maybe another year.  Fortunately for us we can watch it online.  If you're curious about who Jesus is and what all the fuss is about 2000 years later...or if you just want to be encouraged by around 18,000 other Christ followers celebrating Easter Sunday take a look.  It's pretty sweet.  Click on the link above.

The first part of the video shows a little clip of some kids talking about Easter.  After that the singing, sermon and nearly 700 baptisms begins.  I loved the old school music!   Don't miss the "resurrection/baptism" party at the end.  

I can't post about this service without also bragging about my dear bsff ( "Best sister friend forever" I know that's totally cheesy but it's kind of our inside joke...well not so much "inside" anymore).  She is one of my very dearest friends as well as a sister.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.

If you watch three row up  behind the drummer ,in the golden robed choir, you might catch a glimpse of  her.
There is a moment that absolutely made me cry...and I'm not a crier.
"How Great Thou Art" transitions into "How Great is Our God" (quite possibly two of my fav. songs) and you can see my sister with her hand raised belting it out, knowing and believing every word she is singing.

Our God is great!

 It is a painful, tragic and stunningly beautiful redemptive story that God continues to write in her life.   I  mentioned our long lost sister here briefly before when she spent a few weeks with us last July.    God brought her into our lives 2 1/2 years ago after more than 2 decades of no contact.  My husband hadn't seen her since they were children, and I had never met her.  To know where she came from,  what God brought her through and where she is standing now...in this video....leaves me speechless.   I  can't help but share with you one of the dearest people in my life.

 I am looking forward to spending another month this summer with her and her adorably goofy son. We have so much fun together!  She is hilarious.
  She is an inspiration to me and one of the most genuine people I've ever known.  A beautiful example of extreme forgiveness, grace in the midst of persecution,  and unselfish love even towards those who could not show her love in return.   She exudes a quiet trust that God is her defender, her Father and her partner.

She lives an inner city life as a single mama. She spent most of her life without a family (which makes me wish we didn't live 1000 miles away!).  Her own life is still not easy , but she is a blessing to all those who know her.   Her apartment is always open to those in need, she usually has a few extra kids around,  she has been a surrogate mom to abandoned babies, and she sews quilts for prostitutes...just to brag on her a little.  She will be embarrassed.  She is learning, growing, and passionate about her new faith in Jesus.  You really can't even shut her up about it...she'll tell anyone she can how much Christ has done for her.

My blog friends, TODAY is her birthday.  She will be celebrating it by riding city buses with her son, being a mama, plugging coins into a machine at the laundry mat, and getting ready for her son's big birthday party tomorrow.  This special lady's birthday may just come and go like any other day.   I wish so badly that we could spoil her, make her a cake and have a big old family party...but she's there and her family is here.  She does have a lot of really great friends in Seattle and a fantastic church family.

If you have a minute pop on over to her knew blog  "We are more than"   browse a little, follow,  and wish her a happy birthday.  

I love her title "We are more than.."
Maybe you've heard that song from 10th Avenue North "You are more than" ?

She is so much more than...
Brook, you are a beautiful woman, a beloved daughter of the most high God,  a warrior mama, and a faithful servant of Christ.  (even if you're sink is always full of dirty dishes)


Today we celebrate you and all that you are in the eyes of God!

Why Good Friday is good

"The death of Jesus Christ is the fulfillment in history of the very mind and intent of God. There is no place for seeing Jesus Christ as a martyr. His death was not something that happened to Him— something that might have been prevented. His death was the very reason He came."  Oswald Chambers



"The greatest note of triumph ever sounded in the ears of a startled universe was that sounded on the Cross of Christ— “It is finished!” (John 19:30). That is the final word in the redemption of humankind."  Oswald Chambers







"Very few of us have any understanding of the reason why Jesus Christ died. If sympathy is all that human beings need, then the Cross of Christ is an absurdity and there is absolutely no need for it. What the world needs is not “a little bit of love,” but major surgery."


"

My son Roman asked me the other day why we call today "Good Friday" when Jesus died on the cross.  That doesn't sound like a good day.  
This past year I have been pondering, reading, and seeking to understand the cross and all it stands for more than I ever have.  In part my search for fuller understanding is spurred on by a fragment of the church that seeks to make the gospel of Jesus more comfortable, politically correct, and appealing to the masses.  In doing so some have  attempted to downplay or completely remove the wrath absorbing, mercy displaying, beautiful, terrible cross from the redemption story of mankind. 


  Along with the many diverse attributes of God, the purpose and person of Jesus has been further eroded and distorted to meet us on our own terms. The belief in ourselves, our worthiness, our loveliness, and the faith in our own human potential has rallied itself against the reality of our human condition and the crucified Jesus Christ. 


How can an ancient instrument for torture and death be not only good but wonderful?
  
Jesus hung dying, nailed to rough cut wooden beams.  

 By all appearances humans had defeated God.  

Death had victory over life.  Dreams were crushed.  Expectations were shattered.  All was lost.  What his followers of that time didn't realize, and we too easily forget is that...
The cross was chosen and the cross wasn't the end.  3 days later the victory would come.


It was not God's afterthought to redeem mankind.  It was not an unfortunate twist of events that martyred a "good teacher".  It was not a sideline to another gospel of Jesus.  It IS the very foundation, the pivotal point in history, and God's only provision for a race separated from it's creator.   

At the cross God poured out His own anger and hatred toward sin upon the sagging, torn, bloodied shoulders of Himself, God the Son.   Jesus drank the last drop of that cup for us. 

The day that we are able to stand righteous, forgiven, and pure before a Holy God...is a very good day.  Good is completely inadequate to describe how incredible it truly is.


"But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! " Romans 5: 8


 We can't fully understand or appreciate the fullness of God's love and mercy if we don't also acknowledge our desperate need for it and our hopeless separation and condemnation without it.   There is no greater love that this.  

The cross was Jesus carrying the weight, the shame, the guilt and the just punishment so that we could be reconciled to our Creator, who in his perfect Holiness cannot shrug and wink at our sinful state...just because he loves us.  That would not be Love, that would not be a mighty, just, Holy God...it would be a man made comfortable version of God.   It would be man worshiping himself.

The passion of the cross was so much more than nails, torture and death.  That alone does not pay the penalty for human sin.  After all, most of his disciples and early followers died in similar or worse ways.  It was the cataclysmic event that took place beyond the curtain of what bewildered eyes could see.  Perfection became cursed.  The One who knew no guilt, no shame, no sin...became sin for us.   God hates sin. He knows how it destroys us and those around us.   He knows what it cost  to forgive.   The weight of that burden is what caused Jesus to weep , pray and sweat drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane.  


Sin is not wrong doing, it is wrong being.  Each one of us have inherited the nature of our fallen world, the nature of sin.  We are born under the curse,  outside of the Kingdom, and Jesus provided the door for us to return to the Father.  The loving Father God that  desires each one of us to return to a life giving relationship with Him but He doesn't force us through that door, or allow us to build our own.  Other faiths deal with sins— the Bible alone deals with sin.


 If wrong doing was our only problem , a good teacher, a wise prophet, or a sentimental philosopher would suffice.  God would not have come to die in our place.   


"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.  He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."  Romans 3:23-26


   Seeing Jesus as our therapist, a dreamer-poet, and merely a good example to follow does not accurately portray the God that evokes such an ardency of spirit in his followers that we can't help but desire with ever fiber of our being to be emptied of self, annihilated, and filled with the living Christ.  Following the "way of Jesus" (as an alternative to being made a new creation by the crucified and risen Christ) may inspire us to live better lives and try to be better people but it will be the 'good' that can never be good enough.  That illusion of self-sufficiency will either bring pride or despair...not repentance and transformation.  


God is overwhelmingly holy, all-knowing yet made himself known, astonishingly merciful, mysteriously eternal, perfectly complete, comfortingly sovereign, absolutely righteous and abundantly loving. This is the God that inspired the prophet Isaiah to fall to his knees when he saw the glory of God.


"Woe to me!" I cried.  "I am ruined!"
For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips,
and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken
with tongs from the altar.
With it he touched my mouth and said 
"see, this has touched your lips;
your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" 
And I said "Here am I.  Send me!"
Isaiah 6:5-9


 The sum of my good deeds is a heap of filthy rags without Christ's sacrifice and glorious grace.   In Him alone I am made clean, whole, and guiltless.   It is in Christ alone that I can live abundantly, show grace to others, forgive the unforgivable, and love the world like he does.  

It is His exquisite glory,  consuming love, extravagant grace, and undeserved mercy that was lavished on us at the cross.  This is the atoning, sacrificing, life transforming, prodigal love that wins.  This is the love that I am so completely consumed by ,and grateful for ,that I can not possibly deny or diminish it with a counterfeit.  

 This is the love that won when Christ uttered the words 'It is finished'.   

Forgiveness is costly

(to avoid auditory chaos don't forget to scroll all the way to the bottom of the blog to pause the music)

Forgiveness   by Beckah Shae
Betrayed and let down, they gossip and slander
They sabotage You as they mock You, it’s just a mess!
But I refuse to amuse the lies
And whether or not they apologize
I’m moving on, I’m going to let go cause I got to fly

Laying down all that’s in the past, no bitterness
Putting aside all my pain and my pride, to be blessed
I’ve learned what we hold against someone else
Will only wind up hurting ourselves
We need love motivation

Forgiveness, there’s healing in your wings
Your peace it lets me breathe
Forgiveness, You’re the reason why I live
I’m worth only what I give
Forgiveness

The damage is done, the scars still remain
But I gained wisdom and strength
So I declare the victory is won

I refuse to amuse the pain
Won’t let it take my freedom away
I’m moving on, I’m going to let go
Cause tomorrow’s a better day

Laying down all that’s in the past, no bitterness
Putting aside all my pain and my pride, to be blessed
I’ve learned what we hold against someone else
Will only wind up hurting ourselves
We need love motivation

Forgiveness, there’s healing in your wings
Your peace it lets me breathe
Forgiveness, You’re the reason why I live
I’m worth only what I give
Forgiveness

I am only human, I am so imperfect
And I’m whole heartedly
asking You to forgive me, oh
Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me

You got to take in the air and just breathe in
Believe in order to let a broken heart
start beat, beat beating’ again
A gain of restored grace
From a flash in a past space
What’s left is a bad taste

Repairing from despair
Which left you unaware
That others desperation of hating’
Which had you stating’ what was done in the past,
History, so ill, the sting from the blow, fast hit, it’s so real

Faced with the options presented
Forgive or resent it. to live or regret it, grip or forget it
You got to love or hate it
See, the truth’s been stated
Let it go, because the past has been dated

Now pardon me of my faults in the fall of me
Dignity placed in all we see
Drawn from a source of what we can’t force
A loving trace of a crimson course
Of course, no remorse in

Forgiveness, there’s healing in your wings
Your peace it lets me breathe
Forgiveness, You’re the reason why I live
I’m worth only what I give
Forgiveness

The reason why I live
I’m worth only what I give
Forgiveness






In the last couple years I have been tested in the area of forgiveness.   Tested to the core.


True forgiveness costs the giver everything, but the reward of that obedience is worth so much more.  I have seen that lived out by a dear friend in a magnificent way over the last couple years. 


Still, it is a struggle for me.  
 Forgiveness is not divine amnesia.   The injustice remains unjust.  The victim is still victimized.  The lies are still lies.  The slander is still echoing.  The smoke of deception  is still billowing.   The ripple effects of  sin are still devastating.  
Nothing has changed. 
but...
everything has changed.   
"The damage is done, the scars still remain
But I gained wisdom and strength
So I declare the victory is won"

The victory is won because the victory is His.  He WILL be glorified despite the mockery of his grace.   He is already being glorified despite and because of it.

Forgiveness is releasing the hurt, the offense, and the wound to the only One to knows exactly what grace truly costs. 


Offense, unforgiveness, and bitterness are traps  that lure and entice but  they are a trap carefully set for us by the enemy.
They become a cancer that spreads through the mind, body and spirit.  
 I choose life.  Life to the full.  I choose freedom, 
even when my pride, my knowledge, my agony  for those I love, and  my sense of justice cry out  for vindication. 
 I realize that the "my" in this sentence is misplaced.   
What God is doing has very little to do with me...
 other than teaching me how to forgive when faced with the most disturbing reality.
   
For years  have prayed to know the heart of Jesus more clearly.  This is  his heart.  


"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."


Would I die for people who hate me?
While we were still God haters, He died for us.
  It's hard enough to die to my own pride never mind actually die physically for someone who despises me  or lies about me.  


Forgiveness is costly. Especially while you are still being hurt and rejected.   Bitterness is easy.


I can show respect.   I can choose to bless those who curse me.    I can love only through the grace of Christ living in me.
Forgiveness does not mean that it doesn't matter.  Forgiveness does not mean that it doesn't hurt.  Forgiveness does not mean a complete absence of consequences and boundaries.  Forgiveness does not mean that destroying people,  betraying trust,  hurting children, or tearing apart families is ok.    It's not.  
God knows how wrong it is.
No matter how seemingly small or how blatantly horrific....our sin matters so much that it put Jesus on the cross to carry the weight of it.  
Grace understands the full extent of the violation, looks it in the eye, and offers forgiveness that isn't earned or deserved.


Our forgiveness of someone does not require an apology or repentance from the offender.  It would bring further restoration and healing but sometimes that never comes.  Sometimes they continue to deceive right to the end of their phony life, or speak slander on their deathbed.    We can't wait for an apology to be obedient to God's command to forgive.  He not only commands us to do it, but he does it himself. 


Can I forgive even without an honest resolution, without witnessing repentance, or without an end to the mess in sight? 
Not without Christ I can't.    Not if don't daily seek him, focus on Him, release it to him, and learn to love others through Him.    
So often I slip and am tempted to bitterness.
Then I am humbled again by my own unforgiveness and again I seek the grace of my Father.


Until we are faced with  injustice, rejection,  and betrayal ourselves it is easy to simplify the forgiveness God offers us.
It is easy to forget the enormous cost at which it was made ours.
Only in Him are we made good.  Our God does not overlook, close his eyes, or pretend we are good when we are all wrong.
Only through the cross of Christ the unholy is made holy.  


When it comes to forgiving someone who has hurt you  (or hurt people you love) praying is key.   If the person or people are still alive praying unselfishly for the person who is the object of your offense or the source of your wound is essential.   It is so hard.  I don't say that without struggling through this on many occasions myself.  Sometimes even the name of the person gets caught in your  throat as you work through your own emotions and hurt.   God will meet you there.   Little by little as you pray for, intercede for, and pray blessings on that person your heart will begin to change....even when that person does not.  You will begin to see that person through God's eyes instead of the eyes of your own hurt. 

After all, we do not battle against flesh and blood.  When we pray we engage as warriors in a battle that cannot be fought in the flesh.  That is where the battle is won.  That is where we already have the victory.  That is where the sinners chains are loosened,  the blind folds are removed and broken hearts are mended.  I am learning so much more about prayer and fasting this year.


God is working even when we don't see it.  I am learning to trust in a new way. I can trust him with the "wrongness" and the injustice as I learn to humble myself, pray, and forgive. 


Nothing we do or don't do, acknowledge or refuse to acknowledge, forgive or refuse to forgive will be taken to the grave with you.  Our choices live on past us.   The hurt that is caused can ripple on for generations  OR it can be given over to our healer, our savior and used for his glory for generations to come.