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Showing posts from May, 2009

Never a Dull Moment

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My little artist. Spectacular use of colour and design....next time use the paper please. Thankfully I only stock washable markers.


My goons doing what they do best. Being silly.

Aili in her new base ball shirt. She has had 2 real games this season already. I like the flaming base ball logo :)


I still have no idea how Roman broke his helmet falling off his bike but I'm sure glad he had the helmet on. A good reminder that a big wipeout going down a hill is enough to crack a melon....or in this case the helmet protecting that melon. All he had out of it was a headache. I guess we'll be shopping for a new helmet this week. He told me he wants a full face guard too (cuz that would look so cool)...I'm thinking thats not a bad idea for this boy.
Just a glimpse of the many moments that keep life interesting!

Finding peace

I wanted to update really quick and say that I am feeling a lot more peace about the situation. After talking to the social worker again it actually sounds like a pretty good situation for him, better than a lot of the other things that have been suggested. My heart is slowly catching up to reality. I quickly went and had some pictures of him printed and found a little scrap book album. Last night I put together a little baby book of his two weeks here and his time in the hospital. The theme is what a precious little boy he his and how much he is loved already...even as he moves to a new home. I left lots of empty pages for the next mommy to start filling in (I even bought some extra ones). I think it will be good for him someday to have a record of those early days and to know that he was loved right from the start. I kept it very positive making no reference to foster care, drug addiction etc. I only referred to myself as the one who brought him home from the hospital and h…

I hate goodbyes!

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I got a phone call from peanut's case worker yesterday. There has been a sudden change in case plan for him. And this new plan doesn't include us anymore. They origionally gave us a 3 month estimate but usually 3 months leads to many more. Not this time. I feel like I've been sucker punched and just got the wind knocked out of me. I feel ridiculous for feeling so sad because I obviously knew this would happen eventually...but eventually you can set aside and try not to think about. I also got my heart into this mess. I thought I would do better this time at not getting attached or not completely falling in love. No such luck. I am such a mess right now. Sleep deprivation is not helping my coping skills right now I'm sure. We've had a lot of typical newborn rough nights lately. He's such a little sweetheart though and such a content little guy. He's changing so quickly as newborns do. He's noticing the world around him now, focusing on me and watching m…

May 26

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9 years ago today.


We held you in our arms. We kissed your little face. We wondered how we could ever say goodbye.


A short hour later you entered into your eternal home.
Into a life that makes our life look like a mere shadow.
Moving images that ,if traced to their origin, only reveal a larger story.
You are forever a part of that story.
You are held in the arms of the Author.
As am I.
You are home.
I am homesick.

Happy 9th Birthday Samuel We love you









Morning already?

Well the new baby is down for a nap and the boys are watching cartoons. That's right I am totally using the tv as a babysitter while I drink coffee and veg. out on the computer. I'll do parental penance later by letting them help me bake cookies....which I should probably be doing now while the baby sleeps. I don't know if I will be able to follow a recipe right now though. I am in one of those sleep deprivation brain fogs. Excuse me if I am totally incoherent. I'm still just getting used to this new hanging out with a baby in the middle of the night routine.

So far little peanut has been a really easy baby. As far as babies go. He is SO precious. So far he eats when he needs to eat and sleeps when he's supposed to sleep (except from 3.30-5 last night ) He's a great independent napper though which is a blessing when I've got 3 other kids and a house to keep. I make sure to get lots of snuggle time in with him too....I would do that all day if I…

Happy Birthday to my husband.

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Here are some oldy pictures of a birthday he had 3? years ago. That is his twin brother next to him. I'm not exactly sure which is which but I think Nathanael is on the right.


This little boy looks kind of familiar...like another little boy I know.


This is Silas. He is a little clone of his Daddy!

Happy Birthday Honey!

Bringing home baby

Just wanted to post a quick update. I'm heading to the city this morning to pick up a newborn that needs to be discharged from the hospital. We will be a temporary home for him , probably for the summer. I have never foster parented a newborn before...never mind a drug affected one so this will be a challenging experience I expect. I am a sucker for a teeny tiny baby...but I also know too well how little sleep I will be getting in the next little while. I really like my sleep.
As far as exhaustion level goes at least I am not coming off a tiring pregnancy, recovering from three days of labour, and excessively hormonal. It will be a new experience to have a newborn that did not just recently come out of me. It is also strange to only have a few hours to prepare myself instead of nine months! Please pray for me and our new little baby "R". We will need it in the days to come.
I feel like I might coming down with a cold or something...just that tired icky feeli…

SNOW!!!

I just had to write and update after yesterday's post. We had an absolutely gorgeous weekend...it was actually 26 celcius yesterday. Very warm and sunny....it felt like summer. Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Aili's ball game and then went to a local lake (5 minutes away) to have a campfire and take the Hobie Cat ( our little catamaran) out on its first sail of the season. It was wonderfully summerish.

I joked at the end of my last post (about our great weather) that for all I know it could snow tomorrow (without every hearing or looking up a weather forcast...I prefer to be surprised by our ridiculous weather.)

I woke up this morning to snow. Not a lot of it but it is coming down out of a grey cold sky and is being blown around by a nasty cold wind. yuck. yuck again. I think I tempted fate by even suggesting the "s" word yesterday. Oh, the irony. To top in off today is a holiday from school. We are having and inside day today. So far Silas and I baked bread and Ai…

Spring Day

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Roman spent the day yesterday riding around his home-made bike course. It included a 2x8 board, an old slide and a "jump". If you look closely you can almost see air under the front tire...or is that a rock? He spent hours perfecting his "stunts".
He's a little adrenaline junkie. I was away the other evening and Roman and his Dad watched "Nitro-Circus" together....I was not impressed. This kid doesn't need any encouragement in the stunt department! I have visions of him riding his bike off the roof of our house or some other "seemed like a good idea at the time" stunt. He did have fun perfecting his moves though. He did really well considering he only got his big kid two wheeler bike this spring....we preferred to keep him slowed down by his little training wheel bike last year. He was more than ready for the two wheeler though....I think mom just had to be ready for this (and all the trips to the ER that are inevitably in his bike riding…

A Sense of Wonder

There is a book that I got a few years ago called "Romancing your Child's Heart" by Monte Swan. One of my favorite parenting books that I've read. It talks a lot about the importance of letting kids experience nature, beauty, creativity and other things that give them a sense of wonder and awe of God. Things that connect the characteristics of God with the "made in his image" parts of us. I can't really explain the whole book so you'll just have to read it yourself :) Its really really good.

This little story is one of my all time favorites and its from this book

" The verdant green of a well tended soccer field stretched out before me in the Colorado summer sun. Gazing at he restful scene, I noticed a mud puddle near the side lines. A little boy sat in the middle of it, wiggling his barely visible toes in the chocolate water. Applying some secret logic that only little boys can understand, his shoes and socks lay at the edge of the pool, complet…

strong vs. safe

I mentioned at the beginning of May that I was thinking a lot about this big responsibility called parenting. There are SO many books, so many theories, so many tidbits of advice out there...even just in blog world. Where would I even start to describe or discuss all the aspects of parenting ...on how to ignore a tantrum, how to keep a easy early bedtime, how to discipline effectively.
Parenting, especially in Christian circles, is like a giant food court of opinions and options - to home school or not to home school, to have 2 kids or 12, to breast feed or bottle feed, sleep training or co-sleeping, feeding on a schedule or feeding on demand, spanking or time outs. I could go on and on giving you my opinions and experiences on all these topics and more but truthfully so many of these things I figure out as I go. I am still learning as my kids grow and their needs change. When it comes right down to it, many of these things don't really matter as much as we think they do at the tim…

3 missing pictures

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apparently the pictures were lost from my last post somewhere between the draft screen and the blog....or maybe its just that my good old dial up internet isn't picking them up. Here they are again if in fact they didn't work last time. We have tried to get highspeed all winter...lots of attempts and too much $ later we are out of viable options and still have horrid dial-up. And to make it worse our dial-up seems to be getting slower and less reliable each month.
We may be able to roast wieners in our back yard but it would be nice to have a little aspect of modern living too!


Chubby bunny

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It was a beautiful day here on Sunday (mothers day). One of our first warm sunny days of the season. I told the kids we could have a wiener roast for supper. We have a fire pit in our back yard so its pretty easy for us to have a camping experience without leaving home. Fortunately I had bought hot dogs the week before and was prepared for our feast. We have now broken our winter long hotdog fast. I am a food snob. Animal fat and questionable other products stuffed in a tube is not a part of our regular diet. I reserve them for "campfire food" in the summer time and even then I am picky about which brand and package I will buy. Bulk wieners are not an option, not only are they gross but I have to know what the ingredients are because of Silas' allergies. I go for the reduced fat, all meat, no filler ones....with whole wheat buns of course. I know its like polishing a terd to thing of making hot dogs healthy but I have to at least try to make them less horrible :) The ki…

Memories of Mother's day past

Mothers day can be a wonderful day of being spoiled and receiving recognition for being a mom. Mothers day can also be a difficult day for so many people. It can bring both tears of joy and tears of pain.

There are woman who struggle with infertility. Year after year they witness the celebration of motherhood and long to join in. They sit while other woman are asked to stand in church and are honored for being mothers.

There are woman who are indeed mothers...they have experienced creating and carrying life in their wombs but are without a baby in their arms. They will always be a mom, they have a child they carry in their heart, they have a child waiting for them in heaven....but they will not be recognised this day.

There are moms carrying babies nestled snugly under their ribs. Knowing that they will not be able to parent that child in a way they had longed for....for all to soon a goodbye will come.

There are mothers grieving a recent loss of a child.

There are mothers who are learning…

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

To my mom. To my second mom. To the moms with kids all grown up. To the moms with a house full of little ones. To the moms waiting expectantly, and to the moms who have children waiting for them in heaven. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Once a mommy always a mommy.

I found this little writing...I didn't write it and I actually found it on another blog so I can take know credit for any wisdom gleaned from it. I loved it so I thought I'd share and dedicate it to my mom today, who is a woman of strength.

A WOMAN OF STRENGTH

" A strong woman works out every day
to keep her body in shape...
But a woman of strength kneels
in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything.
But a woman of strength shows
courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let any one get the best of her.
But a woman of strength gives the best
of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and
avoids the same in the future...
A woman of strength realizes life's…

Planting time

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Gardening is something that has made a come-back in the last couple years. With an emphasis on eating more local, organic and nutritious foods people are bringing back some things that were lost in our convenience based society. It makes even more sense for people to grow some of their own food now with the changing economy in U.S and people having to tighten their belts a little (our belts have always been rather tight here in hickville :) Things that seemed quaint, old fashioned or even substandard are coming back. Line drying clothes is even being encouraged in places that used to ban clothes lines for aesthetic reasons.
The funny thing is, in the rural area where we live we have never really stopped doing these things. Most every house in our "town" ( actually we are technically a Village or a Hamlet or something) has a clothes line in the back yard with clothes waving in the wind. It would be hard to find a yard that didn't have a vegetable garden. People here still …

I'm feeling so speshle.

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I realize this is my second post in one day but I just had to brag a little. The "mothers day tea" at the kids school was lovely. Complete with cheesy songs, poems and talent. We were served coffee and fruit. Silas enjoyed the plate of fruit so much that he shoved more in his mouth than he could effectively process. I was busy visiting and didn't notice that he had overstuffed until it was all being spit out on my plate. I covered it with a napkin and apologised to the people lucky enough to have chosen to sit with us.

Speaking of lucky. I was particularly lucky today. First of all I was gifted with these wonderful items from my children. I love the card from Aili.
"roses are red viltits are blue
shiger is sweet and so are you"
"Have a speshle day."

awww, I feel so speshle.

And a nice mug shot of Roman to hang on the wall. And it will no doubt be hung on my wall...somewhere...Roman will make sure of that.


And to add to the luck I won the most co…

Too cute!

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Look at the feet on this kid! Well the camera angle doesn't really help but he does have good sized feet, much bigger than his brothers were at this age. I think Silas will be the "big guy" in the family. He's always been skinny and gangly...even in the chubby baby stage but he is the tallest at this age and his bone structure is broad. He's got shoulders almost as wide as his 5 year old brothers already. And if its like looking at a puppies feet to see how big they will get ...he's going to be huge. At least if he grows into them :) Its that Viking/ Scottish mix in him I think....just 20 years and a big red beard. Makes me laugh. Ever since the last Olympics I joke that he's got Phelps proportions. Tall, short legs, long waist, broad shoulders, huge feet. Maybe I should get him into swimming :)

He just got out of the shower so his eyes are a little red looking. Must have got some soap in them. We are getting cleaned up to go to a "moth…

Shaking in my Armour

After my last couple posts you might think I've got this parenting thing all figured out. Well not today. At least I don't feel that way. I feel discouraged and weak under the responsibilities that face me in life right now. Parenting being just one of those many responsibilities....but the most important of course.

My kids are good right now, no major behavior issues to report. They are generally respectful, obedient and fun to be around....even the two year old. (not that they don't make my ears hurt and my head ache once in a while!) . I am actually thoroughly enjoying each one of them at the moment. So why do I feel so inadequate? Its easy to feel that way when one of them is in a major funk...but I don't know why I feel that way right now. Why do I question myself so much? Is it just the curse of being a mother? Its not that I fear they will turn out to be horrible dysfunctional people ( although, I did have pictures in my mind of visiting juvi hall when Roman w…

I'm a soccer mom!

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Roman has been wanting to play soccer for a long time but sometimes in rural areas a league or a team to play with is hard to find. This spring however he will be playing with a group of about 30 kids at a park in the next town. Perfect. Thy have 4 coaches to practice drills with and will break up into groups and play real games. The best part is the registration cost for the whole season is $15 (for twice a week practices until the end of the school year). I'm finally a soccer mom! Bring on the mini-van, bumperstickers and blowhorn! In honor of my new little soccer player I made a trip to walmart and got him dudded up with shin pads, cleats, soccer socks (that are way too big and go up to his shorts), shiny soccer shorts, a shirt and a ball. Sounds expensive but Walmart is good for outfitting kids for cheap. His shorts only cost $5 and his shin pads were $4.50! He was SO excited that he slept in his soccer outfit (after a family game of soccer that evening.) and wore it to schoo…

Warrior Mama

revised and renamed version of this mornings post.
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I have learned so much over the past almost eight years of actual parenting experience and I know I still have a lot to learn. I became a mother 9 years ago but didn't have the joy of doing the grubby work of parenting until our daughter was born. When our daughter was born I was so thrilled and felt so extremely grateful to finally have a child after such a rocky start to parenthood. I thoroughly enjoyed her as a baby and soaked up every minute but I also wasn't prepared for the challenges of caring for a "spirited" baby...around the clock. She was born ready to party and ready to take her place in the world. She still is!



Around her first birthday we lost our second baby to a miscarriage at 10 wks. A couple months later I was pregnant with Roman. Those first years are a whirl wind of pregnancies, nighttime feedings, tears and tantrum…

Outside fun

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The weather here has been really cool and extremely windy so far this spring. The snow is gone but we are still in that ugly time between the white snow and the green summer. We are living in brown right now. The last precipitation we had was some snow in February and this spring has also been really cool. These two factors have kept things from growing and blooming. I have some tulips poking up out of the ground now to give me some hope of new life but it will be a while still until they bloom. I can't wait to get out into the dirt and plant my garden. The soil still needs to be worked up and the days and nights are a bit too cold still so I'll wait another week or so. The boys have been enjoying the great outdoors again now that winter is over. They still go between spring jackets and winter coats...sun hats and winter hats. My entry way is a mess of various seasons of outdoor clothing.
The kids and their friends have been enjoying building a fort and playing at "T…