An Exhausted Mom's Survival Guide

Self Care is a topic I have very little natural interest in.  In all honesty any time I hear people talking about "self care" I think about Oprah type motivational speakers, or ladies ministry groups painting flower pots and I want to gag.

I realize it may seem odd to make that assertion and then proceed to write about the topic.

I find in our culture today we are inundated with "self".  We are implored to love ourselves more, to exult ourselves higher,  and to put our own needs ahead of those around us.  It's everywhere, even drilled into every child via innocent cartoon characters.   "Just follow your heart" and "Believe in yourself" are the theme of most every children's program I overhear my little one's watching.  After a while I just find it nauseating.   Self love, self esteem, self preservation, self glory self...self...self...me..me...me...blah...blah...blah.

We are raising generations of completely delusional, hyper-sensitive, narcissistic nut balls who expect the world to validate and celebrate their every whim, desire or thought.  Social media has only poured fuel on the fire of self worship.

Biblically speaking we are commanded to love others as we love ourselves.  This is making the assumption that we already naturally love ourselves. We generally don't need to make it a goal or put any effort into it.  We are selfish by nature. Even when we serve others we are tainted by self serving motives and hopes.  If anything our problem is not a lack of self love but a distracting preoccupation with it.  The command is to love others and love God.

Because I need regular reminders to set aside my own bent toward selfishness and self preoccupation I avoid most topics of "self" altogether.  Simply because they often wander down that trail.
I'm convinced that my own joy has little to do with how much comfort, luxury, and ease my life contains. I'm also convinced that rather than seek to focus on ourselves more, we are far more content when we get over ourselves.

That being said as a caregiver to many small people, including children with various health considerations and special needs, I can't ignore the topic of self care altogether or lump it together with all the other nonsense.  I've been trying to figure out what does a healthy concept of "self care" look like for me, while also being committed to caring for others?

I'm going to back up a little and let you in on what started me thinking about this topic.

In about November of last year I hit a wall.

I'm naturally a push through, tough it out, do the next thing, and take the next step kind of a person. I'm really great at ignoring flashing warning lights, making another cup of coffee, and muscling through.  Tired is just a normal state of being when you have six children but cumulative months and years of stress, demands, sleep deprivation, and constant busyness had started to take their toll.  I entered a new state of exhaustion that I could no longer afford to ignore and I had nothing left to push through with.  I guess burning the candle at both ends only works until it melts and you burn your fingers on two flames.  Then you have no choice but to drop what's left.

It's hard to explain unless you've been there.  Completely drained to the dregs. I became so overwhelmed with the energy it took to just muddle through the day that anything extra expected of me was next to impossible. Just the thought of getting the kids out the door and into the car took more than I had to give, and anyone with kids knows there is always somewhere to go and something that needs to be done.   I seriously felt like the gravity pull had increased exponentially and like I was walking knee deep in mud.

My mind was a fog, my spirit was dull, and my body was weak.
Totally done.

So, that began my self assessment.  I've always viewed my body as a sort of a functional machine. Something of value that was given to me as a gift and that I need to steward well.  Clearly I wasn't doing a very good job.

In Hebrew there is a word "Nephesh".  {soul, self, life, creature, person, appetite, mind, living being, desire, emotion, passion}.  It encompasses what it is to be human. Our "nephesh" makes up our whole person. When any of those components of who we are is undernourished or wounded the others parts suffer as well.  When multiple facets of who we are become drained we're in trouble.  A downward spiral can happen relatively quickly and the more exhausted you become the less strength you have to pull up out of the nose dive.  Sometimes all you've got left is a weak cry for help to a God who hears and knows. Weakness is not something that should be feared, in fact in understanding our own weakness we are made strong.  My problem is remembering to stay connected to the one who will continually fill me as I pour myself out.  I unwittingly cut myself off from the Creator of "nephesh" and the source of life.  Before anything else I must nurture my affections for Him and remind myself of who I am.

I should clarify that I am naturally a very low maintenance girl.  My idea of a manicure is using a pair of nail clippers when my nails start to get in the way.  I have had a pedicure once in my 38 years of life.  I get my hair cut and highlighted twice a year. I absolutely hate shopping. I'm not much for fashion, or dressing up, or beauty products, or going out on the town.  I'm a home body who enjoys very simple pleasures. I think it's harder for people like me, those who don't require or expect much pampering to take care of themselves.  My idea of "Self Care" may look very basic and unspectacular.  But it's the basics that are essential.

Here are a few very simple things that can help pull us out of that nose dive of exhaustion and complete burnout.  These may seem painfully obvious but sometimes the obvious needs to be said. I know I will need to review and assess on a regular basis.

1.  Rest.  This seems the most obvious but at the same time can feel the most impossible.  There is a difference between getting much needed sleep and soul satisfying rest and rejuvenation.  Sometimes we  just desperately need alone time like lungs need oxygen, particularly if you're an introvert surrounded by hyperactive extroverts like I am. It's hard for my husband to understand this need since he is energized by being around other people.  I need silence and peace.  I need to wander and slide around in my own thoughts.  I need to sit in silence and pray. I need to not be needed or beckoned by anybody every once in a while. I occasionally need to drink a cup of tea or coffee right to the bottom without having to warm it up in the microwave.  To me that is restful. Maybe that's why I enjoy late evening when the house has gone quiet.  Sadly this need for quiet aloneness competes with my even greater physical need for sleep.

2.  Sleep.   I generally feel guilty if I take a nap and consider it a waste of time but sometimes making a nap a priority is a necessity not a luxury.  I'm horrible for putting myself to bed on time.  Mainly because of #1.  I so cherish that hour or two between when the kids are tucked away and when I drift off to sleep.  Self discipline is helpful in this area, and too often self discipline is something I lack.  As mothers we cannot control what our nights will be like because we are on call 24 hrs a day.  That may mean waking with a baby every two hours for months on end.  That may mean unexpected sickness, nightmares, wet beds, or children crawling into my bed and sticking their little feet in my face.  Sleep is a precious commodity.  It must be carefully guarded and sought after.  Every once in a while us night owls need to force ourselves to go to bed early.  Without sleep everything else starts to fall apart.

2. Take care of the machine.  Basically, don't neglect basic maintenance. Go to the dentist.  Get a physical and some blood work done if you chronically feel horrible and exhausted.  Make (and keep) that chiropractor appointment if you are living with chronic back and neck pain.  These are all things I added to my calendar this winter. I have had some health issues lingering for years that I have just never bothered to get to the bottom of. This advice can seem so obvious but I think it had been years since I had gone and got a check-up for only myself. It can be such an logistical inconvenience, if not next to impossible, to make appointments like these that they just get put off indefinitely.  Too often it just doesn't seem worth it unless it's an emergency situation, but I can't take care of others very well if I don't take care of my own health. So much of our health is completely out of our control, but we should do what we can to maintain the gift of health we have been given. That leads into my next point.

3. Nutrition.  It's a fact that a person who is chronically sleep deprived and exhausted will crave sugar and empty calories.  The body is desperately trying to find fuel to keep moving.  I can attest to this.  When I'm feeling my most depleted my natural tendency is to reach for simple carb filled calories and caffeine in an attempt to soothe emotionally and find energy.  This is part of the downward spiral that I have to resist.  I now try to begin the day with a smoothie packed with nutrition rather than a quick piece of toast, bowl of cereal, or just a cup of coffee. It's a quick and easy way to sneak in stuff my body needs. Good nutrition doesn't need to be fancy, gimmicky, or expensive,  Get some protein, even if it's a simple boiled egg at breakfast.  Eat fresh fruits and vegetables.  Make sure you get some healthy oils in your diet. Take some extra supplements if you feel you're lacking in certain nutrients (for example Calcium).  Vitamin B supplements make a difference for me as far as energy goes.  Make sure you're getting some iron rich foods.  All of these little things can take a few extra minutes or some planning but you will feel better if your diet doesn't consist entirely of scraps off your preschoolers plate and chocolate stashes in your closet.

4.  Fresh air and movement.  For some reason this one is hard to do.  Maybe it's because for several months out of the year I live cooped up in a house inside a giant dark freezer.  Going out for "fresh air" is not that fun, and I hate the cold.  Maybe it's because the thought of bundling a gaggle of little people up to go with me is overwhelming. Now that the weather has turned toward Spring I am trying to get out and go for a walk (usually pushing a stroller and corralling a five year old on a bike).  It's not exactly a work out routine but it's a baby step toward feeling more alive.  Now that the daylight is starting to stick around longer my goal is to go out after the Little's are in bed and start jogging again. Since my Junior High years I have been an on again off again runner.  The "off" has mostly lasted for the past several years.  I've always had good intentions to start up again but it wasn't until I broke my leg a year and a half ago that I really realized I had been taking my legs for granted and hadn't been using them to their best potential.  Recovering from that injury forced me to become even more sedentary and then I kind of got used to not seeking out physical activity like I used to.  It's a cycle I hope to break this Spring and I'm really hoping my formerly injured leg can keep up!  If I can't run I at least want to do some brisk walking.  Oh good Heavens, I sound old! Maybe I should take up shuffle board or horse shoes.

5.  Take time for something that you enjoy.  Something that recharges your batteries, something that makes you feel like more than just a "mom, something that relaxes, inspires or challenges you.  The concept of an actual hobby actually illicits chortles of laughter inside me.  It's right up there with sleeping in.  It seems like a ridiculously wild and unrealistic dream but it doesn't have to be extravagant.  What floats your boat?  Take an art class, join a sports team, or go to a movie alone. Try doing crafts (that is SO not my idea of fun...but to each his own), writing, hiking, gardening, blogging, scrap booking (ACK! even writing that stresses me out), taking photos, visiting with friends, reading....it could be anything really.  Find something that will make you feel like you, and make some guilt free time for it.  Totally easier said than done though. With this one I really have to resist developing an attitude of entitlement or demand "me-time" when I need to be giving others my time. That attitude of entitlement to "me-time" can create life sucking resentment, impatience, and general grouchiness. That attitude doesn't foster peace, gratitude and generosity.  So, we do need to carve out some time for simple pleasure and fun, but not at the expense of letting the truth of the gospel fill and refresh us as we continue to give of ourselves. That is a much stronger and less fleeting foundation. I find that the more I focus on "me-time" the more I resent anything that gets in the way of my little kingdom of self.

6. Feed your mind and soul.  Keep learning, keep growing, and keep pushing forward into the grace fuelled sanctification process.  Stretch your mind, learn to listen and discover new perspectives on various topics of interest.  I'll be honest with you.  Parenting turns my brain to mush.  Maybe even literally.  Some days I can't even remember my own phone number. We need to put something into our minds that will push out the Frozen song lyrics, and mind numbing chatter, and remind us that we are in fact adults.  Read, study, and pray.  When you don't have any moments to be still and quit, play music that will feed your soul or put on your headphones and listen to podcasts that will stretch your mind and nurture your affections for Christ.  What we put into our hearts and minds is as important as what we put into our bodies.  Guard it and feed it well.

7. Accomplish something.  I know that adding something else to the forever looming unfinished "to-do" list doesn't sound like self care but after the previous things are taken care of, venturing into this goal can actually make a difference.  Something small and doable.  Something that has been hanging over your head, or something that you have never made time to do but would either enjoy doing or feel satisfied having done it.  I'm not talking about the giant looming mountain of laundry that you never see the bottom of, or the endless rounds of dishes, or any other routinely mind numbing chore.  Something outside of the usual.  Something that actually has a start and a finish (unlike most other things we spend their time doing).  Being a full time at home mom (which I realize is a rare thing these days) can leave me feeling like I accomplish nothing while at the same time always being busy.  It can be psychologically draining and defeating after a while.  So, whether it's refinishing a piece of antique furniture, planting some flowers, or cleaning out a closet, the feeling of accomplishment and a job well done might just put a spring in your step.  This shouldn't be something to add to the weight of your oppressive list of things you failed to get done...if possible it should be something that you can escape into for a while and feel good about doing.  An example of this is I recently took the time to put a few of our trips to Baja Mexico into My Publisher photo books. Precious family memories and digital photos were tucked away in an external hard drive and had never been put into any hard copy format that could be enjoyed.  It was a bit tedious and time consuming but this was something I have been wanting to do for years.  I thoroughly enjoyed sifting through old photos and creating something that would help preserve some great family memories.

8. Change the scenery.  This will admittedly take some physical energy to pull off.  Whether it's trading the sweat pants and T-shirt streaked with kid snot for some "I get to leave my house today" clothes and just going out for a cup of coffee, or going on a little family vacation, sometimes a change is as good as a break.  Even if you have all your kids in tow. So often we just need to get away from the looming mess that is our house, the distraction of internet and phone calls, and the stress that our "to-do" list holds.  We need to see new things, experience new places, and be reminded of so much beauty around us.  We need to be reminded that we actually enjoy our children. Sometimes a change of location and scenery helps to clear our cloudy vision and mirky attitude.

9.  Make some changes.  Living in a constant state of stressed out exhaustion is not sustainable.  It's not healthy or helpful.  You may think you're pulling it off but the ulcer, high blood pressure, or weight fluctuation will expose our self deception.  I believe we can live lives that are graciously poured out, used to their fullest, and filled with beautiful life giving sacrifices without being overwhelmed to the point of burn out. I'm not sure I have that equation figured out.  Sometimes we just need to say "no" to more non essentials.  We need to let go of some "good" things for something that is much better.  Our kids don't need to be in every activity, sport, or lesson under the sun.  Limiting  extra curricular activities and commitments is an easy way to reclaim family time and some sanity.  Be careful what you choose to volunteer for.  We need to be willing to serve and minister to others but we need to be intentional and focused in how we use our time.  I cannot be on every committee, attend every meeting, or join every club.  This year we made some changes to our daily family dynamic and for the first time in 5 years we have all our school aged kids attending public school.  It may be only for a year or two and we may have more home based educating in our future but this was a change we all needed. This isn't a post about homeschooling so I won't get into the details of that but after weighing some pros and cons the scales tipped into the favour getting some of the kids out of the house and into a respite school. So far it has been a positive year for everybody, and has made me thankful for the years we were able to spend investing into our kids at home.  When it comes right down to it, you may just need to adjust your expections and standards.  I love a clean and organized home, however I am outnumbered by 7 people who do not have that standard as their goal and, in fact, try their very hardest to create the opposite.  Someday my house will be tidy and quiet.  Until then, I won't waste my time and energy fretting over it all the time.

10.  Ask for help and accept offers of it.  I just plain suck at this one.  Not gonna lie.  That's why I put it the very last.  What I know to be true, and what my pride allows are often two different things. We were created to live in genuine, grace saturated, vulnerable, community with others. We can't do this thing alone.  As Christians we were not saved to live solitary lives but rather into a body of other sisters and brothers who will help to shoulder our load and speak truth into our dull and weary hearts.  When you are faced with more unique parenting challenges like parenting a child with a disability, learning disorder, or some other special need seek out others who can relate and who can help equip you for the daily grind.  Encouragement, experience, humour, understanding...these are all life lines when you are in the trenches of parenting a child with special needs or navigating the crazy world of adoption and fostering.  All parents need encouragement and support regardless of the specifics of each family dynamic.   It doesn't matter if you're a brand new mom learning how to parent your first child, or an older seasoned mom with a house full of teenagers.  Parenting is tough stuff.

Carry on soldiers.

Now I must go finish the supper dishes and go to bed.

Granola Grinder

I don't know why I've never made granola before now.  I guess I just didn't have a tried and true recipe and it never occurred to me to find one.  Maybe I'm just not "crunchy" enough.

We go through a lot of store bought cereal in our house...which translates to a lot of money spent.  Only two of my children and myself enjoy oatmeal and the rest despise it...so the suggestion of porridge for everyone is generally met with groans (or gagging).

We also go through a ton of baking.  Homemade cookies, loaves, and muffins are lucky to last a couple days.

 Breakfasts, snacks, lunch box treats, it's hard to keep the supply up to the demand.  I really needed something that I could whip up in a couple minutes, with minimal effort and mess...but that will actually keep kids satisfied, and provide some nutrition.  We rarely snack on store bought goodies, cookies, or crackers which would be convenient...but once again too much money, too much packaging, and too much unhealthy junk.

Along came a easy, yummy, fast, granola recipe that fills up hungry tummies and has some decent nutritional value.

I've been tweaking the recipe and trying all kinds of new things.  So here it is, my slightly customized granola recipe, that you can feel free to further customize to your tastes. As long as you have the oat/syrup base you can try adding all kinds of other morsels of goodness.

Homemade Granola Cereal:

4 tbsp vegi oil (or coconut oil works great too)
3/4 cup corn syrup (or honey)...I also like to add an extra drizzle of maple syrup
4 cups oats
1/4 pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup almonds
1/4 cup coconut
1/4 cup ground flax

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Mix oats, seeds, flax, coconut, and nuts into a bowl (everything but the dried fruits).  Heat the oil and corn syrup (or honey) in a saucepan over low heat.  Pour syrup over the oat mixture and mix together well.  Place the mixture onto a baking sheet and spread it out.  Bake it in the oven for about 8-10 minutes, or until it turns a golden brown.  Let the mixture cool for a couple minutes and then pour it back into the bowl.  Add the dried fruit/ and raisins to the mixture and stir well.  After it's completely cool transfer into a storage container, jar, or bag.

Once you get the hang of it, it literally takes a few minutes to prepare.

It makes a great snack, or a hearty breakfast that actually sticks with you for a while.  I buy my oats in enormous bulk bags, so I have plenty on hand.   If you can find the other ingredients for a reasonable price (or bulk) this healthy, homemade treat is much cheaper than boxes full of store bought cereal...and you know exactly what's in it.

I'm planning on stocking up on this before our upcoming road trip to Mexico!!

p.s  two weeks left! (and way too much to get done before we hit the road)



Soli Deo Gloria,

Playing in Dirt

A big part of my summer is my vegetable garden.   While it's not huge (I often wish I had more space so I could put more produce away for winter) it's big enough to keep us overwhelmed with fresh veggies all summer.  It's also plenty of work, but so worth it. 

There is something about growing your own food that is satisfying. 

It's very practical when you have a little money and a lot of kids. 

I also happen to love the convenience of having a produce section in my front yard.  If I need some veggies for supper I just go out and grab some.  That's a great thing when you live 50 km from the closest small town over priced grocery store.

They're extremely fresh, they're chemical free, and they are virtually free.

I'm not one of those meticulous, hyper organized, map and chart everything that is grown, plant in straight rows or lovely boxes kind of gardeners.  I'm a throw some seeds in the ground, forget where I planted anything until it comes up, replant what didn't come up...or I forgot to plant, keep the weeds down enough that I can find the vegetables, try to keep it alive, and then eat it all kind of gardeners.

Elijah has really enjoyed getting his hands dirty, and his clothes wet, to "help" me pick the vegetables. 

My herb box.  The drawer from and old entertainment unit didn't hold together quite as well as I had hoped.  But it has served it's purpose well for a year. 

I've restocked my cupboard with dehydrated herbs.

I grew kale for the first time...it produced a lot, and was much milder than the stuff I've bought in the store.  However it was more of an early summer green.

The garden in July.

Lots of stir-fry happening.

The closest thing I have to a flower garden is a few marigolds on the edge of my vegetable garden.  

The weeds have been horrid this year.  With the new load of manure, and all the rain the weeds have been hard to keep under any sort of control.   At this point in the summer I pretty much have quite trying.  There is a LOT of thistle this year...and because I let them all go to seed, there is going to be even more next year.  

My peppers and tomatoes did really well this year.  

I think I'm going to have to cook up, and can,  a big batch of Salsa! 

The garden in August.  The dill and the Coriander have created their own little jungle. 

What can you do with too many beets?

Pickle them.  Yummers.

A day in the life of home school freaks

I've been a totally boring blogger.  I go through phases and right now I feel like I have nothing much to write about.  Just my same old life. I've probably said everything that's possible to say over the last 3 years.  I never really have a shortage of  new stuff on my mind or things I'm learning, but I am lacking time and ambition to write them down or come up with entertainingly readable posts.  I assume that my predictably unspectacular life will bore you to tears anyway.    

It occurred to me recently, as I was flipping through some of my favorite blogs, the reason I enjoy them is because they are such ordinary people (although sometimes doing things out of the ordinary).   I enjoy having glimpses into other family's lives, their priorities, their routines, and their parenting struggles and wisdom.  I always glean some little bit of encouragement or even some ideas that I can use in my own day.  

I decided to follow my kids around for a day and give you a glimpse of a 'typical' day.   Whatever typical is.  This happened to be a day that we were home all day and nothing totally random came up.  This past week we have entered our winter season on the farm.  There are some things that I really enjoy about this post harvest season.  My Hubster is around a little later in the mornings affording us some extra family time.   He also comes home now  for lunch and is home earlier for supper.  Now that the field work is wrapped up we also have our evenings together (translates into help putting kids to bed).    For me, the garden and yard work has finished and my day is focused more inside the house...mainly feeding little bodies and minds. 

So here is a little glimpse into the life of one of those freaky homeschool families.

I'll start off by saying that we don't run by a schedule (I've tried).   We don't have written in stone chore lists, or highly structured curriculum.   Everyday looks a little different but we manage to get it all done...usually.   We all start trickling out of bed anywhere from about 6.30-8.00.   Once breakfast is finished (around 8-8:30).  The kids do "get ready for the day"...get dressed, make beds, brush teeth, brush hair  and a few little jobs like gathering the laundry into the laundry room.  

I set the two youngest up with Play-doh (which also happens to suppliment Cece's breakfast) or some other pre-schoolish activity while Dad does Bible reading with the big kids.   We have discovered that trying to do this as a whole group only leads to frustration. We don't have a Bible curriculum, study or workbooks, not because I have something against them, but because I prefer simple.  Sometimes we use a devotional book but right now they are working through books of the Bible.   Straight to the source.  They read a few chapters and then discuss and ask questions.   Silas has his own little "Bible time" at bedtime with his "Jesus story book Bible".    

We don't approach our Bible time as a necessary religious ritual to get over with.  We don't read it as a book of moralistic fables of heroes and bad guys, or simply a book of rules to live a better life.  We really want our children to have a knowledge of what the Bible is, what it says, and why.  Ultimately we want them to desire God and to know Him for who He is revealed to be.  We love to discuss God's sovereignty and how he  used (and still does) ordinary, flawed, sin ridden people for his grace infused redemption plan.  We point to the Supremacy of Jesus Christ in all things and throughout the entirety of God's story...all of scripture points to Him.   The questions these kids ask astonish me sometimes!  It has led me into a much deeper quest and study of theology myself...just so I have answers that aren't trite or cliche. 

Once that's finished the husband goes out to do some farm work.

The rest of us start our "school" day.

Silas (4) does some pre-school/ kindergarten type work on a casual basis.  Meaning when he wants to and I have the time and ambition to work with him.  He usually enjoys doing book work, unlike his big brother!

Aili (grade 5) does both Math  and Science on the computer this year.  It makes a lot less marking work for me to do.   She is using "Switched on Schoolhouse" program.  It's pretty impressive.  I have a whole "school" set up on my teacher page and can track her progress and plan our calender.  It teaches the material and automatically assigns work to do each day.  This helps alleviate the "I did enough" syndrome.  Right now we're working through plant and animal biology/ cells in Science and today's lesson in math was 'adding and subtracting fractions with different denominators and then simplifying the answer into mixed numbers. '.  One benefit of homeschooling is I'm learning all this stuff over again...and I must say it's much easier the second time around.

The biggest challenge is keeping everyone on task and the little ones from climbing all over the students. 

Sometimes if I need some uninterrupted time teaching one specific child  I request that the other "big kid" take a break from book work and babysit/ play with the little ones somewhere else.  

They are definitely learning to be part of a team being at home all day.  They do what's helpful to the family on a whole, which is not always what they naturally feel like doing.  

Some rough housing puppy play with little sister.  She's loves time with big brother!

Last week my Hubster bought an ipad.   We don't typically have a lot of newest and latest gadgets around here (our tv screen is as curved as is gets) but a Harvest bonus combined with some convincing arguments on his part (and conceding of my own thrifty objections) equals we have a fancy new addition to our educational program (it's also going to be great to have during our 35 hour car ride to Mexico!)  I'm loving App store!  I dare say it has won me over....although the kids are slightly obsessed with it right now.  

{Silas tracing letters}

As long as they're learning , I don't care if they are using a pencil and a book or a high tech alternative.

Roman (grade 3) is using Christian Light curriculum for math.   We tried "Switched on School house" for the first month but it wasn't working (I'll save it for the next 3rd grader).  It was too hard to modify.  With the work book curriculum we can skip through very quickly, do most of it orally, and every lesson combines a bunch of different things (one lesson will have multiplication, clocks, fractions, measuring and geometry) so it keeps things from getting too tedious.  He is a whiz at math concepts but simple repetitive drills are like a drill to the teeth for him.  We skip the speed drills at the back of the book.   Kids with ADHD don't do well with those!  Give him some complex problem to figure out and he's happy as a clam.  I've learned to have patience with his meandering, somewhat time consuming, unconventional way of getting to his answers.  The results usually astonish me.

Keeping little monkey off the table.  Time for lock down in the high chair.

Break time.   All 4 kids run off to a bedroom to play.   I do some laundry.

It's amazing what a container of dollar store sea creatures can do.  Two days worth of quality playtime.

Time for a mid morning snack (baked the night before).  2 Cranberry banana loaves were gone in less than 24 hours.  They were that yummy!  I found the recipe in "Companies Coming" muffins cook book (of course I switched up ingredients with healthier ones).  It used up a bag of frozen cranberries run through my food processor and a bunch of almost dead bananas.  

Piano practice.  Aili and Roman have started their second year of lessons.  Aili is really enjoying it this year and it seems to have "clicked" for both of them.   One benefit of home education is that we can incoporate music lessons and practice time into our "school" days instead of squeezing them into after school hours.  Music is a part of their education. 

Goofy girl.

While Aili practices piano Roman practices multiplication on the ipad with "Math Ninja".   Look he's even sitting at a real old fashioned school desk.  Kind of ironic that the computer is the same size as an old slate board. 

Keeping all the question answered, helping kids learn new music, explaining new concepts, changing diapers, and keeping the little ones entertained keeps a girl on her toes!

Not much time for housework.  I've learned to just leave it.  It will get done eventually.

Silas spends the rest of the morning wrapping up action figures into napkins and tape.  Why?

I have no idea...and I don't so much care as long as he's found something to do.

Dad comes home for lunch and some general tom foolery.

Which leads to good natured but loud wrestle mania on my living room floor...which leads to me yelling

"Take it outside!"

Which leads to little brother being flipped off the trampoline while a stunned and remorseful older brother moans "I didn't know we were close to the edge".  

Once the wailing commences I serve up lunch.  Typically something quick and easy to whip up.   Today's menu: Vegi and cheese Omelettes with a side of toast and peppers.  

And for allergy boy cheese toast instead of eggs.

After lunch is "QUIET TIME!"

Cece goes to bed. 

"Silas, you can take your bin of toys downstairs to play."

"Roman, here is your helmet, please go for a bike ride".

Aili and her Dad play a quick word game while I start folding baskets of laundry.

The Hubster goes back to digging holes with a Back-hoe tractor.

Aili puts together a map of states and provinces while I make a cup of coffee and watch.

After the puzzle we pull out the language arts workbook.  With the boys outside building tree forts and baby sister sleeping it's a good time to get some book work done.  She is doing Alpha Omega lifepac for L.A.

With the house quiet and Aili working independently I go shower. My alone time of the day.  

Yes, that is blog worthy.  

As you can see, I am looking particularly glamorous in my baggy sweats.

The toddler wakes up.

I do some  sight word practice with Roman.

I break up another wrestling match.

I spend some time with a whining little girl who needs some attention.

We all put the laundry away.

The kids watch tv.

I make supper.

The kids clean up all the toys and vacuum before the Dad comes home.

Still eating our garden wares with  scalloped potatoes (and ham), tomatoes and spaghetti squash.  Simple to make, virtually free, and the kids gobbled it up.  I'm a lazy cook.

After supper the big kids do dishes,  I go bath a couple little kids.   

Daddy reads to Silas and puts him to bed.   I rock a baby girl and put her to bed.

I curl up to read with Roman.  This constitutes a majority of his non formal education.   We usually dive in once the little kids go to bed at 7pm or during "quiet time".  

 The only formal curriculum/ book work he has is for math.  We have worked through several reading/ phonics curriculum and books but have yet to find anything that clicks for a phonetically challenged reader.  If anyone has any ideas please let me know.  As of now we are piecing together word building practice from a variety of sources.  I know he will learn to read eventually...it will just be learned in a different way.   Until then we fill in the "language arts" gap with classic novels and read aloud time.  It feeds his wild imagination, literary knowledge, extensive vocabulary, and big picture way of learning.  It may look different than a backpack, school desk and text book...but he's learning and most of the time he doesn't even know he's doing "school".  He's just satisfying his natural curiosity with knowledge

... and I suspect that's what God had in mind when he designed us to learn..regardless of where or how it's done.    

Once the big kids go to bed, I curl up with my computer next to my husband curled up in front of his tv.  We're romantic that way.

Sometimes, if I have any energy left over I use the childless time to bake or do other housework that gets de-prioiritized while spending our days teaching/ learning.  

I think one of the biggest challenges I have with our family integrated home education is the never ending, always just below the surface, self doubt and fear that all our efforts won't be enough that they'll miss something essential.   Growing up with very little exposure to alternative educational systems and philosophies I still have a hard time thinking outside the institutionalized education box.  I struggle to find the balance between a relaxed non formal educational philosophy and striving to recreate "school" at home. Most days I'm my own worst enemy.   I suppose that will come with time and confidence.  We'll take it one year at a time, one child at a time, and trust that God is big enough to take my feeble efforts and turn them into something.  

Boys Baking Bread

Because the weather is still blasting winter and the highways are treacherous (even for us tough Canadian drivers) we have been stuck at home this weekend.  Our stretch of highway has been so bad that it has been closed on and off for the past few days.   The strange fluctuations in temperature, wind and snow have made our only connection with town into a white, snow drift covered sheet of ice.  There have been so many accidents, some fatal between us and our usual destinations.  We we were all disappointed to miss church.

I kept the boys busy making bread on Saturday.  Two birds with one stone.  A project that keeps us fed, and keeps my boys from systematically destroying my house.

Although there was some extra sweeping and scrubbing to be done as a result of the extra "help".

They love the kneading.

I use a big bowl and a wooden spoon to mix the dough.  Then when it's too stiff to mix with a spoon I dump it out onto the counter and the mess fun begins.

Just a little more flour.

The punching and kneading was a great activity for Roman.  He could punch, squish, stretch, and smash to his hearts content.  

He even tried his skills at making buns.

Maybe I'll raise a future baker, or a future really awesome husband who can surprise his wife with fresh baked bread.  

The sesame seed covered  swirly loaf was Roman's creation.  They are a little less fluffy since I stopped using eggs (allergy boy) but they are still yummy.

I made enough to stock the freezer, although it's insane how much of this batch has already been consumed.

We are bread fans.  It's a cheap way to fill a lot of tummies.  Maybe not the most trendy or health conscious food, but satisfying, wholesome, and comforting.  

Something else that is satisfying, wholesome and comforting is time snuggled up with my littlest boy.

My Silas boy so often gets lost in the mix.  He's not  the baby and not the "big kids".  This leaves him vying for attention in ways that drive me crazy (intentionally doing naughty things).  I love this boy to bits but I'm honestly still trying to figure him out.  This past couple weeks the Hubster and I are making an almost exaggerated effort to spend time with, encourage, and show a lot of spontaneous affection to him ,at the same time cracking down on the behaviors that are making our life more stressful.   I'm seeing glimmers of him trying to please me, reciprocating affection, and even remembering the manners I've been drilling into him for 3 years.  He is a sensitive boy and afraid of everything.  He has so much potential but he hides in his shell and interacts with the world on his terms.  

It has been causing me a ridiculous amount of parental guilt lately.  Stupid really.  I feel that somehow I have traumatized him causing him to retreat, or form some sort of attachment issues.  I know that sounds crazy.  Probably Satan trying to wound me in the worst possible way. 

The thoughts that invade tell me that our foster parenting caused his insecurity, traumatizing him with instability at a vulnerable age.  

I feel nuts for even mulling these things over but , could it be?  

Could these things have caused him harm?

Is he scarred for life because we left him for 10 days when he was 2 years old?

What is it with mothers guilt?

It doesn't matter what we do or don't do as mothers we will always find some area we may have failed our child.

Ok, that's enough of a peak into my inner parental insecurity

I never want him to doubt my love for him or question his value in our family.

I sure do love this sweet boy

even if I haven't quite figured out how he's wired yet.