Once upon a time

( My little sister, me in the middle and my twin sister in the lead)

I played with my scanner for the first time today.

It was fun to look through envelopes filled with old photos and reminisce.

It makes a person think.

Appreciate.

Remember.

Thank God for family and friends.

Life flies by.

It is too short of grudges, selfishness or ignorance. 

Life is fragile, brief  and precious.

Four fleecy little girls (me on the left)

30 years ago.

Now each with babies of their own.

So many of my pictures  include me mothering real babies or my dolls.

Foreshadowing I suppose.

It's fun to look back.  

It's strange to see myself at the same age that my kids are now and have such vivid memories of that time.

I guess it's a good reminder as a parent to make the most of these years.

I  used to love to make up my own strange cake recipes and then feed them to my Dad. 

Thanks mom, for letting me experiment in your kitchen.

Thanks Dad for tolerating my masterpieces.  

A little stroll down memory lane put a smile on my face and brightened up this blustery, wintery, "spring" day. 

In hind sight

I'm reminiscing and thanking God for all that we experienced while we were in Baja last winter. I think  it has taken time to fully appreciate what we had the privilege to be a part of. Now that we have been home nearly a year  it has really sunk in how much we  were blessed as a family.  It was so easy to take it for granted while we were in the middle of all our daily routines and work.  

A year ago today our kids clothes were faded and worn from months of use and hanging to dry in the desert sun.

Spring was making it's subtle appearance with new leaves and orange blossoms.

The weather warmed and our fleece sweaters were stored away under the bed in our trailer. 

My children's hair was sun bleached white and their cheeks were a permanent shade of pink.

We knew our time was coming to an end and we were making the most of every day.

We attended the annual "tea party"when all the little girls at the orphanage dressed up for a very special afternoon.  They were each treated like princesses and served tea and sweets  in a fairy tale setting.

We said a lot of goodbyes...and see you soon's to children and friends who mean so much to us.

I'm so thankful and humbled by what God did in us during that short time.

The impact we made there was so small in comparison. 

My children learned to see the beauty diversity.   They learned to see past a disability and see the person. 

They learned to be comfortable with those differences. 

They learned how to make friends even though they barely spoke the language and they were very visibly different than their peers.  

 They have empathy for others who struggle with English or come from a different culture.
They know how it feels.
They don't take things like a house, a bed, or a full belly for granted.

They have had close friends who had none of those.

We pulled our kids out of school and drove them across two borders into a country considered "unsafe".  We neglected to sign them up for sports teams and music lessons.   We removed them from everything familiar, safe and comfortable.   

At a very impressionable age no less.

The impression left by that recklessness has been great.

Letting them experience a world that includes children who sleep in dirt and babies left in garbage dumps,

allowing them to struggle, to give, to work, to see for themselves what a big God we serve

changed them.

It changed the people they will become.

We learned that God can take whatever we have to offer and use it in His work and for His glory.

I learned that what we think we have to offer may not be what he wants from us. 

I learned some lessons the hard way.

I was humbled and challenged.

We discovered first hand how faithful God is.  

We stepped out in faith, took a risk, and he was with us every step of the way.

We had the privilege of serving and loving alongside others who spend their lives for something bigger than themselves.

We were inspired and humbled by the passion, faith, and tenacity of our Mexican brothers and sisters.

We discovered that even a small investment of love into someone else's life may have eternal impact.

Only God can turn something that seems so insignificant at the time  into something worthy of his name.

He showed me that family ,at it's best, extends beyond the walls of my house and beyond my own blood line.

Is it any wonder I feel like I'm living with half our heart somewhere else?
I don't want to live in the past or feel discontent with where we are in the present.  What I do want to do is  thank God for it, learn from it, and use it to inspire our future.
What does God have for our family next?
I have no idea.
Right now we are trudging through the world of foster adoption and loving every minute of our newest little treasure.
We know that God's work in us and through us is always changing, always new,
and usually what we don't expect.

Color makes me happy

Painting not so much...
But I love a new fresh paint job once it's finished. Our new basement family room! We are loving our gigantic sectional. We have revolutionized family movie time from a broken futon padded with pillows off of our beds...to this. Room for everyone...plus more.
I love this green in my kitchen...the living/dining room is a pale greenish yellow. I'm not into biege or even more horrible, hospital white walls. Our prairie landscape is either white or brown 90% of the year....but my home is a sanctuary of color. Soothing, relaxing, cheerful, inspiring..even bold. I admit that sometimes picking a bold color turns out great...sometimes it back fires. Totally worth a try though. You can always re-paint.
Our new bathroom...I love the Mexican accents.

I think God likes color too...

just for fun

Let me explain why posting pictures of myself is fun. My blog chum Lynnette asked us to post pictures that represent ourselves (and actually are ourselves). Just for kicks.

So here goes. I realized by doing this how often I'm the one behind the camera instead of in front of it.

This is me with my three kidlets and two others that I sponsored in Mexico. I love Mexico and I love kids (at least sometimes)

Another mommy picture. There seems to be a theme.
Yikes! Now thats a mommy picture! I was annoyed that my husband was taking a picture of me in my early morning, severely sleep deprived state. You can't tell by the look on my face can you? I think this picture is funny because it's so real...and because my coffee and laptop made it into the photo. I live a glamorous life.
My family and I looking a little more prepared for a picture.
um..ok. I don't know who that is.

Happy Place. Last spring my husband and I took a very spontaneous (booked on Friday, left on Monday) trip to Puerto Vallarta Mexico. You can see some more pictures here and here. It was the best trip we've ever taken together, childless...not that there have been very many of those. Relaxing all day by the pool....by the beach...eating at taco stands. mmmm. Happy me.

Raw Material.

I have been thinking about something lately and since I'm experimenting with being able to post from my trailer I thought I'd follow it through to its not so logical conslusion. I've been struggling lately with who I am. Trying to figure out in the midst of feeling pretty darn useless what God can do with a person like me. I have felt very humbled these past weeks.

Its just me. No job well done to point to. No accomplishments. No big contributions to the work here. No minsitry that I can tangibly point to. Just little old me homeschooling my kids, hanging laundry, chasing a two year old and loving on a handful of others as best I can. To say I am feeling insignificant even lonely at times would be an understatment. Its been hard not to get discouraged sometimes. For the most part I am so happy here and I do know that discouragment is something we came prepared to face. It's not unexpected but it still comes.

Stress, opposition and conflict (not here in Mexico) has also had me feeling about as big as an ant ready to be crushed.

How can God use someone like me?

I talk too much.
I am shy.
I am a strange combination of the two.
I am compasionate to a fault sometimes. I cannot even stand to see a houseplant get thirsty.
I am a jump in with both feet kind of person.
When faced with stress or confrontation a person's instincts will either be to fight or flight.
I completely lack the flight instinct.
I am a big chicken when I should be brave.
I am bold when I should be meek.
I am relaxed when I should be alert.
I am stressed when I should be calm.
I sometimes speak before thinking through how my words are being recieved.
I am prone to disorganization.
I am sometimes a lazy parent and take the easy way out even though I know I will pay for it later.
To borrow a word from a blog friend, I'm down right spazzy.

How can God use someone like that? I don't know. I don't know why he would want to. I'm sure there are other people who are more tactful, orderly and less prone to goofing up than I am. As far as raw material goes I think he's got His work cut out for him .

I'm just me.

I want God to make me the best me possible. The woman that he created me to be without the pitfalls of selfishness, pride, fear, envy , insecurity, bad attitudes, self pity etc. that creep into my life when I least expect it. Maybe to weed out those things we have to be faced with them head on and see them for what they are. Sometimes it takes a ridiculous amount of conflict to bring those things out to the surface where we can actually see them and sometimes it takes stripping away all those things we selfishly hold on to and put our pride in. Both are happening simutaneously and I don't know how much more mirror looking I can stand.

I have asked God to change me, grow me up, mould me and make me more like him.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised when that process sometimes involves pain or discomfort. It's been a crazy couple years in so many aspects of life but we have seen God do amazing things in the midst of it all.

I cried to God last night that I think I've had enought pruning for this season. I don't know that I'm through yet but maybe a break would be nice. I do know that the more severly we are pruned the more fruit we have the potential to bear.

I'm just feeling a bit steeped in humility right now. I feel God working though ,draining any last bit of pride in myself out and replacing it with dependance on Him alone. That is not an all bad place to be. Wrapped in the arms of a loving God.

I feel better just writing that down. I don't know what it is about journaling this way, about sharing my heart that makes me feel less alone. Maybe because I know someone else may be able to relate.

10 things about me

I am posting 10 things about me as part of a getting to know each other "McLinky" community over at my favorite blog. Lynette, I might not be able to join you on your front porch for a good chat but I do have a pile of beans that need to be snapped. :) I'll think of you while I'm snapping.


Here goes!

1. I'm a big dork/ nerd that tries in vain to pretend that I'm not. Now the truth is out. Those who know me are not at all shocked.
( In an attempt to rearrange the writing and pictures from their currently disfunctional format I accidentally deleted the picture to go with this point...and have since discovered it is also deleted from my picture files..hmm. The rest of the pictures have no particular purpose or placement)


2. I'm a totally flexible and spontaneous person. Life is more fun that way.


3. I like to dance in my kitchen with my kids. Why? see #1.


4. I like adventures. I like to see new places and try new things. I've never had the resources to travel extensively....but I would like to see as much of the world as possible someday.



















5. I'm actually a pretty shy person. Small talk and meeting new people (in person) makes me totally uncomfortable. Fortunately my husband is an extreme extrovert so I just hide behind him in new social settings. Once I warm up though , look out.














6. Despite some residual shyness and insecurities I am not at all a private person. In case you haven't noticed I'm pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. I have definite aversion to hidden motives, ugly secrets and phony facades.



7. I have "thick skin" and take life as it comes. Things really don't shock me any more. I am not easily offended and usually assume and look for the best in people and situations. I'm not a big fan of "drama" or pity parties.





8. Although I appreciate and strive for a sense of order and cleanliness in my home ( I'm a bit of a germ phobe) I am not at all talented in the area of organization and structure. My house is clean enough to be healthy but messy enough to be happy.





9. I like learning about nutrition and healthy living. I'm not extreme and make no "off limits" rules but I think its important to take care of the bodies that God gives us. Its part of good stewardship. Being healthy also makes life a heck of a lot easier. Teaching kids to enjoy healthy foods and eat adventurously early sets them up for a lifetime of good habits. I will never serve my kids stuff like kool-aid or pop tarts...but if they happen to have "junkfood" somewhere else or on a special occasion I don't give it a second thought.




10. My happy place is a beach chair overlooking a warm ocean. Sitting under a palm tree with a good book in one hand an exotic drink in the other. Nothing but the soothing sound of waves.
Not a frequent occurrence for this prairie farm girl but I like to imagine myself there on occasion (usually the occasions that include screaming children and dinner burning on the stove!)

my life as a branch...

A what? Yes you read it correctly. What a way to start out my first post on my first blog! Hey check out this blog... this crazy woman thinks she's a tree! Bear with me.

Actually I'm still experimenting with my ability to figure out how to set up a blog. You see I only have dial up...which means a definate lack of highspeed internet....and I'm not exactly a computer whiz either. No, I don't live in some rural village in Mexico...we had highspeed there..and we don't live in Haiti ,I know its available there too. We live in rural Canada (the prairie part) and have been told by our phone company that we are not in the five year plan to get it in our town.....looks like we'll have to move back to Mexico. So, if there is a obvious lack of entertaining features like pictures and background music.....just picture Jessica Alba and hum your favorite tune while you read.

So back to the branch thing. As I was looking over the "who am I?" question in my profile...I started going over all the possible answers.

I am a daughter (a farmers to be specific)

I am a wife who has been married for 12 years (to a Seattle city boy turned farm boy)

I am a mother of three young children (beautiful , brilliant and perfectly well behaved children I might add...hey its my profile I can write whatever I want )

I am a foster mom (currently without a placement)

I am a caretaker of other peoples children (that sounds better than babysitter doesn't it?)

I am a friend

......actually I'm still learning what all these things mean and miss the mark of perfection on any one of these by a long shot!

I am a coffee enthusiast....a closet activist...a wanna-be missionary....

I am not an English professor as you can see by my grammer and spelling

I am a branch...there it is again. Why does that keep coming into my head? Honestly, as I ran through the list this is what stood out in my mind. Not exactly something to add to a resume.

Here is where the idea comes from......from something Jesus said to his followers.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. " John 15:5

So there it is...I am a branch, firmly attached to the vine. What is my job description as a branch? Well generally it doesn't do much other than what it was designed to do. It draws nourishment from the vine ...which I might add is planted next to a stream. So my job is to draw and recieve nourishment and life giving water . In order to do that I must stay clinging to the vine. A branch cut off from the tree isn't worth much unless you are looking to make a nice bon fire. So what is the natural outcome of remaining attached? It says I will bear fruit. Oh, and by the way, I don't get to pick what kind of fruit I get to make that was decided and programed into my dna a long time ago.....about the time I as grafted on. You see, I am an implant...a graft....lovingly and painstakinly attached and bound onto the tree. I am keenly aware of my new status as a "fruit bearer" and am determined to bear beautiful fruit to add to the glory of my tree. Unfortunately I keep forgetting what my job is and sometimes I start to become detached ... a bit of bark here , some leaking sap there...its not pretty....and sometimes I start focusing on trying to produce myself some fruit, maybe some showy blossoms. ....I hear there is a real need for peaches ... it is nice to feel needed, I met a star fruit once.....I think I'd like to make those. So there it is... I have now turned myself into a fruit analogy.

So who am I? well, I am still in the process of figuring that out and hopefully still being developed into the person I was made to be.

What I do know is I am known fully and deeply by the God of the universe....

and get this , I am loved anyway, even with my tendencies to forget who I am!

...and not merely just tolerated.... but loved in a way that is passionate and sacrificial....

thats a good place to start.