If your church's only response to the orphan crises is sending groups to an orphanage, there is a problem.

I'll explain the strange title of this post eventually, but first I want to tell you about something we had the privilege to witness.

Last night our church family rallied together to help bring a beautiful 11 year old girl home. She is currently in an orphanage in China and has cerebral palsy. The family leaves next week! This is a complete miracle and amazing story in itself. From their first home study visit to their travel time was 3 months. That's crazy fast enough to leave their heads spinning and funds drained. 

All we did was organize the fund raiser...it was everyone else that showed up with big hearts and open hands. We had 72 people show up for the steak night dinner. I'm not sure of the exact total amount collected was since there were some donations in envelopes and some that came later but over $5500 was raised. That's not bad for one small church family and a handful of other family friends.  We had dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, we could come away from the evening with $2000 to give this family.  

God is so good. 

I know I belong to a very generous church family that lives out the gospel they preach but sometimes I'm still just blown away. The room was packed with young families living pay check to pay check, college students, immigrants, other adoptive and foster families, limited income retired folks, some who have more, some who have less..... all came to joyfully give, knowing all they have comes from and belongs to the Lord.

This is Jesus' people.
I'm brought to tears over it still.

Not everyone can adopt or foster but everyone who takes the name of Christ has a role in caring for our worlds most vulnerable.

Now we are all excited to welcome this newest child home, and welcome her into our church family. 

My heart is swollen from last nights display of love and generosity.  My heart still constantly aches for all the children still waiting to be loved.  Two very conflicting emotions that leave me inspired and driven to keep beating this same drum that all children deserve to be safe, protected and loved.

I will be living out that mantra, and waving that flag, until the day Jesus takes me home.

I've written about orphan care in the past and how I think that the Church needs to do better than we have.  That's not to say that churches around the globe aren't mobilized and filled with people who are bringing children into their homes, speaking on behalf of the voiceless, and working tirelessly to affirm the value of each child's life but there is still a long way to go, a lot of Christians sitting on the sidelines, and one specific paradigm that needs to shift.  

Please take some time to watch this documentary on orphan care methods and how we can address the crises of so many vulnerable children wasting away in institutions, bouncing around foster care, or at risk of abandonment due to poverty.  Please listen as experts in orphan care from around the world discuss their dream of a complete paradigm shift in how we, as the Church living out the gospel within local church communities, care for vulnerable children. 

The dream is that orphanages would become a relic of history and that every child would have a family of their own.... Preserving their own biological family unit, placement with a close relative, or a permanent loving adoptive family or guardianship.

The practice of putting kids into orphanages stopped a long time ago in North America. How can we justify exporting, or even just supporting, that outdated and harmful method of childcare to other nations?

Warehousing kids just needs to stop.  Although I don't want to focus as much on the mantra that orphanages need to close as much as we need to challenge our brothers and sisters around the globe to step up to the plate and care for vulnerable children.  Children need a family.  Period.  That's the way God designed children to be raised.  

I couldn't agree more passionately with this video regarding orphan prevention and permanency.

The Church needs to be on the front lines of "best practice" when it comes to caring for at risk children.... not a century behind clinging to detrimental residential orphan care practices.  

Residential, institutionalized child care is fraught with so many problems. Even the "good""reputable""Christian" ones.  Whether we call it a group home, a children's home, or an orphanage it's all still various shades of the same spectrum.  This documentary discusses many of the problems that come with residential orphan care.  They're right.  As an adoptive parent, a mother who has been fostering for 8 years, and former orphanage staff I whole heartedly agree. 

 I've seen these issues played out before me while I lived and worked at an orphanage.  Every problem addressed in this video, and all the problems I addressed in my blog post here were a major problems there. My own observations, and experiences, are not at all isolated but normative with institutionalized care. The more I inquire, talk to people, observe "aged out" children, and study orphan care methods the more I'm utterly convinced of this.  

As Christians we need to do better.   We need to do better with our money and the ministry/orphan care models we choose to support.  I would even dare to suggest that in many cases our well intentioned donations to "orphan care" ministries actually make the orphan crises worse.  

We must not do nothing....but doing something wrong isn't acceptable. 

This is a discussion those who care about vulnerable children need to be having.  These are changes that must be made in the way we think about caring for children.  

In Canada we have a dark stain in our history.  It's called "residential schools".  I think there was some shred of good intention that created them but they are a tragic example of why institutions raising children is a horribly devastating idea.  Of course there are some differences between Canadian First Nations children being taken from their families and placed into residential boarding schools and current orphanages around the world but many of the motives, methods, and harmful consequences overlap.  In Canada, the effects of that breaking up of family units still lingers. When a system decides that children who are perhaps living in poverty or who may be lacking educational opportunities with their families of origin, would be better off living in an orphanage, group home, or other institution....something vital has been missed in the equation.  Children must have love, nurture, stability and a family to call their own.  Without that any food, clothing and education means nothing.

   Taking (or luring) children from vulnerable families to fill up orphanages or residential schools is reprehensible.   Of course there are occasions when a child is being abused, severely neglected, or is totally abandoned.  Not every biological parent is able to parent. As a foster parent, I know the painful reality of this well.  When dealing with real world brokenness and vulnerable children there are no real cut and dry answers but rather a lot of nuanced partial remedies to complicated and tragic individual circumstances. 

What we do know needs to remain constant as we weave our way through the mess of this sin wrecked world, proclaiming life and redemption into the darkest corners.   

Children need families.  They need to belong and they need to be loved.  That's foundational to every aspect of child development.  That's how God designed children.  That's why he instituted family.  

There is something new happening within the church, and in many countries that are beginning to realize that something must change.  Fledgling foster programs are beginning in places like Mexico and Belize as well as around the globe.  The Church needs to be on the front lines of those changes.  Local national churches must be taught, equipped and challenged to view children differently.  They are not someone else's problem...they are ours.  

The North American Church, where so many resources exist, needs to consider how we can care for "orphans" in our own cities as well as how we can help globally.

We must evaluate where our North American resources are going and pursue ethical movements to keep children in families of origin, or to have them placed within a healthy, loving family units.  Let's choose to support families that are on the front lines of new in-home, family based initiatives in developing nations.

If your church's only response to the orphan crises is sending groups on mission trips to an orphanage there is a problem. 

It's not malicious, just short sighted and narrowly focused.  You may be missing out on so many opportunities to create a culture within your church that proclaims that every child deserves a family.  The Church must affirm a self sacrificing, gospel centered, willingness to open our own homes as well as support adoptive and fostering families.

Children are worth it.  They are worth getting out of our comfort zone for.  It's important enough to ask the hard questions and dig for answers.  

Disturbed

I came across this photo on this blog this morning.

I suspect like most of you, I grimaced and wanted to look away.

You probably did not want see it in the first place.

It's disgusting.

Now that it's too late to not see it, I supposed you could justify, make excuses for, or somehow compartmentalize this image into a scenario that does not involve you.

It's too real.  It threatens to burst the bubble of my own little world. 

So, like the man dressed in white we look away.  We keep walking.

We click to something more pleasant.  We buy another gadget that we think might fulfill us, soothe us or distract us from what we are meant to do.   After all we deserve it...don't we? 

 Our children deserve the finest things our money can buy.

That is not our child.

meanwhile...

We choose to walk away.

Maybe the man in the picture was busy, in a hurry, consumed with problems of his own.

Take a look again.  I dare you. 

It's almost too extreme isn't it?

It's nearly impossible to imagine your own child in that condition.

In fact, we can pretend this child is barely human, instead of a child who should be running, playing, and learning.  

I'm disturbed.  Which may not come as a surprise to some.

I am frustrated. What can I do?  Why do so many other things distract and pull me?

I am filled with grief and remorse.

How can I justify the things that I justify, while outside the gates of my comfy life...

the world is dying.

Literally , emotionally, and spiritually. 

Just another reminder that we live in a broken world.   Altered.  Corrupted. 

"the whole of creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time." Romans 8:22

The pangs increase. 

We must open our eyes.  We cannot afford to be lulled to sleep.  Time is short.

 Passivity goes against the very heart and passion of a loving God.  As a Christian choosing to do nothing is disobedience. Could it be that we use apathy to prop ourselves up as superior to Jesus ,who left the riches of Heaven and touched those who we discard as untouchable.  The same Jesus who plainly taught  and showed us that wealth does not necessarily equal blessing, and poverty does not equate a curse.  When we enter eternity with  the blood of humanity on our hands we will be the ones to account for it, regardless of how much we left behind in our bank account.  

We hoard what God has freely given. 

 We hoard the  Gospel  of grace and we hoard our "blessings" within the walls of our self indulgent kingdoms.  

Maybe that suggestion irritates you.  

Maybe I'm too radical, too emotional, too severe, or too extreme. 

I'm ok with that.   

What I fear being is complacent, luke-warm, deceived, or selfish.

My sin nature is all of those things.   

    

I don't worship the cause of social justice.  In fact that is a catch phrase that is sometimes followed by a lot of deception in itself.   It does not earn us cosmic brownie points, a spot in Heaven, or enlightenment.

He doesn't tell us to uphold the cause of the orphan, the oppressed, and the voiceless because it will somehow fix this broken world on a whole.

At the same time that is not an excuse to close our eyes and do nothing.

 God does not need me to help Him redeem His creation or  attempt to usher in a utopic society.

He already sent a savior. 

He knows and has appointed the days of this world from start to finish.  

There will be justice regardless of what I do or don't do.   God sees the oppression, the despair, the enslavement, and the apathy.  Not a child dies in the dirt, is abused in a basement, or is tossed aside by a selfish culture,  that is not known and loved by the One who created them.

Not a hair on their heads is unaccounted for. 

Each one will  be avenged by a Holy God.  

   

Social Justice, although a very important part of our calling as Jesus followers, is not God's plan for redemption.  It is a part of who God is, it is His heart, it is a command...but it is not the core of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is not our salvation.

The death defeating cross of Christ and the grace of God is.  

That alone is our hope in this world of decay. 

Our sacrificial love poured out on those who cannot help themselves is an example of what God does for us.

God came to us, relates to us personally, and took from Himself to provide for us in our helplessness.  

How can we not treat those in need the same way?

It is the natural overflow of the inexpressible LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY we have received from Him.  

That is so much more than social concern, philanthropy, or good deeds.

It is worship.   

It is the long suffering, sacrificial , awe inspiring, humbling, eternal work of the Holy Spirit at work in us and through us. 

Maybe that work overflows into our family members in need of compassion and grace, maybe it's extending our family to include the orphan, the foster child or the struggling single mother.  Maybe it overflows onto the homeless man under the bridge on your way to work or the child being pimped out on the street downtown.  Maybe it means feeding, clothing, loving and giving hope to children in a far away land.  It's being Jesus to the person in front of you each day, not only that, it is going out of your comfort zone and intentionally putting that person in front of you.  

How often do  those of us who claim the name of Christ become like a stagnant slough  instead of   a flowing life giving river of God's mercy and love.

This picture breaks my heart. 

How much more does it break the heart of the One who uniquely created this child, the One who knows how many tears have streaked down dirty cheeks, the One who knows his name?  

Sometimes we are tempted to cry out in anger, or stand judgement of God, as if we are fit to scrutinize Him.

 How could a loving God allow this to happen?!

It is a very precarious place to attempt to stand in judgement of an eternal, all powerful, all knowing, inscrutable God.  Like Albert Einstein's pencil questioning his theory of relativity.

If you look back to the account of Adam and Eve, isn't that how we created this mess in the first place?  

Thinking we know better.

Thinking that we can rewrite His story to suit our preferences, steal His glory, and  sit on His throne.

Maybe our line of questioning should be more along the lines of 

 "How can God continue to be so merciful to us despite our greed, our apathy, our ignorance, and the

 worship of ourselves?"

Lord, have mercy. 

Beauty out of Ashes from Lifesong for Orphans on Vimeo.



"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
 to comfort all who mourn, 
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, 
a planting of the Lord for the display of  His splendor."  Isaiah 61:1-3

  Isaiah was chosen and called for a  purpose and specific time in history.   We are also called to be a part of His story in His world now.  The spirit of the Lord is on you...go..

preach, bind up, release, plant, comfort, heal, provide and proclaim.  

For the display of His splendor. 

In hind sight

I'm reminiscing and thanking God for all that we experienced while we were in Baja last winter. I think  it has taken time to fully appreciate what we had the privilege to be a part of. Now that we have been home nearly a year  it has really sunk in how much we  were blessed as a family.  It was so easy to take it for granted while we were in the middle of all our daily routines and work.  

A year ago today our kids clothes were faded and worn from months of use and hanging to dry in the desert sun.

Spring was making it's subtle appearance with new leaves and orange blossoms.

The weather warmed and our fleece sweaters were stored away under the bed in our trailer. 

My children's hair was sun bleached white and their cheeks were a permanent shade of pink.

We knew our time was coming to an end and we were making the most of every day.

We attended the annual "tea party"when all the little girls at the orphanage dressed up for a very special afternoon.  They were each treated like princesses and served tea and sweets  in a fairy tale setting.

We said a lot of goodbyes...and see you soon's to children and friends who mean so much to us.

I'm so thankful and humbled by what God did in us during that short time.

The impact we made there was so small in comparison. 

My children learned to see the beauty diversity.   They learned to see past a disability and see the person. 

They learned to be comfortable with those differences. 

They learned how to make friends even though they barely spoke the language and they were very visibly different than their peers.  

 They have empathy for others who struggle with English or come from a different culture.
They know how it feels.
They don't take things like a house, a bed, or a full belly for granted.

They have had close friends who had none of those.

We pulled our kids out of school and drove them across two borders into a country considered "unsafe".  We neglected to sign them up for sports teams and music lessons.   We removed them from everything familiar, safe and comfortable.   

At a very impressionable age no less.

The impression left by that recklessness has been great.

Letting them experience a world that includes children who sleep in dirt and babies left in garbage dumps,

allowing them to struggle, to give, to work, to see for themselves what a big God we serve

changed them.

It changed the people they will become.

We learned that God can take whatever we have to offer and use it in His work and for His glory.

I learned that what we think we have to offer may not be what he wants from us. 

I learned some lessons the hard way.

I was humbled and challenged.

We discovered first hand how faithful God is.  

We stepped out in faith, took a risk, and he was with us every step of the way.

We had the privilege of serving and loving alongside others who spend their lives for something bigger than themselves.

We were inspired and humbled by the passion, faith, and tenacity of our Mexican brothers and sisters.

We discovered that even a small investment of love into someone else's life may have eternal impact.

Only God can turn something that seems so insignificant at the time  into something worthy of his name.

He showed me that family ,at it's best, extends beyond the walls of my house and beyond my own blood line.

Is it any wonder I feel like I'm living with half our heart somewhere else?
I don't want to live in the past or feel discontent with where we are in the present.  What I do want to do is  thank God for it, learn from it, and use it to inspire our future.
What does God have for our family next?
I have no idea.
Right now we are trudging through the world of foster adoption and loving every minute of our newest little treasure.
We know that God's work in us and through us is always changing, always new,
and usually what we don't expect.

Radical

This past week my husband and I have been reading the book

"Radical, taking back your faith from the American dream" by David Platt.

It is without question the most paradigm shifting, eye opening, mind stretching, and heart shattering book I have ever read.   I feel shattered in a good way even though being broken up into little pieces is never a comfortable way to feel (and I am getting very little housework done).

With each paragraph of the book I shifted from one emotional extreme to another.  I went between resisting the urge to  jump up and down on the couch shouting AMEN!!!....to quietly closing the book and wanting to  sink beneath the couch cushions.   I feel down right manic at the moment.

Although I had been hearing about this book and wanting to read it for a while it wasn't at all what I expected.  Not completely anyway.   It is so much more than a social justice, give more to the poor, sort of book.   So much more.

The back of the book says "In Radical , David Platt challenges you to consider with an open heart how we have manipulated the gospel to fit our cultural preferences.  He shows what Jesus actually said about being his disciple - then invites you to believe and obey what you have heard."

We have so many "blind spots" in our lives as modern western Jesus followers.  We have good intentions and  honorable goals.  We  seek to please God with our lives and the stewardship of our "blessings".  We have our nice little families, our polished images, and  our smiley faces.   We bless ourselves, worship our idols, build our little kingdoms, and hoard the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ within the walls of our multi million dollar buildings.
Meanwhile outside the safety of our gates a world is dying.
We throw them our crumbs.
Like some Christians a few centuries ago who thought they were being generous and honoring God by giving their slaves an extra chicken at Christmas.  Many upstanding , religious, people were so blinded by what culture accepted that they were completely unaware of the heinousness of the blood that was on their own hands.

We sooth ourselves with trite statements and shallow philosophies.

We assure ourselves that we are "not called".  "Missions" is a something that a select few do or care about.  It is just a little sliver of a pie chart printed in our church bulletins.  It certainly isn't the very reason we have breath and life.

We keep God in a safe little box.   We worship a shallow,  romantic idea of the cross and the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is a version of faith that most of my generation has left behind because they see the holes and the hypocrisy.  It costs us nothing.

If Christianity is nothing but a creed to follow it is easy to compartmentalize into a back corner of our lives or throw it away all together.

If Christianity is nothing but the American dream with a "Christian" label attached we are very far off course.  We so little resemble the believers of the first Century or our brothers and sisters around the world.  Our perspective is so severely distorted.

I loved how David Platt  uses biblical truth to challenge our trite small version of Christianity and introduce us to the God of the bible.

It wasn't a brow beating , money is the root of all evil , one size fits all, book but it does have a way of leaving you unsatisfied with the things the world values.   It may just give you a throbbing desire for more.   True discipleship.

"Where as disinfecting Christians involves isolating them and teaching them to be good, discipling Christians involves propelling Christians into the world to risk their lives for the sake of others."
(Amen!  This also spills over into what I desire for my children and my priorities as a parent. Are we raising safe, sanitized Christian kids or are we raising equipped, purpose filled, disciples....world changers.)

Here are  a few samples but  finding the most profound quotes  out of the book is futile because every page is full of them.  You just have to read it start to finish.  Here are a few lines that I remember standing out to me as I read.  It is a borrowed book so unfortunately I couldn't fill it full of pen and highlighter marks.

"Are you and I looking to Jesus for advice that seems fiscally responsible according to the standards of the world around us? Or are we looking to Jesus for total leadership in our lives, even if that means going against everything our affluent culture and maybe even our affluent religious neighbors might tell us to do?"


"the reward of the American dream is safety, security, and success found in more comfort, better stuff, and great prosperity.  But the reward of Christ trumps all these things..."







"We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.  They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.  It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms.  But once you do, everything changes."


Other than providing the occasional quote from books I'm reading I have never devoted an entire post to one.    
It is THAT good.
Search your church library,  run to a Christian book store,  order it online, swipe it from a friends book shelf.
Read it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a different topic.  Does anyone remember these kids?  I wrote about them a LOT last winter while we were in Mexico.  "The kids that call me Tia" (auntie).
They were part of our extended family while we lived down there.
I have missed them like crazy.  I have worried about them.
This past weekend we were able to send an envelope of photos and note to let them know we love them and haven't forgotten about them.  A friend of ours that visits the same mission we were working with was able to be our messenger.   They were wonderful enough, to not only find the kids and check on them for us,  but to take them icecream!  The best part for us was seeing this recent photo of our kids.
It about kills me that I can't be there to love them up,  but at the same time the photo fills up my heart with gratitude.
Minerva, the oldest, looks great and is still going to school!

Orphan Sunday

La Mama Loca: Orphan Sunday: "Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo."

Today is a day to look at our kids and imagine that they lived a life with out us.
I imagine my son sitting alone on a grubby curb sniffing solvents to numb the piercing cold of the world around him.
I  imagine my daughter, a young girl without a voice, being used to satisfy the desires of a sick world.
Or my daughter taking on the responsibilities of a parent to her siblings at age nine.
I imagine my baby laying in a room lined with rusty cribs waiting for human touch.
My little boy scrounging the gutters like stray pup for a scrap of food.
 My children clinging to a worn out suitcase as they move into yet another strangers home.

Those are horrible pictures to  form in my mind.   They evoke strong emotion.

This is not the fate of my children.  They are fortunate to have 2 loving parents and a multitude of other people that are able to care for them.  They live in a country with safety nets and child protective services (as faulty as they often are.)  

The fact is, there are countless children , just as precious, just as worthy, just as silly, adorable and goofy out there that were born into the life I just described for you.   Why don't our hearts break for each one of them?  Somehow it's different when they are just pathetic faces on the tv or statistics on a page.

These children were left alone because of sickness, poverty, war, addictions, abandonment, abuse, or disaster.  They are children born into a broken world.

They long for love
They crave security
They ache to be wanted

Adoption is not the only answer to the crises our world faces.  It is one of many ways to 'defend the fatherless'.  It is one beautiful option.   I think so often people , myself included,  make a list of all the reasons why we are not able to adopt, why it wouldn't be wise, why we can't afford it and how we aren't "called" to something that drastic.  We assure ourselves that adoption is for other people.   That is sometimes true.    Not every body is in a position in life where they can or should adopt but we are all "called" to do SOMETHING.   Too many people 'don't feel called' because they have never allowed God control over that area of their heart.

My challenge to you today is to let your heart be broken...not in helpless despair.. but to join in the suffering of a child for just a moment.   Allow God to break your heart by the things that break His.  Allow Him to move you past your self preservation, human reasoning, fear, desire for control, and apathy.   That is both a frightening and freeing place to be taken.
Ask him today ,not if you are called to do something but how He desires you to show love to a child that needs love...and then listen with an open heart.   I don't say this to sound somehow self righteous or to lay on a guilt trip.   I say it as a challenge to move past apathy or shallow guilt appeasement to honest questioning.

Sometimes that answer is a longing that isn't brought to fulfillment for years.  Pray.  Anticipate. Grow. Wait.  Trust.

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear...The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." ~Henri J. M. Nouwen

Here are a few organizations committed to helping children.  

Sponsor a child,  help support an adoption, open your home to foster care,  donate to an orphanage.  so many options.

ebenezerglennorphanage.org   (This is the orphanage  where my Haitian sister has been living since the earthquake.  My parents will be working in this community this winter as well)

ffhm.org (This is the orphanage in Baja that is close to my heart. Click on sponsorship to view children in three orphanages needing sponsors)

compassion.com   (sponsorship)

www.drawnfromwater.org (rescuing children from tribal infanticide.  You MUST watch the vimeo video on their home page!!)

showhope.org  (adoption assistance)

amazima.org  (a young woman who began a sponsership program as well as taking care of orphans  in her own home in Africa.)

147millionorphans.com  (2 moms raising awareness and support for orphans)

samaritanspurse.org  (humanitarian aid and community development)

worldvision.org  (humanitarian aid, sponsorship, community development)

reecesrainbow.org  (linking special needs orphans with open hearted families)

A song almost heard.

This picture is from the archives.   A picture of a little boy I loved and said goodbye to.   A little boy who still owns real estate in my heart.  

        I am relatively new at foster parenting and even more of a rookie in the world of adoption.   We have cared for 6 children in our 3 years of fostering.  Cece is our  first attempt at adoption.   We did not set out to try  to adopt a baby this year.  It was not in our 1 year plan...even if we had such a thing.   In fact we had other dreams.  Hopes that included returning to Mexico  this winter.   

       One thing I've learned to let go of is planning what we will be doing next year, 5 years from now or beyond.  I have hopes, aspirations and dreams  but all of them have been laid in God's hands.   I have learned that following His lead, instead of my own, is far more satisfying. 

       Our only plan in life is to be available.   We don't want to be so caught up in creating our own little world that we miss what God is doing around us...or could be doing through us.  

       When we returned from Mexico last spring we opened up our home once again to foster parenting.   Not knowing where that would lead us.   

       I have always loved the idea, the concept, of adoption.   It was a "someday" dream of mine. A dream that my husband did not share.   Not until more recently anyway.   The possibility of adoption came as an unexpected turn in the road.   A wonderful little side journey that we are beginning down.

    

        I have no idea where this road leads.   I have no idea what dangers, pits, or road blocks lie ahead.  We don't know to what extent our sweet girl carries the "sins of the father" in her body.  We have no idea how she was affected by the choices of her mother.   Thankfully, she has been spared the trauma of developing attachment disorders, neglect and abuse in her first year.   Those things are so hard to over come.  However, that doesn't mean that she won't carry in her mind, spirit and body a legacy of brokenness and damage.  Come to think of it, my own biological children were born into a generational legacy of  sin and brokenness....a  legacy we are mucking our way out of , and allowing Jesus to restore and redeem. 

         People wonder what we are getting ourselves into.   People question our wisdom.   People refer to every horror story that they have witnessed so as to be sure we are not naive.  Although we are definitely walking by faith not by sight, it is not the same as being blind.   This isn't a lolly-pop, gumdrop road we are skipping down.  It is the road of obedience and love.  Being blind is choosing  not to acknowledge reality, sin, or the ugliness that corrupts even the most beautiful creation.   Obedience is counting the cost, looking reality in the eye, and choosing to love and show mercy regardless.   

       Although heartache  is something we may experience  in the future with Cece ,right now our life together is defined by joy.  Suffering is a road  we are currently on in another completely unrelated area of our life.   It seems there is a theme running through our circumstances the last couple years.  Once again... none of it in our five year plan!   It's funny how God prepares  us for things that we don't even know we will face until we face it head on.  

        I could be fearful of the road ahead.   I could fret, worry or loose sleep...but so far I'm not.  I'm sure there will be days...or seasons where I will struggle with that.  Right now I feel peace.  I have peace in knowing that whatever lies ahead for us, for Cece...we are being led by the one who knows the road.  We are being led by someone who has walked the road of suffering, and who died for us at the end of it.  The road may lead to another heartbreaking goodbye...it might  lead through the rough terrain of FAS or teenage identity crisis.  

        It may look to some that we are on a collision course with disaster, that we are setting ourselves up for heartache.   Maybe we are.  Only God knows.     On the flip side I  see "good Christian families" who are oblivious that their own biological children are on a collision course with ruin.  Sin and twisted priorities can mess up, spoil and destroy even the most surface sanitized family.   God can redeem the most hurt, wounded and broken among us, although  that road  is  far from safe or sanitary.    

I recently read this post on one of my favorite blogs.   She links it to the original post.  This  family is real, raw and currently living through a season of unexpected grief.   It is one of the best posts I've ever read relating to the call of living out the gospel by loving the "least of these"...even when it makes us vulnerable.   It deals with suffering, adoption disruption, dispointment, FAS, and the unforseen pitfalls that some adoptive and foster families WILLINGLY (or sometimes naively) face.  

Here is a little tidbit from that post.  Just an appetizer.  For the full course go to Storing up Treasures. 

It is such a profound way to look at the reality of sin and suffering and living the gospel of Jesus Christ right smack dab in the middle of it all.  I have read it over and over.  Maybe my  reading comprehension is slow..maybe it's just THAT good.   Maybe, it just speaks to the fallout of sin  we are mucking through right now.  The same drama that I keep begging God to get us out of.     Could standing in the middle of  suffering, rejection, and relentless scandal  really be an invitation to ache and bleed for the broken along with Christ?  

"I went home that day aching with the reality of undeserved pain.   I used to think that suffering came to other people – fiery preachers in strange lands, broken old sinners with ancient debts to pay - not to people who opened their hearts to the orphan.  The stories swirled in my mind of families who’d dared to love the least of these and been worn down by the ceaseless, thankless reality of disability and brokenness.  It was tempting to be angry at the unfairness - and yet I’d learned through my own trials that there was another way to understand the suffering.

 You see, each of us had wanted to live the gospel…and God had answered our prayers. 

The gospel life is an invitation to come and die.  It is first of all a story of brokenness.  Before the beautiful redemption there is misunderstanding, rejection, loneliness, disappointment, frustration, and betrayal leading to a painful, bloody death.  There is sorrow, burial and mourning.  Yet somehow, though we prayed to be like Christ, we were surprised when the pain came to us.   We were surprised when the gospel story was repeated in our homes, in our hearts, in the children we thought to rescue.  

When we look at scripture we see that even the apostles had to learn this truth.    Beaten, arrested, thrown in prison, their dreams of greatness crushed, their reputations tarnished, their missions disrupted, they opened their mouths and sang in praise.  Eventually they understood that of all people they were blessed…for they had been counted worthy to suffer with Christ.

What my friend needed to know is that her troubles are not the marks of failure, but of Christ-following.  Christ’s love leads us into places that no one else wants to go, where the stench and the mess and the heartache push out the well-dressed and the well-behaved.   She and her family have been invited into the mysterious blessing:  to suffer with the reality of sin just as Christ suffered.  To those on the outside it carries the taint of scandal - because this kind of love suffers alongside the liar, the abuser, the thief on the cross.  It brings the foul-mouthed, rule-breaking, rage-riddled, impulse-driven, broken-hearted, least of these, right into our homes.  This love works and tries and believes when everyone else has given up and slipped back into something more comfortable.  It aches and bleeds, it is misunderstood and rejected and lonely."

Celebrating 6 months of Cece

Next week this sweet girlie will be 6 months old.

She is changing and growing so fast!

It has been such a joy to watch her grow from a tiny scrunched up newborn whose body was wracked with the misery of drug withdrawal into a beautiful, happy, playful baby. Loving her has been so rewarding. I hear quite often that it is so good of us to "do this" for her but in all honesty I feel so blessed and privileged to be a part of her life...to be her mommy. It hasn't been all butterflies and rainbows but neither is raising my own children :)

Despite a rocky start she is developing within the range of "normal" and I am continually amazed at how quickly she is now changing and catching up. At 4 months she was still struggling to hold up her head and wasn't yet reaching for objects. Less that two months later she is now able to sit for several seconds, play with her toys, show off in the jolly jumper and roll around the living room. She is very interactive (to the point of being a shameless flirt), is very ticklish, and loves to play "pat-a cake". She loves getting mauled by her doting foster siblings and giggles happily at their antics. She has become a content, happy, delightful little girl ( more so when she's not constipated or teething...which she is struggling with this past couple weeks. )

She has a heart melting smile with two adorable bottom teeth. I love the way she smiles from her eyes all the way down to her toes.

In the time we've had her she has grown 5 inches and 10 lbs!! I kind of hope that her growth curve slows down a little in the second half of her first year or she'll be wearing toddler size 3 on her first birthday! ;)

On a less cheerful note. We found out this past week that her second round of blood testing confirmed a pos. Hep C result. I don't know if I should be making that public or not. I've been scouring the internet for information, prognosis, statistics, and hints for keeping her as healthy as possible but since this virus is pretty rare in infants and children there isn't much out there.

We knew that she had been born to a Hep C pos. mother but the likelihood of her having contracted it were very low 1-4%. We were surprised when the first test came back positive. She was re tested months later because there was still a good chance the newborn test produced a false positive result. No such luck.

I did find one decent website directed at adults living with HCV that had lots of helpful hints for keeping her liver as healthy as possible...nothing for children though. There are so many variables, so many possible complications, so many individual progressions of the disease. She could fight off the virus completely, she could remain asymptomatic for most of her life, she could develop serious chronic liver disease, cirrhosis, and complete liver failure within anywhere from the next 2-30 years. Thats such a wide range of possibility. She could struggle with a whole host of chronic symptoms, complications, and uphill health battles or she could have absolutely none of them. There is really no way of knowing what lies ahead for her. No one knows.

God knows. He brought her to us knowing exactly what she will face...what we will face together.

What I have been told is that the longer someone has it the more chance of serious liver damage...2/3 of the people with in 20-30 years of contracting the virus. Which may not be that big of a deal when you contract the virus when your 50 but what happens when you are born with it? What does 30 years down the road look like for her? A transplant? I have read that lifestyle seems to make a difference statistically speaking.

I'm trying not to worry about the future possibilities. From what I've read the best things we can do for her is to keep the toxic load on her liver to a minimum and keep her nutrition level high. I've been reading up on liver supporting nutrition, juicing (which is recommended on the Hep C web sites I've found), and the things she needs to avoid. Whatever lies ahead we'll give her the best shot we possibly can.

If any one out there in blog world is raising a child that has Hep. C I would love to hear from you. Information and experienced support is hard to come by.

As of now the specialist has given us a few things to watch for that would suggest liver failure..such as her turning yellow. There is no plan for treatment at this point but they will monitor her liver function every 6 months or so. It may make me a little more nervous every time she gets sick....is this just a flu or is it a sign of something more serious happening in her body? Her first six months have been filled with colds, fevers and digestive issues already. I don't know how I'll be able to balance staying alert to problems without being a nut in the process. A lot of prayer I think.

You may be wondering by now how the adoption process for her is going. I don't have much to update other than we are in the waiting game right now. She was made legally adoptable in July, both bio parents willingly signed away their rights (which wasn't a battle at all) and it went to court in record time. That is a huge victory for her. She has had wonderful case workers. She will no longer be a foster child bounced around the system. At the moment she is more of a legal orphan. We are now waiting for our application process to begin. Certain files have to be moved to certain desks before we begin to muck through that process. I am so grateful that during this time of waiting and uncertainty we are not missing out on her life. We are not wondering if she is alone, hungry, neglected or cold. We know that the little girl we consider our daughter is nestled snuggly in her crib, or in our arms. We just need the paperwork that makes legal what is already in our hearts. Thats one advantage of foster adopting. We get her now...and the legal stuff comes later. I guess the uncertainty involved in foster adopting is the down side...although no adoption comes without a whole bag of uncertainty.

My hope is within the next year I will be able to officially introduce her as our 2nd daughter.

The cause of the fatherless.

This is borrowed from another blog. Such great insight into God's heart for the orphan and the parentless child.

"Caring for orphans reflects the heart of God. From Isaiah’s call to “defend the cause of the fatherless” (1:17) to James’ placement of orphan care at the heart of “pure and undefiled religion” (1:27), the biblical mandate is clear. But this is not merely God’s expectation of us; it is a mirroring of His own character. “He defends the fatherless,” declares Deuteronomy 10:18. Describes the Psalmist, “He places the lonely in families.” To be like our heavenly Father, we’re invited to do the same.


Caring for orphans makes the Gospel visible. At the heart of the Christian story is the God who pursued us when we were destitute and alone. He adopted us as His children, and invites us to live as His sons and daughters. Perhaps nothing makes this truth more tangible than when Christians follow in their Father’s footsteps, opening heart and home in unconditional affection to the child that has no claim upon them but love.


Caring for orphans defies the gods of our age. Darwinism’s sole ethical imperative is to ensure one’s own genetic material carries forward. So like Gideon tearing down his father’s idols (Judges 6), we assault this dictate when we seek to ensure the survival, and thriving, of a child that does not share our genes. Meanwhile, the purposeful sacrifices required to love this child flout the demands of other gods also, from materialism to self-actualization to comfort. The cost must be counted. But—compared to the depth and richness found along the path of caring for orphans—these false gods are shown to be as lifeless and unsatisfying as statues of bronze or wood.


Caring for orphans invites a journey of discipleship. “I see these kids changed,” explained a woman who helps Christians get involved with foster care, “But I think the parents are changed even more.” It’s true. Every family I know that’s opened themselves to parentless children has not gone unaltered. And though the road can be hard, even painful, virtually always it leads closer to Jesus. Expressed one adoptive mom recently, “People have said, ‘Oh, aren’t they lucky, you rescued them from whatever.’ And I think, Are you kidding? I’m the lucky one. I get to be their mom. And I get to be daily rescued from my selfishness, and my impatience, and things that are just as disease-ridden in my soul.”

Amen to that!!

2 Months

Last week Miss Cece turned 2 months old. Because we have no idea how many milestones we will be able to celebrate with her we decided to have a little mini 2 month birthday party.

This precious little girl is growing like crazy, becoming more interactive, and generally morphing from the newborn phase into the fun chubby baby phase. She is increasingly aware of and curious of about the world around her. She definitely recognizes her "mommy" and stares quizzically at "daddy" (who, because of the field work, she doesn't see all that often lately). I am very happy with her very normal development and progress.
The first two months of her life were rough. She has been a very gassy/ colicky baby that also has withdrawal issues that we are controlling with medication. She even gave Silas a run for his money at being the record breaking colic baby. I did try something different this time (which I wish I had the sense to try when Silas' tummy was all out of whack). My discovery is that pro-biotics work wonders on a babies sensitive, easily damaged, under developed digestive system. Especially in babies who have been on antibiotics or other medications that may have thrown off the natural digestive bacteria. I break open a capsule (of a pro-biotic mix) and pour about a third of it into one of her bottles each day. As soon as I started doing this we had major break throughs in the colic...when I ran out for a few days it was right back to screaming for hours at a time. Coincidence? Maybe. Either way, it's not going to hurt, it's natural, and I'll take what I can get. My other tricks of the trade are swaddling and bum patting. Those combined generally work wonders.

She has done so well as the dr. weans her off her medication a little each week. She is proving to be a bright, alert, content and strong little girl. She is a fighter. I suspect she will need to be. As usual I have no idea of what this little girls future holds. What I do know, I cannot share. She is my incognito baby...which is why I cannot show you all the multitudes of pictures I have been taking of her with my new camera...or give you her real name.

Just look at those toes! So yummy. Toe kisses are almost as addictive as big chubby cheek smooches. I'm a shameless addict. She is such a gorgeous little girl. She reminds me a little of a baby girl in Mexico that we knew. Beautiful almond eyes , jet black hair and delicate features. I've had a lot of fun shopping for her as she outgrows the newborn sleepers. I have no girl baby clothes to offer as hand me downs so....perfect excuse to doll her up with some new clothes. I have bought her little summer jumpers, sundresses and and a few other adorably girlish items. Am I having too much fun? Maybe. Don't worry, the night time feedings keep me firmly grounded.

Her and I have done pretty well at getting her on a predictable sleeping and eating routine. I'm not a scheduler by nature but having a natural predictable rhythm (that is flexible) with a baby is so important. Chaos and confusion is bad for mommy and baby. I know when she needs to eat, when she is just gassy, when she needs to go for a nap (before she gets overtired and inconsolable), and when she is getting over stimulated. All of those things can easily be confused for hunger...by mommy and baby. It's the subtle cues, that are so easily missed. I learn a little more with each baby. They are all so different.

The kids and I decided to throw together a last minute birthday party. They helped me make and decorate this cake.

Whole wheat chocolate zucchini cake with chocolate cream cheese icing.

Sounds strange maybe ,but it is a delicious recipe. It's so moist, chocolaty and rich (in good ways) that you would have no idea that I used whole wheat flour...or zucchini for that matter. I'll post a recipe someday.

I admit, I am hoping the "powers that be" forget that Cece is in my home. Maybe they will loose her file ( I don't think anyone else out there would notice. ) and never make that phone call requesting that I drop her off at their office. Yes, that is most definitely a little day dream of mine based completely on denial. I know better though. She is number 6 to come and go, taking a little chunk of my heart with them.

There is such an incredible need for foster parents where we live. The system is SO extremely overloaded with babies and children who need a loving home. Some for a short time, some for a long time...some for a lifetime.

It is a hard job. It is a selfless job. It is one of the most amazingly rewarding things I have ever done. I love it. I dread it. I'm in over my head. It's right where I want to be.

I hear over and over again things like:

"I would love to be a foster parent but it would be too hard",

"I don't know how you give those babies up, I know I could never do that",

"I know I would just get too attached "

....those are the nice, well meaning comments. I won't justify the cynical ones.

I honestly have mixed feelings about comments like those. I usually just smile and say,

"yes it is hard but it's not about me".

I try not to take the logic of those statements any further towards the suggestion that somehow I might have a heart of stone that does not actually get "attached". On the flip side, I am also not a super human saint that is more capable of loving than anyone else. The only thing I am is available and obedient to what God has laid on my heart to do. Love these babes to the best of my ability and resources. I'll leave the heartbreak, the goodbyes, the future of "my " babies, and the healing of my swiss cheese heart to the God who loves these babies more than I do.

This is the first time I've "gone there" with Cece. I live day to day with the awareness that the end of our time with her could be near...but I generally don't think about it. I don't know if I will be able to celebrate a 3 month birthday, a 3rd birthday..or a 30th birthday with my sweet baby girl. I don't know what our future holds. I don't want to think about it or talk about it...(so if you see me ,don't ask me). Typing about it...well that's different. You can't see the tears or the snot. I can maintain my dignity (What dignity I have left with spit up on my shoulder). Feel free to imagine me as a glamorous and stoic saint instead of the sweat pant wearing, unshowered, teary eyed, sleep deprived woman I am at the moment.

I honestly still grieve. I think about last years babies Kade, Peanut, and Cub all the time. There are little reminders of them in my home still. A toy left behind, an item of clothing, a memory. The goodbye with Kade (18 months) still haunts me. His tears, the fear in his eyes and his calling "MA" as I turned and walked away. I have no idea where any of those boys are. It's hard to have no real closure. I have no idea what has become of them. So many possibilities. I can't dwell on those though. I pray that they have someone to love them. In my heart they will always be my babies.

I fully intended to write about the merits and the joys of foster parenting, convincing others to get on board. I think I may have just done the opposite of my intentions. oops. I am real to a fault sometimes.

Despite the challenge, despite the uncertainty, despite the screaming colic.....

These kids need us. They need you.

These kids need a mom and a dad. They need to know that they will be fed, everyday.

They need to know that that someone will hear them when they cry.

They need to know that someone prays for them, believes in them and treasures them.

They need someone willing to get their hands dirty, to get their heart involved, and to love them through the nitty gritty details of life, as it really is.

"True Christianity breaks our hearts and makes us willing to embrace the inconveniences and pain and suffering for the people that Jesus cares about. And I think more than anything else, it is the children that Jesus cares about. "

In Matthew's gospel chapter 18 Jesus said very carefully "Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in Heaven."
This gives us a glimpse of the incredible passion and concern God has for his tiniest creation. Their guardian angels always see the face of the Father.
I think as the heart of God starts to beat in our own bodies we can identify with that passion.
When we allow injustice, when we abuse or mistreat, when we turn a blind eye to suffering, when we are consumed with apathy....we are despising.
"It is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should parish. "
Matthew 18:4


Whether it's the calling to be a foster parent, support adoption ministries, adopt an orphan, sponsor a child living in poverty, or invest into the lives of hurting children in other ways.......


We are called to be fathers to the fatherless and mothers to the motherless.
We are called to care for the weak, protect the vulnerable, advocate for those who don't have a voice, and love as Jesus loves.

How will you stand in the gap for on one the "least of these"?

How will your life be altered and turned upside down?

I have been asked how I "do it"...honestly I have no idea. It just takes saying yes and leaving the rest up to God to figure out.