Remembering Beijing - part 1

The day we packed up our hotel room in Guiyang was a hard one for our little guy.  The sight of suitcases being packed sent him into fits of giddy laughter followed by inconsolable tears. It broke my heart.  I suspect any other time he's been packed up he has lost not only his things, but his caregiver.  

Getting through the airport, Chinese airport security, and the flight were scary for Elijah.  We survived though, and arrived in Beijing late at night.  We tucked our over tired teary eyed boy into bed and hoped that we'd see his smile again the next day.  

The next morning he woke up happy and absolutely thrilled that his little backpack filled with his trinkets and toys had made the trip...and that we were all still together.   

Then began the second leg of our journey in China. This last week of our trip was spent in Beijing, along with about 14 other Canadian families from our agency.   We stayed in a very nice hotel, enjoyed the vast variety of food each morning at the breakfast buffet and spent our days riding on our tour bus and seeing the sights....while our agency folks worked with the Canadian Consulate getting Elijah his citizenship and travel visa home.  

The first week of our trip was pretty slow pace, and we spent it virtually alone...just the three of us.  This part of the trip was fast paced, busy, and filled with other families and children.  We actually enjoyed both and were thankful for the quiet week to form a bit of a foundation with our son...and then we enjoyed meeting new people and doing some tourist stuff.   

We were also thrilled that the notorious smog that had been choking Beijing, and causing cancelled flights had disappeared with a wind/ snow storm the night before we arrived.  We actually had blue skies the whole time we were there...other than a snowy day.  Our guide said she hadn't seen blue sky in so long.  I just smiled and told her we had asked our kids, and our friends back home to pray that it would go away (we were concerned about our flight being cancelled and all the unpleasant health effects)....what's a little bit of smog to the One who controls the wind.

First on the to-see list was the Beijing Zoo. 

My arms were SO tired by the end of this day.  Hanging out at the hotel room in Guiyang wasn't nearly as exhausting as lifting him up and down, and in and out, and up and down some more.  So much carrying him on and off the bus, using public squatty potties, and carrying him or the stroller up and down stairs. I'm so glad that we had the two of us...and no other kids with us.  It's really hard travelling and doing stuff with a child with a disability when nothing is accessible or adapted... and we didn't have proper equipment even if it were.     By the end of quite a few days I could barely lift my arms.  Not only did I get a new son...but apparently I'm also going to get some new ripped arms!  I didn't notice the guy behind me until I was loading the pictures.  It's exactly what we got every where we went...every. where.  Beijing wasn't nearly as in-your-face bad as Guiyang but we still got it.   Going out with other adoptive families helped to take the focus off us though...or just provided some comfort in numbers.  

Just in time to watch them feed the lions and tigers.

Next was the jade factory. 

Pretty cool stuff. 

 And the day we had waited for....The Great Wall

Don't judge until you've tried to climb this wall with a 37lb child!

almost there...

almost dead...

and going back down the slippery, uneven steps.

My brave little boy.

Looking back at these pictures and reminiscing makes me realize what an amazing adventure it was.  We have such great memories of our time in China.  If I didn't have the proof sleeping in his bed right now...I'd think it was all a dream.

First Week Home

We've been home now for a week so I wanted to bring my blog back to the present for a bit.  I'll post about our week in Beijing soon...I'm sure it's not really all that interesting but I like to have it written down before I forget everything.  It's fun to record our trips and adventures to look back on later.... but right now the present is so awesome I can't pass it up.

I had prepared for our first week to be exhausting, unpredictable, and quiet possibly very difficult.  There were days of jet lagged fueled exhaustion  and certainly an element of unpredictability as we all adjusted to our new "normal"...but it's wasn't at all difficult.  This week has really been nothing short of amazing.

{The other kids always want to join in our stretching time}

{Our low key Chinese New Year bash...2 days after we got home}

{Seriously this kid is almost too much...too much sweetness in one little body}

{My black eyed beauties.  At least three or four years apart in age, but nearly the same size.}

Bedtime... a nearly captive audience.

{Look out, this boy's armed and dangerous}

{I've got a couple little chefs on my hands}

{and they're pretty good at cleaning too}

I left China not thinking I could love this little boy any more than I already did but I was wrong..a week at home has burnt the fierceness of it even deeper.  I don't take that for granted at all.  I'm all too aware that sometimes the bond with a newly adopted or foster child doesn't come quickly...that loving actions can often precede the feelings for weeks, months, or maybe even years.  It's love in action.  I feel so thankful that I'm head over heals, can't get enough, want to pour butter on him and eat him with a spoon, in love with this kid. It makes the day to day loving actions, taking care of him, such a joy.

He has adjusted so well. So much better than I had even hoped.  The first few days at home contained some teary moments and jags of heartbreaking sobs but they never lasted all that long and never turned into rage or lashing out....just sadness.  The huge blessing in it is that he already finds his comfort with Mama and Baba, some snuggle time in the rocking chair was all he needed....I would have to say that he's transformed into a bit of a Mama's boy (only fair after him being all about Daddy the first week).  Dad is still tops when it comes to wrestling and of course he has the drums ...so he'll forever be cool in his son's eyes.  There's just something about a Mama, when you're feeling sad.  It is so hard to see your child grieving, or afraid, and yet they can't put into words (that you can understand) why or what they're feeling...and there's nothing at all you can do to fix it.  All I can do is be there with him as they go through it.   The first few nights I slept in his bed with him...but since then he's started going to bed well with Silas above him on the bunk and sleeps like a rock.   He has yet to actually let himself get out of bed in the morning, or even call me,  but just waits there until I go in to check on him.   I always encourage him to crawl out of his bed on his own.  I don't want him to ever feel trapped in a bed again.


The last few days we haven't had any grieving, or crying spells.  He even announces at random times throughout the day "Elijah happy!" (and he adds a big cheesy grin to make sure he gets his point across) .....I reply with "Mama's happy too."

He is an absolute snuggle bug. He loves to receive and give affection.  He's just that easy to love.  It's crazy. He soaks it up like a sponge.

He's come so far in the last few weeks in forging an attachment/ bond.  He's not so nervous and fearful, he hasn't been clamming up or "going turtle", and he is starting to actually tell us what he needs and wants...not often but it is happening.

The last few days he's been seeking me out like a moth to a lamp.  He'll go and play for a few minutes, but not for long, then he'll come and find me and try to climb up my legs and "ask" for a snuggle.   He's started giving me great big full body bear hugs.  I don't mind carrying him around for a while like that because I've noticed that his hips have become quite a big looser (and he's so incredibly sweet).  A couple weeks ago I could barely spread his legs far enough to fit him on my scrawny hip and now he's able to hang onto the front of me, with his legs wrapped around like a little monkey. Maybe I'm just figuring out better which ways he moves and bends.

I have no doubts that as he trusts us more and feels more comfortable that there will be some closet skeletons to contend with..things that he will need to  work through but for now he's just happy to be loved.  He doesn't complicate things....he just takes it as is.

{We got a "new" chair loaned to us by a neighbor!  It works perfectly and makes such a different in his comfort, posture, and eating ability.}

{my "twins"}

We've also been busy this week trying to advocate for his physical needs, and figuring out this new world of parenting a child with CP.  We're realizing already that this can be an uphill battle and takes a lot of parental assertiveness.    He had his first dental assessment and cleaning yesterday and we have him booked to have his mouth full of cavities filled and capped while under general anesthesia.  It's a pretty huge mess.  His trip to the dentist was his first outing since arriving at home and he did great.  He didn't shed a tear...although the dentist did after looking at the state of his mouth and the pain this kid has lived through. We were surprised when the dentist didn't charge us...just thanked us for bringing him in.  Such a blessing to us!  He has some major issues going on behind that sweet smile, that are going to cost enough dough later.   The good thing is that his front adult teeth are still in good shape.  As far as the rest of him goes we're waiting on getting his provincial health card so we can get him on the wait lists to see some specialists,  get the therapy he needs, and get just get some basic lab work and a full check up done.  I really can't wait for him to start getting proper diagnostics, assessments, treatments and the help he needs to thrive.

In a nutshell our first week home has been amazing and exhausting.  Full of bags that need to be unpacked and a house that gets messed up by 5 busy kids who are home all the time.  Days of big kid school work and little kid play time happening all at the same time while I run from one to the other.  Dealing with a needy, whining little girl who is feeling a bit of the sting of having to share mom and dad with a newcomer... but more snuggles , sloppy wet kisses, and squishy hugs than a girl could ever dream of.  It's been overwhelming and fulfilling.


I really am feeling overwhelmingly, abundantly blessed.   I almost can't believe that he's actually here...and yet he feels like he's always been one of us, completely natural.  Hand picked by our Father who sets the lonely in families.   I am SO thankful.

 I'm also so aware that our own selfishness, or fear, or worldly common sense, or disobedience, or lack of trust could have stood in the way of this incredible gift.  That is sobering....we are so undeserving and yet our God lavishes us with these precious ones, and was faithful in accomplishing it all.  He has never promised obedience would be easy, or comfortable...but there is nowhere I'd rather be than living in constant reliance on his poured out mercy each day.

Monkeys and a 400 year old bathroom

During our 2 wk stay in China, the first half was spent in Elijah's birth province of Guizhou.  We met him in the capital city of Guiyang, where the adoptions are processed.  

The days we spent there were slow paced and we didn't do a lot of touring around which was exactly what we needed.  At that point Elijah was not enjoying leaving the hotel much.  I think every time we went out he was nervous that we would drop him off somewhere.  

Our guide did take us out to see a few of the beautiful places in and around the city. 

One of those places was a park and temple up on the mountain.  

Guizhou is a very beautiful province (from what I've seen in pictures and documentaries).  It's known for it's very rugged green rolling landscape and it's remote minority people groups.  It's also the second poorest province in China, the poorest being Tibet.  The capital city reflects the beauty, the melting pot of cultures, and the poverty.  They don't see a lot of tourists, not compared to some of the bigger cities in China.  We were a bit of an anomaly where ever we went. 

The scenery was breath taking just outside the city.  So serene.  

Our guide told us that this is where the retired people like to come every day to do their exercises   They walk backwards up the hill, they play badminton, do dancing classes, and of course Tai Chi.  She asked what our retired age people do in Canada.  I replied with not that...mostly just sit around watching tv I think.  I couldn't believe how these senors were moving...they were doing things that would make me fall flat on my butt.  It was incredible to watch.

There was a few guys doing some sort of martial arts with swords.  Very cool.  

Just up the paved path a little further up the mountain were monkeys....thousands of monkeys.  

I've never ever seen so many wild, walking around out of a cage monkeys!

Our guide was terrified of them because she had been "robbed twice" by them. 

I kept a safe distance...not wishing to be robbed, bitten, or otherwise assaulted by them.

Everything has a meaning and a purpose. It seems that nothing was made just to look nice, behind every statue, image, color, placement of anything, architectural design, even the foods they eat,  lies extravagant superstition and religious ritual.  It's all extremely detailed, with many legends and explanations behind it all that seem to be common knowledge among the people and still very much observed in the young generation.  I think it surprised me a bit, that in a country that is formally secular and communist, that most of the people in the places I went  are anything but that.   From what I could tell,  the ancient rituals and traditions mostly come down to two things - fear of evil spirits (and protection from them)  - and trying to gain good luck.  I found it all interesting, as we respectfully listened and learned from our guide throughout the week.  

Deep in so many (if not every) culture is the knowledge and experience that there is a spiritual realm beyond what we can see...and a desire to find their way out of the darkness.  I found it fascinating, and at the same time I'm just so thankful that Jesus isn't just another diety that demands trinkets, rituals, and performance... or that I have to live in fear of lurking evil.  I know I could never find my way to God (or "enlightenment" or "paradise" or righteousness) with my own blind eyes and through my own "good deeds" but I'm so thankful that HE came into that darkness on a rescue mission.  

I was just catching up on some sermons from my church that I missed while we were away (we are working through the book of Mark chapter by chapter) and I was listening to my pastor preach about Jesus healing the man possessed by demons.  It really struck me after hearing, for the past two weeks of touring, about everything we must do to protect ourselves, hide from, and keep evil spirits from bothering us. 

This is a quote from that message regarding the man who couldn't do anything to free himself, protect himself, or find his own way out of the tomb.

"We have a God who pursues people that everyone else has cast aside or given up on. And we have a God who frees and restores those who are bound and oppressed by the enemy. 

This is not try a religion – this is the Gospel – an encounter with Jesus – not a set of rules to follow – but a deliverance – a setting us free from all that enslaves us. This guy is in serious trouble. He can’t pick himself up by his own boot straps – He doesn’t have any boots. This man is in darkness – bound in chains. Oh he can break physical chains, but he is bound in sin – in Satan’s bondage – and he lives in the tombs among the dead. He needs more than education or a change to his environment or anger management classes. He needs more than religion – some rules or rituals or routines…

He needs a Savior! He needs a substitute who will take his sin! He needs a powerful, delivering Hero. He needs Jesus."

Such ornate beauty and attention to detail. Such incredible works of art everywhere.

The memory that stands out most from our visit to this very old Buddhist temple was the bathroom.  Not very profound I know...haha.   I had taken Elijah the first time to a squatty potty at the gov't office building. It was awkward but it was a large spacious private bathroom.  This was only the second time I'd taken him to pee beyond the comfort of our hotel room.  Being that this courtyard was built hundreds of years ago we had the privilege of using an old school squatty potty...rather than the usual  basin built into the floor there was more of a ditch...or a trough.  I was a bit taken a back when I walked in to see several women squatting  over the tiled sewage trough.  Now if it was just me I would have sucked up my pride, and joined in the squat party...but instead I awkwardly maneuvered a child with CP who cannot stand straight, balance, or squat, and attempted to allow him to pee without us both falling into the trough full of unspeakable things.....with bare bummed onlookers watching.  

We both survived..most of our pride intact.

He loved to get out of the stroller any chance he could.  

Another place our guide took us was a museum of the minority groups.   The province of Guizhou has about 48 (if I remember correctly) distinct cultural groups.  Due to the rugged nature of the landscape and these distinct people groups living in remote villages, they live in very traditional ways.  The total of all the minority people groups only make up, together, a very small percentage of the population of China which is mostly Han Chinese. (92%).   Our guide thought it was very likely that Elijah comes from one of the minority groups since his city in the south part of the province is surrounded and made up of many of these ethnic groups...she also thought his eyes, features and skin looked like a couple of specific ones that I can't remember now.  Who knows really...was kind of fun to learn more though.  

So many elaborate costumes, and fascinating traditions.

Now that's some bling.

The decorations are made up of "bubbles and butterflies"...everything has a story behind it and a purpose.

This was our trusty, kind hearted driver Wan (I don't know how to spell his name in English but that's how it sounded).  He was so sweet to Elijah and the most amazing driver I've ever seen.  The traffic and driving was like nothing I have ever witnessed...in. sane.  

Our guide was excellent too, we very much appreciated her knowledge, her humor, and her compassion. 

The day before we left Guiyang we visited some very old interesting buildings right in the city.

In the courtyard a man was doing some sort of scribe work (for lack of a more intelligent description).  He was forming the Chinese characters the old style way with a brush and ink.  An art in itself.  

We had him write on rice paper Elijah's Chinese name and his English one below it..along with the Chinese dates and his signature stamp.  It's really cool looking and I'm planning on framing it to put it up on his bedroom wall. 

This is the finished product (picture taken at home in Canada for Chinese New Year)

Cracking up watching ladies play badminton while we wait for his name to be written.   It was such a beautiful afternoon.  The sun was shining and the temp. rose to about 18 degrees C.  It felt so good. 

We really enjoyed our time in Guiyang.  There were a few things about it that I won't miss (not at all wheelchair accessible = difficult to navigate...squatty pots...and the gawking stares) but there was so much about the place and people that we fell in love with and will always have great memories of.  I think this first week, getting to know our son, and exploring just a little bit of this culture was a highlight of our trip.