Back in Mexico!

The title may be a little misleading.  I wasn't and am not actually back in Baja, Mexico but my husband was for the past week.  It  may now be more clear what inspired my "Sometimes when you're a mom" post.  Single parenting, homeschooling, 4 kids taking turns being sick may have been a factor.  It wasn't all that bad though and I am very happy that my husband had a chance to go visit our second home and family. 

I'm also happy that he is now home with me and the kids.    

I am posting these pictures as I eat dried pineapple coated in "chili" powder.  I am living vicariously through my husbands trip.

{Three faithful, selfless FFHM staff. }

A couple weeks ago we found a cheap flight ($300 from Calgary to San Diego!), booked it, and he made plans to catch a ride down to the mission with his good friend who drives the supply truck down from CA. each week.  

The above photo was taken at the Tijuana house (a place for college students to stay once they "age out" of the children's home).   I've never been there but I know quite a few of the kids from the orphanage who are now college students in Tijuana.

{Little tastes and sights of Mexico.}

 Nathanael only spent a few days at the children's home in Baja but he was able to spend some time with the kids who we already have built relationships with over the past 6 years.  He did some helping out with work, but this trip was much more relational than project oriented. 

I had hoped that this trip would be one of refreshment, fellowship, and encouragement for him.  It sounds like it was all of those things.  His goal was to in some small way be an encouragement to our friends/ staff at the mission and to reconnect with the kids there.  

Below is one of the orphanage staff who is a wonderful father figure to the children there.  

I don't know him all that well but I've seen him with the kids for a number of years now and you can see how much he loves what he does, and loves the kids he cares for.    I don't know what they were laughing at but this picture makes me want to laugh too.   On the video there were little boys wrestling all over the floor like puppies.  Maybe he was just enjoying watching them.   He looks like Jesus to me.  He will probably be embarrassed if he ever sees this blog but I think this pictures captures what joy and love look like.

My little "sobrina" Magai  and " sobrino" Alex at the children's home.  

As "Tia and Tio" (sponsors) we have the amazing privilege to play a small role in these kids life.   We pray for them, help support them, send (and receive) gifts and letters, and of course spoil them with attention anytime we visit.   You may recognize these two from many of last years posts.  

I miss them SO much!

Aili's little amiguita Nancy has grown so much and is no longer a "Cuna" (nursery) baby.

I miss ALL the kids.  They are  growing  and changing so fast, as kids tend to do. 

It happened to be a cool , rainy weekend when my husband arrived but I don't think it dampened his mood too much.

Color!  Flowers!  Oh how I miss nature that isn't either snow white or ca ca mud brown.  

Many of you who have been reading here for a while will remember "the kids who call me Tia".  For lack of a better description.

Quick history.   Kids that we used to sponsor at the children's home.   Went back to live with mom.  Found them again living in squalor, neglect and other heartbreaking conditions.

We prayed, cried, and implored God for guidance and help.

We started looking into options to build them a house.

A house was miraculously provided for and built by an IDT group.  

We spent the rest of our winter loving on, helping, encouraging, and checking on these kids.   

They are "our" kids in Mexico.

There are 6 of them total.  I miss them SO badly.  

The older ones raise and care for the younger ones and by all appearances are doing a very good job.

So encouraging. 

When you pour yourself into loving children sometimes you wonder , especially if it was only for a short time, what difference it could possibly make.   We are realists when it comes to this.  Giving, serving, and loving is complicated, tricky, and takes a lot of wisdom and perseverance.  It is also simple.  As simple as being available. 

Loving isn't a fairy tale always filled with happy endings.  We can't   help everybody.  We can't create perfect carefree lives for anyone.  No matter how hard we try we will never build a utopic world of prosperity and peace.  God doesn't promise any of us any of those things in this life..much less built  by our own hands. 

  

He does command us to be His hands, His feet, and His heart genuinely and lovingly poured out in this hurting world.   I can do for one, one child, one family, one situation, what I wish I could do for everybody.  Sometimes that effects a positive, spirit transforming, life altering change, sometimes it's nothing more than a pair of shoes on bare feet or a much needed kind word.

At the time it seems SO small and insignificant, like just a few loaves and fishes offered to the Lord to use and multiply for His glory.  

So often we don't get to witness how God uses what little we have to offer.  We obey, sacrifice, and step out in faith.

On occasion God does give us a glimpse of what He is doing.  I fall to my knees  in awe as the Spirit of God transforms, heals and makes new,  proving once again His glory in my weakness.   His sufficiency meets my simple trust and blooms into something only God could design.  

It is amazing to check back  a year later and see a 14 year old  still in school,  looking after the needs of her younger siblings, and  a marked up pink bible sitting open on her  kitchen table.  

The oldest two are still in school and working hard. 2 years ago Minerva (the oldest) had never been to school and now she is in 5th grade.  So many cycles being broken.  I pray that the chains of poverty, hopelessness, abuse, desperation, and spiritual bondage are being loosened in this family.   

 I told them last year that we would be their Aunt and Uncle forever.  We are family.   

I am praying preservation, protection and purpose for these kids in a world that wants to exploit, toss aside, trample, deceive, and lure them.   

Life is hard, it always will be.  

I am so completely humbled and filled with gratitude for what God is doing in these kids...and that He has let us witness that.

I pray that we can spend time with them again next winter.

They were so completely surprised when "Tio" (uncle) knocked on their door last weekend.  Little Carmela  in the brown skirt answered and started shrieking "TIO! TIO! TIO!".  My husband was a rockstar surrounded by children "loosing their minds". 

He took them out a couple bags of fruit and a small care package from Auntie Carla in Canada.

Little Louisa has grown so much and was loving her new little backpack.

My handsome boy with his gorgeous smile.  He looks so much older.

I am not the least bit jealous or resentful of my husband, in fact I am thrilled that he went, but it is hard to look at the pictures and not be able to squish and smooch these kids.  

 The beautiful backdrop of the Children's Home.  

The  little man below (our "nephew") at the Children's Home spent a lot of time hanging out with, and generally playing shadow to Tio Nathanael.  

It was so encouraging to hear how well this boy is doing.  He arrived at the children's home last year, with a past that was cloaked in mystery and sadness.  

We spent a lot of time with him last winter but quite honestly he was a challenge to have around.  Feral is the word that comes to mind.  His house parents are saints I tell you.  The many house parents who work  day in and day out here are the ones who deal with the brokenness, damage, training, teaching, and nurturing.  They are doing a wonderful job with this precious boy.  We are just the proud Aunt and Uncle.  

Sometimes when you're a mom...

Sometimes when you're a mom... you make popcorn for supper.

Sometimes when you're a mom you dig around in the laundry hampers to find clothes still clean enough for the kids to wear.

Sometimes when you're a mom you lock yourself in the bathroom, sit on the floor,  and turn on the fan to help block the sound  of wailing and teeth gnashing.

Sometimes when you're a mom you eat the leftover food off of your kids plates.

Sometimes when you're a mom you have muddy foot prints trailing across your kitchen floor but you would rather blog about it than clean it up because chances are those same feet will do it again tomorrow.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids they all share 1 soda at McDonalds and they are told to suck it up because the "toys" don't come with the McBargain burger on the McValue menu.  You feel a strange sense of pride when you feed all six family members for  under $12.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you're pretty sure that at least one of them will end up a psychopath, or at least a petty criminal.

Sometimes when you're a mom you spend a lot of time praying that the above fear doesn't come true.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids Spongebob is your bff.

Sometimes when you're a mom you wish you weren't.

Sometimes when you're a mom you feel really really guilty that you just wished that you weren't.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids and one of them handcuffs himself to a register vent and cries for help.  You    
move. very. slowly. pondering how much less mess he would make stuck in one spot.

Sometimes when you home school, you send them all outside for nature study and then lock the door behind them.

Sometimes when you're a mom you call all your kids by the wrong names.

Sometimes when you're a mom you put the milk in the cupboard.

Sometimes when you're a mom you understand how moms lose it on their kids.

Sometimes when you're a mom you do lose it on your kids.

Sometimes when you're a mom you think you might go crazy.  Then you correct yourself and think you must have been crazy to think you were cut out for motherhood.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids their  teeth get flossed bi-annually.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you wish just one of them were normal.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you consider ketchup a vegetable.

Sometimes when you're kids call "MOM!" you wish you could change your name, and not tell anyone what it is.

Sometimes when you're a mom you try to remember what it was like to sleep in on a Saturday morning but can't.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you crash and fall asleep the same time they do.  Sometimes you stay up really late because you crave silence and don't want it to end.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids and they are all fighting , you are tempted to lock them all in a room together and encourage natural selection.  

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you don't do what is tempting but what you think a good mom would do.

Sometimes when you're a mom you count down the minutes until the kids are in bed so you can break out the Baileys and hot chocolate..or nachos and Corona assuring yourself that you'll work off the calories carrying laundry baskets up the stairs tomorrow.

Sometimes when you're a mom you get barfed on and forget to change your shirt until someone looks at you with disgust and suddenly you remember you're still covered in baby barf.

Sometimes when you have 4 kids you drive to the grocery store unaware that one of your children forgot their shoes, once you realize it ,  you don't care.

Sometimes when you're a mom your kids embarrass you and make you look like a clueless parent. 

Sometimes when you're a mom, you casually walk away and pretend the kid throwing a tantrum doesn't belong to you.

Sometimes when you're a mom you sit at the computer late at night writing to purge yourself of the days stress so you can try again tomorrow.

Soaking in the Spring

The fascination has begun.

What is it with little children and mud?

It is a love affair that is fun to watch, but not so fun to clean up after.

I can't complain.  It is a welcome trade off.  

The bikes are out of storage and Roman has been on a few high speed, fort constructing, raft building adventures already.

After 5 months of being cooped up indoors, my kids are loving being outside.

I am loving it too, despite the wet socks and muddy clothing...

and the muddy foot prints making a trail across my kitchen floor.

My Empty Cradle

11 years ago my husband had spent hours working on this cradle in preparation for our first child.   As the day of our son's arrival drew closer this nearly finished cradle was set aside and work began on a new project.  

A beautifully crafted little box that would hold the ashes of our first born.

The cradle sat empty.

On the bottom was written,  

built in memory of Samuel.

Although Miss Cece moved to a crib several months ago this cradle still sits in her room.  It is typically either filled with toys and stuffed animals or clean laundry that needs to be put away.

If I lay on the floor and look up at the bottom of the cradle there are seven names and birth dates now written on it.

My empty cradle has held more little ones than I ever expected.    

 There was a time when I feared that it would remain empty.  God had a different plan. 

My empty cradle was a part of that purpose.

Beauty out of ashes.

This cradle never held my first born, but what a beautiful way for Samuel's legacy to live on.  

If it hadn't sat empty, would I have been open to allow God to fill it?

{Miss Cece}

{Silas at 2 years old pretending to be a baby}

{Cub}

{Peanut}

It holds so many stories of expectation, grief, longing, joy, learning to be a mother, sickness, love, worry, colic, sleeplessness, goodbyes, and welcoming new life.

{Silas}

{Aili}

{Roman}

I don't know what names will be added to this cradle in the future.   Perhaps my children will borrow it to use for my grandchildren.   Maybe we will add more foster baby's names to the list.  

Only God knows.

"You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

Oh Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

psalms 30:11-12

Letting out the animals

When you run out of space in your house for your kids, just try suspending them from the ceiling.

It's a very efficient use of space.

We have this harness system that carabeeners into a beam in the ceiling (ex-mountain climber dad has a lot of old gear).  As much as I love dodging  high velocity  feet while I cook I am glad that very soon he will be expending his need for speed out on his bike.  

When I say "need" I am not exaggerating. This boy of mine needs motion, preferably energy exerting, constant, muscle straining, and fast.  Hauling fire wood and shoveling snow helps to keep that need at bay but it does little to appease the craving (or keep him and us sane).  I wish we had a big open basement that I could fill with swings, rock climbing walls, and monkey bars. He would maybe survive the winter in Canada a whole lot better...as would my sanity and furniture.

We have finally had a couple days of sunshine and above freezing temperatures. 

They are now running/ flying free in the great outdoors.

Soaking up the sunshine.

.

We have spotted dirt mud.

Summer is on it's way..summer is on it's way...summer is on it's way...

The "last" of the snow is sticky and wet, perfect for making snowmen.  I put the word "last" in quotation marks because it would be an unexpected surprise if we didn't get another snow storm or two in April, but I console myself  that the end is near.  After April comes May...and it rarely snows in May. 

I am loving the warmer temperatures.  I really enjoy air that isn't painful.  

The kids did trade in their big winter coats with lighter "spring coats". 

 One step closer to flip-flops!

I bought Silas' little red jacket at a second hand store for $2.  It's a good quality brand, spotless, fleece lined, and it has a really cool picture of a snow boarder on it so it's Silas approved.  Perfect for this weather.

I love thrift store treasures.  

Yep, won't be long now until the bikes are out.  

The advantage of growing up on the Canadian prairie is the ability to hope...for rain, for summer, for a better crop next year...for little boys riding bikes.

{with sticky snow also comes snowball fights.  Some cope better than others}

Faces

I don't have anything to say today.  

Well, that's not entirely true.  I always have something to say but sometimes I just don't feel like taking the effort to put it into words.

These faces kind of sum it up anyway.

I was playing with my camera a bit.  I borrowed a 55-200mm  lens to try out.  I have a Nikon D5000 with a standard 18-55mm lens.  I really don't do my camera justice yet but I am having fun learning.  

These were just a bunch of random snaps but it captured some very natural faces.

Even if Silas insists on unnatural facial expressions.

It does capture is personality.

This is my very natural face.  Nice to meet you.

Just keeping it real.

Love, Atoms, and Oceans

(scroll down to the bottom of the blog and push pause on the music first to avoid auditory chaos)

 I loved this rhyme performed by  rap artist Propaganda.
Whether you're a believer, a seeker, or a skeptic, I promise you this is totally worth 4 minutes of your day!  This powerful video captures the essence of God and human interaction in a simple, profound, entertaining and relevant way.     So cool!
 (although "cool" probably isn't a good rapper term...fresh?...help me out here, I'm a farm girl).
You could leave me a comment telling me what you thought in your best rhyme or rapper lingo.