Hi, We're Home-schoolers

It might be because we live out in the sticks.
It could be because Roman found the one pair of jeans in his dresser that are  too short and decided to wear them with his "muscle shirt".
Maybe it's because my boys need haircuts but  I haven't bothered to take them into town to get sheered.
It could be my 7 yr old boy frolicking skipping down the sidewalk beside me,
or the baby that doesn't quite match the rest of us,
or the 4 year old who also picked out his own clothes

but for some reason I think we scream "homeschoolers".
That realization dawned on me today as we wandered through town shopping, going to appointments, and running errands.
We may as well start wearing matching denim jumpers.

 I thought we could take our kids out of school and somehow still be cool.   I think I was mistaken.  First of all we never were cool. Now it's just a hopeless cause.

When you spend most of your time at home where it doesn't matter if your t-shirts say "QuickSilver" or "Billabong"....or even if you are wearing a shirt at all...social standards are quick to slide.   Trendy runners and the latest pre-teen fashions are traded for barefeet and and pajama pants.  Carefully gelled  hair is traded for bed head.   That's just the way it is.   Homeschooling is a slippery slope to freakishness.

It struck me today as I walked around town with my well behaved, mismatched, shaggy haired, wide eyed children....we are those homeschoolers that I thought we'd never be.

Of course, I did try to make it out of the house by 9 am with some imitation of normalcy.  Most of their teeth were brushed,  they all had shoes of some sort on their feet, they had combed hair, and were fully dressed.  That seemed like a raving success to me.

We live near a town that doesn't see a whole lot of "different" anything.    It's really no wonder that when school age kids are skipping along side my shopping cart  at 10 am people stop and stare...and ask my children  "Why aren't you in school?".   It's not really a rude question..albeit a little nosey...but seriously my kids are sick of explaining to strangers why they aren't on lock down somewhere until 3.30.   Maybe it's a good thing it's a small town.  Eventually people will stop asking why my kids aren't in school and they can just say "there goes that home school family..oh..and look Roman finally got new jeans!".

I can't really blame the town folk.  We are the ones bucking societal standards.   Although, after  being asked "My God! Those can't all be yours can they?" (I didn't think 4 quite put us on the same bus as the Duggars)  I start to feel like I'm parading a circus through town.

I fully realize that my own insecurity and fear of being "weird" takes over at that point and I suddenly start to notice my child's mismatched socks and high water home-schooler jeans.  It could be only a misguided assumption that we are being stared at because of those things,  rather than because we are all just so stinking cute, but I suspect we are careening down the road to becoming full fledged freaks.

If we stay on this path our kids may never know what it's like to be ashamed of the Walmart clearance rack clothes they're wearing.
How can they ever learn to be the leader of a cool pack when they proudly prance around in second hand shoes?   So NOT cool.

I may be scarring them for life or stunting them socially.

I mean, how will they ever learn their place in the social pecking order if they aren't mocked  and ridiculed on a daily basis?  How will they learn to climb their way up a social ladder by stepping on those below them?
They are destined to be bottom of the rung!

How will they ever learn to comply, and show respect to adults if they aren't institutionalized by the age of 3?  Parents certainly can't demand the sort of respect a teacher can...can they?

How will they ever learn to sit in a classroom  if they aren't sitting in a classroom?  Isn't that what education is all about?...learning to conform?

It's enough to worry any parent.

I suppose, they may never completely fit into societal norms.
They may always be respectful to authority, confident in their individuality,  inspired to follow their natural curiosity  ...and I suspect home educating them may even be making that worse.   Their closest friends may always be their siblings....such a pity it is.

I guess they'll likely never have a healthy social life now that they are destined to be freaks.

  I suppose I have no choice at this point but to embrace "weird".   It will make it that much easier when we get to town only to realize that Silas snuck into the car without his shoes on.   I'll just shrug and say to those who scrutinize us with their stares ...."Hi, we're home-schoolers".

love without a safety net

For some reason I have a whole bunch of current and past situations, losses, dreams, passions, and heartaches swirling around in my heart the last couple days. Sometimes it's hard to stop the vortex long enough to stop and look for God, to seek direction, clarity, and peace.

 I really have no idea what God's doing in me right now.  I find myself fighting for control and asking for a safety net.

Christ's command for us to live our lives defined by love also came with a sacrificial, scandalous example to follow but our western Christian culture has created it's own ideals and models.   I think too many Christians fall for the assumption that God's favor upon us generally  includes comfort,  health,  respect and esteem by others, possessions, and financial security.
  Maybe it's partly because of that notion that we love with limits.

We love when it's safe.
We love when we are shown love in return.
We love when it is in our best interest.
We love when we are feeling fulfilled and happy.
We love when it feels right.

What if loving means losing?   What if loving means being hated in return?
What if God's hand upon our life includes not only blessing but tragedy, vulnerability, illness and loss?  What if the story he is beautifully writing in our lives has whole chapters that we will never fully understand?   What if choosing truth means that we will  be despised, and misunderstood  as we swim against a stream of deception?  What if God is asking us to trust, risk and take a leap without a safety net?

I am a slow learner.  I want so desperately to do things my way.  In my timing.

God's greatest blessings are sometimes found in the places that we fear being taken the most,
or in the moments that are so easily overlooked.











I recently read Mary Beth Chapmans "Choosing to see".  She shares the  heartwrenching, inspiring, beautiful
story that God has written in her life all the way through from her childhood,  to 3 adoption journey's and  the loss of their five year old daughter.   It impacted me over and over as it surfaced emotions, joy, dreams, and even grief that is rarely ever unleashed from it's vault.  Could it be that we stuff all of our  losses, fears, and heartaches into one place where they all kind of combine together ,stored away...until you read a book that describes so many of your own thoughts, fears, and past emotions.  Then they all come trickling out mixed up together until one is indistinguishable from  another.

 The Chapman's heart for the world's parentless, abandoned, and neglected children inspired and challenged me.  It reminded me again of the calling that God placed on my own life years ago.

These were lines in the book that jumped out at me when I read them.

"We felt called to do something about the care and needs of orphans and vulnerable children who might not be adoptable.  We believe that even those children who may not survive for very long are still little treasures  whom God has put in our world to reveal something about himself.
We committed to help , however we could, those who could be cared for medically and eventually become adoptable, those who would need long term care and not be adopted, and those who would simply need a place to be held and rocked until they peacefully entered heaven. "  
Mary Beth Chapman


That is the calling that beats in my own heart.  I can see how God has brought us through so many experiences to show us his faithfulness, our capacity to love, and that we can do hard when he asks us to.

"God is always working to make His children aware of a dream that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream, a new dream that when realized will release a new song, sung with tears, till God wipes them away and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts. " Larry Crab






Speaking of loving even when it's hard, this guest blogger on one of my favorite foster mom blogs had some good things to say.  
Letting go when a foster child leaves
Such a strange kind of loss.  Too many people fear, and few understand.

Little ones to Him belong

Jesus loves me

this I know

for the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to him belong.

They are weak but He is Strong.

Thankyou Si-Fry for reminding me once again of that we may be weak but HE is strong.

Perfect in Weakness

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

I found this verse on a little card under a bed as I was cleaning up mountains of clutter and muttering/complaining to God that I didn't know why he thought I could handle this many kids, with this many extreme personalities, who get their clothes dirty, use dishes, and pee on the toilet seat.  

I'm pretty sure I'm under qualified and that He way over estimated me.  

It was like God had dropped me an instant message directly answering my questions.  

I picked up the card with a picture of a woman running up a hill and read those words over..and over again. 

Sometimes life feels like a cross-country run.  You "hit the wall", feel the burn, wonder what you signed up for, and are pretty much sure you won't make it out alive.  

My grace  is enough for you to bear up under whatever I chose to give  you.

Your weakness, your inadequacy, your inability is a part of my plan, it is the very way that I 

 will show you my complete strength and provision. 

Rest in me.  Keep running.  

I'm not really sure what the photos of my geeky, adorable four year old has to do with that verse but 

I suppose most of the 'weakness' that I have involves my children and my ability to parent, teach, feed, and keep the dust bunnies from taking over the house. 

Seeding season has begun on the farm.  We have entered "spring fever".  The time of year when life gets more hectic.  Hubster is working long hours  in the field and will become a sort of phantom  for the next month.  There have been brief sightings, and traces left by him..but for the most part the man of the house is illusive.  Such is the seasonal life of a farmer.  I am thankful for both him and his work.

On the home front spring sports have begun, our  homeschooling has not yet finished (although the sooner the better),  yard work and my unplanted garden are beckoning,  the laundry continues to be my nemesis, and the baby's teeth are wreaking havoc.  Life continues to spin.

I  LOVE that winter is over and spring has arrived.  The kids are spending hours a day outside lost in their imaginations.

I'm tired.  Nothing new.  This is mostly an overtired, slightly sleep deprived, pointless, ramble...in case you haven't noticed.

I don't know how people manage more than 4 kids. Honestly.  The laundry alone is unbelievable.

.......I wonder if someday we will have more than 4 children?   How's that for a rabbit trail ramble?

I have no idea what God has for our future.   I'd probably be terrified if I did. 

It's a good thing He only gives us light enough for the next step.  He's writing our story and as much as I'd like to skip ahead to the end for a sneak peak,  that's not how God works.  

I know the passion he has placed at the very heart of our family, what I don't know is what God is going to do with that.

I have weird kids.  No really, I do.

Spazzy.  Quirky.  Dorky.  

I know everyone is made unique...but honestly I think some are more unique than others.

That's a nice way of saying odd.

It's a good thing they're cute.

The big kids took a hiphop class this winter  and this was their costumes.  The big recital was this past Sunday   

It was cute to watch.  They both love a stage.  Where they lack in talent they made up for with enthusiasm and swagger. 

They had a lot of fun with it.  Romeo was the only boy in the bunch but he didn't seem to mind. 

My kids may be diagnosably unique but they are good for entertainment value.  

I may keep them around for that purpose alone.

With all the "weakness" going on in this house...we're leaving a whole lotta room for God's glory to shine.  

Motherhood is not for sissies

Motherhood is not for women with weak stomachs,

or white carpets.

It's not for women afraid to fight for a child, even if it means sleeping on the streets of Port au Prince.  

Motherhood is not for women who refuse to believe in miracles or 

refuse to have a car filled with cracker crumbs and cheerios.

Motherhood is not for women unwilling to protect,

unable to sacrifice,

too wimpy to discipline,

or incapable of pulling Legos out of the toilet with her bare hands.

Motherhood is not for woman too proud to stand and cheer the last runner across the finish line,

or too weak to pull a door off of it's hinges. 

Motherhood is for the caring and courageous women who change the world

 with every diaper they change,

skinned knee they kiss,

car pool they drive,

and lecture they give.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

 to all you warrior mama's who face blood ,sweat and tears

to sacrifice your hearts, your time, your sleep, and your own bodies...

for the life of another.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

to the single mama's,

the  empty nest mama's,

the mama's to many,

the mama's to one,

the waiting mama's ,

hoping mama's,

and expecting mama's.

Take this day to cherish your family, enjoy some rest, and reflect on this high calling of Motherhood.

Easter in Seattle and a special Happy Birthday!

Easter at Qwest … Without the Rain | The Mars Hill Blog




This year in Seattle, WA there was an enormous Easter church service held at a sports stadium.  God is doing great things in what was once the most "unchurched" city in America.  I have a few ties to that city.   I married a man  that grew up near Seattle.  He and I spent 3 years living in the Pacific Northwest.  Our first son was born and died  in Federal Way, WA.    My husband's only sister lives in Seattle and last year she began attending Mars hill down town campus church.  Since then, I have been actively following sermons, events and the work being done in and through this church.   God has done an incredible work in my sister in law and he used this loving, bold, truth speaking body of believers to breath life and faith into her.  Needless to say , I'm a fan.

I conspired, wished and dreamed of attending this event with her but alas it was not to be.  Maybe another year.  Fortunately for us we can watch it online.  If you're curious about who Jesus is and what all the fuss is about 2000 years later...or if you just want to be encouraged by around 18,000 other Christ followers celebrating Easter Sunday take a look.  It's pretty sweet.  Click on the link above.

The first part of the video shows a little clip of some kids talking about Easter.  After that the singing, sermon and nearly 700 baptisms begins.  I loved the old school music!   Don't miss the "resurrection/baptism" party at the end.  

I can't post about this service without also bragging about my dear bsff ( "Best sister friend forever" I know that's totally cheesy but it's kind of our inside joke...well not so much "inside" anymore).  She is one of my very dearest friends as well as a sister.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.

If you watch three row up  behind the drummer ,in the golden robed choir, you might catch a glimpse of  her.
There is a moment that absolutely made me cry...and I'm not a crier.
"How Great Thou Art" transitions into "How Great is Our God" (quite possibly two of my fav. songs) and you can see my sister with her hand raised belting it out, knowing and believing every word she is singing.

Our God is great!

 It is a painful, tragic and stunningly beautiful redemptive story that God continues to write in her life.   I  mentioned our long lost sister here briefly before when she spent a few weeks with us last July.    God brought her into our lives 2 1/2 years ago after more than 2 decades of no contact.  My husband hadn't seen her since they were children, and I had never met her.  To know where she came from,  what God brought her through and where she is standing now...in this video....leaves me speechless.   I  can't help but share with you one of the dearest people in my life.

 I am looking forward to spending another month this summer with her and her adorably goofy son. We have so much fun together!  She is hilarious.
  She is an inspiration to me and one of the most genuine people I've ever known.  A beautiful example of extreme forgiveness, grace in the midst of persecution,  and unselfish love even towards those who could not show her love in return.   She exudes a quiet trust that God is her defender, her Father and her partner.

She lives an inner city life as a single mama. She spent most of her life without a family (which makes me wish we didn't live 1000 miles away!).  Her own life is still not easy , but she is a blessing to all those who know her.   Her apartment is always open to those in need, she usually has a few extra kids around,  she has been a surrogate mom to abandoned babies, and she sews quilts for prostitutes...just to brag on her a little.  She will be embarrassed.  She is learning, growing, and passionate about her new faith in Jesus.  You really can't even shut her up about it...she'll tell anyone she can how much Christ has done for her.

My blog friends, TODAY is her birthday.  She will be celebrating it by riding city buses with her son, being a mama, plugging coins into a machine at the laundry mat, and getting ready for her son's big birthday party tomorrow.  This special lady's birthday may just come and go like any other day.   I wish so badly that we could spoil her, make her a cake and have a big old family party...but she's there and her family is here.  She does have a lot of really great friends in Seattle and a fantastic church family.

If you have a minute pop on over to her knew blog  "We are more than"   browse a little, follow,  and wish her a happy birthday.  

I love her title "We are more than.."
Maybe you've heard that song from 10th Avenue North "You are more than" ?

She is so much more than...
Brook, you are a beautiful woman, a beloved daughter of the most high God,  a warrior mama, and a faithful servant of Christ.  (even if you're sink is always full of dirty dishes)


Today we celebrate you and all that you are in the eyes of God!

Going backwards

Sometimes when you're a mom...

one of your kids completely baffles you (or all of them do in completely different ways).  

You can feel him retreating, resisting, and disconnecting.  

Nothing is working.

You pray, fast, and ask God for wisdom.

Sometimes the answer is humbling.  Sometimes the answer isn't at all what you expected but you are thankful 

and hopeful that the breach can be repaired.

Sometimes when you're a mom,  you are sad to realize how insecure one of your children truly is.  You realize how fearful he is of being "sent away" like the others.   You are shocked to discover how confused he is about how he came to be part of his family and how long he will be staying.  Too young to express or understand his fear, he acts it out and hides it behind whatever control he can find.

You want to scream  and pull out your hair because this child does everything he can to keep you at an angry distance.  You realize just how thick his walls mistrust have become.

Sometimes when you're a mom you realize that you need to go backwards for a little while in order to move forward.

My sweet baby boy, 

you can be my baby again as long as you need to be.

I will give you the assurance, the affection, the attention now that I am realizing you so desperately need but are so good at convincing us that you don't want.  

God gave us you.

You came from me and will always be mine.

You are forever loved.

Sometimes when you're a mom

you realize just how high the stakes are, and how easily a problem can be overlooked while it takes root and grows.

You hope that with God's wisdom, grace and provision you won't screw it up completely.