Valentines day Bingo

We don't make a huge deal about Valentines day, especially now that we're not in public school with the usual card exchanges and parties.  It could easily go by unnoticed for the most part.  I'm kind of a cheap skate that way.  I just dislike spending money on commercialized money grabbing holidays.   Maybe I just like to be a nonconformist or maybe it's my own little way of "sticking it to the man" or most likely I'm just a  slightly cynical Fuddy Duddy.  My perspective is that we should be showing our loved ones that we love them every day by our words, actions, priorities and time.  A lifetime of sweet conversations, gentle eye contact, chubby little armed hugs is worth more than a Sponge bob heart shaped box of candy once a year.  

I like what my friends in Mexico call Valentines day.  "Dia de amor y amistad"

Day of love and friendship.   More than just cheesy "will you be my valetine?"  I guess I can embrace a day that reminds us to show the people who are important to us how special we think they are.  

Now that I have proven myself entirely unromantic and a total stick in the mud, I'll let you peak in on our unconventional Valentines Day.  We hadn't planned it in advance but we woke up that morning and decided to quickly make some cookies and drive nearly 2 hours to go and deliver them to some special people.   We  put the home school book work on hold for the day and chose a "life school" day instead.  

We whipped up some cookies and the kids pulled out all the crafting supplies.

We picked up a flower arrangement along the way and drove out to see my grandparents. 

We don't go to visit nearly often enough.  

I love my Grandpa!  I'm so lucky to still have 2 living Grandmas and 1 Grandpa.  They lived just down the road from us when I was a kid and I spent a lot of time at their house.  I loved to help feed the cows, ride in the tractors, and help Grandma shell peas from her garden.  My Grandpa was always so big and tall and strong to me.  His hands are still huge, and marked by his years of hard farm work.  His memory is good, but all those years of loud machinery ruined his hearing, making conversation difficult.  Sometimes actions speak louder than words though.  

Miss Cece loved leading around her great Grandma.   My Grandma is as sweet as she ever was but now she lives in a perpetual state of childlike surprise and wonder.   She is always happy to see us and she adores seeing the children.  She calls them "my little girl" and "my little boy".  The flowers and cookies we left will pleasantly surprise her every time she sees them, as she wonders aloud who would have left them in her room.   

My favorite memories of my Grandma will always include music.  She is a very talented natural musician who taught herself to play by ear.   While we visited in her room we asked if we could walk out to the main sitting area so she could play piano for us, and so Aili and Roman could play their new songs for her.   She asked my Grandpa "Where is my piano?  I don't know where my piano is.  Is there a piano here do you think?"  (that made me a little sad because her well worn piano is still back at the farm house).   She was pleasantly surprised to find a piano, the same one she plays everyday in the nursing home, and began to play for us.   Her fingers bounced across the keys with ease as she played.  Locked away in her memory is music.   She couldn't remember where her piano was but she still remembered the old hymns.  

She doted on little Cece.  It was so sweet.   She said a few times  "I just can't imagine where she got all that dark hair from".   I don't even try to explain.  I just shrug my shoulders and laugh along with her, enjoying the moment.  I notice that her joyful laugh hasn't changed.  

We just happened to arrive in time for the monthly Birthday party/ Bingo game.  The kids were being so good that we decided to stay and play.   The kids had fun watching for their numbers.  Grandpa, the perpetual mechanic, had torn apart his hearing aids (trying to "fix" them) so he couldn't hear any of the numbers.   Grandma got the hang of it after a while and then she was such a pro she kept three cards going.  

Who would have thought playing Bingo in a nursing home would be so much fun?  I didn't.  As it turns out visiting a seniors home is a great way to "socialize" my kids.   They got to practice being patient, considerate and careful around those who walk slowly and unsteadily with walkers.  They practiced breaking down their discomfort over disability and frailty.  They practiced showing kindness and respect to those who have lived long and interesting lives. 

BINGO!

Roman even won the first round and scored $6!

The boys were thoroughly impressed that the TV in this main room  had a Wii.  We didn't play with it but my boys thought they must be some pretty cool old people.  

I think Cece was everybody's granddaughter for an afternoon.  She sure wasn't lacking for attention. 

Our Valentines day didn't include a romantic get away, or a box full of cards, but it turned out to be a pretty special day of love and friendship.  

{Me and my Grandma}

A Burlando in Haiti

 I have been a lazy blogger.  Life around here has been both busy and mundane so I haven't had much ambition to write.  Our biggest event this past few weeks was that the man of the house was gone for 2 weeks.  Me and the kids held down the fort at home while we gave the Dad of the house our blessing to go and work in Haiti.  We survived without him...barely.

My parents have lived and worked there on and off for several years.  Originally they were based out of Port au Prince but since the earth quake they have lived in Dessalines.  Other than seeing occasional pictures we really weren't sure what life was like for them there or even what they really did.

My parents asked my Hubster (who works for them on their farm) if he would be willing to come to Haiti and share some of his cabinet making/ woodworking skills.  He honestly wasn't all that eager.
We had just got back from Mexico, he wasn't keen on leaving his family for that long, and quite truthfully....we've heard Haiti isn't exactly a popular travel destination, but we decided it would be a good opportunity for him to go.

The trip turned out to be a great experience for him (I told him so..wink) and he thoroughly enjoyed his time there.  He was full of stories when he got home.  Since I wasn't the one experiencing it or doing the work I can't really write much about it.  The pictures he took are pretty cool though , so I thought I'd share some.

My Dad with some neighbor kids.  It's really hard to find a picture where most of them have clothes on.  Kids often don't wear any....my boys would love it there. 

This young husband and father works with my Dad on his projects.  His wife and four kids stopped by the mission one day and Nathanael gave them each a toy.   We barely left room for clothes  in his suitcase with all the sundresses and toys we sent along (if I can't go...I at least have to send something).  It looks like they got some new duds at some point too.  This family lives in a typical mud hut and struggles like every other family.  I think this family is gorgeous!  Pictures like this give me hope. 

Haiti is such a mix of beauty and suffering. 

It was surprisingly expensive to rent a spot on the beach on Sunday afternoon.

Strangely enough, after all the terrifying scenarios I had run through my mind when sending my husband to Haiti, I didn't expect his run in with death to be at the beach.  While he was swimming under water a Jet ski came buzzing through the roped off swim area at full speed.  My Hubster heard a funny noise and popped his head out of the water just as the jet ski roared by his face.  It actually skimmed his head.   A few more inches and ...it would have been really bad.  I'm very glad that my husbands head is still attached to his neck.  

There were a lot of angry spectators  and the guy was dealt with by the police. 

Toll bridge anyone?

My Dad and a friend.  

The dude that the city is named after.

The dude that builds stuff.  He's kind of cute.  These are some of the (unstained) cabinets that he built doors  on during his two weeks there.  These are in my parents kitchen.  I suspect that they are happy to have cupboards to keep out the dust....although they probably won't last long with the termites. They build kitchens with as much cement and steel as possible.  He built about 60 cabinet doors for various buildings during his stay. 

Speaking of cute.  This is a little girl I wish my husband could have packed home with him.  She lives at the same orphanage that my Haitian sister has been living at.  The teenage girls at the orphanage take on the mothering role for the babies and toddlers there.  This has been my sister's side kick for nearly two years.   It will be hard for them to separate I'm sure.  She isn't "adoptable" though, even though she has no family, has been abandoned, and has always lived at an orphanage.  I find that really sad that she is destined to grow up without a family.  I wish adoption rules included more common sense. 

  

My husband and a friend woodworking.  He was telling me stories of this Haitian man and his twin brother.  They are both built like ox.  He said they can carry 3 x 100lb bags of cement on their heads.  300lbs! 

A visit to the orphanage that has been my sisters home since the earthquake.  She lives with my parents while they are in Haiti though (they come back to the farm in the spring). We are hoping she will be home in Canada with them soon.  It's been 2 years of red tape and jumping through hoops already.  

A typical home in Dessalines.

Apparently little boys are ninja warriors in other countries too.

A regular, and loud, cultural experience.  A "ra-ra"

Lots of rice fields.

I'm conflicted because I find this both disturbing and funny.  

They've got all the options covered if you get hurt.

Get in...you're mostly dead anyway. 

A relic from the past.

Dessalines is surrounded by mountains that are speckled with old forts.  

Ingenuity. 

The kids liked seeing themselves in the view finder of the camera.

This tough old lady was quite impressed with seeing an image of herself in the camera.  Chances are she's never seen herself in a picture...or maybe even mirror.  

My husband, my parents and my littlest sister.  So proud of each one of them.

Making Home

   I don't think people use the term "home maker" as a job description much anymore, it went out of style and has since become slightly archaic.    I don't usually use the title to describe myself either but I do see home, and being the maker of it as a high calling.   What is our home and what am I trying make?

Firstly, our home is a hub of never ending activity.  This comes naturally.  As a family of 6 people, with 4 children at home all day, it is bustling, bursting and brimming with conversations, questions, projects and creative mess.  Our house is far from a show home with formal sitting rooms and carefully selected decor.  Our home is lived in and it is lived in well.   There is not a room in the house that does not scream "children live here!", or a space that is not utilized to it's fullest potential.  Years ago, I took pride in neat perfection, carefully placed decorations that showcased my individuality and style....now I take pride in a sink full of dishes washed and 6 loads of clean laundry successfully put away.  

Home is a place of learning.  We have chosen to educate our kids in a family integrated , home based kind of way.  We have a non conveyor belt educational philosophy that ensures our home is a messy one.   My table is usually covered with notebooks, workbooks, a laptop and various crafting supplies.   My bookshelves are crammed packed full of various novels, biographies, children's books, and classic literature.  Our floor is covered with lego creations.  My kitchen is full of little people learning how to make a salad and crack eggs into a frying pan.  I have a model of the Nile Delta in my entry way growing grass as it is flooded each week.  Each one of us is learning, discovering, and growing... from the toddler to the grownups in the house.

Home is a sanctuary.  In a world that opposes, ridicules, and tears down, I want our home to be a place that encourages, edifies and builds up.  In a world that is filled with deception and  shallow flattery.  I desire home to be a place where truth is spoken,  hearts are opened and vulnerability isn't exploited.  Successes are celebrated by us all.  Even small victories like Cece using the potty is met with cheers, dancing and singing from her older siblings.  Disappointments and hurts are shared among us all as we learn to serve and comfort each other.  

Home is a place where a lot of mistakes are made and grace is given.  No one in our home is above the need for regular repentance and forgiveness, including the grown ups in the house.   Our kids hear us say "I'm sorry, will you forgive me"  as they are taught how by example what humility, grace, and forgiveness looks like.   

Home is a place that always has room at the table for one more.  Our doors are open.  Our hearts are open.   If God brings us another little blessing we will joyfully squeeze in another bed.  Our meals aren't fancy, our table is small, and our couch is second hand but we desire our home to be a place that embraces true hospitality.   A place we can share warmth and welcome with others.

Our home is the place where our legacy begins.  My treasure is not built in business, land, or bank accounts.   My inheritance will not be something I leave for my children someday, it will be my children.  I am investing in that legacy now.   The futures of our children, our grand children, our great grandchildren are built or devastated by our priorities now, in this short season of motherhood.  With each choice of selflessness, with each hard lesson learned, with each relationship nurtured, with each tender conversation, and reassuring hug I am building my inheritance.    While other women appear to leave me in the dust aiming for corporate careers, grande personal endeavors, applause and appreciation, I smile and wait, because those things are not my prize. I have set my eyes on something that will take time, so I will rock my babies.  I will teach my children. I will enjoy the people they are becoming.  Someday when the rest of those efforts are nothing but dust and rubble, my treasures will live on.   

Our home is a place where Jesus is celebrated and our mission begins.  Faith is not just something we tack onto a long to-do list.  It is not a compartment to fill, a balance to keep, or a list of rules to follow...it is our life.  We desire to live out the gospel both in word and in deed in front of our children, as we are transformed and regenerated.  In our home the Bible is opened.  It is studied, talked about, absorbed, and applied.  Prayers are uttered.  Gratitude is given.  Jesus is king. 

So, if you come to my home you might notice that the floor needs to be washed,  and there are baskets of laundry waiting to be conquered.  I might have to warn you to enter the bathroom at your own risk.
You will never want to look under our couch cushions, or inside the closet that all 4 of my children share.  You might even critique that the tv is on too much, and there is frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.  I may confess to you that I have nagging parental insecurity and fears.  You will see that we are so very far from perfect.     

At the end of the day, I'm not striving for a perfectly arranged house, with china tea cups carefully displayed on window sills.  I'm not building a mirage.  I'm building a home and a home is so much more than a place of residence. It may look messy, it usually appears random, it certainly won't be perfect, and sometimes what is planted takes years to grow but ...

it's home.

p.s

Every one of our homes will be as different in dynamics as the people who make up the home.  I should clarify that I am not saying mothers should never ever have a career, hobbies, or income or that the only reasonable way to educate kids is at home.   During this season of life we have chosen to focus on child raising as our priority and we have arranged our lifestyle around that.   As  children's needs, ages, and seasons change so will our dynamics.  I think the big idea is that as a mother my heart should be oriented home, and my priorities/ time should reflect the significance of how important that task of motherhood is.  If  my quantity of time, my energy, my passion, my focus is directed away from my family, then my children will be effected (this includes dads too).  My home will be made more by accident than by careful intention. 

I married the wrong person

I may as well get that right out in the open.

I did not marry my "soul mate", nor did I marry someone who completes me.   He doesn't make me happy.  He wasn't my ticket to a better life.  He didn't  make me want to be a better person, in reality, marriage tempted me to become a much worse person.

{August, 10 1996}

It didn't take long into my whirlwind engagement and marriage at the age of 19 years old to realize these things.    However, it took me at least a decade to figure out that "making me happy" wasn't  a part of my husband's job description or even a healthy way to look at marriage.   When two needy people run toward each other like human vacuums it doesn't create a self sacrificing, servant hearted, loving atmosphere...it creates life sucking chaos.

  Contrary to what popular romantic culture, and the Bachelor, would have us believe there is no perfect "soul mate" waiting to "complete" us.   In reality marriage is two kingdoms colliding, but there is a third Kingdom that enables us to become one...even if that oneness is still sometimes messy.


 I should probably break it to you now....you didn't marry the "right" person either. "The one" who will make your dreams come true doesn't exist. You most likely married someone with baggage, selfishness, unhealthy coping skills, and pride.   The most astonishing news of all might be that...your spouse married that wrong person too!   We ALL marry the "wrong" person because we are all wrong people.  Two sinners doing life together most certainly does NOT equal happily ever after without a whole lot of effort.   This doesn't mean being married to that person is wrong.  Just because marriage isn't always sunshine and roses, doesn't mean that God doesn't have a glorious purpose for your relationship.

  "I married the wrong person", "love shouldn't be work", and  "I deserve to be happy".  I've heard even Christians say these things as they walk away from a marriage.  If these lies are becoming a regular part of your thought life and you are tempted to give up hope... the good news is that a great marriage doesn't come without the bad times, it comes after them...when we are willing to do the tough stuff to get through it.  A good marriage comes from years of perseverance, sacrifice, and tenacity.   It is shaped in the fires of mistakes, disappointments, failures, repentance and humility. (Of course, if one person selfishly walks away there isn't much the other person can do but pick up the pieces.)

In all truth, I will only ever need one "soulmate".   There will only ever be one who fulfills me.   There is only one who can bring me true joy.  There is only one Savior and one God who will love me perfectly.  Out of that perfect love I have been given all I need to love my spouse.  Instead of bitterly focusing on what your spouse doesn't do, or who he isn't like, focus on Jesus ...what He did, who He is.

"Because Jesus has done everything for you, you can do everything for others without needing others to do anything for you. That's freedom!"  Tullian Tchivijian

We can't continue to view marriage as a 50/50 arrangement.  Both the husband and the wife will keep score differently and become frustrated when they don't see the other pulling their fair share.  Marriage has to be 100%.  We have to give 100% regardless of what our spouse does or doesn't do.  In time you might just love her into being  lovable, or respect him into being respectable.  

 When we expect things from our husband that can only come from God, we have turned him into our god, our functional savior.   He becomes our idol.   That which we idolize we will also come to demonize when they fail to rescue us, perfectly love us, or live up to all our expectations.   It won't take long before all we see are the failures. Our vision becomes colored by our own bitterness.  Sadly that's where most people lose hope, count their losses, and bail out.

I remember specific days, months and years that I assumed this would eventually be our tragic end.  I thought about it, expected it, and sometimes even prepared for it.   Although I didn't ever leave the marriage legally, I did bail out emotionally....and that's really not much better.  It was a lonely place to be.

By God's grace our story didn't end there.

There is hope for renewal.  There is hope for a beautiful, deep, soul nurturing friendship with our spouse.
Instead of saying "I deserve a new spouse" or  "I deserve to be happy".  We should start with the question  "How can I BE a new wife to my husband?"
"How can I BE a better friend?"
"How can I love him like Jesus loves me?" (even when you don't even like him all that much)
Start by praying that your own heart would be changed....then pray for him in an unselfish way.

After all, love isn't a feeling that we passively fall in and out of.....true love is a choice, it is an action.   True love isn't following our shallow little hearts it is purposefully leading our hearts.   True love isn't doing what feels "right", it's doing right even when we don't feel like it.

{15 years and more in love than ever}

What if we looked at marriage as a journey toward holiness rather than our recipe for happiness (If that recipe didn't work for us, we throw it out and try another).  As we learn to forgive, repent, and show grace we start to image Christ a little more.    As the years slowly start to chip away our own selfishness and pride we start to view our spouse a little more like Jesus does...and we start to actually see our own sin instead of just magnifying theirs.

Fifteen and a half years after those two starry eyed strangers walked down the isle together, I can honestly say we are more in love, we are better friends, and we actually like each other (most of the time).  We are no longer looking at each other through lenses filled with stars and rainbows, or lenses filled with bitterness and hurt....we are looking through lenses of grace and truth.

I adore my husband, not as my functional savior, but as my best friend.
When he's away, I eagerly anticipate his return.  I feel like a part of me is amputated
because
we have FUN together.
We laugh with each other.
We are honest with each other.
We enjoy each other's company.
We pray for and with each other.
We serve others together...and we serve each other.
He helps me want to be more like Jesus.

I thank God that my life is blessed by him.

He loves, leads and sacrificially serves his family in a way that reflects more and more how Christ loves, leads and sacrificially serves the Church.  

You can have a new marriage with the SAME spouse too!  It is possible through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit at work in two selfish hearts.   We are living proof of that beautiful resurrection marriage.

                                                           
Here are some resources that have recently been helpful in our quest to love each other better.  You have to start somewhere...and that usually starts with one person deciding that the marriage is worth fighting for.

A new book that we recently read together is called "Real Marriage, the truth about sex, friendship, and life together."  It was a very helpful, very vulnerable, very honest, ...and apparently (based on some reviews) even a little bit controversial  look at marriage.  I suppose it's "controversial" because it doesn't shy away from Biblical truth but at the same time it isn't filled with sugar coated churchy platitudes. It talks about real issues that affect real marriages in this generation, within the framework of God's design for marriage. It may not be written for the 80 year old organ player at your church, but in our hyper-sexualized, confused culture...it is very timely.

We liked it.   It's focus on marital friendship was refreshing.

My home church has also started a marriage series along the same themes.  Check it out...so far it's really good.  Seriously, put it on your ipod and listen to it.  You can find the first sermon here.http://gracesask.com/media/?sermon_id=70  . The first message is  "New marriage , same spouse".   If you look back a few weeks there are some really great sermons on things like forgiveness and bitterness that aren't part of the marriage series but are super good....and obviously apply to marriage as well.

Another book , that I haven't read yet but I hear is really good, is a book by
Tim Keller called "The meaning of Marriage"


Looks like it's the year of reclaiming our marriages!

Why settle for a lifeless marriage when God wants to transform our marriages into something that reflects both the beauty of the gospel and the oneness of the Trinity.

Flush and Wash

"Contrary to what we have typically heard (and been enslaved by), Christian growth is not becoming stronger and stronger, more and more competent. Christian growth and progress is marked by a growing realization of just how weak and incompetent we are and how strong and competent Jesus continues to be for us. Spiritual maturity is not marked by our growing, independent fitness. Rather, it’s marked by our growing dependence on Christ’s fitness for us. "   Tullian Tchividjian




I love this quote.  Thought I'd share it for all you moms, wives, and Christians out there who look at the task ahead and wonder what God was thinking when he picked you for it.  How on earth did God think I could raise this goofy brood.  


For all of you who still say silly quotes like "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"....phooey is what I say.  He does it all the time.   The only way we fail is when we assume we CAN handle it all on our own.  


For all of you moms who swear that if you have to tell someone to "flush and wash", "Stop picking your nose", or "pick up that towel" one more time you will have  stroke.  


For all the moms who take little vacations behind the locked door of the bathroom.   
This is good news!  We don't have to be super woman!   




So pull up your big girl panties,  roll up your sleeves, stop the whining....and just abide.   Trust.   Rest.

{This is for all the moms who will never get the hang of being woke up at 6am every morning}