Emerging from Hibernation.

Spring has arrived in all it's muddy, sunny shining splendor.   Finally, after a ridiculously long winter that had worn out it's welcome more than an extended visit from an overly opinionated mother in law.  We weren't sure we would survive with sanity intact. 

Today was the first day, since coming home nearly three months ago, that Elijah was able to play outside.  Three long months of basically being cooped up indoors.  There really was no way for him to go out and actually play while there was still snow on the ground.  His primary way to get around while  he plays is his bunny hop crawl.  Plant his right hand, then scoot his knees and repeat. That or walking with his fore arm crutch.  He could do neither in the snow...which wasn't much fun. 

Today our back lawn was mostly free from snow and dry enough to play on.  

After this long winter no one seemed to mind that it's still brown.

The kids found the sand box toys, and lawn chairs in the shed and spent the entire afternoon outside.  I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing.  

Elijah was so very happy to be out playing with the rocks.  

He's just such a typical little boy in every way.

This is his cheesy phony grin. 

I'll take what I can get these days though.  We're trying to get Elijah used to wearing his new torture racks AFO's (leg braces).   Today we were up to wearing them three times for a couple hours each time.  It takes a lot of stretching, bending, and discomfort just to get his foot into them properly.  He despises them...and I'm pretty sure he despises me when I pull them out.  There are still some issues with rubbing and bruising but we discovered this week, after going in to try to get them adjusted again, that his foot just wan't in it properly.  His heels were popping up and then getting pinched in the hinge.  Now that we know how forceful we have to be, his poor little heels are no longer getting pinched...just rubbed. Beyond the rubbing, he's being forced to use muscles that are not accustomed to being used, and lengthening tendons that don't like to be stretched.  So we've had more than our usual share of tears this week. I'm reminding myself that, although we'd all be happier if he was wearing slippers all day,  that's not what's good for him.  My love for him means I care more about his health, progress, and growth than I do about his immediate comfort.  My love for him means allowing him to experience some pain, bringing things into his life that press, and mould, and stretch him, at the same time assuring him that I'm right there with him.  

I'm glad that God loves me enough to care more about my growth, progress, and maturity than he does about my comfort....although I don't typically appreciate the stretching at the time.   I admit this past few months have stretched, pulled, and rubbed in ways that have been  uncomfortable.  

Silas is such a good "big" brother.  He was encouraging Elijah to stand up and start walking to mommy.   Elijah was protesting.  It's easier just to sit or crawl.

Although once he gets going his enthusiasm kicks in and he's eager to show off. 

His balance has improved so much in just the few days that he's been wearing his new hinged AFO's.   It's remarkable.  

He still falls a lot.  Walking is hard work.

This winter we had a crazy amount of snow.   Now that the weather has warmed up, all that snow has to go somewhere. 

It's called run-off.

Creeks spring up in places that are usually dry.  Water fills ditches, flows over roads, runs into basements, and tempts little boys. 

A couple days ago I was giving my boys a lecture about the dangers of the fast moving run-off water. I told them that they are not allowed down to the creek without supervision.

Silas replied, with a confused and incredulous look on his face 

"But how can I get Super Vision?  You don't even have Super Vision.  You only know when I do bad things because of the sound effects"

So there you have it.  Water safety 101...do not play in or near flood water unless you have either x-ray vision or super-vision....because you're going to need to see mom coming for you in time to run and hide. 

Q and A - part 2

So, here is part two of my Q&A.  Thank you for your questions...it succeeded to bring Spring my way, or at least distract me for a few hours while I waited.   I've been a really lame blogger lately but maybe now that we are emerging from hibernation life might seem more worth documenting once again.  Sorry if a few of the answers run a bit long.  Feel free to skip to questions that actually interest you.  

Here goes...

-How did you get started on your vacation/mission trips to Mexico and what is some advice you would give to someone (me) who is interested in doing something similar?
-Did you foster kids you knew you were not going to adopt, or was the intention always to adopt and it just didn't work? What are the difficulties of the aftermath or present-math of those situations? What is the oldest age you have fostered?
-Who is that tiny baby in pink you're holding in one of the above pictures?
-How do your kids respond to doing different types of schooling?
-do you bake bread everyday?!
-do you have a fail-proof bread recipe? (Without a bread maker.)
-What first attracted you to your husband? How do you guys compliment each other? 
-What is your favorite book (that is not the Bible or a Christian book)?


1.  Mexico trips:  How we got started going to Mexico is a bit of a long story but I've highlighted a bit of that journey here.    My first trip to Baja, Mex. was back in 1999.  We have learned so much over the years as we have served and visited in different capacities and places over the last decade.  We've learned many many lessons the hard way.   Anytime you step out into this messy world, particularly into areas wrought with poverty and brokenness of every kind...there are no easy answers.  It's humbling and it will remind you that you are not a Savior of anyone.  The only answer ultimately is Jesus.  Knowing how exactly we enter into that  is the tricky part.

One huge lesson we have learned over the years is that, if you're going to volunteer or align with a Christian ministry for any significant amount of time, or any significant amount of money, it is very important that you find one that is healthy.   I'd say that goes for any church or a charitable organization.  It's very hard to judge a charity by news letters, web sites, and short visits though because the whole point of those things are to gain a donor base, and it's very easy to create a facade.  We've been burnt by thinking we could thrive or even survive under an umbrella of unethical conduct, shady theology, an "end justifies the means" attitude.  It has surprised us how broad a wake of destruction can be caused under a perceived "good".   That doesn't mean we don't embrace, serve and partner with brothers and sisters from varying denominational backgrounds, or theological tribes.  We don't expect perfection from any human or ministry, but we've learned there is a huge spectrum between healthy and unhealthy ministry.  No matter where we find ourselves we desire to show grace, because we realize how much we need that grace too.


  Right now we're just open to what God has for us with these trips, whether that's going longer term, staying home, relocating to a different area,  or looking at different ministry options that might work for larger families.

The last couple trips we've taken down to Baja have been for shorter time periods (because of foster parenting) and we viewed them more as a family vacation/adventure with some broader purpose woven in.  We just love it down there.   In reality everything we do as a family is "missional"....even our family adventures.  We have visited friends we've made over the years and help out where we can.

We've seen how beneficial these trips, and our time spent in another culture have been for our kids.  It has shaped who they are, and how they view the world around them.  I don't think it's wrong as parents to do trips like this for the benefit of our kids, because the things we do down there will have a more lasting impact on them than it will on anyone we've known there.

Answer to the money question:    We have funded our own recent trips down (not actively raising money) and don't sell them as "mission trips" (not that we are in any way opposed to doing that)...we don't view them in that manner, since "mission" encompasses our whole life.  Our trips have just been a relocation of that. In the past couple years our kids have raised money before hand to fund outreach ideas of their choosing (buying groceries for a single mom family of several children, buying Christmas presents for children, helping with  a Christmas party etc.)

 Last winter we didn't think we would make it down, but we had booked a rental house ahead of time hoping we could.  We needed to either confirm or cancel.  We just did NOT have the money...heck we had no money period.   Plus we had adoption expenses still not covered.  We prayed, left it in God's hands and accepted that God would answer one way or another, knowing it was entirely impossible for us.  We tried to content ourselves with the idea that we would be most likely staying home.   Within two days...I kid you not...we got a check for the remainder of our adoption expenses ($6000), and someone called out of the blue offering to buy our sail boat for $5000 (we didn't even have it for sale).   We had bought it as a "fixer upper" a few years earlier for $3000 and had really enjoyed family time spent on it.  It was glaringly obvious, even to us dense folk, that this was our answer. It was a sacrifice but we felt totally at peace about it.  It was plenty of money to take a road trip to Mexico, rent a house for a month, have a short vacation in San Felipe and live generously, being able to pass on the gift of encouragement we had been given to friends and kids we know down there.  God never ceases to amaze me.  Always faithful, his purposes always working, even through our weakness and fears.  So my next bit of advice is, trust that our generous God will get you where you need to go.

In summary my advice to families who are interested on venturing out together to serve in a cross cultural context  is to pray about your desire to serve.   Trust that God will lead and provide the answers to your hearts longing.   Do your homework with organizations and ministries (ethics, humility, policies, and leadership are all important for healthy ministry)  but be willing to take a risk, show grace, and learn lessons the hard way. Even mistakes along the way won't be wasted. Keep your eyes on Jesus while you're loving people surrounded by darkness.  Don't be paralyzed by fear.  Pursue what you are passionate about already, don't wait until you can do "ministry" in another country...be doing it right now, where you are.  Unless you're already reaching out, loving and serving others here at home, you really have no business trying to do it somewhere else.   Be flexible and scrap any preconceived ideas about what you might accomplish while you're there.  Don't over complicate it, go get your hands dirty.

2.  Fostering:  We began our fostering journey with these kids.  Our first boy was the oldest foster child we've had at three years old.   We've mostly taken babies or toddlers.  We had no intention of adopting (at least my husband didn't) but after loving a few kids who had come and gone we gradually realized that we were open to adoption.  I would have kept every one of them if I could have.  I think the change of heart in my husband was the biggest transformation during our years of fostering.  Our year spent working at an orphanage in Mexico also solidified in our hearts the reality that kids need families...permanent loving families.   By the time we discovered that Cece would eventually be adoptable we didn't even hesitate to wave our hands in the air saying that we wanted her to stay with us forever.  As I said in my last post, saying goodbye is hard, but I'd totally do it again...because it's not about me. Fostering and adopting has been great for my bio kids.  The way they didn't even skip a beat welcoming Elijah into our family really proved that to me.  They have no problem at all sharing, sacrificing and welcoming others into their circle.  We did discover that having babies coming and going was most difficult for our youngest at the time (Silas).  He was only about 6 months old when we first started fostering and within the next 3 years we had 6 foster siblings come and go.  That did create a lot of insecurity (and some attachment issues) which later came busting out as behaviors rooted in fear.  We are taking a "break" from fostering right now while we have  young children and now an adopted son with extreme insecurity and attachment challenges.  Aili and Roman were 4 and 6 when we started fostering and they were totally fine, they understood it, and the heartbreak that came with the goodbyes only softened their hearts and grew their compassion.

3. The pink sleeper baby on Romans back in the previous post was Cece.  The tiny baby in the blue sleeper was a baby I called "Peanut" on this blog...Ryan.  sigh.

4.  Schooling:  My two officially home schooled kids are both very right brained, imaginative, scattered, disorganized, easily distracted, creative types.   This has both amazing strengths and challenges.  Home schooling has been a great fit for them.  They have lots of  freedom to be their quirky selves without ridicule from peers. They have tons of time to explore and pursue the things that interest them, and be able to work around, and work on, any deficits without falling behind.  Silas is the opposite in many ways...very focused (sometimes hyper focus), attention to details, a mind that must be challenged, and a boy who thrives on routine and structure.  He is in public school this year and most likely next as well.  After that we'll reassess. Right now he's thriving there.   I am really seeing the benefits (after 3 years at it) of home schooling, especially during the middle school years.  We love the freedom of it too. I would imagine that all our kids will at least spend some of their school years at home.   Most likely Elijah will begin officially home schooling next year.  This year we're just doing normal preschool activities with him in an unstructured way.

5.  I don't bake bread every day.  I do a giant batch of bread and buns about once a week.  It gets us mostly through the week, with a few cheap store bought loaves thrown in.  I'll post my bread recipe soon.

6.  What attracted me to my husband?  What a great question.  It's a good idea to think back and remember those sorts of things.  The things that come to mind first when I think back to my interest being caught were probably his humour  his ability to have fun, and his sense of adventure.  I think it's those things that still keep us ticking 16 years later.  Life is hard, but when you have an ability to laugh, to see the humour in absurdity, and to take risks, life is a lot more fun.

7.  I honestly don't read many fiction books or books that aren't of a theological nature these days.  This winter I did read one that I really really enjoyed.  "Look me in the Eye" by John Elder Robinson
A memoir of a man who grew up in the 1960's with Aspergers before anyone knew what that was.  It was very insightful, hilarious, and eye opening.  I borrowed it from my sister in law who has a son who has Autism (what would be considered "high functioning").  She basically told me, after another tear filled exasperated whine session about parenting my youngest son, that I had to read this book.   There was so much in this book that gave me a clearer understanding of  the working and thought processes of differently designed minds.  Did I mention that it was also hilarious?


how do you help your children know Samuel?

Great question.  I don't know if this is something we've ever had a game plan for.  We don't talk about him often at all, but when we do it's just natural.   Like any hard things that have made our family what it is...adoption, death of a child, loss of birth parents etc....we just work it into natural conversation, and embrace the redemption of those things.   We don't do anything extravagant.  We don't have birthday parties, or ceremonies, but we do remember him and include him as our family.   My kids have visited his grave site several times, and know that he has gone ahead of us, and that we will see him again.   Every so often questions come up and a depth of age appropriate conversation ensues. 


Why do you travel so far to church every Sunday?  I've already rambled on and on so I'll pick the short answer....the long answer would be a book on theology, plus an autobiography.  I'll spare you the details...you're welcome.  Honestly, because it is worth it to us.   Church isn't something we check of our weekly "good Christian" to-do/ duty  list.  If it were, any old place would suffice.  The closer,  shorter, and more convenient the better.  

We found ourselves in a place, for the first time in our lives, without a church home.  After decades in the same church, we both felt the Spirits strong nudge that it was time to move on, not for any major reason other than obedience.  Change was uncomfortable but it was undeniable that change was what God had for us.  We were searching and praying and growing very disillusioned.    I remember reading through the New Testament ..particularly Acts and crying out to Jesus asking "does this still exist?"  I just couldn't match up what I was reading with my experiences with modern churches that structure and behave more like corporations or social clubs.   

One Sunday we happened to be camping near Saskatoon and we discovered that there was an "Acts 29" new church plant in that city called "Grace Fellowship".  We decided to check it out just for fun.  We were hooked.  It was a totally, completely, different church model to us, but yet so basic.  So real...yet not one of those trying to be cool and different for the sake of being cool and different.  It seemed a little crazy to travel 1 1/2 hrs each way to church every week but we realized that it's really just a matter of priorities.  People do that much travelling each week for other less important things.     Church for us is an essential community, a family, not a weekly event or a building.   We are saved, not to be lone rangers, but to be a part of a replicating local church that is actively on mission with the gospel.  Sundays are only a small part of who we are, and what we do as a church. 

{that's my hubby on the drums, I snapped this pic from his phone while they were practicing before service.}

We currently meet in a theatre but in the past two years that we've attended this little rag tag group, that was once a home church, has had such steady growth that we're busting out of our current location, and running out of seats.   It's awesome to see so much growth (and more importantly depth of growth)...despite no gimmicks, no entertainment, and no watered down ear tickling messages.   We love it and our whole family is thriving under the nurture, discipleship, and guidance of loving servant leadership and great teaching.  Just check out some of the recent sermons .   We get to hear that level of preaching every week!   We went from making every excuse we could not to go to church, to being bummed out if we had to miss...and then waiting by the computer to download the sermon as soon as it was posted.  Once you've developed an appetite for meat and potatoes, it's hard to be satisfied with cocoa puffs.   Anyway....we love our church, and it's worth three hours in the car every Sunday...even with 5 kids in the car with us.   

A few stats about "Acts 29" church planting network, for those who are curious. 

the President of the organization is one of my favorite preachers to listen to on Podcast (I'm sure you can find him on itunes)-   Matt Chandler from The Village church in TX

468 churches
18 denominations.
61 countries
171 church planters sent out in 2012
656 church planters in training
19, 259 baptisms in 2012

That is a lot of exciting new growth.

Q and A Part 1

Now that you have experienced parenting foster children, bio children,internationally and domestically adopted children will you give us the high and low in your opinion of each situation?

That is a question that would take more than a blog post to answer I think.  I've tried to be pretty honest and vulnerable over my years of blogging with our experiences with each of these things but hindsight does offer some perspective lacking at the time as well.   Some simple truths that stand out are.....every child is so unique, and some kids it seems are more "unique" than others requiring a whole new set of parenting tools.  Just when you think you've got it figured out you enter into a new phase.  

 Adoption is not a condolence prize for people who "can't have their "own" kids".   It isn't second best, or pretending to be a parent. Adoption comes with it's unique challenges, particularly when children are adopted from difficult histories, but even with biological children I am very well aware that they certainly come with unexpected challenges as well.     I have learned that although the bonding process is different with children I carried in my womb for 9 months, than it is with a foster baby that I have no idea I will eventually adopt,  or with a new child who is 6, my love for each is just as genuine, and grows just as deep and passionate.    It has amazed even me.   The one thing I did miss with my adopted children is not nursing them as infants (or in Elijah's case..not knowing him as an infant). 

Love is first and foremost is a decision, that sometimes means loving actions proceed loving feelings.,..but that feeling eventually comes.   I have deeply loved each of the children I have had the privilege to care for... from the tiny little guy in blue sleepers in the previous post who stayed with me for two weeks, to my son who lived an hour outside my womb.   Saying goodbye to any child I've been a mama to is hard, so hard....but it has also been so worth every bit of heartbreak I had to carry to have also experienced loving them.  

I don't know if we'll foster again in the future.  We need to put it on hold for a bit anyway, because of Elijah's insecurities and fear of coming and going...but I would love to again.   I also love permanency, and adoption.  
I'm glad that we have been able to experience both adopting one of our foster children, as well as diving into international adoption and all that goes with it.  My eyes and heart have been torn open in so many ways as I see the vast need for children to have loving families both here and abroad.     The positive of foster adoption was that it didn't cost us any money, and we had our daughter with us while we waited...the down side was waiting on a gov't system to process the adoption, and all the uncertainty that goes with knowing they could move her or change her long term plan at anytime.   The pros of international adoption for us was that  we had a chance to see God carry us through something that we had no way to accomplish on our own.   We had a chance to stretch our faith, and learn to wait, and grow to love a child we had never met.  Both were nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. 

 I would like to hear your thoughts on this article: http://www.kellehampton.com/2013/04/a-faith-for-my-children.html

My first reaction to that blog post is that it's very sad, on so many levels...and I kind of don't want to bring it any more attention.  My other impression is that she has a very sweet family, and beautiful blog.  She writes eloquently, honestly, and with humility.
It's sad that she has viewed, or been taught that the Bible is a book of stories and moral lessons.  It's sad that she has viewed Christianity as a religion of rules and ways to earn our way to God, and seems to have very little grasp of the true gospel of grace (which includes the very real problem of our sin, rebellion and death).  Without that foundation it makes sense that she would reject all the rest because it's meaningless.  It's sad that church is viewed as a place or an event.  It's sad that she represents SO many in my generation that have turned away from Jesus, to embrace a self designed spirituality that worships a self created love god.   It's sad that she, like so many else, has been burned, turned off by, and seen through religious legalism and hypocrisy that defines so many churches...left with a bunch of disjointed pieces to try to piece together without a guide.  Maybe the "bath water" was so murky with all of those things that she never quite saw clearly the "baby"...the Treasure.  Jesus for who He is. I pray that she, and the many like her would see that her experience, her doubts, her failures, her hurts with  have very little to do with God's great pursuing love that is faithful enough to save even those with faith the size of a tiny seed.   I browsed through the comments and became even more saddened.  I am greatly encouraged however that there ARE churches (Jesus' people living like family, loving God,  on mission together loving others) like the one we are members of that are healthy, and full of young passionate followers of Jesus who were often once "I left the church and "organized religion" people.  It doesn't have to be a choice between cold, fear based religion or psuedo "I'm a good person" spirituality....somewhere beyond  all that murky bath water is the prize.    One book that I've found very helpful and really enjoyed reading this month is "Stop asking Jesus into your heart, how to know for sure you are saved"...the title is a bit strange sounding, but I promise that the book isn't.  It's very refreshing, easy to read, and filled with SO much basic but profound theology.  It discusses some of the pitfalls and blind spots of modern evangelicalism, as well as deep lasting faith bolstering assurance of God's goodness and sovereignty...even in our questioning and wanderings.


I guess my question would be, how do you do have the energy?? =)

Haha, I wish I did!  Some days it's a struggle and I want to sit in the middle of my laundry mountain and moan in defeat.  I struggle to get out of bed with the Littles at 6 am.   The short answer is coffee....I wish I had some superwoman exercise regime or special diet to report that keeps me in tip top condition but I don't.   I sometimes stay up to late at night, enjoying the peace and quiet of my house, with too little respect for the next day's relentless demands.  Self discipline to get enough sleep goes a long way.  I try to remind myself to treat my body like a tool.  When you have a demanding job to do (like parenting) we need our tools in decent functioning condition.   I have to remind myself to steward what God has graciously given me.   When I notice I'm feeling really chronically sluggish I start taking supplements again...particularly some iron and B vitamins I notice make a difference in my energy level.   

 What it comes down to for me is rarely a lack of energy but a lack of motivation, feeling overwhelmed, selfishness, or just plain laziness...these things can be paralyzing if not dealt with by finding my joy in the reality that I have been served, and loved so well by God.  When I daily die to "self"...my own agenda, my own comfort, my own idol of appreciation, I am able to take my eyes of my self and put them back where they belong. Jesus, my Sabbath, my rest. 



And with that, I shall go to bed..
Good night friends,

Ask Me Anything...I dare ya

Hey there friends.
Spring hasn't melted our snow yet, and "Spring fever" has nothing on cabin fever in April...
so I had the idea today to open up my blog to questions.  It will provide a nice distraction from the piles of soggy snow pants, and muddy mittens.

No topic off limits.

Is there something that you've always wondered about me or our family?  Questions about my kids, homeschooling, farming life, or raising a multi-racial family?   Questions about our faith, family life, frugal living finances, adoption, fostering, parenting, or our trips to Mexico?

Anything.  I can't promise you I have brilliant answers but I promise I will do my best to satisfy your curiosity.

So don't be shy, and help a girl out.  You curiosity might just provide me a cure from the boredom of monotony.
Ask me whatever you want to, be completely honest.   I'm not afraid of different views, or questions you would be too embarrassed to ask me to my face, but no one appreciates mockery or attack, so my only rule is play nice.

You can ask me in private at the email address

pentamom@outlook.com

or leave your question as a comment below.  I will open my comments up for Anonymous just for this.

He matters

                                                  {picture not my own}

 Before I met my son, I loved him.  Before I held him, I felt passionately protective of him...but then, one afternoon my love for him changed.   I suddenly knew him all fleshed out in front of me.   I knew the sound of his giggles, the smell of his hair, and the curve of his toes.  He was real. He was mine.

Late one afternoon in Guiyang, at the height of the sidewalk rush hour, we ventured out to find somewhere to eat.  The sidewalk was a carpet of motion, people bustling every direction, heads turning to take in the strange sight that is two white people pushing a Chinese child in a stroller.  I could see my little boy wilting under scrutinizing scowls,  he knew they were looking at him.  It made me want to scoop him up and run away to a place where he was just a kid.

As we walked, I saw something that caused me an actual physical reaction.  On the sidewalk ahead of us was a boy, he was small, but he was probably a teenager.  He sat with his skinny legs bent at unnatural angles out on front of him.  His face was down, eyes fixed on the pavement, and a little rag was laid out in front of him to collect Yuan.  

I have seen people begging in poor countries before, but this time, as I pushed my son with his skinny legs bent at unnatural angles out in front of him, it was different.

I felt my stomach rise to my throat, my heart rate increased, and my hands began to sweat.  It was all I could do not to stop dead in my tracks and sit down on the sidewalk next to this boy.  I wished I spoke his language and could tell him that he is so much more than his suffering, that he has value, that he is not a dog on the street to be kicked and mocked.  He is not in-valid.  I wanted to scoop him up and take him away to a place where he could just be a kid.  A kid who didn't have to hide his face and stare at the sidewalk.  I hid my gaze as we were pushed along by the crowd, our guide continued to tell us stories about this city.  I pretended to listen.


My ears were ringing with the thought,  that beggar could be my child.

In 8 years Elijah would have "aged out" of the system.  He would trade the orphanage crib bars for...
I hate to even guess.

Maybe begging on the street, exploited by someone who would use him as part of a trafficking ring, taking for themselves any pity money he happened to bring in.

The boy sat there, and no one even broke stride.

Two different boys, dealt similar hands in life, but with two very different futures.
Two realities painfully colliding inside my head and heart.

It felt something more than pity, it was personal.  Grief.  Deep grief for the ones who will never know what it is to be treasured.  An ache for the countless others tossed aside like trash, the imperfect ones.

This is one of few options that await our worlds most vulnerable...children who are abandoned because of their special needs.  The ones who are "lucky" enough not to spend what remains of their lives in an adult institution, will end up on the street.

This could have been my son.

It's easy to judge a society that, for a variety of reasons, feels that it is better for children with special needs to be raised in state care, but if we take a closer look at our own society, and even more so our own prejudice filled sin corrupted hearts, it's a little harder to point fingers.

  I don't know how many times the notion has been suggested to us, from a variety of sources, that somehow our child coming to Canada with medical needs is a "burden on the system" and somehow unfair to Canadian born children...like he might steal their piece of the compassion pie.  So you see, we too have a "survival of the fittest" warped human nature, deep within our hearts.  We value strength, talent, beauty, and productivity...but yet we miss seeing beauty and strength in the most unlikely places. We completely miss seeing the beauty in weakness, vulnerability, and dependancy, our own or others.

We build up our walls, and preserve our own kind.

The life-poured-out, strong became weak for the sake of those who could not help themselves, gospel of Jesus Christ turns this world system upside down.  I'm so thankful that God in his great overflow of mercy brought me to his table, despite the fact that I was not entitled to a single good thing he had to offer.

When we first brought Elijah home it took a couple weeks to venture out with him into our small community, where everyone knows everyone else.  I didn't want to be the object of anyone's attention...negative or positive.

 I cringe at "You're amazing. He's so lucky.  That's so good of you to take him in"... it's so very uncomfortable and inaccurate.  I'm not amazing..seriously.  Luck had nothing to do with him coming home, and only God is good.

I also had to gather enough fortitude to weather the ignorantly negative comments and remarks I knew we would receive.

I just want people to see us as regular parents, and Elijah as just one of our kids.

More than anything I want people to know my son for who he is, and see him as just a little boy.

 He is Elijah....not "that boy from China"  not " the boy with Cerebral Palsy".
He's a Burlando kid.  He's my son.
 He's a boy that had a rough start, has been through more than I may ever know, who happens to be affected by cerebral palsy (which also makes him the strongest most resilient person I know), and has an amazing God glorifying future ahead of him.  God wasn't asleep the day he was born, his purpose remains. He doesn't need pity, any more than we need admiration.

My boys life and future has changed dramatically through adoption, it's true.  I am overwhelmed to the point of tears when I think about it, I am so extremely thankful...so thankful that God worked past my own fears, and self preservation, and see fit to choose us as his parents.   Now that he's here in my arms, I can't hardly even bear to think about him being alone, or scared, or hurt, or hungry.  We are so blessed by him.

He matters.

So does the boy sitting on the sidewalk that, despite walking that same sidewalk several more times, I never saw again.

Adoption matters because kids matter.





Soli Deo Gloria,

Easter Photo Dump

This post promises to be somewhat random and entirely disjointed.

It's been one of those weeks that feels like Friday, when it's only Wednesday.

I should probably be in bed....but I had an itch to catch up with my blog friends.  

Whoever you might be.   Hi. 

Yesterday was a big day for my little man.  He had another PT appointment and this time they pulled out a tricycle for him to ride.  He was THRILLED.  We're going to have to figure out something for him this summer.  I only wish we had pavement instead of gravel.  

After that he saw an orthopedic specialist and had several xrays taken.  

We were relieved to discover that he does not yet have scoliosis...although he's pretty crooked.  His muscles are so lopsided in tightness that it's just pulling his spine and posture out of whack.  She emphasized (as well as the PT) that proper seating is essential.  Cerebral Palsy is non progressive (the brain injury can't get worse) but the effects of it can do more and more damage to joints, bones, and muscles.   We're trying to reverse some things, as well as prevent future problems like scoliosis and damaged joints. 

We're now on the quest for proper car seating..right now he has a full backed booster seat but he looks miserable in it and slouches over sideways, as well as slides forward too much.  So the professionals tell us that he needs something better in the car (we spend many hours a week in it) and at home for him to sit in.  

We're also thrilled that his hips look totally fine...which means no surgery on them needed.  phew!  He will likely need a more minor surgery to lengthen his "heel chords" and possibly hamstrings.  A priority is to get him straightened up, balanced, and walking.  Surgeries will set him back a bit but long term will make a big difference...I hope. 

After that appointment he was casted for some new hinged AFO's (Anke foot orthotics).   We should get them in a couple weeks.  I'm excited for him. 

It really is so great to see him getting the medical attention he so very much needed.  Getting past the front lines of the system was a bit of a gong show...but once we get back to where the specialists do their work, we've been so happy with the care he's getting. 

This little farm boy LOVES trucks and tractors.   His favorite place to go is to town with Daddy to hang out at the John Deere dealership.   He gets to sit on all the tractors, and the first time he went the guys who worked there even sent him home with some toys.   He doesn't care for animals at all (they're all scary to him) but he squeals with delight at every large vehicle he spots.  

He'll be home for two months on April 7th.  He's coming more and more out of his shell with each passing week.  He is such a little treasure and it's really hard to believe he's only been a part of our family for a couple months....I guess in our hearts he was part of our family before we ever met him.   Anyway, it kind of seems like he's always been here...just one of the crew. 

On the other hand we have our moments and days when the pain is real, and we get glimpses of the wounds he tries hard to hide.  In my head I've started calling those molting days.  I've noticed that new breakthroughs and growth typically are preceded by some really hard days. Just when it seems he's coming all apart and this situation is coming unglued...I notice something new.  A renewed hope.  This boy has a lot of tough shells to break off,  but underneath is the vulnerable, afraid  little boy who's heart needs to be reached.  

Happy Spring. 

We had the coldest March since about 50 years ago.   I think that's worth some sort of prize.  An average temp of -13 Celcius is I think what I heard.  To darn cold anyhow.  

We also have a crazy amount of snow.   

It's finally starting to slowly melt...

I just hope it doesn't melt into rivers that flow into my basement. 

If I see one more person posting pictures of tulips and daffodils on Facebook I think I might die.  

My cuties watching their favorite cartoon on the ipad.  "Dora"

Elijah might learn Spanish before English.  

He already calls water "agua"...

he learned that from Cece who picked it up on our most recent stay in Mexico.  

My kids are so brilliant like that ;)

Speaking of brilliance...check out the master piece eggs.

I thought it would be less spilly to paint them with little sponges.  

Good times had by all.

It is so fun to share these "firsts" and little family traditions with our newest son. 

I've been asked more time than I care to answer whether he's either in school or going to school in the fall.  

I can't say for sure what his schooling future holds, but I suspect we will be homeschooling him with the older two.  If there was an excellent program he could go to for half days that included his therapy etc. I would be open to that but with his extreme anxiety and abandonment issues it just wouldn't be beneficial for him right now.   

Our priorities for him are learning to be secure in our love and living as part of a family.  Learning English and his speech challenges.   Getting his medical, mobility, and physical issues addressed and worked on. 

In the context of those things I would say he's also being "unschooled".

Basically parented with lots of room to learn, play, explore, and work on problem solving. 

So much of our day, whether during our stretching time, or baking with mom, or playing with some game pieces includes basic pre-school type lessons and skills.  

He's learning to count in English from 1-10.   We're working on English colors...grouping them and the names.   He enjoys simple puzzles and doing educational activities on the ipad.  There is always something to learn, and for the most part he is eager. 

My bed is calling me...and the pile of dishes still in the sink are heckling me, so I'd better sign off.
Goodnight folks.