up in the air

This is my sweet girl sleeping on her favorite guy.  She is daddies biggest fan.  He loves his girl just as much.

So many areas of my life feel very "up in the air" right now but we are seeing God's provision and timing in so many ways.   This week we heard from Cece's new adoption case worker.  She is based out of a completely different office  in a nearby small town rather than the big city office.    We are thrilled.  We are very impressed with her.  It has been such an encouragement to talk to someone who doesn't intentionally keep us in the dark, treat us like we're suspects to an unknown crime, or  like we are mentally defective babysitters.   She refers to Cece as "your daughter" during conversation.  That is quite a contrast.  It feels like we've been at a stand still since July as far as the adoption process goes but as of this week things are moving right along.   Home study starts next week!! I have a now (not so) secret hope that her first Birthday will be an extra special celebration.

 After 4 months of sitting on the application we may actually get her a passport.  This is something we have been working on because of our need to travel as a family to my husbands homeland of Seattle.  His mom who has been battling cancer is fading quickly and we are "on call" for a not so joyful road trip.
One more thing up in the air.   So many details left unknown.   It's hard to book a  babysitter for a week when we have no idea when that week will be.  Also , I have never left one of my babies at 8 months old for that amount of time.  It would be hard....not that a road trip with a baby is easy.  We were losing hope that we would be able to take her along.    As  of yesterday though,  it looks like we will have a passport in hand and permission to take her across the border by the end of the week!  It has been a little bit unnerving and surprising all at the same time.

The upcoming trip  is something that is requiring a lot of prayer and trust.  Not only is there grief involved when a close family member dies but the  family dynamics that we will be walking into is enough to leave me breathing into a paper bag.  It will take strength, wisdom, grace, and a lot of prayer.

Another provision that happened this week was that we are FINALLY started down the process of getting our Roman boy some much needed assessment tests done.  This was the reason for my freak out-I give up-I can't do it anymore without help God- episode in the bathroom.   It will be a process but he has now finished 2 out of 3 sessions.  We have a bunch more appointments booked for him in the next couple weeks (which I may or may not have to reschedule).  I am relieved and nervous all at the same time.  Once something is "labelled" it becomes real...not that it isn't very real already.   It's a little harder on a parents pride.

  I know my boy ...what I don't have is tools to effectively teach him or to understand how to help him be the best, unique, quirky boy he can be.   He has so much potential and difficult to tap brilliance. He is has a huge compassionate heart.  He is thoughtful, kind and generous.  On the flip side he has so many emotions, thoughts, and impulses that he has very little control over...and that stresses him out(and drives the rest of us nuts).  He can be my most cheerful cooperative child or he can be my most horribly difficult.    He is the first to eagerly do his chores or offer to help someone else.  He is trustworthy and consistently honest.  He is a sweet, affectionate, wonderful boy.
 He is also in constant motion, seeking sensory input of any type.  He has dark moods, ridiculous fits of frustration, strange habits and impulsive giddiness.   He keeps me guessing what I will be dealing with each morning..or at any given point during the day.  I love so many of those things about him.   I don't want to change him...I want him to be happy and functional.  I need to know how to help him be that.

I know we will be entering into all sorts of ignorant opinions, and rash judgment even just writing about this stuff that we have been  dealing with since he was 18 months old.  That is one of the main reasons I have never written about this aspect of our parenting experience, as all consuming as it sometimes is.    That and protecting my child from negativity.

So...one more unknown.   One more area to lay at the feet of Christ as we put one foot in front of the other trusting that he is with us.


Grandpa Steve said...

Send all the "ignorant opinions, and rash judgment" God's way and then my way!!

Heather said...

I think I can relate some; Dillon is the most frustrated and angry child I've ever met (has been since birth). He has very odd habits and ways of coping, and flies into a fit of rage at the drop of a hat. Actually, a hat need not be involved for a fit of rage to happen. We're waiting for the referral with the child behaviorist/pediatrician to get us some tools as well! He can be the sweetest little boy, but there's something in there that we need to know better how to deal with so he can spend less of his day feeling so bad.

I hope you find some help with Roman. It's really hard to feel ill-equipped to help your child, but maybe someone out there has some answers and suggestions for you. Many prayers your way!