Well the new baby is down for a nap and the boys are watching cartoons. That's right I am totally using the tv as a babysitter while I drink coffee and veg. out on the computer. I'll do parental penance later by letting them help me bake cookies....which I should probably be doing now while the baby sleeps. I don't know if I will be able to follow a recipe right now though. I am in one of those sleep deprivation brain fogs. Excuse me if I am totally incoherent. I'm still just getting used to this new hanging out with a baby in the middle of the night routine.
So far little peanut has been a really easy baby. As far as babies go. He is SO precious. So far he eats when he needs to eat and sleeps when he's supposed to sleep (except from 3.30-5 last night ) He's a great independent napper though which is a blessing when I've got 3 other kids and a house to keep. I make sure to get lots of snuggle time in with him too....I would do that all day if I had my way. I'm trying to find a baby sling I can borrow though to make him a little more portable. He's still to tiny to fit into my Ergo carrier.
As far as withdrawal symptoms go they have been really mild and he seems comfortable. The only thing I've noticed is he gets little tremors sometimes and a bit more stiff. I give him meds every 8 hours for that and every 4 hours for thrush. I notice about an hour before he is due for his withdrawal meds he gets a little agitated and more jittery. He's not a big cryer though which is nice. After my super colicky last baby (Silas) its nice to have a little guy who doesn't scream for hours on end. That may come though as he is weaned off the meds in the weeks to come. Keep praying for this little guy. The mother admitted to using both alcohol and other various drugs while pregnant. Poor little guy had a lot going against him before he ever took his first breath.
The kids are loving him. Silas is obsessed with the "baby" regularly announcing "my doey" (I can do it), "my how" (I know how), and "my feed baby" . He goes between wanting to look after the baby (which is scary) to acting like one himself.
Roman is a big sweetheart with him of course and loves to sit and snuggle him. The first thing he said when he saw the new baby was "His head looks like 1000 years old!" Interesting new born observation Roman.
Aili is a little mother of course and can't wait to show him off to everyone she knows.
Speaking of showing him off. I wish I could plaster pictures of this gorgeous raven haired baby all over my blog but I can't. Social services recently sent out a letter to all foster homes warning us about posting pictures on public sites. It makes sense I guess. I would never post their real names anyway but I removed "Kade's" pictures from some old posts too.
He's just a little peanut. Currently 6 lbs at 11 days old. He's got jet black hair and eyes and beautiful tiny features. He's starting to take notice of the world around him when he is awake and alert. He really likes to be held. He calms right away when mama picks him up. I'm trying give him lots of interaction and snuggle time. After spending his first 9 days in the NICU he is probably running a bit of a deficit in that department (the nurses their were great though). I've heard that early on in life proper attachment and nurturing develops and essentially awakens specific parts of the brain. This guys going to need every advantage he can get!
I enjoyed my day (Wed.) hanging out at the NICU with him. It was interesting to see all the little babies in there. So many precious little lives off to a rough start. If I lived closer and had time I think I would see if I could volunteer there.
I had the chance (my surprise) to meet little peanut's biological mom. It was a bit of an awkward shock when she showed up and asked who I was. I was just very nice to her and encouraged her to finish feeding him while I went and talked to the nurse. I told her I was there helping out (since I didn't know what she knew at that point.). I went for lunch and a social worker came and made sure she understood everything that was happening. I went back and visited with her for a while as she spent some time with him. She was actually very sweet with him and brought him a diaper bag full of new little clothes and blankets. She gave them to me to take home with him. She was concerned that he would be warm enough leaving the hospital. It was obvious that, even though she loves him as best she can, she lacks the cognitive capacity to care for another person at this point...especially a fragile little one. I'm really glad I had a chance to meet her and encourage her. It gave me more compassion for her and the obviously hard life she's lived. As a foster parent it is not my job to judge or condemn birth parents....its my job to love and look after their kids when they aren't able to. Its easy to get angry with a person I've never met when I consider the damage done to a precious baby (outraged actually)...but when I saw her my heart broke for her. It is still upsetting to me that someone would do this to a baby but I can see past it. She is a broken hurting person that is unfortunately just part of a cycle that keeps on getting passed to each new generation. The baton was probably passed to her at birth as well. It was great to get off to a good start with her as we will be seeing her at visitations in the future. I'm hoping to make a little scrap book (baby book) for her with his id bracelets, photos and keepsakes. Every baby deserves to have those precious moments recorded.
Well I'd better get back to my boys (all three of them). Little peanut is now sleeping on my chest as I type and Silas is bent on destroying the house.
Thanks for your prayers for us this week. I am feeling better this morning. The last few days I felt a bit under the weather but I seem to have gotten over whatever was trying to get through my immune system. Thankyou for praying.
5/22/09
5/21/09
Happy Birthday to my husband.
Here are some oldy pictures of a birthday he had 3? years ago. That is his twin brother next to him. I'm not exactly sure which is which but I think Nathanael is on the right.
This little boy looks kind of familiar...like another little boy I know.
This is Silas. He is a little clone of his Daddy!
Happy Birthday Honey!
5/20/09
Bringing home baby
Just wanted to post a quick update. I'm heading to the city this morning to pick up a newborn that needs to be discharged from the hospital. We will be a temporary home for him , probably for the summer. I have never foster parented a newborn before...never mind a drug affected one so this will be a challenging experience I expect. I am a sucker for a teeny tiny baby...but I also know too well how little sleep I will be getting in the next little while. I really like my sleep.
As far as exhaustion level goes at least I am not coming off a tiring pregnancy, recovering from three days of labour, and excessively hormonal. It will be a new experience to have a newborn that did not just recently come out of me. It is also strange to only have a few hours to prepare myself instead of nine months! Please pray for me and our new little baby "R". We will need it in the days to come.
I feel like I might coming down with a cold or something...just that tired icky feeling...which would be rotten timing. Please pray that I would be able to stay healthy while I am waking up to feed a baby every 2 hours and administering meds every 4. Please pray that my own kidlets will adjust easily too (so far they are thrilled) Thankyou!!
As far as exhaustion level goes at least I am not coming off a tiring pregnancy, recovering from three days of labour, and excessively hormonal. It will be a new experience to have a newborn that did not just recently come out of me. It is also strange to only have a few hours to prepare myself instead of nine months! Please pray for me and our new little baby "R". We will need it in the days to come.
I feel like I might coming down with a cold or something...just that tired icky feeling...which would be rotten timing. Please pray that I would be able to stay healthy while I am waking up to feed a baby every 2 hours and administering meds every 4. Please pray that my own kidlets will adjust easily too (so far they are thrilled) Thankyou!!
5/18/09
SNOW!!!
I just had to write and update after yesterday's post. We had an absolutely gorgeous weekend...it was actually 26 celcius yesterday. Very warm and sunny....it felt like summer. Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Aili's ball game and then went to a local lake (5 minutes away) to have a campfire and take the Hobie Cat ( our little catamaran) out on its first sail of the season. It was wonderfully summerish.
I joked at the end of my last post (about our great weather) that for all I know it could snow tomorrow (without every hearing or looking up a weather forcast...I prefer to be surprised by our ridiculous weather.)
I woke up this morning to snow. Not a lot of it but it is coming down out of a grey cold sky and is being blown around by a nasty cold wind. yuck. yuck again. I think I tempted fate by even suggesting the "s" word yesterday. Oh, the irony. To top in off today is a holiday from school. We are having and inside day today. So far Silas and I baked bread and Aili baked her first solo batch of ginger snap cookies. Chores, baking and a movie or two thrown in should keep us busy indoors. It nice that the big kids are now getting old enough to actually be useful when they are home. Good thing I've got lots of laundry that needs to be folded ;)
I joked at the end of my last post (about our great weather) that for all I know it could snow tomorrow (without every hearing or looking up a weather forcast...I prefer to be surprised by our ridiculous weather.)
I woke up this morning to snow. Not a lot of it but it is coming down out of a grey cold sky and is being blown around by a nasty cold wind. yuck. yuck again. I think I tempted fate by even suggesting the "s" word yesterday. Oh, the irony. To top in off today is a holiday from school. We are having and inside day today. So far Silas and I baked bread and Aili baked her first solo batch of ginger snap cookies. Chores, baking and a movie or two thrown in should keep us busy indoors. It nice that the big kids are now getting old enough to actually be useful when they are home. Good thing I've got lots of laundry that needs to be folded ;)
5/17/09
Spring Day
Roman spent the day yesterday riding around his home-made bike course. It included a 2x8 board, an old slide and a "jump". If you look closely you can almost see air under the front tire...or is that a rock? He spent hours perfecting his "stunts".
He's a little adrenaline junkie. I was away the other evening and Roman and his Dad watched "Nitro-Circus" together....I was not impressed. This kid doesn't need any encouragement in the stunt department! I have visions of him riding his bike off the roof of our house or some other "seemed like a good idea at the time" stunt. He did have fun perfecting his moves though. He did really well considering he only got his big kid two wheeler bike this spring....we preferred to keep him slowed down by his little training wheel bike last year. He was more than ready for the two wheeler though....I think mom just had to be ready for this (and all the trips to the ER that are inevitably in his bike riding future)
I hauled out the "work bench" for the kids to keep busy with. It's usually locked away in the garage...a suitable place but too unavailable for the kids to actually enjoy. Aili made all sorts of things with her hammer, some scrap wood and a bowl full of nails (that I am hoping will not find their way to my car tires!).
The kids were outside a total of 9 hours yesterday! I LOVE this weather...spring is finally here!....for this weekend anyway. It could snow again next week for all I know. We've had to start watering our yard already since we have not had any measurable rain yet this year. Not looking good for the crops...we really need some rain. Things here are dry dry dry.
After a long day running around outside Silas conked out in a hurry. I love sleeping baby pictures....actually I love sleeping babies. So quiet and peaceful. So kissable!
I LOVE SUMMER! SO glad we can be an outside family again!
5/16/09
A Sense of Wonder
There is a book that I got a few years ago called "Romancing your Child's Heart" by Monte Swan. One of my favorite parenting books that I've read. It talks a lot about the importance of letting kids experience nature, beauty, creativity and other things that give them a sense of wonder and awe of God. Things that connect the characteristics of God with the "made in his image" parts of us. I can't really explain the whole book so you'll just have to read it yourself :) Its really really good.
This little story is one of my all time favorites and its from this book
" The verdant green of a well tended soccer field stretched out before me in the Colorado summer sun. Gazing at he restful scene, I noticed a mud puddle near the side lines. A little boy sat in the middle of it, wiggling his barely visible toes in the chocolate water. Applying some secret logic that only little boys can understand, his shoes and socks lay at the edge of the pool, completely clean and dry, while the rest of his clothes were being soaked as he splashed and laughed his way to paradise.
A knowing smile crept across my face as I watched him. After a while, I realized that a woman was standing beside me, watching the boy too. I assumed she was his mother, but no hint of disapproval or reprimand clouded her face.
I turned and asked, "Who taught you how to romance your son's heart like this?"
She remained quiet for several moments, gazing out of the window. During this time, what I had hoped was a profound question lingered in the air and seemed to wither. But then she responded as if I had asked the most natural question in the world. "Ever since his little brother died from leukemia last year, I see things differently".
Her voice trailed off. A shadow of painful memories crossed her face. "I have learned the difference between things that matter and those that are incidental. He is with me and we love each other - that matters. A little dirt and water don't. He is just a little boy loving Gods creation in a way that makes God smile - in a state of innocent wonder. Who am I to rob them both of this pleasure?"
As she walked away, she implied with a whimsical shrug of her shoulders, "after all you can always wash a pair of jeans".
A temporal perspective would see dirt , germs, and inconvenience. This wise woman's viewpoint tells the larger story - that eternity intersects time when a little boy wonders that his toes can still wiggle even when he can't see his legs. From an eternal perspective , we see a child's fascination, curiosity, amazement, and breathless enchantment at a creation that has God's fingerprints and brush strokes all over it. "
"When children smell, touch, feel, hear, and see nature, it is as if it were creation's first morning. Eternity and the sense of wonder are connected because nature originated in the eternal creative heart of God. .....creation constantly shows us the divine fingerprint. It is written by God, showing us glimpses of the larger Story and eternal mystery. "
I love it! Maybe because without checking myself I would be the mom to scold, huff and whine about the laundry that I would now be doing. ( I'm not advocating children jumping in mud puddles every chance they get...there is a time and a place to step back and enjoy though.) When I first read this book I was sitting in the passenger seat of our truck and we were driving back home from our 6 month stay in Mexico. We were on our way home because our son was ill. We had been told by two specialists (one pediatric oncologist who came to volunteer at the orphanage we were working at... and another oncologist who we happened to run into on our way home and offered a free exam) that our 2 year old son Roman very likely had leukemia and that we should get him home quickly for some biopsies and more testing. That story hit me like a brick. When you face the things that really matter ....suddenly the line between the inconsequential things in life and the things of eternal value becomes very clear.
I know there is probably someone out there reading this already in a snit about me advocating kids doing what ever they want just because they want to. That's not at all what I'm saying. As a mom you know when your kid is doing something to be naughty or defiant...you know when something is not good for them or dangerous...and you know when to step in to put and end to their "fun" when it might hurt them, someone else...or your furniture :) But sometimes we need to ask ourselves as moms.. do I sometimes rob my kids (or even myself) pure innocent pleasure just because it seems inconvenient , too spontaneous, or just plain silly?
I once read that St. Bernard used to cover his eyes when passing by the beauty of the Alps and its lakes. I have read many stories of devout saints who in an attempt to gain favor from God deemed all frivolities and pleasures in life evil or a distraction. Some "devout" people still even dispute over things like dying clothes. Plainness is seen as Godly. God has been viewed by many as a solemn , stern faced kill joy. We have been the recipients of his grace but are now expected to earn it by our own piety, boredom and pitifulness. This is not the God I know. I know the God who created the majestic Alps and designed each wild flower to bloom just for his pleasure.
The God I know creates a sunset just so I can enjoy the beauty of it...just to display the beauty of the One who created it.
He didn't have to make flowers smell, he didn't have to make colour and beauty and music.
He did it to woo us to Himself. He did it out of a purely extravagant love for us.
He did it for the shear pleasure of watching His children enjoy it.
Just as our hearts swell and we grin ear to ear watching our child consume their first birthday cake.
I loved watching as my two year old discovered dandelions for the first time this spring...sheer wonder and intrigue. I love watching as he giggles and runs through the sprinkler...fully clothed....just pure innocent joy. We can learn a thing or two from a two year old I think :) I think we can also learn ,by watching our own kids enjoy life ,a little about how God feels about watching us enjoy it.
"God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also in trees,
and in the flowers and clouds and stars. " Martin Luther
This little story is one of my all time favorites and its from this book
" The verdant green of a well tended soccer field stretched out before me in the Colorado summer sun. Gazing at he restful scene, I noticed a mud puddle near the side lines. A little boy sat in the middle of it, wiggling his barely visible toes in the chocolate water. Applying some secret logic that only little boys can understand, his shoes and socks lay at the edge of the pool, completely clean and dry, while the rest of his clothes were being soaked as he splashed and laughed his way to paradise.
A knowing smile crept across my face as I watched him. After a while, I realized that a woman was standing beside me, watching the boy too. I assumed she was his mother, but no hint of disapproval or reprimand clouded her face.
I turned and asked, "Who taught you how to romance your son's heart like this?"
She remained quiet for several moments, gazing out of the window. During this time, what I had hoped was a profound question lingered in the air and seemed to wither. But then she responded as if I had asked the most natural question in the world. "Ever since his little brother died from leukemia last year, I see things differently".
Her voice trailed off. A shadow of painful memories crossed her face. "I have learned the difference between things that matter and those that are incidental. He is with me and we love each other - that matters. A little dirt and water don't. He is just a little boy loving Gods creation in a way that makes God smile - in a state of innocent wonder. Who am I to rob them both of this pleasure?"
As she walked away, she implied with a whimsical shrug of her shoulders, "after all you can always wash a pair of jeans".
A temporal perspective would see dirt , germs, and inconvenience. This wise woman's viewpoint tells the larger story - that eternity intersects time when a little boy wonders that his toes can still wiggle even when he can't see his legs. From an eternal perspective , we see a child's fascination, curiosity, amazement, and breathless enchantment at a creation that has God's fingerprints and brush strokes all over it. "
"When children smell, touch, feel, hear, and see nature, it is as if it were creation's first morning. Eternity and the sense of wonder are connected because nature originated in the eternal creative heart of God. .....creation constantly shows us the divine fingerprint. It is written by God, showing us glimpses of the larger Story and eternal mystery. "
I love it! Maybe because without checking myself I would be the mom to scold, huff and whine about the laundry that I would now be doing. ( I'm not advocating children jumping in mud puddles every chance they get...there is a time and a place to step back and enjoy though.) When I first read this book I was sitting in the passenger seat of our truck and we were driving back home from our 6 month stay in Mexico. We were on our way home because our son was ill. We had been told by two specialists (one pediatric oncologist who came to volunteer at the orphanage we were working at... and another oncologist who we happened to run into on our way home and offered a free exam) that our 2 year old son Roman very likely had leukemia and that we should get him home quickly for some biopsies and more testing. That story hit me like a brick. When you face the things that really matter ....suddenly the line between the inconsequential things in life and the things of eternal value becomes very clear.
I know there is probably someone out there reading this already in a snit about me advocating kids doing what ever they want just because they want to. That's not at all what I'm saying. As a mom you know when your kid is doing something to be naughty or defiant...you know when something is not good for them or dangerous...and you know when to step in to put and end to their "fun" when it might hurt them, someone else...or your furniture :) But sometimes we need to ask ourselves as moms.. do I sometimes rob my kids (or even myself) pure innocent pleasure just because it seems inconvenient , too spontaneous, or just plain silly?
I once read that St. Bernard used to cover his eyes when passing by the beauty of the Alps and its lakes. I have read many stories of devout saints who in an attempt to gain favor from God deemed all frivolities and pleasures in life evil or a distraction. Some "devout" people still even dispute over things like dying clothes. Plainness is seen as Godly. God has been viewed by many as a solemn , stern faced kill joy. We have been the recipients of his grace but are now expected to earn it by our own piety, boredom and pitifulness. This is not the God I know. I know the God who created the majestic Alps and designed each wild flower to bloom just for his pleasure.
The God I know creates a sunset just so I can enjoy the beauty of it...just to display the beauty of the One who created it.
He didn't have to make flowers smell, he didn't have to make colour and beauty and music.
He did it to woo us to Himself. He did it out of a purely extravagant love for us.
He did it for the shear pleasure of watching His children enjoy it.
Just as our hearts swell and we grin ear to ear watching our child consume their first birthday cake.
I loved watching as my two year old discovered dandelions for the first time this spring...sheer wonder and intrigue. I love watching as he giggles and runs through the sprinkler...fully clothed....just pure innocent joy. We can learn a thing or two from a two year old I think :) I think we can also learn ,by watching our own kids enjoy life ,a little about how God feels about watching us enjoy it.
"God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also in trees,
and in the flowers and clouds and stars. " Martin Luther
5/14/09
strong vs. safe
I mentioned at the beginning of May that I was thinking a lot about this big responsibility called parenting. There are SO many books, so many theories, so many tidbits of advice out there...even just in blog world. Where would I even start to describe or discuss all the aspects of parenting ...on how to ignore a tantrum, how to keep a easy early bedtime, how to discipline effectively.
Parenting, especially in Christian circles, is like a giant food court of opinions and options - to home school or not to home school, to have 2 kids or 12, to breast feed or bottle feed, sleep training or co-sleeping, feeding on a schedule or feeding on demand, spanking or time outs. I could go on and on giving you my opinions and experiences on all these topics and more but truthfully so many of these things I figure out as I go. I am still learning as my kids grow and their needs change. When it comes right down to it, many of these things don't really matter as much as we think they do at the time. So much of it is personal preference, parenting style , family circumstances, and the personalities of the kids involved. I think the most important thing is to really know your kid and do what gets results for them.
I try to pay more attention to what my kids really need, what they respond best to and how they are actually developing than what other people with a limited perspective might think or suggest (not that suggestions aren't very helpful sometimes...little tips and hints from other moms are very valuable). I do lots of reading to really understand what makes kids tick, what their needs are, and how to keep my sanity in the day to day issues. I find I take tidbits of wisdom from lots of different sources. I tweak parenting "systems" or advice here and there to suit my kids individual needs. That's were creativity come in :)
I've been thinking more this month about who I want my children to grow into. Not a specific talent or job that I want them to have but who I want them to be. What arsenal of character traits are they going to need to go out into the big wide world? What can I be doing now to prepare them to be functional contributing people?....Not simply just educated , pretty and talented (societies standards for greatness).
Writing these things down not only helps me sort all these thoughts but it keeps me accountable and forces me out of the lazy auto pilot parenting mode that I find so easy to slip into.
I have to be intentional as a parent. Its easy to think that as long as the kids are fed, dressed, brushing their teeth regularly and getting a decent education we have done our jobs ( these things undeniably take a lot of our energy). What we forget sometimes is that character traits like integrity, compassion, generosity, perseverance, grace, self control, faith, self discipline, responsibility and courage are generally not learned by accident. They are best learned by example but they are are also taught by experiences, discussions, stories and carefully orchestrated hands on opportunities.
It's impossible to have a child to lie for you and then expect them to develop a sense of honesty and integrity.
It's unlikely that if you lack self control in areas of your own life your children will learn it.
If you are harsh and judgmental of people your children will not learn true grace.
It's almost impossible to put your faith on the back burner of your priorities and expect your kids to develop a vibrant, passionate, joyful faith in the God who loves them.
It's easier to protect our kids from consequences of poor choices or irresponsibility than it is to stand back and watch them face it and learn from their mistakes.
It's pretty hard to teach our kids generosity if we don't live in the world with an open heart and open hands ourselves.
One thing I want to intentionally instill in my children is a confidence in and knowledge of their Creator. This isn't something that I can simply do by indoctrination and hanging up lists of rules to follow. After all that isn't how God leads us to Himself is it? Jesus came to take us by the hand and show us the Father. I must do the same.
This is one area that the idea of raising safe kids vs. strong kids comes in. When kids are little our main job is protecting them (physically and from their own stupidity) but as they grow our job leans more to preparing them rather than protecting them.
In preparing them I want to build them into strong Christian kids rather than safe Christian kids. I've come to the conclusion that raising "safe" kids is a spiritual disaster waiting to happen. They will either become afraid of the world to a point that they want nothing to do with anyone outside their comfort zone Christian bubbles or they will be putty in Satan's hands when they face the world for the first time.
Living a life completely committed to Jesus Christ is never a "safe" life...its is an immeasurably joy and peace filled one..but never safe. He offers us a safe haven for a dangerously amazing life to be lived out. I guess that's what I want my home to be - a safe haven where big decisions can be made, risks can be taken and my kids can explore who they are...knowing ultimately they can trust those in charge.
All you have to do is read Hebrew 11:34-40 to realize that God doesn't promise us as believers a carefree "safe" life. All you have to do is look a little closer at our Christian brothers and sisters around the world to see that we are living in a "Christian" Disney land here in North America. Will my kids be strong enough to live outside that land of make believe or will they crumble when they leave the safety of its walls. I think if we give our kids an airbrushed version of faith instead of the raw, passionate, confident variety we set them up for spiritual mediocrity at best and spiritual annihilation at worst....and somewhere in the middle is bound to be a lot of spiritual confusion.
When an army is training for the future they are first allowed to practise in carefully thought out simulated scenarios that reflect the true nature of the dangers that lie ahead. Why would I send my kids out into the world without first having equipped them with what they will need to stand strong in it, without first having let them practice or "cut their teeth" under the careful and vigilant watch of a parent.
So many well meaning Christian parents raise their kids in hermetically sealed Christian environments....kind of like little eco-dome's of religion often infused with a good dose of legalism. As long as they are surrounded by good programs and clubs, good kids, and good Christian calisthenics it is assumed that they will absorb what they will need to know (which may have worked in past generations in a completely different society than we live now). All of these things are fine , good and even very helpful. The catch is its not just what our kids know in their heads ( or has maybe gone in one ear and out the other)...its what they have discovered first hand that will give them a strong faith.
We ,as parents, cannot under estimate our intentional role in leading them into the front lines of culture ourselves, helping them navigate and develop the faculties needed to survive. Not only survive but thrive and make a difference. If we live in fear of every influence and possibility, we are forgetting one major factor in the equation. Its true that the world is full of pitfalls , dangers and horrible influences that our children are vulnerable to , but there is one thing that trumps all those other factors. We serve a mighty powerful God, he had the first word and he will have the last. My kids need to experience that fact for themselves and intimately touch that power.
Making "safety" and comfort our first priority tells our kids that we cannot trust God to do what he says He will. It shows kids that our own limited logic and reasoning is more valuable than keeping our hearts tuned into and trusting the Creator of the Universe. Safe Christianity isn't about Jesus Christ at all ...it is more about a Western middle class teddy bear version of Jesus Christ. We are probably the only Christian's in the world who have the luxury of being lazy, unaware and content with mediocrity. Being refined by fire is something that is still usually optional for us....for my generation anyway (what the next will face is still unknown).
The Almighty God of the Universe has become a Santa Claus figure, Jesus is nice, faith is a hobby, being a Christian is to strive to be a "good person", Christianity is a tidy list of do's and don'ts and we raise kids who are irrelevant, impotent and illequiped to be a light in the world. We are the ones raising the next generation . We are the ones who will be held accountable for that generation and the world that it creates.
I'm not advocating reckless parenting...that would be throwing them to the wolves (the dangers of the world) with out first being prepared and equipped. Teaching opportunities and hands on experiences must be calculated and well thought out by us as parents...knowing what our kid are ready to process at that time.
Teaching our kids faith in a sterilized over protected environment is like teaching our kids to swim on the living room carpet. They can learn the different strokes, the theories and even the chemical make up of water....but they will not learn to swim until we take them by the hand and lead them into the water ourselves. On the other extreme we don't just throw them in the deep end, cross our fingers, take a seat and sip a latte. They must get wet and so must we. We must show them how to swim by doing it ourselves.
Every time God made something He followed with stating that it was good....notice he didn't call anything he made safe. The ocean is magnificent and awe inspiring but we must never underestimate its power. Will my kids be able to ride the waves in exhilaration or will they be the ones to never step off the beach? Will they know how to harness the wind and set sail or will they be tossed around by it. Will they influence the world or will the world influence them? Will they know who to turn to when they face danger? The side effect of raising spiritually strong kids is you usually get safe ones too. They are never more "safe" than in the center of Gods will.
As parents we need to recognise our children's God given abilities as well as acknowledge and take account of their liabilities. We need to give them tools to deal with their inherent shortcomings (tendency to over analyze, excessive fear, hot temper, shyness, stubbornness, bossiness, perfectionism) to turn them into assets or at least have some self control over them.
We need to build discipline around and encourage their natural talents, abilities and personality "bents" to give them a sense of confidence. All this takes effort and goes back to really knowing our kids.
I want to raise strong kids that know first hand just how wonderful, awesome and mighty their God really is. I pray that, armed with that confidence they will be equipped and willing to step out and live an amazing adventure called a life of faith.
Parenting, especially in Christian circles, is like a giant food court of opinions and options - to home school or not to home school, to have 2 kids or 12, to breast feed or bottle feed, sleep training or co-sleeping, feeding on a schedule or feeding on demand, spanking or time outs. I could go on and on giving you my opinions and experiences on all these topics and more but truthfully so many of these things I figure out as I go. I am still learning as my kids grow and their needs change. When it comes right down to it, many of these things don't really matter as much as we think they do at the time. So much of it is personal preference, parenting style , family circumstances, and the personalities of the kids involved. I think the most important thing is to really know your kid and do what gets results for them.
I try to pay more attention to what my kids really need, what they respond best to and how they are actually developing than what other people with a limited perspective might think or suggest (not that suggestions aren't very helpful sometimes...little tips and hints from other moms are very valuable). I do lots of reading to really understand what makes kids tick, what their needs are, and how to keep my sanity in the day to day issues. I find I take tidbits of wisdom from lots of different sources. I tweak parenting "systems" or advice here and there to suit my kids individual needs. That's were creativity come in :)
I've been thinking more this month about who I want my children to grow into. Not a specific talent or job that I want them to have but who I want them to be. What arsenal of character traits are they going to need to go out into the big wide world? What can I be doing now to prepare them to be functional contributing people?....Not simply just educated , pretty and talented (societies standards for greatness).
Writing these things down not only helps me sort all these thoughts but it keeps me accountable and forces me out of the lazy auto pilot parenting mode that I find so easy to slip into.
I have to be intentional as a parent. Its easy to think that as long as the kids are fed, dressed, brushing their teeth regularly and getting a decent education we have done our jobs ( these things undeniably take a lot of our energy). What we forget sometimes is that character traits like integrity, compassion, generosity, perseverance, grace, self control, faith, self discipline, responsibility and courage are generally not learned by accident. They are best learned by example but they are are also taught by experiences, discussions, stories and carefully orchestrated hands on opportunities.
It's impossible to have a child to lie for you and then expect them to develop a sense of honesty and integrity.
It's unlikely that if you lack self control in areas of your own life your children will learn it.
If you are harsh and judgmental of people your children will not learn true grace.
It's almost impossible to put your faith on the back burner of your priorities and expect your kids to develop a vibrant, passionate, joyful faith in the God who loves them.
It's easier to protect our kids from consequences of poor choices or irresponsibility than it is to stand back and watch them face it and learn from their mistakes.
It's pretty hard to teach our kids generosity if we don't live in the world with an open heart and open hands ourselves.
One thing I want to intentionally instill in my children is a confidence in and knowledge of their Creator. This isn't something that I can simply do by indoctrination and hanging up lists of rules to follow. After all that isn't how God leads us to Himself is it? Jesus came to take us by the hand and show us the Father. I must do the same.
This is one area that the idea of raising safe kids vs. strong kids comes in. When kids are little our main job is protecting them (physically and from their own stupidity) but as they grow our job leans more to preparing them rather than protecting them.
In preparing them I want to build them into strong Christian kids rather than safe Christian kids. I've come to the conclusion that raising "safe" kids is a spiritual disaster waiting to happen. They will either become afraid of the world to a point that they want nothing to do with anyone outside their comfort zone Christian bubbles or they will be putty in Satan's hands when they face the world for the first time.
Living a life completely committed to Jesus Christ is never a "safe" life...its is an immeasurably joy and peace filled one..but never safe. He offers us a safe haven for a dangerously amazing life to be lived out. I guess that's what I want my home to be - a safe haven where big decisions can be made, risks can be taken and my kids can explore who they are...knowing ultimately they can trust those in charge.
All you have to do is read Hebrew 11:34-40 to realize that God doesn't promise us as believers a carefree "safe" life. All you have to do is look a little closer at our Christian brothers and sisters around the world to see that we are living in a "Christian" Disney land here in North America. Will my kids be strong enough to live outside that land of make believe or will they crumble when they leave the safety of its walls. I think if we give our kids an airbrushed version of faith instead of the raw, passionate, confident variety we set them up for spiritual mediocrity at best and spiritual annihilation at worst....and somewhere in the middle is bound to be a lot of spiritual confusion.
When an army is training for the future they are first allowed to practise in carefully thought out simulated scenarios that reflect the true nature of the dangers that lie ahead. Why would I send my kids out into the world without first having equipped them with what they will need to stand strong in it, without first having let them practice or "cut their teeth" under the careful and vigilant watch of a parent.
So many well meaning Christian parents raise their kids in hermetically sealed Christian environments....kind of like little eco-dome's of religion often infused with a good dose of legalism. As long as they are surrounded by good programs and clubs, good kids, and good Christian calisthenics it is assumed that they will absorb what they will need to know (which may have worked in past generations in a completely different society than we live now). All of these things are fine , good and even very helpful. The catch is its not just what our kids know in their heads ( or has maybe gone in one ear and out the other)...its what they have discovered first hand that will give them a strong faith.
We ,as parents, cannot under estimate our intentional role in leading them into the front lines of culture ourselves, helping them navigate and develop the faculties needed to survive. Not only survive but thrive and make a difference. If we live in fear of every influence and possibility, we are forgetting one major factor in the equation. Its true that the world is full of pitfalls , dangers and horrible influences that our children are vulnerable to , but there is one thing that trumps all those other factors. We serve a mighty powerful God, he had the first word and he will have the last. My kids need to experience that fact for themselves and intimately touch that power.
Making "safety" and comfort our first priority tells our kids that we cannot trust God to do what he says He will. It shows kids that our own limited logic and reasoning is more valuable than keeping our hearts tuned into and trusting the Creator of the Universe. Safe Christianity isn't about Jesus Christ at all ...it is more about a Western middle class teddy bear version of Jesus Christ. We are probably the only Christian's in the world who have the luxury of being lazy, unaware and content with mediocrity. Being refined by fire is something that is still usually optional for us....for my generation anyway (what the next will face is still unknown).
The Almighty God of the Universe has become a Santa Claus figure, Jesus is nice, faith is a hobby, being a Christian is to strive to be a "good person", Christianity is a tidy list of do's and don'ts and we raise kids who are irrelevant, impotent and illequiped to be a light in the world. We are the ones raising the next generation . We are the ones who will be held accountable for that generation and the world that it creates.
I'm not advocating reckless parenting...that would be throwing them to the wolves (the dangers of the world) with out first being prepared and equipped. Teaching opportunities and hands on experiences must be calculated and well thought out by us as parents...knowing what our kid are ready to process at that time.
Teaching our kids faith in a sterilized over protected environment is like teaching our kids to swim on the living room carpet. They can learn the different strokes, the theories and even the chemical make up of water....but they will not learn to swim until we take them by the hand and lead them into the water ourselves. On the other extreme we don't just throw them in the deep end, cross our fingers, take a seat and sip a latte. They must get wet and so must we. We must show them how to swim by doing it ourselves.
Every time God made something He followed with stating that it was good....notice he didn't call anything he made safe. The ocean is magnificent and awe inspiring but we must never underestimate its power. Will my kids be able to ride the waves in exhilaration or will they be the ones to never step off the beach? Will they know how to harness the wind and set sail or will they be tossed around by it. Will they influence the world or will the world influence them? Will they know who to turn to when they face danger? The side effect of raising spiritually strong kids is you usually get safe ones too. They are never more "safe" than in the center of Gods will.
As parents we need to recognise our children's God given abilities as well as acknowledge and take account of their liabilities. We need to give them tools to deal with their inherent shortcomings (tendency to over analyze, excessive fear, hot temper, shyness, stubbornness, bossiness, perfectionism) to turn them into assets or at least have some self control over them.
We need to build discipline around and encourage their natural talents, abilities and personality "bents" to give them a sense of confidence. All this takes effort and goes back to really knowing our kids.
I want to raise strong kids that know first hand just how wonderful, awesome and mighty their God really is. I pray that, armed with that confidence they will be equipped and willing to step out and live an amazing adventure called a life of faith.
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