Hanging out in Guiyang

I know you wanted to see chickens hanging in the grocery store.  

My pictures came up in a strange order for this post, and I don't have the ambition to switch them around.

I'll continue where I left off on the last post.

After our first night with our new son (who slept like a rock..unlike Mom and Dad who had still had their nights and days mixed up) we woke up to a happy boy.  

He was snuggly, sweet, and smiling...although more reserved than the giddy day before.

For the next 5 days we laid pretty low in Guiyang.  We welcomed the slow pace and mostly unscheduled days to just catch up on some rest, and most importantly get to know our son.   He was his happiest back at the hotel, where we spent hours snuggled up in bed, playing on the floor...or one of his favorite activities wrestling with Baba.  His comfort zone gradually extended throughout our hotel. We discovered very quickly how much he thrived on routine and ritual.. little things like walking down the same hall way every morning and pushing the elevator button with his walking stick.  We sat at the same table every breakfast, and ate fresh fruit, fried rice, and egg.  Looking back I treasure that time we had laying the foundations of our bond with him.  Few distractions, and lots of time to help provide him with some security.

I loved our little morning routine and breakfast buffet too!

When we did venture out Elijah became a completely different boy.  I don't know if it was the stares/ exaggerated gawking from strangers, fear of new places, insecurity, or discomfort in his stroller....but he looked and seemed pretty much miserable and terrified.

{the piggy face is smiling...had to share}

{the view from our hotel room}

The day after our "gotcha day" we returned to the gov't office to finish up some paperwork.

Director W smoking a water pipe.  It was fascinating and huge.  Smoking in public buildings is very normal here.  At one point I wished the windows would open.

I'm so thankful for this man, and the role he plays in advocating for children, facilitating them being placed into foster care, and helping them to be processed for adoption.  He is the one who fought to have Elijah taken out of the institution that he was languishing in, and put back into a loving foster home while he waited for us to come and get him.   The last 5 months in foster care has made a huge difference to him physically and really kicked started his healing.    From what I understand this man has had a role in Elijah's (and many other children's) life for quite some time and it is obvious that he cares for them.   Disabled children are generally not given much worth, so seeing this man living so counter culturally was inspiring.  It was obvious that Elijah knew him and was happy to see him too.  It was an honor to be able to thank DW in person.   We told him we were so thankful that God used him to help our son, and so many other children.  

Our guide "Vicky" with Elijah and his foster brother who happened to be meeting his new family that same day.  What a privilege to meet Elijah's "Di Di " in person (what a cutie!) and to see him meet his new Baba (who happens to be from Spain).  

A photo with Dir. W

Elijah was fine with the return trip to the office...I would have thought it would make him nervous but I think all the familiar faces were comforting to him.  

Our hotel was right down town so there were lots places we could go for walks, and look for food.

Some of our food outings were more successful than others.

This was the grossest thing we were ever served on a plate...the picture doesn't even do it justice.  It was all yellow fat, chopped up bones...with a tiny bit of pinkish rubbery meat hidden inside.  It smelled horrid.  I'm pretty adventurous but I draw the line at road kill on a plate.   The worst part was this was our most expensive meal!  We decided to stay and eat at the hotel restaurant and paid way too much for our "BBQ chicken".

Our guide showed us this little whole in the wall restaurant.  It was AMAZING.  So good.

We ate at this restaurant about 5 meals in a row after that....our usual dishes (which we ordered by pointed to pictures) were the dumplings, the mushroom fried rice, and the spicy noodles.  A gluttonous amount of delicious food for only a couple dollars each.  

This boy can pack it away.  Eating noodles is a messy endeavor.   

On our way down to the hotel buffet breakfast.  Part of our routine...he walks all the way to the elevator, gets to push the button, and then mom lets him rest on her.   Of course he always returns the favor with smooches.  

This boy loves his Baba!  Instantly.

Some more yummy food pictures...and beer.  So cheap here.  

We really loved our time in Guiyang...and as a bonus we even had sunny rain free days the whole time we were there!  That's like hitting a week of sunshine in Seattle...nothing short of a miracle.  

The one thing I didn't love about this city was the extreme stares, points, laughing, and looks of confused pity/ disgust that my son received.  I don't mind curiosity  questions, or even jokes aimed at our tall white foreigness...all part of travelling.  But it got a little old when people would go out of their way to snap pictures of my son, or turn their chairs in a restaurant to watch us like a tv show while they eat,  or go out of their way to watch and follow us.  I just ignored it for the most part....and tried to discretely shield/ distract my child from the stares.  I understand the curiousity though...they don't see too many tourists or foreigners here in this city and children with disabilities or differences just aren't integrated into society.  They are even seen as bad luck.  As much as I didn't like the attention we got, I hope that seeing Elijah being loved and treasured...and chosen as a son...maybe impacted someone. A little taste of our completely counter cultural upside down Jesus kingdom.

Shopping for some shoes.  So cheap...and surprisingly colorful.

One of Elijah's favorite activities at our hotel room was working on vinyl sticker pages.  

Our happy place.  

I'm so glad we had that time with out other kids, responsibilities, and the demands of life.   We have come so far in just the two weeks that we've had him.  

Next post:  Seeing the sights in Guiyang 

The Day We Waited For

After we spent a couple days dropping off our kids, we travelled through snowy highways to the city where we would catch our flight.  We said goodbye to -34 degree Celsius weather early Friday morning and we began our journey to China.

The flight was comfortable and didn't seem as long as I had expected.  I think after so many weeks and days of hectic preparations and stress it was nice just to sit and relax.  I had no choice but to watch movies and be served meals. 

We arrived in Beijng Saturday evening just before dark.  

It was light enough to witness the smog. Wow.  My lungs ached after only a couple hours.

After a few hours of sleep in a hotel room we headed back to the Beijing airport to catch our domestic flight to Guizhou province.

That flight was only a few hours, we passed the time by watching 'What to expect when you're expecting"...both funny and appropriate for the occasion.  The time flew by...thankfully.  We realized very quickly how much we stood out in this more remote province that sees few tourists and foreigners.  It was also our first cultural experience as we realized that body noises and functions are not as discreet as in Canada but rather celebrated.  

Flying over beautiful Guizhou and landing in the capital city of Guiyang (which means precious sun...there are few sunny days here and a lot of rain)

So glad our luggage made the trip with us! 

Our new guide met us at the airport and whisked us away to our hotel, where we had 20 minutes just enough time to drop off our suitcases, and brush our teeth before meeting our new son.  

On our way from the hotel to the provincial office.  Nerves and excitement at dangerous levels. 

When we arrived, we walked up a few flights of stairs and walked into a room to find our son already there waiting for us.

Wearing a little tuxedo that his foster parents had provided him with. 

My first thought was, he's so small!

He smiled and recognized us right away from the pictures we had sent him.  I sat next to him on the couch for a few minutes before I gave him my first hug.  Baba got the first hug though.  He was a bit reserved at first but soon started showing off his walking skills for us, and telling us all kinds of things I couldn't understand.

I couldn't believe how well it went.  I had prepared myself for possible tears, rejection, or indifference...many are very usual reactions...but he smothered us in hugs and kisses.   Which is a bit odd, but now that I know him better I know that he is just an extremely affectionate and sweet little boy.   He doesn't over complicate things.  He was a bit hyper though which is a bit of a nervous reaction for him.

Elijah wanted to help Baba do paperwork.

Making it official

We left without any fuss, and went for our first ride with our driver back to the hotel. 

It suddenly felt real...like when you leave the hospital with your first child.  He's mine.   

What goes up must come down.

After we got back to our hotel we settled in a bit and then met up with our guide.  We went for a walk so she could show us where the grocery store and restaurants were.   He quietly freaked out.  He went from hyper and giddy to pretty much catatonic...dissociated..."turtled".

We decided to have supper back at the hotel buffet just so we were closer to "home" if things went bad.  He looked like he was either going to fall asleep in his food, barf, or cry the whole time, quite possibly he felt like doing a combination of all three, but we made it through a quick supper. 

We got him back to the room, let him play with some toys in the bathtub for a bit, and snuggled him in his pajamas.  That's when the tears came.  It was kind of a good sign at that point...as heart breaking as it was to witness.  He cries so quietly as the tears fall.  We did what we could to comfort him but ultimately it was only something a good sleep and time would fix.  

He went to sleep instantly, as soon as his head hit the pillow (probably exhaustion combined with a coping mechanism) but since we were really exhausted too we were happy to crash for the night early...thanking God for the precious gift curled up on a cot next to us.  

We're home!

After many hours of flying, a few different airports, and a couple hours of driving, we all arrived home late last night.

It was so great to see my kids again and to tuck them into bed all under one roof.

Our first day home has gone well,  as well as a a day that consists of few over tired kids, a lot of mess, a new family member and parents with jet lag can go.  Elijah has meshed into the family so easily it's almost alarming.  The kids all love him, I have to remind them all day to get out of his face and give him some space.  He wasn't so sure about them mauling him at midnight last night, but today he thinks they're pretty great to have around.

We're really just in awe that this adoption journey has ended, and our new life as a family of 7 has begun.  It's all so surreal...and yet feels so completely natural too.  

I wasn't able to keep caught up with this blog while we were away (although Aili posted some pics).  In the next week, when I can muster some basic cognitive function,  I'm hoping to go back and journal my way through our experiences in China.  I want to write it down before I forget everything...and in my current state that may not take long.

China Update

Hi,
         its Aili.

As my mom is is away, she is not able to blog so she emailed me an update.  I will post parts of
it here for her.



Our first 24 hrs with Elijah have been so good....better than I expected.  When we met him at the office he was so excited and hyper.  It was amazing to see the child we've loved through photos materialize in the flesh...very huggable, cute flesh i might add.  he warmed up to us pretty quickly.  He was such a show off....all he wanted to do was walk back and forth to us by himself.  I figured out pretty fast how he says " get out of my way".  I'm glad we're back at the hotel practicing now where there is soft carpet rather than hard slippery marble.  He's doing so well with his walking.  He's buzzing up and down the hotel hallway with his new crutch and right now he's walking back and forth between the cot and our bed...about 6 steps with no help. It reminds me of watching my toddlers learn to walk, hands up in the air. 

      After a happy, smoochie, hyper few hours yesterday , we took him out for a walk in the stroller so our guide could show us around a bit and where the food store was.  By the time we got back and went to supper his mood had changed.  What goes up must come down.  He seemed overwhelmed, very serious and quiet.  He did eat a bit but because he looked like he was either going to fall asleep, barf, or cry...we kept supper short.  
He went to bed great and slept like a rock. I wish I slept like he did! For some reason my body thought it was morning at 3am.  

       This morning we ate breakfast with some friends. After visiting with them for a while,we ate at a hotel restaurant.  It was interesting.  I think I prefer the supper buffet because I can see what I'm getting and can avoid things with beaks , snouts, or feet attached ;) 

           Elijah has been so sweet and easy.  He loves to rough house and wrestle with baba.  This afternoon we were just laying low in our hotel room and playing with Elijah. After the hectic travel pace it's wonderful just to hermit and rest together.  Nathanael is doing so well with his new boy and having a lot of patience with him.  He's been good at incorporating stretching into they're play time.   Right now they're snuggled up playing with his phone.   This little boy is such a gift!

And we're off

Tomorrow is the day that we begin our trip to China!   We are leaving home a couple days early to drive our kids to our friends house and get them settled in, then we're off to the City we're we'll catch our flight to Beijing on Friday morning.  We're scheduled to meet Elijah, after we fly to his province on Sunday.  It will be Saturday night back home when we will meet our son.  That meeting will also be "gotcha day" and he will leave with us.  The next day we will return to the office to finish up the official adoption paperwork and he will be legally our son on Jan. 29th.

I can't believe we're finally at this point in the process!  It used to seem like SO far away.  Such a victorious end to a years worth of working, trusting, praying, and pursuing the adoption of our son.

We are so thankful.

It all feels kind of surreal and I know it will sink in once we're on the plane headed to China.
It will be really hard to say goodbye to our kids.   I know they're all in good hands, but it still feels like a long time.  They are all very excited to meet their new brother.

I don't think I'll be able to blog while we're away, I'm not sure what our internet situation will be but Aili said she'll update and post some pics while I'm gone.  I'll have lots of adventures and pictures to share once we get back...although I suspect time will be in shorter supply.

Big Changes...and what comes next

There are going to be some BIG changes for our little guy.

A week from now we'll be getting acquainted with our new son  (How awesome is that?!)  At the same time we are saying hello to him,  he will be saying goodbye.  A new life for all of us begins.

When I think about that day it's mixed with both longing and excitement, as well as some sadness for my little boy. No parent wants to see their child hurting, or afraid.  It makes me ache just thinking about it.  In a matter of just a few minutes his life will change drastically.

Again.

This time he will have the love and comfort of a Mommy and Daddy to help him through grief and transition, but it will still be hard. Our love may be of little value to him in the beginning.

He has very little concept of all that he is gaining through his adoption into a family, but he will be keenly aware of what he is losing...anything he has known.

tastes
smells
sights
faces
language

His world that he has known for 6 years will change.  He will be joined to two people who he has seen in pictures, whom he calls "mama" and "baba"... but who are essentially strangers who speak a strange language, and who do everything different than he is used to.

We will be with him in China for nearly two weeks.  That will give us some time to form the beginnings of a bond with him...just Mama, Baba and Elijah.  Judging by our itinerary it will also be a busy, hectic, travelling around doing touristy stuff, time.   I don't know yet if keeping busy will be a good distraction from his loneliness and will be great fun.. or if it will just be overwhelming for him and us.  I guess we'll find out.  I suspect it will be exhausting either way...physically and emotionally.

Coming home will be amazing and victorious...as well as the accumulation of two weeks of exhaustion, travel, and jet lag.  I should probably apologize to any friends and family who show up at the airport now...I quite possibly will be in an emotional zombie-like state and entirely focused on reuniting with my kids, introducing them to their brother, and possibly comforting an exhausting overwhelmed little boy.   If I don't get a chance to greet you...I'm sorry, please know that I do very much appreciate you celebrating with us and I ask for your grace.

Then begins our new life.

Our little boy will need to learn what a forever family is, and that we won't leave him.  After 7 major care-giver/ location changes (that we are aware of) in his 6 yr long life.... permanency is a completely foreign concept.  It could take years of trust building for him to feel that security.

Building a secure attachment will take some major effort.  It will be the focus of most everything we do with him in the months and years to come.    He will naturally have some insecure attachment issues, quite possibly even an "attachment disorder"  resulting from his past traumas, neglect, and caregiver losses.  That can be a major challenge.  Of course I'm praying that he will accept our love, and feel secure in that right away ...but that would be nothing short of a miracle.

In order to help him through the things he will need to work through and heal, we will need to parent him differently than we do our biological kids or well attached adopted daughter. There are things that we do as parents that may seem entirely counter-intuitive, backwards, or strange to casual observers...but after much reading, studying, and seeking out the advice of parents who are parenting children with attachment disorders, or pasts that contain trauma we know this will take some effort, and the parenting techniques used may seem odd.  I know we will be learning as we go.

I'm not sure how much "cocooning" we will do (the term used for basically hermitting the family for the first little while, to provide a foundation of routine, familiarity, and an understanding of who belongs in the immediate family unit).  Our life is pretty slow paced, and home based anyhow so our coming and going might not change all that much.  I suspect we'll carrying on with life as usual within a week or so of our return home (we'll play that by ear).   I think we'll go raving mad if we're cooped up at home too long.

The important thing is for him to understand who his primary caregivers are...that we are his parents, through the good, bad and ugly.  For a kid who has had multiple different foster parents and orphanage 'caregivers' this can be harder concept to grasp than one might think.

Building security is our first priority, that will include not leaving him anywhere (babysitter, family, church class, camp, school) for a little while (or as long as necessary) , he will be our Velcro child, where we go he will go too.

While we will be pushing him forwards physically and advocating for him to get the medical care and physical therapy he needs...it may look like we are "babying him" in other areas as we seek to fill in some gaps and meet his emotional needs.

We will be teaching him one day at a time that we will consistently meet his needs, that he won't go hungry, that we won't forget about him, that we won't leave without him, and that we won't hurt him.

 One way that our friends and family can help us with that nurturing is to allow us to be the only ones to take care of any of his physical needs and emotional comfort.  As much as I know so many people are waiting to love on our boy...and as much as we LOVE that...we need to establish that trust with him first before we widen our caregiver circle too much.  Of course we welcome your love, prayers and support in so many other practical ways as we figure out our new "normal".

Thankyou to everyone, all our family, friends, church, and even a few strangers, who have helped to bring our son home...and prayed for us along the way.  This child is such a blessing, and we are so thankful that the Lord has brought him to us.

Please keep Elijah in your prayers this week, that the Holy Spirit would prepare his heart for the upcoming change and for the courage to risk loving again.  Also for safety next weekend as he travels about 8 hours on some treacherous mountain highways to come meet us in Guiyang.

Thankyou so much for standing, and kneeling, with us....and for your patience and grace with our family as we navigate all the changes ahead.