Bring The Rain - Canvas

I just got finished reading a post on "Bring The Rain" entitled "Canvas". It was so good that I wanted to put a link on my blog...for anyone who does not already keep up with Angie's posts. I have her on my blog roll and "buttons" on the side bar. Their story is also listed on my sidebar under videostories - The Smith Family Story. Thy lost their fourth daughter shortly after birth almost a year ago. Her husband is the lead singer in the Christian band "Selah". She is a very gifted writer, a very humble, authentic woman of faith who has been on a difficult and beautiful journey this year. Instead of trying to explain and butcher what she so eloquently wrote I'll let you read the post for yourself .

our new pet

Ok, so maybe our new pet is a little unconventional....and uninvited for that matter. Its a moose, actually there are two of them that wonder through our yard on a daily basis lately. They like to eat the trees and leave little "gifts" behind for us.

Such strange and fascinating creatures. They look like they are made up of spare parts. Tall , gangly, huge noses and humped backs...sorry moose. I make sure to check that they have gone away before the kids go out to play. The weather has been nice so I am NOT about to keep them cooped up inside. I've warned them not to go near them and if a moose shows up to get to the house.

Since we are being overrun by animals I thought I'd show you the monkey breeding program we have inside the house. Little Silas has learned from the best and is following in his brothers footsteps. I found him up in the cupboard in our back entry way.

Silas! Get down from there!...oh wait let me get my camera first!

Feeding time at the zoo. Silas is making his own pizza and apparently helping someone else get theirs started too. My kids have a thing for black olives...I can barely get them from the can to the pizza without causing a stampede.

Life in our zoo is never dull, just today for example I found Silas in Ailis's room surrounded by markers, decorating himself...oh and he had pooped in there too ( I told you it's like a zoo in here)...shhh don't tell Aili. Potty training is wearing me out. He has amazing bladder control, he can hold it for hours ....but the bowels are a different story. We are making progress though....someday... he'll figure it out eventually. Please somebody remind me that he will someday stop pooping his pants!

Roman spent a good part of the day today studying the atlas. He decided "when he travels the world" that he might need to take it with him and once again promised to bring me back jewels and treasure for my own enjoyment. Looking forward to it.

We had to disappoint him a little recently. We had applied a few months ago to work as dorm parents at an International school in Malaysia. It was kind of out of the blue as we had never really considered doing it before. Until we knew anything for sure I was hesitant to share it here in blogland. The possibility of moving to Malaysia was big part of our lives for the past few months...its taken up a lot of thought, prayer and emotional energy. I have been following another dorm moms adventures and she suggested that we look into it. Well we looked into it out of curiosity and one thing led to another.

It was a lot of paperwork, making ourselves vulnerable and waiting to find out what our lives would look like next year. Actually we would have been leaving in July ,....that would be 3 months to pack up our lives and move across the globe. Exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Wrapping our minds and hearts around the idea of being in full time youth ministry to kids from many different countries was a lot to pray and think about.

We found out just a couple days ago that there wasn't room for us this coming school year.
There were about 16 people that applied for the 2 positions and it sounds like we made it to the final few that were considered. As far as a 'rejection' letter goes it was the most encouraging and affirming letter I think I've ever gotten, it definitely made the news easier to take.

I think that satan uses opportunities like disappointments or "rejection" to tell us that we are not good enough, God can't use someone like us and we may as well give up.

Immediately those thoughts started to crowd in. I could picture people saying "Of course they didn't pick you...who do think you are anyway!" I immediately recognised those thoughts for what they are and am refusing to let them back into my mind. I honestly feel very much at peace with the outcome. We sought Gods guidance throughout the process and prayed that the administration at the school would find the right people for the jobs , whoever they might be. We trust Gods timing for us. We are definitely not ruling out being dorm parents in the future.

The kids knew that we might be moving to Malaysia and since the move would happen very quickly we were preparing them for that possibility. They were excited and were up for the adventure. Before we applied, Roman looked at me out of the blue one day and asked "mom, someday could we live in a jungle next to the ocean?". hmmm..how about Penang? Needless to say he was excited to explore Asia! He was a little concerned about pirates and giant sea creatures coming up out of the ocean though....you know the rational fears one has when moving to a new place. Aili was more concerned with leaving friends and family in Canada.
We are now looking forward to our summer here, camping, sailing and enjoying our home for a while longer.

We shared our Mexico trip in church this morning. Some members of the team put together an amazing video put to music and each person shared a little bit. It was greatly encouraging to see how the trip and the experience impacted each of the people who went. I have never really led anything before....never mind a group of 15 people to a foreign country! It was out of my comfort zone and beyond my organizational experience. I really enjoyed it though. I realized that sometimes all it takes is to follow God out of where we are comfortable...easily hiding in the background...to discover that he has something more for us. He can use us in ways we never thought we were capable of. He is the one that is capable. All we have to do is be willing to be used by him.
So we are once again setting our sights on returning to Mexico this fall...kids and trailer in tow.

And once again I am excited to see what God has planned for us this time.

Random kid pictures

Here are my three little sweethearts in a rare moment of sweetness. I found them watching a movie all snuggled up together along with their stuffed friends.

Kiss me baby!!

I just thought this one was funny. He woke up from a nap and was upset that he couldn't carry his complete entourage out of the bedroom with him with out dropping things. This included three stuffed animals, 2 blankies and his pillow. Sometimes he has trouble letting go. Of course being the sympathetic compassionate mother that I am I responded by grabbing my camera and frustrating him even more....I made it up to him by helping him carry his bed out of his room.

My little warrior. We are so glad to have Roman around for our general protection. There are things in life that must be taken very seriously...alien invasions for example.

just missing him

I've been missing my Kade boy the last couple days. I don't know what brought it on but I suppose it will be like this for a while. I wonder how long I will wonder what he's doing, where he's living , if he's being looked after, if he has someone to rock him when he's sad.
I'm missing his help emtying the dishwasher, his cute little words, his expressions, his snuggles, even his cute floppy ears. Its harder than I thought.
We cared for two other little ones in our home for 8 months. I loved those kids and did feel like a mama to them but we knew from the start that we were working toward them being able to go home to their mom, who loved and wanted them. The goodbye was a little sad but we have been able to keep in touch and their mom is great an sending us pictures and updates once in a while. Kade has been different. We have never met his parents, we knew very little about his history...what we did know was nothing that would make us confident that someone was able or willing to care for him. I guess I expected him to be around longer. The goodbye was unexpected and quick...which is typical I guess for foster kids. I had dental appointments, immunization appointments made that had to be cancelled, I had plans to enjoy being outside with him this spring, things to show him, things to teach him. I fell fast and hard for this little guy who was so easy and rewarding to love. I was his mommy....if only for a short time in his life.
Our goodbye with Kade came the same day we left for Mexico. Which I guess was mercifully good timing. It was really hard, to leave him with friends (where he stayed until Social Services picked him up a few days later) knowing he would be watching for us to come back to take him home. I tried to make it casual and not make a big fuss in front of him....I did spend an extra several minutes letting him cling to me like a piece of velcro before I distracted him with some toys said a quick "happy" goodbye and walked out. He cried, I tried my best not to ...until I was out of sight anyway.

I think I will always have a little piece of my heart out there walking around and living a life that I'm not a part of. I still pray for him, and the fact that he has a "stranger" praying for him throughout his life is not a small thing. God knows where he is and what he needs, even if I don't. Its a comforting thing to be able to talk to that God and intercede for my little Kade.

The road less travelled

I was looking for some pictures to illustrate a picture I had in my head of people climbing a mountain. Being that we live in a place with no mountains in sight and its been a while since we were actually hiking in the mountains this was the best I could come up with. This is actually a location in SK. The highest elevated land in the province, Cypress Hills Provincial Park. We camped there last summer.

Lately verses in the Bible that refer to the idea of running a race in our spiritual lives have been coming to mind. Some trying and discouraging circumstances surrounding me right now are requiring an extra measure of focus and perseverance.

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. The author and perfecter of our faith" Hebrews 12: 1- 2
To put the passage into context the author of the book of Hebrews had just finished reviewing the men and woman of faith who had gone before them and was encouraging the Hebrew believers to persevere in times of trials and great difficulties. The "cloud of witnesses" are not spectators to this race but inspiring examples of those who have finished the course and are cheering us on from the finish line. In that cloud of witnesses I see great hero's of the faith , Abraham standing next to Hudson Taylor, and loved ones who have gone on before me who lived a life of faith.
In this race, this course set before me, I sometimes stumble, I trip and fall, I get weary. I approach a hill and wonder how I will ever have the strength to keep running. Sometimes I run with ease and exhilaration, enjoying the rhythmic pounding of my heart and feet. I often enjoy the passing scenery as I look forward to the triumphant finish.
Other times my lungs burn and the pain in the side of my stomach is hard to ignore...all I want to do is sit down and rest, just for a while...just coast and not go anywhere that might make me uncomfortable.
As I contemplate going on, I look around at those who have left the race, those people who have set up lawn chairs and campfires off to the side. They reminisce about the good old days in the race, they discuss why hymn books are preferable to powerpoint projectors and discuss the problems with runners today.
I run past a few who are sitting in the middle of the path looking disillusioned and discouraged. I see that they need someone to pick them up, come along side and run with them for a while.
I grieve for those who have turned around and have started walking back down way they came.
I see the people who have decided to observe from the sidelines, their racing numbers pinned to their shirts. They are entered in the race but just haven't moved in a long time, they are comfortable watching...as long as it is entertaining.

I watch in awe and respect as an elderly lady sprints up the final incline toward the finish line. (let me pause and remind you that this is a spiritual race I'm talking about, able healthy bodies ,while undeniably useful, are not a requirement for this race)

At some points in the race I have been the one to fall to the ground in despair. It was then that my father came and lifted me on his shoulders and carried me up the path that was too steep for me.

What I look forward to is not simply a trophy or a participation ribbon. We hike up this mountain path one foot in front of the other in order to get to what is waiting for us at the top, at the finish line. The breathtaking view from the top. I must focus on the task at hand, not become sidetracked or tripped up by distractions that would lure me from the race or make me believe we run in vain. At the top of this mountain is something that will make me forget every side stitch and sore muscle along the way.

"..you have come to Mount Zion to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the first born, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant..." Hebrews 12: 22-24

Imagine a finish line that includes thousands upon thousands of angels throwing a party. Imagine what "the city of the living God" will look like, now that would be a skyline worth seeing. Imagine being congratulated and patted on the back by "the spirits of righteous men" gone before us. Our father God stands in anticipation of our arrival and greets us with open arms and exclaims "Well done good and faithful servant!" . Our mediator Jesus runs along side us cheering us over the finish line. I've ran and finished a lot of races in my life but no finish line exhilaration will ever compare to a finish line like that!

Paul writes in the book of Acts "However I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. "

"Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire." Oswald Chambers

A life lived in faith requires tenacity, perseverance and focus.

I know one way or another, I will finish the race, how I finish it is another question. I could finish the race in a leisurely controlled manner, aware that I must not appear foolish or in a rush, careful not to break a sweat a long the way, but that is not how a true athlete runs a race. I don't want the polite sympathy clap as I walk over the finish line. I want to be an athlete that runs strong, one that spends every last reserve of energy, that sprints across the finish line. I want to know I gave it everything I had, used every resource available to me, invested my time and energy wisely. That is how I want to run the race....with spiritual tenacity.

Welcome Home!

This post is a continuation of the last post and our afternoon spent at the fun factory. After the kids had played themselves to exhaustion...well at least two of them anyway...I'm thinking of getting Roman a human size hamster run.
We went to the airport to welcome home my parents who have been working in Haiti for 6 months. As you can see our weather welcomed them too! You can almost see the mercury way down at the bottom. What a change from Haiti. I wasn't sure how Silas would react to seeing his Grandma and Grandpa again. The big kids were super excited and have missed them a lot , but Silas was only 1 and a half when they left for Haiti. Previously he had been a full fledged "Papa's Boy" and Grandma was like a second mom. I knew he would likely be a little shy and reserved around them after so long. He was a little shy for a couple minutes and then jumped right back into being papas boy. He clung to his papa like a little piece of velcro. Poor Grandma hasn't got her snuggle yet. We had only a very short visit at the airport and then we piled our kids into the car ( a few hours past their bedtimes) and went home. Grandma and Grandpa are staying in the city for another day to take care of some business there. I'm sure when they arrive at their house we will be over for a good long catch up visit...and then you'll she'll get more than her fill of Silas :)

Someone is happy to have his papa home!!

The end of a long and tiring day for all three kids. They all slept on the way home.

Fun Factory

What do you do when its March and the temperature is -30 plus a windchill? Lock your kids up....or drive to the city and let the kids play themselves silly for 5 hours at the "fun factory". We were going to pick up my parents from the airport yesterday evening and since Aili didn't have school (too cold) we decided to make a day of it. We were joined by two of my cousins, my aunt and my cousins children for an afternoon of visiting while the kids played. It was so nice to catch up with family that I don't see nearly often enough.

This little guy played hard all afternoon without a nap! He did great with no exhaustion meltdowns. I'm paying for yesterdays late night and no nap today though. He's still surprisingly easy for a 2 year old. Due to the fact that my first two toddlers were so extremely super charged with emotion and will I am constantly surprised at how cooperative he is. He's naturally happy and easy going. He's still a two year old though and by definition that makes him annoyingly independent, frustratingly messy and somewhat inconvenient. But oh so adorable! We are finally gaining ground potty training. We gave up shortly after my post "academy of the potty" and decided to wait a couple months and try again after our Mexico trip. So he's been in big boy underwear for a week now and is doing so much better than I expected at this point. Its got a long ways to go before he's dependable but he's even started telling me when he needs to use the potty...before its running down his leg, which is a big step forward. I fully realize that regression could still happen at any point. Two steps forward one step back.