Might be the weather
My two Littles bonding over a Nintendo DS. Brings a tear to the eye doesn't it?
Ok, I'm mostly joking...mostly.
It's been one of those weeks that I just can't kick my grumpy mood.
I hate feeling this way and I'm trying to get my head squared back on.
I need to get out from under feeling overwhelmed by life in general.
It feels like recovery week. Getting the big kids focused back on their school books after a week of touring Seattle has been a bit of a challenge. Getting me immersed back into my normal laundry-piled-high-screaming-teething-baby-messy-house-one-volume-children-ADHD-infused-multiplication-drilling-phonics-nagging-often-chaotic-life has proved a little less than seamless.
I'm usually a rock emotionally. Steady as hours in a day. I REALLY dislike feeling stressed out, depressed, discouraged, and just plain exhausted. It doesn't feel like me.
I feel like I should feel better than I do...physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Maybe it's something as simple as low iron levels. Maybe combined with my typically low blood pressure that would be enough to make me feel like sleeping the day away...or like passing out when I stand up. Maybe it's wacky hormones. Is 33 too young for wacked out hormones? I should maybe get some blood work done. I don't think I've seen a Dr. for me (other than obstetric reasons) in years.
Maybe it's just the grey, windy , snowy, cold weather.
Maybe it's the fact that I wish we were heading to sunny, warm Mexico to see our friends instead of staying in this Artic wasteland.
Maybe I'm giving nasty, mean people too much control over my emotions.
Maybe it's a choice.
Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had any physical exertion or mind clearing exercise in ...well...I don't remember.
Whatever it is..I need to get over it.
My kids have seen more than their share of ugly mum this week. Her voice is shrill, her temper is short, and she looks a bit haggard. I don't really like her much. I'm pretty sure my kids don't either.
Although, some are coping with the
change in weather better than others.
These pictures of brotherly love really should brighten even the most blustery, snowy day. Shouldn't they?
We are currently working through a Bible study, with a group of our friends , by John Ortberg.
Last night we discussed our thought life and how the "voices" we listen to makes such a difference in how we relate to others and to God.
"Every thought is either enabling and strengthening you to ...live a kingdom kind of life, or robbing you of that life. Every thought is- at least to a small extent- God breathed or God-avoidant; leading to death or leading toward life. "John Ortberg
Cultivating the kind of mind where God dwells takes effort. I may never have a brilliant mind (I had to re-learn long division to teach my 4th grader!) but I want to have a beautiful mind.
A beautiful mind doesn't dwell on thoughts of bitterness, worry, envy, anger, insecurity, and problems. It isn't resentful or prone to judge harshly. A beautiful mind is in tune with God.
Not every thought, inclination, or idea that pops into this pea brain of mine comes from God. I need to regularly discern the voice of my Shepherd. Am I seeking him...or do I have my mind made up already and am going to stamp "God told me" on it? Does what I'm thinking and feeling bring me closer to God, to love, to truth, to joy, to patience, to self-control, to grace, to peace, to life.....or does it take me closer to bitterness, to division, to worry, to fear and to death? Does it bring me closer to God or take me further from him. God won't speak to us contrary to His character or to His word. He won't give me thoughts that aren't a part of who he is. God doesn't worry there fore I don't have "Godly worry"...I have sin. God doesn't throw temper tantrums...therefore I don't have "Godly rage" ...I have sin.
I think I've been allowing those negative thoughts to crowd out the calming voice of God.
"In his pride, the wicked do not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God" Psalms 10:4
I have a lot of thoughts in a day. My mind is always wandering, thinking, assesing, and dreaming.
I need to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" . That is a lot of taking captive.
I need to train my mind ponder His greatness, think about His faithfulness, meditate on His closeness.
Even when dinner bubbles over on the stove because I'm cleaning pee off the bathroom floor.