Peppy the pony

 We are still experimenting and getting used to home education.  I don't think two weeks have been quite the same.  Some days are wonderful and some are horrible.  We are figuring out what works (and doesn't) work  for us.   I have lots of thoughts, frustrations, successes, joys and fears to journal about but I lack the time to do it.   Time... personal-me-time is in much shorter supply lately.    Creative energy is in pretty short supply as well.  Energy in general actually.

So I'll save the homeschooling report for another day.

 Roman has a new friend.  Peppy is his name.   In the last month we've managed to acquire 1 horse and 1 pony (without buying either).  Roman has an imagination full of adventures that he and his new friend are going to take.   Peppy is ..well..peppy.  Big attitude in a little package.  Given that  he and  Roman seem to both have slight delusions of grandeur they should relate to each other well.

 Silas had his first horse ride on little Peppy.  He insisted that he needed a complete cowboy costume but his farmer duds consisted of rubber boots and a Carhartt jacket.   The helmets are mandatory at 4-H so we decided that we'd start the kids using them for riding.  Not exactly cool, but considering how much faster and higher a horse is than a bike we thought it made sense.

Silas has been obsessively  asking to ride a horse for a few weeks now.  He was actually brave enough to do it to...until it started trotting, then it was time to get off.

Orphan Sunday

La Mama Loca: Orphan Sunday: "Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo."

Today is a day to look at our kids and imagine that they lived a life with out us.
I imagine my son sitting alone on a grubby curb sniffing solvents to numb the piercing cold of the world around him.
I  imagine my daughter, a young girl without a voice, being used to satisfy the desires of a sick world.
Or my daughter taking on the responsibilities of a parent to her siblings at age nine.
I imagine my baby laying in a room lined with rusty cribs waiting for human touch.
My little boy scrounging the gutters like stray pup for a scrap of food.
 My children clinging to a worn out suitcase as they move into yet another strangers home.

Those are horrible pictures to  form in my mind.   They evoke strong emotion.

This is not the fate of my children.  They are fortunate to have 2 loving parents and a multitude of other people that are able to care for them.  They live in a country with safety nets and child protective services (as faulty as they often are.)  

The fact is, there are countless children , just as precious, just as worthy, just as silly, adorable and goofy out there that were born into the life I just described for you.   Why don't our hearts break for each one of them?  Somehow it's different when they are just pathetic faces on the tv or statistics on a page.

These children were left alone because of sickness, poverty, war, addictions, abandonment, abuse, or disaster.  They are children born into a broken world.

They long for love
They crave security
They ache to be wanted

Adoption is not the only answer to the crises our world faces.  It is one of many ways to 'defend the fatherless'.  It is one beautiful option.   I think so often people , myself included,  make a list of all the reasons why we are not able to adopt, why it wouldn't be wise, why we can't afford it and how we aren't "called" to something that drastic.  We assure ourselves that adoption is for other people.   That is sometimes true.    Not every body is in a position in life where they can or should adopt but we are all "called" to do SOMETHING.   Too many people 'don't feel called' because they have never allowed God control over that area of their heart.

My challenge to you today is to let your heart be broken...not in helpless despair.. but to join in the suffering of a child for just a moment.   Allow God to break your heart by the things that break His.  Allow Him to move you past your self preservation, human reasoning, fear, desire for control, and apathy.   That is both a frightening and freeing place to be taken.
Ask him today ,not if you are called to do something but how He desires you to show love to a child that needs love...and then listen with an open heart.   I don't say this to sound somehow self righteous or to lay on a guilt trip.   I say it as a challenge to move past apathy or shallow guilt appeasement to honest questioning.

Sometimes that answer is a longing that isn't brought to fulfillment for years.  Pray.  Anticipate. Grow. Wait.  Trust.

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear...The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." ~Henri J. M. Nouwen

Here are a few organizations committed to helping children.  

Sponsor a child,  help support an adoption, open your home to foster care,  donate to an orphanage.  so many options.

ebenezerglennorphanage.org   (This is the orphanage  where my Haitian sister has been living since the earthquake.  My parents will be working in this community this winter as well)

ffhm.org (This is the orphanage in Baja that is close to my heart. Click on sponsorship to view children in three orphanages needing sponsors)

compassion.com   (sponsorship)

www.drawnfromwater.org (rescuing children from tribal infanticide.  You MUST watch the vimeo video on their home page!!)

showhope.org  (adoption assistance)

amazima.org  (a young woman who began a sponsership program as well as taking care of orphans  in her own home in Africa.)

147millionorphans.com  (2 moms raising awareness and support for orphans)

samaritanspurse.org  (humanitarian aid and community development)

worldvision.org  (humanitarian aid, sponsorship, community development)

reecesrainbow.org  (linking special needs orphans with open hearted families)

Trick or Treat...anyone got an Epi-pen?

         

 Buzz Light Year was woken up from his nap to go outside ....and the velcro from his hat rubbed his chin.   Life is hard sometimes.  And his wings kept falling off.

                                    Not off to a great start on his first time  "trick or treating."

Once he got  to the first house and was handed his first package of sugary goodness the world was a better place.

                        I think Cece is a little turtle off of Nemo.

                                  This little lady bug isn't one of mine but I had to show her off because

she is about as cute as it gets. 

             We had a nice time walking around our tiny village with some good friends of ours.

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween but I fine with claiming it as a few hours of community and family fun.  We don't "celebrate"anything on this day.  Not anything that has to do with Halloween anyway.   We don't celebrate darkness, we don't make death into something scary and goolish.  There is a lot that goes along with this day that I endure, cringe, turn the channel,  and choose not to participate in but at the same time we aren't condemning  finger pointers that hole ourselves up in our house marking this day as "Satan's birthday".
   "This is the day that the Lord has made we will rejoice and be glad in it" so I will dress my child up like Buzz Light Year so we can go greet , wave, and smile at everyone in our community.    We live in this culture, as bizarre as it sometimes is.  If we lived in a city or else where our tradition might be quite different.
We missed Halloween altogether last year because we were in Mexico...and none of us missed it one bit.

The kids came home with a bag of loot each.  I quickly sorted through it all removing anything with peanuts and other nuts (all the good stuff).   When you have a kid with severe allergies everything gets a little more complicated.   We haven't been hyper vigilant because we've been really lucky for the last year.  It's  too easy to get lazy.   There is  just so much grey area.  There are the "safe" "Nut -free  candies on one end of the spectrum .  There are peanut M&M's on the other dangerous end.   In between are lots of candy that don't overtly contain nuts but may be contaminated (the "may contain" catagory)...and the fact that they are all in a bag together may make it nearly impossible.   Some people's threshold of sensitivity is much higher than others.    Some kids will swell up like a blow fish just being in the same room as a peanut...while others may tolerate trace amounts but would die if they ate a Reeces pieces.   We may have to rethink this trick or treating thing next year.   
He wolfed down two candies (a gummy hamburger and a foil covered chocolate ball) while I warned him about peanuts and cleaned the danger out of his bag.  Part way through the gummy hamburger he started drooling and cried "YUCKY".   He ran to spit it out and then proceeded to act like he was choking.  As he gagged and drooled I didn't know if he was being dramatic, choking or having a reaction.   His last allergic reaction (to musty Canola seed) actually caused him to vomit.    I gave him some water and watched him for a few seconds.   He then started crying "I need medicine!".  This boy is getting smarter than his mama when it comes to his allergies.   I gave him a good dose of Benadryl and made a mental note of where his epi-pen was.  

 Poor boy started to look rough.   His eyes didn't swell and he didn't get the welts all over that he sometimes gets.  I think they got itchy though.

Not feeling so good. 

                                                               Mommy...my lips feel funny,

Fortunately it was just a minor reaction and he was fine after about 1/2 an hour.  Needless to say I put away the rest of the Candy.
He is already at the age that he is figuring out what he is allergic to and routinely asks if something contains "peanut" or "cinnamon" or  "eggs".   It's kind of cute.  My poor little freak show.  It's a tough concept for a 3 year old.   Certain foods are poison to him but everyone else can eat them. He's at the age though where he remembers how bad it feels and is almost paranoid about eating something dangerous.    I think he thinks it's because he is small....that when "I'm big like Roman I can eat peanuts".  
His big brother and sister where more than eager to throw away their dangerous loot as well.

Happy "After Today I can start looking toward Christmas and be done with this Halloween crap" Day

 These are a couple pictures of Aili and Grandpa riding horses yesterday.   We are "horse sitting" Aili's horse this winter for a nearby kids camp.  It works out great because she needed an old "camp horse" to learn to ride on and to take to 4-H with her.  We aren't exactly horse people (notice the lack of cowgirl duds) but I enjoyed riding as a kid and Aili is really enjoying it as well.   (I think Grandpa like passing on his cowboy skills onto his granddaughter too)

 We've  had such a nice family weekend.  The sun was out and we were all just home hanging out.   Saturday evening we rented "Karate Kid" (the new one starring Will Smiths adorable son).  We all enjoyed it.  I think the kids could relate a little to moving to a new culture, being surrounded by kids who speak a different language and feeling a bit on the outside.  I think most of us can relate to getting bullied at one point or another.
The boys LOVED the fighting scenes.
It has sparked my boys normally boyish behavior into a new found passion.

 Add to the pictures a lot of sound effects and sweat and you can imagine what my house is like
...post Karate Kid.  They are careful not to actually hurt each other (not intentionally anyway).  Silas holds his own surprisingly well.  He's determined to scrap his way out from under big brothers shadow.

Speaking of big brother.  This is another highlight of the weekend.
Mutilating a pumpkin.   Mr Sensory-seeking Roman couldn't keep from squishing, squeezing, kneading, tasting, and smashing the pumpkin guts.

Mr. Sensory-Stimulation-Avoidant Silas was horrified at the suggestion that he put his hands down inside the slimy pumpkin. 

Eventually we wore him down and he had fun with it.

He was the first to wash his hands though.

                                             Roman having way too much fun...as usual.

                                                                 The finished product.
                                                                   Barfing pumpkin.
                                                            
                                        

Now I'm off to beg for candy at our neighbors doors for candy and to deal with the inevitable sugar craze that will follow.

Unredeemed

Since writing my last grumpy post I have felt God's sustenance in a new way.  Although I'm sure it was not because  I whined and complained on my blog...maybe in spite of it.  I decided to once again take it to him.   The lead suitcase,  the ongoing battle, the heartbreak for loved ones, the fear of the unknown, and the sense of feeling overwhelmed by even the smallest daily responsibilities...are too heavy.  I am a slow learner.  I'm pretty sure I've been taught this lesson before.

My broken cd player finally started intermittently working again on Wednesday.  I popped in a cd I hadn't listened to in a long time.  I think I have missed music breathing life into the monotony of my day.   As I listened (and sang obnoxiously loud) to Selah this song brought me to tears.   I had never really noticed it before.  This time I sang and prayed every word.
I will continue to cling to this truth.
Ultimately God is able to redeem that which has been most shattered.  The person we, in our human understanding, would toss away like yesterday's garbage, God can raise up for his glory.  God is raising up for his glory.
Darkness, fear, shame, brokenness, betrayal, cruel disregard, injustice, death...
they are all places where, once we surrender them at his feet, he will show us just how amazing and limitless his grace truly is.
Sometimes it's the waiting for that day that is hard.  Faith runs dry.  Despair wells up.  Hurts start to fester.
My focus shifted to the pit instead of  the one who rescues us from it.

I have been reminded of the beauty within the journey...and the restoration that lies ahead.
Thankyou Selah.

(p.s don't forget scroll down and hit pause on my music before you hit play on "Unredeemed")




TThe cruelest word
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled 
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see 
It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame 
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every *life* that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com 
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled 
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see 
It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled 
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see 
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Might be the weather

My two Littles bonding over a Nintendo DS.   Brings a tear to the eye doesn't it?

 Help I've fallen into self pity and I can't get up!
Ok, I'm mostly joking...mostly.
It's been one of those weeks that I just can't kick my grumpy mood.
I hate feeling this way and I'm trying to get my head squared back on.
I need to get out from under feeling overwhelmed by life in general.

It feels like recovery week.   Getting the big kids focused back on their school books after a week of touring Seattle has been a bit of a challenge. Getting me immersed back into my normal laundry-piled-high-screaming-teething-baby-messy-house-one-volume-children-ADHD-infused-multiplication-drilling-phonics-nagging-often-chaotic-life has proved a little less than seamless.

I'm usually a rock emotionally.  Steady as hours in a day.  I REALLY dislike feeling stressed out, depressed, discouraged, and just plain exhausted.  It doesn't feel like me.
 I feel like I should feel better than I do...physically, emotionally, and mentally.

 Maybe it's something as simple as low iron levels.  Maybe combined with  my  typically low blood pressure that would be enough to make me feel like sleeping the day away...or like passing out when I stand up.  Maybe it's wacky hormones.  Is 33 too young for wacked out hormones?  I should maybe get some blood work done.  I don't think I've seen a Dr. for me (other than obstetric reasons) in years.
Maybe it's just the grey, windy , snowy, cold weather.
Maybe it's the fact that I wish we were heading to sunny, warm  Mexico to see our friends instead of staying in this Artic wasteland.
Maybe I'm giving nasty, mean people too much control over my emotions.
Maybe it's a choice.
Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had any physical exertion or mind clearing exercise in ...well...I don't remember.
Whatever it is..I need to get over it.



My kids have seen more than their share of ugly mum this week.   Her voice is shrill, her temper is short, and  she looks a bit haggard.  I don't really like her much.  I'm pretty sure my kids don't either.

 It seems we are all a little on edge lately.   Thats the thing with grumpiness...it's contagious.

Although, some are coping with the
change in weather better than others.

 These pictures of brotherly love really should brighten even the most blustery, snowy day.   Shouldn't they?

We are currently working through a Bible study, with a group of our friends , by John Ortberg.

Last night we discussed our thought life and how the "voices" we listen to makes such a difference in how we relate to others and to God.  

"Every thought is either enabling and strengthening you to ...live a kingdom kind of life, or robbing you of that life.  Every thought is- at least to a small extent- God breathed or God-avoidant;  leading to death or leading toward life. "John Ortberg

Cultivating the kind of mind where God dwells takes effort.   I may never have  a brilliant mind (I had to re-learn long division to teach my 4th grader!)  but I want to have a beautiful mind.   

A beautiful mind doesn't dwell on thoughts of bitterness, worry, envy, anger, insecurity, and problems.  It isn't resentful or prone to judge harshly.   A beautiful mind is in tune with God.

Not every thought, inclination, or idea that pops into this pea brain of mine comes from God.  I need to regularly discern the voice of my Shepherd.   Am I seeking him...or do I have my mind made up already and am going to stamp "God told me" on it?   Does what I'm thinking  and feeling bring me closer to God, to love, to truth, to joy, to patience, to self-control,  to grace, to peace,  to life.....or does it take me closer to bitterness, to division, to worry, to fear and to death?  Does it bring me closer to God or take me further from him.  God won't speak to us contrary to His character or to His word.  He won't give me thoughts that aren't a part of who he is.   God doesn't worry there fore I don't have "Godly worry"...I have sin.  God doesn't throw temper tantrums...therefore I don't have "Godly rage" ...I have sin.

I think I've been allowing those negative thoughts to crowd out the calming voice of God.  

"In his pride, the wicked do not seek him;

in all his thoughts there is no room for God"  Psalms 10:4

I have a lot of thoughts in a day.  My mind is always wandering, thinking, assesing, and dreaming.  

I need to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" .  That is a lot of taking captive.

I need to train my mind ponder His greatness, think about His faithfulness, meditate on His closeness. 

Even when dinner bubbles over on the stove because I'm cleaning pee off the bathroom floor.  

"Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow an act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit, and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny”

Do the Next Thing

Do The Next Thing

Elisabeth Elliot

“At an old English parsonage down by the sea,

there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven

that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring,

like a low inspiration, ‘Do the next thing.’

Many a questioning, many a fear,

many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven,

time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,

trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer,

do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,

who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,

leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,

working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,

the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.

Do the next thing.”