Here with us

Immanuel, God with us.

The hands that made the world became  tiny fists that clutched the finger of his mother and touched face of a leper.
The voice that commands legions of angels and can calm a storm with a single word, became the cooing of a baby boy.
 Jesus who is not limited by time, space, or strength limited himself to the frailty of a newborn.

As promised, as prophesied, a Messiah would come.
His people waited.  His people forgot.  His people watched.
At exactly the appointed time in history He came.   He came when nations, rulers, languages and history all converged together to set the backdrop for the greatest love story of all time.

He came in a way no one expected.  He saved in a way few understood.
Instead of a powerful ruler who sought out the beautiful and the influential to build up his kingdom.  He came as a  shepherd who seeks out and brings home each lost lamb.

(don't forget to scroll down and hit pause on my playlist before you hit play on this video)

"For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
His government and its peace will never end."
Isaiah 9:6-7

Filled up with Thanks

 Even though  I ate tacos today instead of Turkey and the American favorite "green bean casserole" (a dish that I have never made or eaten in a Canadian thanksgiving meal)  I am thankful.  We did not celebrate a holiday today in Canada but I did have thanksgiving on my mind.

 I have felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and blessing during the last couple days.   Despite my griping about the bitterly COLD weather, the squeaky blowing snow, the biting wind and the car that doesn't heat up properly I am actually thankful.  Despite my " it takes us forever to all bundle us all up like Artic sled dog racers before we go anywhere- overly scheduled -driving in horrible weather-11 appointments in various towns in 4 days" week of whining....

I am feeling very blessed and humbled and thankful.  I am overwhelmed with really feeling thankful...not just forcing myself to be.
I love my home.   I  appreciate my warm  house, my fireplace, and my cozy couch.  I am thankful for my husband curled up with me on it in the evening as we relax with  the humor of  shows like Modern Family or Big Bang Theory.  We are people of simple pleasures.

I look at my kids, who sometimes are so irritatingly  LOUD I want to rip the ears off of my head, and feel overwhelmingly blessed.

This afternoon was one of those moments.  Silas was napping ,  Roman was out trucking grain with his Dad,, and it was just me and "The Girls" making tortillas for supper.   In the peace of that moment I absorbed the scene.   I have two daughters.
One is on the brink of adolescence.   She now wears deodorant (out of necessity not desire), she has had a few pimples and she will be looking me in the eyes before long.  These things remind me that the years are fleeting.   This "brink of adolescence" stuff has kind of snuck up on me this year. She is still  a little girl in many ways but she is on the verge of being a young lady.   She has a ridiculously thick mane of light blonde hair. She has big round sky blue eyes.

My other daughter is 9 years younger than her sister.  She has silky,  shiny,  black hair.    She has gorgeous almond shaped dark brown eyes.  She is discovering the joy of banging objects together and that she has the power to make her daddy smile.  The two are like  book ends in our family.  My oldest and my youngest.

As I rolled tortillas, I watched my big girl standing at the stove cooking and flipping the tortillas,  an almost unbelivable image.  It made me smile to think of all the years we will be standing in a kitchen cooking together in the future.

I looked at my little daughter playing with measuring cups in her highchair.  It made me smile.  I didn't expect to be blessed with another daughter.  She is like the cherry on top.   The icing on the cake.   How were we ever complete without her?   Someday she will be standing at the stove helping me make dinner.   My heart dares to dream....

Two very different little girls.  

 One was  formed in  my body.  One was an unexpected gift handed to me as a tiny bundle.  

Although they came from different sources, I realized recently  that both of my daughters came in similar ways. 

Their arrivals were both proceeded by loss.    Both required an  unknown time frame of learning to wait. I struggled with fear as I loved them.   My daughters taught me how to surrender and hope at the same time.  

They are both my beautiful treasures.  

(And I have a new stove to be thankful for!!...see above photos to ooh and ahhh.

I am thankful to have a stove that has more than one rack and has a shutting door.  Loving the smooth top!)   

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

We love Christmas!  

Last  year we missed out on most of  our usual family traditions and opted for a Mexican Christmas which included stringing lights up around our trailer, caroling in migrant work camps, and delicious traditional

 Mexican feats.  The year before, we spent 2 weeks in Washington state with family.   It's been two years since we had Christmas at home.

Fingers crossed that we will have Christmas at home this year (if you wonder why read the post below).

Just in case we aren't we decided to get the festivities started nice and early.

 Silas, who has very little recollection of any of our Canadian traditions, REALLY got into it.

My hubby and I basically stood back, snapped a few pictures and let the kids take over.

We received this nativity set this summer as a gift  from my sister in law Brook.  

It's hand made Mexican tin art.  Tacky, colorful, different.  We love it!

It looks so pretty with the twinkling Christmas tree lights next to it.  

Six stockings this year.  For some reason that number just feels right. 

We have a fake tree.  We bought it a few years ago and it's the most beautiful tree we've  ever had.  Remember, we live in the Canadian prairie where real ones are expensive and mostly pathetic.  We've had our share of Charlie Brown trees.

The kids are already begging to begin Christmas baking.  I'm not quite as excited as they are.  I do like to eat Christmas goodies though.    I can't even keep up with our normal baking right now  but I've started to compile a mental list of easy. nut-free, cinnamon free, egg-free treats.  That pretty much leaves out all of my favorites and any thing good.  I will need to be creative (and keep a secret stash out of reach of allergy boy).

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.

up in the air

This is my sweet girl sleeping on her favorite guy.  She is daddies biggest fan.  He loves his girl just as much.

So many areas of my life feel very "up in the air" right now but we are seeing God's provision and timing in so many ways.   This week we heard from Cece's new adoption case worker.  She is based out of a completely different office  in a nearby small town rather than the big city office.    We are thrilled.  We are very impressed with her.  It has been such an encouragement to talk to someone who doesn't intentionally keep us in the dark, treat us like we're suspects to an unknown crime, or  like we are mentally defective babysitters.   She refers to Cece as "your daughter" during conversation.  That is quite a contrast.  It feels like we've been at a stand still since July as far as the adoption process goes but as of this week things are moving right along.   Home study starts next week!! I have a now (not so) secret hope that her first Birthday will be an extra special celebration.

 After 4 months of sitting on the application we may actually get her a passport.  This is something we have been working on because of our need to travel as a family to my husbands homeland of Seattle.  His mom who has been battling cancer is fading quickly and we are "on call" for a not so joyful road trip.
One more thing up in the air.   So many details left unknown.   It's hard to book a  babysitter for a week when we have no idea when that week will be.  Also , I have never left one of my babies at 8 months old for that amount of time.  It would be hard....not that a road trip with a baby is easy.  We were losing hope that we would be able to take her along.    As  of yesterday though,  it looks like we will have a passport in hand and permission to take her across the border by the end of the week!  It has been a little bit unnerving and surprising all at the same time.

The upcoming trip  is something that is requiring a lot of prayer and trust.  Not only is there grief involved when a close family member dies but the  family dynamics that we will be walking into is enough to leave me breathing into a paper bag.  It will take strength, wisdom, grace, and a lot of prayer.

Another provision that happened this week was that we are FINALLY started down the process of getting our Roman boy some much needed assessment tests done.  This was the reason for my freak out-I give up-I can't do it anymore without help God- episode in the bathroom.   It will be a process but he has now finished 2 out of 3 sessions.  We have a bunch more appointments booked for him in the next couple weeks (which I may or may not have to reschedule).  I am relieved and nervous all at the same time.  Once something is "labelled" it becomes real...not that it isn't very real already.   It's a little harder on a parents pride.

  I know my boy ...what I don't have is tools to effectively teach him or to understand how to help him be the best, unique, quirky boy he can be.   He has so much potential and difficult to tap brilliance. He is has a huge compassionate heart.  He is thoughtful, kind and generous.  On the flip side he has so many emotions, thoughts, and impulses that he has very little control over...and that stresses him out(and drives the rest of us nuts).  He can be my most cheerful cooperative child or he can be my most horribly difficult.    He is the first to eagerly do his chores or offer to help someone else.  He is trustworthy and consistently honest.  He is a sweet, affectionate, wonderful boy.
 He is also in constant motion, seeking sensory input of any type.  He has dark moods, ridiculous fits of frustration, strange habits and impulsive giddiness.   He keeps me guessing what I will be dealing with each morning..or at any given point during the day.  I love so many of those things about him.   I don't want to change him...I want him to be happy and functional.  I need to know how to help him be that.

I know we will be entering into all sorts of ignorant opinions, and rash judgment even just writing about this stuff that we have been  dealing with since he was 18 months old.  That is one of the main reasons I have never written about this aspect of our parenting experience, as all consuming as it sometimes is.    That and protecting my child from negativity.

So...one more unknown.   One more area to lay at the feet of Christ as we put one foot in front of the other trusting that he is with us.

My baby likes her food

Anyone have a baby that likes to eat or that needs to eat for survival?

Here is how I feed mine. 

Buy some vegetables like these squash.

Scoop out the seeds making sure not to stick them in your nose or ear holes.

 Place on a cookie sheet orange side down.  Pour some water onto the cookie sheet and bake until soft.

 Then start baby food production.   This was a large batch that also included baked sweet potatoes and steamed peas. Use whatever vegis you have.  Try cooking some brown rice, beans or lentils for some protein and nutritional diversity.

Throw it all in your handy-dandy food processor.  If you don't have a food processor slowly pre-chew the vegi's one bite at a time...or find another less disgusting way to mash it up.

 Fill some empty baby food jars then freeze.  Notice the lovely vibrant colors not found in the store bought variety. Don't forget to lick the spoon once you are finished.

 Or pour the purees into silicone muffin trays and set them in the freezer.  I like using these because they are a perfect meal size and they pop out easily once they are frozen.  Pop them all into freezer bags and throw them back in the freezer.

If you don't have a baby but like to play with your food processor I have been using my convenient chunks of vegi purees in a lot of different ways.
The following information is top secret and I will only disclose it if you promise not to tell my picky food hating three year old.
Tomato soup (which Silas actually likes) is made sweeter, creamier and healthier with a couple frozen sweet potato "muffins" stirred in.
I have thrown sweet potato and squash puree in various soups and sauces to add a sweet and creamy boost of vitamin A. The flavors of both are so mild they remain undetected.
I have been known to add a "muffin" of sweet potato to a fruit and yogurt smoothy to keep my vegi despising preschooler from dying of malnutrition.   So far he hasn't noticed.  p.s - don't use beat puree....even though it is the same color as the blueberries in the smoothie, they will notice and your husband will think you're a freak.

With bags full of colorful baby food in the freezer I always have convenient fast dinner ready to feed my little baby bird.

It's been a crazy roller coaster week....which may be why I'm choosing to do a post about baby food.  Odd for me I know...as I usually process out loud here.
God has shown me so tangibly that even at my most overwhelmed, discouraged, and stressed I am still a part of God's bigger plan.  He sees, he knows, and he is sovereign.   I worry about things that he is already taking care of.    Recently, as I locked myself in the bathroom to cry to God for help while the hoards of children ran amok he was already taking care of the very thing that I was freaking out about.  The phone rang with good and surprising news within minutes of my pathetic episode.
 His timing has almost been comical.  It has left me on several occasions seeing his hand working very clearly and leaving me feeling a little ashamed for having doubted...or thinking I need to have meetings with God in the bathroom more often.

We have on going stress,  circumstances, unknowns, and challenges...but we are seeing God move and work though it all.
I will share more about it all later.   For now I am processing it all, and taking life one day at a time.

Rookie homeschool report

So here is the homeschooling low down from this rookie mom.  

Since we have begun our first real year of homeschooling (independent from their old school) I feel a little like I have begun a new full time job. It is a career that I don't get paid for, that I often feel unprepared for and if I fail my kids will pay the price.   If my child doesn't learn to read I can't berate the teacher, write letters to the principal or blame the "system" (not that I've ever done that!).  The point is I'm it.   Pass or fail. 

That is a LOT of responsibility!  It feels natural though like a normal extension of everything else I teach them as a parent.   One thing I have always struggled to balance is busy work vs. just time being with the kids.  This forces me to be an intentional parent and to let the  housework remain neglected while I read to my kids or sit next to them at the table for a few hours at day.  It is wonderful and exhausting all at the same time!

Just keeping kids alive, fed and in clean clothes seems like a full time job never mind teaching them history and grammar.

It is a big change but not one that has been all bad.  There are parts of it that I am loving. 

I must admit it takes a lot of discipline and self motivation to make education a priority each and every day that we are home.   I know that if we didn't have that "get your books out" routine after breakfast we would come up with ever excuse to put it off indefinitely.   I am not a scheduler by nature.  Neither are my kids.   They appreciate routine and predictability but we've found schedules just stress us all out.   Some homeschooling schedules I've read make me exhausted just reading through them.  One I read recently had every 10-20 min. time slot designated with subjects or activities for 5 kids from 8 am -3pm. phew.  The other end of the spectrum would lead into utter Lord of the Flies chaos.   I think we land somewhere in the middle with a fairly predictable routine.  

Silas either plays by himself, does "school" with Aili as his preschool teacher, plays play-doh or watches cartoons.   Yup, my preschooler spends a good part of  the morning watching Curious George and Magic School bus.   I'm sure that must go against some unwritten  homeschool law. 

   We are still working out the bugs and my priority is keeping my big kids on track in the morning (and a baby fed, happy and down for a nap).  

There are moments when I am SO happy that the kids are being educated at home.  There are moments when I am absolutely confident that this is the best environment for them to thrive and learn.  There are days when we love the freedom and the family togetherness.   

Then there are moments when I am pretty much sure that my kids will either end up in therapy or prison...or both.   I will fail at this task set before me and my kids will end up on the side of a freeway holding up a cardboard sign or busking tables at Denny's.   

Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll join the circus and we'll all get discount tickets.    It kind of feels like a circus around here most of the time anyway.  

 My biggest challenge thus far is my boy.   I knew schooling him would be no picnic.  Roman is so full of extremes.  When he is in his element which usually includes the outdoors, exploring, and physical exertion, he is focused, charming, curious and happy.   When you take him out of his element he is sometimes literally unable to function never mind do book work.  He is a high maintenance 100% attention, student which leaves me time for little else....and sometimes ready to clock out by 10am.   I'm seeing more and more things that cause me ,not so much concern, as frustration and a desire to get to the bottom of.    We both end up very frustrated and even just focusing his eyes and attention on a page of work becomes like torture.  I really need to boost my creative teaching methods and remind myself not to just recreate "school" at home.   His issues were about 90% of why we opted to home school this year.  Although he had wonderful teachers that adored him he didn't qualify for an assistant and it was becoming very clear that it was not fair to his teacher, to his classmates or to him to keep him in that learning environment.

I've been searching homeschooling mom blogs, and websites about teaching kids with unique learning styles and challenges.   Things like the importance of "heavy work".   I've noticed in order to focus he needs breaks of hard movement, exertion, lifting, jumping, or  standing on his head.  Things I had noticed about him but had never considered it a "technique".  Simple ideas and tools can sometimes mean the difference between a page of 3 digit subtracting whizzed through or him writhing on the floor in frustration when I ask him to hold a pencil and write down the answer for 2+2.  Extremes.   He is a smart kid.  The things he actually knows, stores in his brain,  and "gets"  blows me away...but to tap into it is so frustrating.    Pulling my hair out, taking deep relaxation breaths frustrating.    Thats my rant.  One thing that he loves is snuggling up to me on the couch and me reading to him. That usually ends up our default school time.   He goes from overdrive to catatonic as he absorbs children's encyclopedias and classic novels.  It's all about getting information into him in a way he absorbs it.

In this picture he was doing a math test.  Can't you tell?  It had absolutely nothing to do with pencils in a foam ball.

There must be a math lesson in this somewhere.
I'm finished my whining rant now.
Honestly overall we are enjoying our change.  There have only been a few moments when I was fleetingly tempted to re-enroll them.  There are so many positives that I have noticed after only a few months.   I have noticed that my children's friendships with each other are growing stronger.  Their self esteem is thriving.  They are learning at their own pace until they master the material.  Sometimes that means flying through chapters of math without stalling or getting bored.  Sometimes that means working on the same 20 sight words for 3 weeks before moving on.   Aili is filling up notebooks with creative writing, stories, songs and journal entries.  She is loving being Silas' preschool teacher.  We have hours to snuggle on the couch and read together.  There is so much about this lifestyle that suits us perfectly.

Miss Cece is nearly 8 months old now.   She is currently a wheezy, snotty, teething, miserable girl but adorable just the same.  She usually is a happy , smiley, content baby. This age is so fun as her little personality is starting to shine.  She keeps us giggling with her antics.   My big kids keep her giggling with their antics.  She is Daddies own personal fan club.

She finally has an adoptions case worker which has been a long wait.  This should at least get the ball rolling.  We have talked with her and are very impressed.  

They never asked for a reassignment

I love this post which I found on this blog I recently came across.  It spoke to me right where I am at in all areas of my life.   I admit to questioning my assignment or at least my suitability to accomplish my various tasks based on frustrations and lack of immediate results. 
I am learning just how incomplete obedience is  without trust.

"Noah.

Assignment: Construct an Ark, endure ridicule and mocking for 100+ years, live in a boat with animals, survive the flood {the first and last of its kind}.

Moses.

Assignment: Lead a people who will ultimately grumble/complain, worship idols, murder, sacrifice their children to the fire, become harlots, and despise your leadership.

David.

Assignment: Become king–but first, endure threats on your life, hide in caves, play instruments for a delusional man, witness the death of your best friend.

Jeremiah.

Assignment: As a prophet, speak the word of God to a people living in sin and rebelliousness, threats on your life, anguish and grief.

Elijah.

Assignment: A prophet who will make his home by a brook, trust in a bird to bring him food, live through a drought, call fire from heaven, raise the dead, flee a wicked woman, and witness a fire consume 50 men.

Ezekiel.

Assignment: A prophet and priest who will speak destruction, condemnation and judgement, witness death and the loss of your wife.

John the Baptist.

Assignment: Preacher of repentance. Roamed the desert, wore camels hair, ate honey and locust.

Paul.

Assignment: Preacher of the good news. Promised he would suffer many things for the sake of the gospel, shipwrecked, imprisoned, sick, destitute {among many other hardships}.

And what more shall I say? For time would tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jepthah and Samuel and the prophets–who through faith conquered kingdoms, obtained promises, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Woman received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated. . . .  Hebrews 11:32-38

Who am I to complain, give up, throw in the towel, live in defeat and discouragement?

I have been handed an assignment from my Master–who suffered as an example,

Jesus.

Assignment: The Savior of the world who was detested, rejected, spit upon, stoned, beaten, whipped, falsely accused, and died the death of a criminal.

As I write this post, I am coming out of a season of weariness in this assignment we call adoption.

I look, not to other mamas or families, adoption specialists or counselors, but to the Word of God which records the lives of faithful men, women, and my Savior who never asked for a reassignment!

Mama.

Assignment: A mother who is learning “for the sake of Christ to be content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong {2 Cor. 12:10}.”

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