4/8/11

Soaking in the Spring


The fascination has begun.
What is it with little children and mud?


It is a love affair that is fun to watch, but not so fun to clean up after.
I can't complain.  It is a welcome trade off.  





The bikes are out of storage and Roman has been on a few high speed, fort constructing, raft building adventures already.

After 5 months of being cooped up indoors, my kids are loving being outside.
I am loving it too, despite the wet socks and muddy clothing...
and the muddy foot prints making a trail across my kitchen floor.


4/7/11

My Empty Cradle


11 years ago my husband had spent hours working on this cradle in preparation for our first child.   As the day of our son's arrival drew closer this nearly finished cradle was set aside and work began on a new project.  
A beautifully crafted little box that would hold the ashes of our first born.
The cradle sat empty.

On the bottom was written,  
built in memory of Samuel.

Although Miss Cece moved to a crib several months ago this cradle still sits in her room.  It is typically either filled with toys and stuffed animals or clean laundry that needs to be put away.
If I lay on the floor and look up at the bottom of the cradle there are seven names and birth dates now written on it.

My empty cradle has held more little ones than I ever expected.    
 There was a time when I feared that it would remain empty.  God had a different plan. 

My empty cradle was a part of that purpose.

Beauty out of ashes.




This cradle never held my first born, but what a beautiful way for Samuel's legacy to live on.  

If it hadn't sat empty, would I have been open to allow God to fill it?


{Miss Cece}


{Silas at 2 years old pretending to be a baby}


{Cub}

{Peanut}

It holds so many stories of expectation, grief, longing, joy, learning to be a mother, sickness, love, worry, colic, sleeplessness, goodbyes, and welcoming new life.


{Silas}
{Aili}
{Roman}

I don't know what names will be added to this cradle in the future.   Perhaps my children will borrow it to use for my grandchildren.   Maybe we will add more foster baby's names to the list.  
Only God knows.

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
Oh Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."
psalms 30:11-12

4/3/11

Letting out the animals


When you run out of space in your house for your kids, just try suspending them from the ceiling.
It's a very efficient use of space.




We have this harness system that carabeeners into a beam in the ceiling (ex-mountain climber dad has a lot of old gear).  As much as I love dodging  high velocity  feet while I cook I am glad that very soon he will be expending his need for speed out on his bike.  
When I say "need" I am not exaggerating. This boy of mine needs motion, preferably energy exerting, constant, muscle straining, and fast.  Hauling fire wood and shoveling snow helps to keep that need at bay but it does little to appease the craving (or keep him and us sane).  I wish we had a big open basement that I could fill with swings, rock climbing walls, and monkey bars. He would maybe survive the winter in Canada a whole lot better...as would my sanity and furniture.




We have finally had a couple days of sunshine and above freezing temperatures. 
They are now running/ flying free in the great outdoors.
Soaking up the sunshine.


.
We have spotted dirt mud.
Summer is on it's way..summer is on it's way...summer is on it's way...

The "last" of the snow is sticky and wet, perfect for making snowmen.  I put the word "last" in quotation marks because it would be an unexpected surprise if we didn't get another snow storm or two in April, but I console myself  that the end is near.  After April comes May...and it rarely snows in May. 

I am loving the warmer temperatures.  I really enjoy air that isn't painful.  


The kids did trade in their big winter coats with lighter "spring coats". 
 One step closer to flip-flops!
I bought Silas' little red jacket at a second hand store for $2.  It's a good quality brand, spotless, fleece lined, and it has a really cool picture of a snow boarder on it so it's Silas approved.  Perfect for this weather.
I love thrift store treasures.  

Yep, won't be long now until the bikes are out.  
The advantage of growing up on the Canadian prairie is the ability to hope...for rain, for summer, for a better crop next year...for little boys riding bikes.

{with sticky snow also comes snowball fights.  Some cope better than others}

4/1/11

Faces


I don't have anything to say today.  
Well, that's not entirely true.  I always have something to say but sometimes I just don't feel like taking the effort to put it into words.
These faces kind of sum it up anyway.


I was playing with my camera a bit.  I borrowed a 55-200mm  lens to try out.  I have a Nikon D5000 with a standard 18-55mm lens.  I really don't do my camera justice yet but I am having fun learning.  


These were just a bunch of random snaps but it captured some very natural faces.


Even if Silas insists on unnatural facial expressions.
It does capture is personality.


This is my very natural face.  Nice to meet you.
Just keeping it real.

3/31/11

Love, Atoms, and Oceans

(scroll down to the bottom of the blog and push pause on the music first to avoid auditory chaos)

 I loved this rhyme performed by  rap artist Propaganda.
Whether you're a believer, a seeker, or a skeptic, I promise you this is totally worth 4 minutes of your day!  This powerful video captures the essence of God and human interaction in a simple, profound, entertaining and relevant way.     So cool!
 (although "cool" probably isn't a good rapper term...fresh?...help me out here, I'm a farm girl).
You could leave me a comment telling me what you thought in your best rhyme or rapper lingo.  





3/30/11

Disturbed


I came across this photo on this blog this morning.
I suspect like most of you, I grimaced and wanted to look away.
You probably did not want see it in the first place.
It's disgusting.

Now that it's too late to not see it, I supposed you could justify, make excuses for, or somehow compartmentalize this image into a scenario that does not involve you.

It's too real.  It threatens to burst the bubble of my own little world. 
So, like the man dressed in white we look away.  We keep walking.

We click to something more pleasant.  We buy another gadget that we think might fulfill us, soothe us or distract us from what we are meant to do.   After all we deserve it...don't we? 
 Our children deserve the finest things our money can buy.
That is not our child.

meanwhile...
We choose to walk away.
Maybe the man in the picture was busy, in a hurry, consumed with problems of his own.
Take a look again.  I dare you. 

It's almost too extreme isn't it?
It's nearly impossible to imagine your own child in that condition.
In fact, we can pretend this child is barely human, instead of a child who should be running, playing, and learning.  

I'm disturbed.  Which may not come as a surprise to some.
I am frustrated. What can I do?  Why do so many other things distract and pull me?
I am filled with grief and remorse.

How can I justify the things that I justify, while outside the gates of my comfy life...
the world is dying.
Literally , emotionally, and spiritually. 

Just another reminder that we live in a broken world.   Altered.  Corrupted. 
"the whole of creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time." Romans 8:22
The pangs increase. 
We must open our eyes.  We cannot afford to be lulled to sleep.  Time is short.

 Passivity goes against the very heart and passion of a loving God.  As a Christian choosing to do nothing is disobedience. Could it be that we use apathy to prop ourselves up as superior to Jesus ,who left the riches of Heaven and touched those who we discard as untouchable.  The same Jesus who plainly taught  and showed us that wealth does not necessarily equal blessing, and poverty does not equate a curse.  When we enter eternity with  the blood of humanity on our hands we will be the ones to account for it, regardless of how much we left behind in our bank account.  
We hoard what God has freely given. 
 We hoard the  Gospel  of grace and we hoard our "blessings" within the walls of our self indulgent kingdoms.  

Maybe that suggestion irritates you.  
Maybe I'm too radical, too emotional, too severe, or too extreme. 
I'm ok with that.   
What I fear being is complacent, luke-warm, deceived, or selfish.
My sin nature is all of those things.   
    

I don't worship the cause of social justice.  In fact that is a catch phrase that is sometimes followed by a lot of deception in itself.   It does not earn us cosmic brownie points, a spot in Heaven, or enlightenment.

He doesn't tell us to uphold the cause of the orphan, the oppressed, and the voiceless because it will somehow fix this broken world on a whole.
At the same time that is not an excuse to close our eyes and do nothing.

 God does not need me to help Him redeem His creation or  attempt to usher in a utopic society.
He already sent a savior. 
He knows and has appointed the days of this world from start to finish.  

There will be justice regardless of what I do or don't do.   God sees the oppression, the despair, the enslavement, and the apathy.  Not a child dies in the dirt, is abused in a basement, or is tossed aside by a selfish culture,  that is not known and loved by the One who created them.
Not a hair on their heads is unaccounted for. 
Each one will  be avenged by a Holy God.  
   
Social Justice, although a very important part of our calling as Jesus followers, is not God's plan for redemption.  It is a part of who God is, it is His heart, it is a command...but it is not the core of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is not our salvation.
The death defeating cross of Christ and the grace of God is.  
That alone is our hope in this world of decay. 
Our sacrificial love poured out on those who cannot help themselves is an example of what God does for us.
God came to us, relates to us personally, and took from Himself to provide for us in our helplessness.  
How can we not treat those in need the same way?

It is the natural overflow of the inexpressible LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY we have received from Him.  
That is so much more than social concern, philanthropy, or good deeds.
It is worship.   
It is the long suffering, sacrificial , awe inspiring, humbling, eternal work of the Holy Spirit at work in us and through us. 
Maybe that work overflows into our family members in need of compassion and grace, maybe it's extending our family to include the orphan, the foster child or the struggling single mother.  Maybe it overflows onto the homeless man under the bridge on your way to work or the child being pimped out on the street downtown.  Maybe it means feeding, clothing, loving and giving hope to children in a far away land.  It's being Jesus to the person in front of you each day, not only that, it is going out of your comfort zone and intentionally putting that person in front of you.  

How often do  those of us who claim the name of Christ become like a stagnant slough  instead of   a flowing life giving river of God's mercy and love.

This picture breaks my heart. 
How much more does it break the heart of the One who uniquely created this child, the One who knows how many tears have streaked down dirty cheeks, the One who knows his name?  

Sometimes we are tempted to cry out in anger, or stand judgement of God, as if we are fit to scrutinize Him.
 How could a loving God allow this to happen?!

It is a very precarious place to attempt to stand in judgement of an eternal, all powerful, all knowing, inscrutable God.  Like Albert Einstein's pencil questioning his theory of relativity.
If you look back to the account of Adam and Eve, isn't that how we created this mess in the first place?  
Thinking we know better.
Thinking that we can rewrite His story to suit our preferences, steal His glory, and  sit on His throne.

Maybe our line of questioning should be more along the lines of 
 "How can God continue to be so merciful to us despite our greed, our apathy, our ignorance, and the
 worship of ourselves?"

Lord, have mercy. 




Beauty out of Ashes from Lifesong for Orphans on Vimeo.



"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
 to comfort all who mourn, 
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, 
a planting of the Lord for the display of  His splendor."  Isaiah 61:1-3



  Isaiah was chosen and called for a  purpose and specific time in history.   We are also called to be a part of His story in His world now.  The spirit of the Lord is on you...go..
preach, bind up, release, plant, comfort, heal, provide and proclaim.  
For the display of His splendor. 


My Mysterious and Beautiful Gift


My handsome boy is growing up so fast.
Although some days it seems not quickly enough. 



Caught between " can I be your baby?"
and "I want to be a teenager!"

Careful, imaginative, and analytical.
Smart and competent.
A timid comedian.
Terrified of everything that a child's imagination can conjure.
A fragile spirit.
Very persistent and very particular.
 Clothes, food, hair, and even socks must be just so

or his little world slips of it's axis.



One of the most wonderful and most difficult parts of parenting is attempting to discover the unique creation that is each of our children. 
My 4 year degree in the School of Silas, leaves me realizing only how little I know.  
My previous 5 years of parenting had very few transfer credits.  

God is unfolding the mysterious gift that is my child.
In the process He is teaching me, again, to pray, to trust and to seek wisdom.
  
I am learning how to reach my boy's heart.  
I am painstakingly teaching him empathy, honesty, and courage.
He is teaching me patience and humility.
  


Take note of the open window.  The temperatures soared to 2 degrees Celcius yesterday and the sun made a brief appearance.  I couldn't help but welcome in some fresh spring air.  

Even a few house flies came out of hiding.  Silas was on the hunt.
Sword in hand.


"Mom! There's a bug! A real bug! Don't worry I'll get him."
Thank-you my valiant Bug Slaying Boy.