Ice Cream for Orphans project

I thought I'd do a quick update before we leave on our road trip to Mexico.  A while back I posted pictures of my kids collecting cans and bottles and told you about their idea to raise money.  The original goal was to save up $100 to take each of the kids at a particular orphanage out for ice cream over the course of the month we are in Mexico plus buy some other things to take to them.   


They began saving, collecting and working really hard.   Our plans changed a little and we found out we won't be working as staff at the orphanage, and because of that we won't be able to take the kids out for treats.  It was disappointing for my kids but they didn't let that set back derail their hope.  We changed the project to "Burlando kids compassion fund".   We prayed and talked about other ways we could use the money.  There is no limit to the possibilities. 
The kids effort was matched with generosity from many unexpected places.   Friends and family chipped in. Our new church family has been incredibly encouraging and generous.  

The grand total of our kids compassion fund is over $700!!   When Aili and Roman first had the idea $100 seemed like a really big goal!  


I decided to revert back to "Ice cream for Orphans" on this post  just to thoroughly confuse you all   because to me it paints a bigger pictures.  At first, when our trip plans changed, it didn't seem to cover all of what we hoped to do with the money...it was too specific.   The more I think about it the more I like it.   


We were all orphans in a sense, separated and alone, far from the Father who longs for us.  In His great love he has not only come to us and adopted us into fullness of relationship, he has not only provided what we need....he gives us ice cream.  He delights in giving his children good gifts and smiles as he watches us bask in his love.  He is the giver of all things good...and sweet and lovely.  Maybe I'm stretching it...but I still like the concept of Ice cream for Orphans.   


We want to show that kind of love to others...whether they are technically "orphans" or not.   We will be living in an area that is loaded with physical, emotional and spiritual desperation and need.  We want to give people a sweet taste of how much they are loved.  We want to paint a picture of the joy and affection that a Daddy has for his child when he sits and eats ice cream with him.  


I know this is going to be a very growing experience for my 3 oldest children. I know it is going to be a stretching experience for all of us.   It has sparked a lot of family conversations about compassion, generosity, humility, stewarding God's money wisely, and  prayerfully following the Holy Spirits lead.   What started as fun little side project for our kids has turned into a whole family mission.   We have some ideas of how we can use some of the money, but for the most part we are trusting that God will show us what needs he would have us meet when we come face to face with them.   


We are looking forward to keeping you updated on this project while we're away.  


Besides the donations of money and cans/ bottles,  we have a car top carrier loaded full of warm blankets that have been donated.


We feel the weight of responsibility and the privilege we have in stewarding these gifts well.   I'm looking forward to documenting and photographing the kids at work...and reporting back to all those who have joined us in this.  


I'm praying that this will be an amazing, life altering experience for our kids.  


Lord, my children are yours.  
Help me to raise them with hearts that have been transformed and filled with you.
Give me your strength and wisdom every day. 
May my little ones truly know, to the depth of their spirits, the you are faithful,
even if that means you take them through experiences that strips everything else away.  
Lord I don't aspire that they be successful in the worlds eyes, 
perform to impress, or that they live safe and happy lives.
Make them strong in your strength.
Make them wise in your wisdom.
Create in them men and woman after your heart. 
Use them for you glory.
You hands, voice, and heart in a hurting world. 
Bless them with real blessings.  
The greater joy that can only be found
in the places few people are willing to look. 

Other than the things I was whining about yesterday (like our broken down car and sicky baby) I have a prayer request as we prepare to go.   Could you please pray for our youngest son to be able to process and cope with this 6 wk change in location and routine.   He does not handle change, or perceived instability well at all.  We're still trying to figure this little guy out and why he reacts to life the way he does, but we are learning that some things really do set him off in a tail spin.  He's been so much improved the last couple months, it's been so encouraging to see, maybe just our schedule slowing down and Daddy being home more...but I am a little worried about what the uprooting will do to him (and what he'll do to us).   Please pray that we'll have the wisdom to know how to help calm his anxiety, and maybe even head off the turmoil before it starts.  As of this morning (as we begin to load up our car), he is already showing signs of apprehension.  It's mostly coming out as extreme emotions over very small things,  ridiculous obsessions, and a very sudden neediness/ insecurity....it's makes me a little nervous.   It is SO hard to have patience when he gets like this (it makes me crazy),  but I know that the only thing that will help is a whole lot of extra time, reassurance, snuggles and consistency from mom and dad (things that I selfishly don't feel like making time for right now).  

Only a couple more days!!

  In a couple more days we'll all be packed into our SUV and driving south!    Right now my house is a disaster (I'm going to clean  my way out the door so basically I have no ambition to do it now), there are suitcases, bags and piles all over my living room floor mixed with strewn about normal living room mess and toddler toys.  Our car is still broken.   We are waiting on another alternator (the second one) and still aren't convinced that this will solve the problem.   It should arrive the day before we leave.   Nothing like last minute car repairs.
We are also fighting colds and poor Celina has had a fever and cough for nearly a week.  I have a drs. appointment made for her before we leave as well.   She has not been sleeping well at all...and I'll stop whining now.  A week from today I'll be eating supper at a taco stand.  mmm..happy.

If you think of us could you please pray that we can make it to the highway?

I have hardly had  time to feel excited lately.   I know once we hit the road the reality that we're going back to Mexico after nearly 2 years of being away will sink in.   Right now I'm just trying to keep our heads above water long enough to pull out of the driveway.

I really should be hitting my long to-do list but my ambition has waned.

The distraction factor for me has been high this week (which is why my to-do list is so neglected).   We've had all kinds of family (the one I married into) situations swirling around us for the last several days....and for the first time ever  it's actually good drama.  Progress.  God is doing an unbelievable work in the brokenness.   Healing what has been broken for  nearly 4 decades, and can be traced back generations.  The devastation is finally being dealt with.    It's so freeing.    God is faithful and has answered so many specific agonizing prayers for reconciliation and restoration.    It's been a long hard road to get to this point!   I can't go into details obviously, but the last 3 years of our life have been filled with a lot of grief and division.  God has taught us so much through it all though and has been SO faithful.   I haven't talked about any of it here but it has inspired a lot of "when life gets ugly" , "grace", and "forgiveness" musings  that I've written about over the past years.  We are just so thankful that God sees the oppressed, that he frees those who are enslaved to darkness, and that nothing is beyond his redemption and grace.  







This family tree filled with generations of depravity and wickedness can have a new legacy in Christ.   We are being rooted up and made something new.  God has not abandoned us.    I think I've linked this song before but it really is a good reminder to us.   We can't cover our own wretched condition with pretty masks and religious moralism.   It may fool people for a while but it isn't regeneration.   It's like stapling fruit onto a dead  tree...it may look real for a moment but eventually that will just fall of and die too. Until we're pulled up at the roots, until we come in repentance before God realizing that we cannot make ourselves ,by sheer force of will ....good, or new, or righteous, or holy we will be that dead tree.   We can't pridefully hold onto our sin.   We need to kill it.  Only Jesus has the power to smash those chains.   We need to be dug up and grafted onto the one who gives life.   Abide in Him.

This band leads the worship at my sister in law's church in Seattle.   What an amazing story God is writing in her life.   He has turned mourning into dancing.   Devastation into victory.   Beauty out of suffering.   All I can do is stand back and watch in awe.

I'm Second Place!

I have have been honored with a second place ribbon this morning.

My very sweet and sensible 4 year old son presented me with a big hug and said 

"Mommy I love you, this is for you.

You are the second best mommy in the whole world"

I suppose , given the number of moms in the world, second place is quite an achievement!   It's good to know there's always room for improvement and I think that the pressure of maintaining number one would be just too much for me.

 Maybe if I ditch the pink bathrobe and start baking more cookies I will make 1st place next year!!

When I ever so humbly asked why I didn't get first place he  shrugged and answered

"because that was the only ribbon I could find under Aili's bed"

Look out mom number one...you're going down.  

It Seems So far Away

For the most part I don't think about it.   I don't obsess or fret or worry about it
but at the moment I'm tired of waiting for it.
I'm tired of feeling like I should introduce her as our "foster daughter", when in every practical and emotional sense she is our daughter.   We have committed to her and will love her until the day we die.  We are the only parents she has ever known but still she is not actually ours.

As I spent hours today rocking my sick baby and stroking her soft hair away from her fevered forehead I wondered when Social Services would stop making me a liar.   She calls me momma.   I call her my precious baby.  I tell her how much she is adored.  She is absolutely secure in that love.  Not a doubt in her mind.  Not a fear in her heart.  I never want to betray that confidence.

I  wish this process would speed up and we could stop being fakers...because we're not faking.  She is our daughter.   I just wish I could introduce her to you as our daughter, and not feel like I'm being slightly untruthful.

She will be adopted by someone.  We have applied to adopt her.  We just have no idea how long the paper trail waiting game will last.


At least we have had her with us for the last 19 months while we wait.   For that I am grateful.
In this moment of weakness I am tired of waiting.  I am not patient.   I want it on paper.  I want to go to court and put on paper what is in our hearts...and then I want to do it all over again.

Warm Fuzzies?

Everyone knows that giving feels good right?  At least, that's what we're all told.

 Most of the time it's true.  There is a "high" involved in doing a good deed or giving to the poor.   We can feel like a functional savior in someones life.   We can appease the conscience inside us that knows we can't overlook suffering.   The truth is we need to give, as Christians we are commanded to.

However, when you stick around a while, when the drive by missionaries go home, it feels different.  It gets more complicated.

When you've given money to someone so they can buy medicine for their child and you see them take the money to buy something much less needed and noble with it,

when you buy someone a tarp for their leaky roof (because they were begging for it) and you see them selling it on the street corner,

when you see masses of little hands out, and little mouths shouting for more,
when you build someone a house and they steal your tools, the feeling changes.

At this point many people become disillusioned and go home vowing to only help themselves and no one else.

It can be very hard to know what to do because the need is still there.   The suffering hasn't gone away.  The lost are still lost.
We CAN'T ignore it.

We come face to face with the reality that this world is broken in a way that can't be fixed with charity, bubbles, shallow "conversions", and lolly pops.

I was reminded of this reality and those exact feelings today as I read a post from a friend living in Mexico.  The friends that we will be living next to and working with ( and by "working with" I mean following them around like little missionary wanna-be apprentices ).

Check out her post here     "Because Love is a Lifestyle"


http://saulyamber.com/2011/11/17/sometimes-i-hide/#comment-826

As we load up our own SUV with extra blankets, toys, and kids clothes and head for the border I am reminded once again that giving can be complicated.  We can't roll  in like Santa with a loaded sleigh.  What difference can we make in just one month?

  I'm not saying we should never give things, money, food, blankets to those who need it, or would be encouraged by it, but I'm saying that helping is not always that easy.   It takes prayer, wisdom, and some knowledge of culture and what the underlying needs are.  It takes some trial and error and getting it wrong (which we have most certainly done over the years!).

Here's the reality of it...
Giving doesn't always feel good.
Loving doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy.
Money alone doesn't fix anything.

Can we love the hand the slaps us?  ...or invest in the person who seems hopeless?

 In fact, shouldn't we expect true love to feel like a whip on our back, the splinters of a cross on our shoulder,  and nails through our hands?
So why is it that we expect giving, loving, serving to feel like rainbows and butterflies?

I want warm fuzzies, applause, and recognition.  I want to demand gratitude and I want to see change.   I am a sinner filled with selfish motives.   That complicates my generosity.

When the candy runs out, when the rich Gringa's purse is empty, what do I have to give?
The answer is...nothing...but also everything.
 I know the One who desires to give them exactly what they desperately need.   All satisfying, soul freeing, eyes lifting, purpose giving, Spirit filling,  adoption as sons and daughters.
True regeneration.

What does it look like to love the unlovable?
What does bringing the Kingdom look like beyond the bags of candy, toys, and clothes?   All I can do is look to the example and the commands of the One I follow.   It probably looks more like joining them in their suffering.   Something I know very little about.

Jesus gave people himself...not just some of his left overs.

He looked into the eyes of the cast outs and gave them dignity.
He gave them hope that THIS is NOT all there is.

THIS parasitic filth,
this drug addicted neglect,
these hungry tummies,
these children without fathers,
this pain wracked disability,
these cycles of addiction,
those eyes filled with despair and hopelessness,
is not what we were created for.

Only the power of the blood pouring, tear stained, death conquering, scandalous grace giving, rescue mission from Heaven GOSPEL will ever break those chains.

What that looks like in each act of service....I can't really say.


Sometimes that looks like a shoulder to cry on.
Maybe it looks like a little girls lice filled hair combed up into bows.
Maybe that looks like investing in a child's life for years,
or teaching a young boy by example what it looks like to live like a man of integrity.
Maybe it looks like an ice-cream cone given to a child who has never tasted ice-cream, or a warm blanket, or a wheel chair to a man who needs mobility, or a fixed leaky roof....sometimes it means just showing up and trusting that the Holy Spirit is working and God has a plan beyond what we can see.

I am confident that anyone who sacrificially  loves, forgives, and shows grace in a way that defies reasonable self preservation will tell you that there is no going back.   It's the Good News gospel lived out....and that gospel is the very reason I live.  That feels amazing.

So as we prepare to go...
I'm not sure what to expect, what to feel, or what to anticipate.
I feel humble.
I feel joyful.
I feel hope filled.
I feel a little scared and unprepared.
I feel totally unworthy to bear His name...but at the same time completely secure.

Grace Collides

There's freedom waiting in the sound,  so let your walls fall to the ground.

We're here now.

Sparks will fly as GRACE collides with the dark inside of us so please don't fight this coming light. 

 Let this blood come cover us.  His blood can cover us.

Generations torn apart by sin, riddled with deception, and enslaved to darkness

are no match for the cleansing power of Jesus.  

The abscessed rot that has infected every branch, can be rooted out and replaced with new life. 

I boldly trust in that power, and I anticipate miracles. 

This is where the healing begins.

November in Saskatchewan

Hunting Season is upon us.

People all around us are  putting on stylish orange hats in a quest to fill their freezer's with meat.

We live in a part of the world that has a lot of deer and moose "big game".

My men went out on a very manly hunting venture a few mornings ago.  It was the first time Roman was invited to tag along.  

They didn't "scout" anything worth bringing home to momma (and momma is kind of glad for that).  I'd prefer to fill our freezer with one of our neighbors cows or pigs..or even chickens.  

I'm not a huge fan of wild meat.

This was one EXCITED little man...and the big one was pretty happy too. 

Even though trudging through snow, tracking, and eventually shooting an animal isn't my cup of tea (I've never had the desire to even try it)...I do appreciate that my boys enjoy it and it's some great father/ son time together.  

I don't have any objections to hunting whatsoever.... as long as it's done ethically, safely, legally and responsibly...it's just part of "living off the land" and knowing where our food comes from.  

I'd prefer to stay  indoors during the winter.  It is COLD out there now.  The first really cold winter weather of the season always feels worse than the same temp. later in the season.  -10 degrees Celcius is miserable at the beginning of winter!

My husband did manage to shoot me (with the camera) in my own natural habitat. 

Speaking of habititat...

check out what my kids made in the back yard!

It kept them busy for about 3 days!

p.s  only 10 days left until our big trip!! 

Not that I'm excited or anything.