Cece is 9 months and Silas on skates for the first time.

This little girlie is changing so fast!  She is the size of a toddler and is on the brink of becoming one.
She scoots, rolls and shimmies around the floor looking for tasty morsels in the carpet.   She gets up on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth willing herself to move.   She has only figured out how to push herself backwards which leaves her quite often wedged under furniture.

 She wants so badly to keep up with the big kids.   Very shortly I think we will have our hands very full.  She is a curious little thing.  The next stage will include cupboards emptied, toilets splashed in, and baby gates up.  I have a feeling once she gets mobile she'll keep us on our toes.   Good thing I have lots of other helpers.

 Peek-a-boo!
This week I refreshed my "baby sign" memory and have begun teaching her signs.  She is trying to communicate in various ways so teaching her something other than screeching is a good thing.  We'll see what she picks up in the next few months.  The only babbling sounds she really makes is "da-da"...which I think she has now connected to Daddy.  Thats what Daddy is going with anyway.  Daddy and Grandpa are her favorite guys.  She spent 4 days with my parents while we were in Washington and she in now Grandma and Grandpas girl.
We've had Miss Cece for 8 months now.  Crazy.   It's been wonderful to see her grow, change and develop.
She now has 6 teeth and is working on more.  She loves big people food (any food for that matter) so I guess it's a good thing she's getting chompers early.   She is very interactive, affectionate, and content busying herself with discovering the world around her.
Each milestone she reaches or skill she develops we see as a small victory.  It would be very naive to assume that there wasn't some sort of damage done  prenatally but so far she is right on track cognitively and physically.  We don't know much about what she was exposed to or how that will manifest itself in the future.  Only when I start reading about it does it start to scare me a little.  That fear is quickly replaced with peace though.  God has a purpose for this little girl.
The truth is even our own healthy biological  kids have their unique issues.  No kid is without quirks and surprises.

 Yesterday we gathered the troupes, bundled everyone up (which as you can see is a major production) and went a few blocks to the Hickville rink.

 We haven't been skating in two years.  I think the last time was when Silas and our foster boy "Kade" were both toddlers running around in their boots.   Silas was so excited to try a sport he had little to no memory of. He was convinced he was going to "win and get a trophy".
His delusions of grandeur quickly crashed to the ice.  As he crawled his way to the exit I thought that was it for Mr. Cautious.  Once he decides against something there is no convincing him otherwise.  He surprised us all by getting back up over and over again.  He found his balance and loved it.

Miss Cece smiled ear to ear as she was pulled around on the ice.  She is a little dare devil! (I may have another Roman on my hands).

 The big kids are a little "rusty" on their skates but improved quite a bit even in just an hour of skating.  A few more hours spent skating and they may not be taunted by their Canadian peers...who happen to all be on hockey teams, in figure skating lessons or avid power skaters.

 Have I told you lately what a big helper Aili is?  She and Cece adore each other.  It's wonderful having a 9 year old who likes to help.  Her new favorite job is doing laundry...she is the laundry queen right now.

Silas had  a good time with his "icing stick".   Shameful I know...

adoption update and goofy kid photos

I felt the urge today  to let each of you, readers, lurkers, followers, and friends know that I appreciate your kindness, encouragement and prayers.   Thank you for being a place that I can be real, vulnerable and share random bits of my life.
Miss Cece's foster/adopt process has been going well in the last month or so and we were finally seeing some progress and are loving our new adoption case worker.  We have been feeling very confident that the adoption will be legalized by summer.   I thought my bubble was practically burst proof.  I should have known better.
There has been a bit of a glitch and a set back.  Just one more normal part of every adoption roller coaster.
Her adoption is pretty uncomplicated, "cut and dry" but we are working within the parameters of an overloaded under funded system.  Stacks and stacks of files.  Each one a child waiting to be  made a permanent member of a waiting family.  This may not happen on our timeline but I trust it will happen in Gods.

God knows that we have nomadic dreams and aspirations that involve taking Cece on our family adventures.  We long to return to work in Mexico.  We pray and think about it most every day.

I don't know what God has for us next year.   I don't know if it involves a new legal member of our family.  I don't know if it involves us returning to our Mexican home. I don't know if it involves something we have never even considered before.    I don't know much of anything God has planned.    God doesn't always tell us where he's leading us but we can know and trust Him.  Sometimes we plan, strive, work, schedule and make our lists but God has a bigger and better plan.   I don't want my own desires to get in the way of that.

I know what he's put on our hearts as a family.  I know the passion he's placed in each of us.  I know if we continue to hand it over in faith it will be a part of His plan for us.

 Cece's file is in a somewhat precarious state of uncertainty at the moment and I ask for your prayers.

 These are just a few random goofy kid pictures.   The sun is finally out and the temperature has returned to a Subarctic level.   A perfect day to bundle up the kids and send them out for some fresh air.
They spent over an hour playing "nomadic, indigenous Canadians hunting Caribou".   Practical and applied social studies?

 Somehow after all the trudging through snow this boy still had a superfluous amount of energy to burn.
Hand stand push ups do the trick.

 What's on top of your kitchen cupboards mom?  Never mind I'll just look myself.

consuming copious amounts of sugar and caffeine

  For some reason I keep waiting for things to "slow down" a bit, but from one season to the next it only changes slightly.  It never really gets less busy.  Having 4 kids at home all day everyday does not leave a lot of down time. This is where those of you who questioned the sanity of our decision can  insert a "duh!"
 I am loving our new home schooling lifestyle and in some ways it's a lot less hectic but in many ways it's a much more intentional daily effort.

 Roman is starting to read though...as long as I find him easy to read books that aren't "baby books".   It's difficult to get very easy reading books that appeal to a 7 year old boy...Dora  isn't going to cut it.   We found
"Buzz Boy and Fly Guy" is perfect.  He's reading his new favorite book about comic book writing, giant fly befriending, super heros who happen to fight pirates.  Our challenges have so much more to do with capturing his attention than actual ability.

I find myself wishing today that I could plug myself into one of the many "chargers"  we have hanging out of every outlet in our house.   A mommy charger.  Coffee is about the closest thing I have right now.  A nap would feel heavenly.   Instead we baked Christmas treats.  Not quite as relaxing as a nap....

We had fun though.  Then I sent them all the basement to watch a Christmas movie while I recovered from our "fun".  

Never a dull moment with our little comedian who has a "real boy" short hair cut for the first time in his life.  He looks so cute and it's nice to  see his eyes again.

This poor boy has had a raging, oozing, dripping ear infection for over a week now.  Good times.  

We may need a re-fill on the prescription since it's still gross a week later.  

He is feeling better than he was a week ago though so those antibiotics must be doing something. 

                                  He's feeling well enough to help mom bake, ham it up for the camera and make a general nuisance of himself. 

 Other than freaky ear boy  this cold and flu season has treated us fairly well.

Can't complain...well I guess I kind of am.  Oh well.  

I just need a nap...or just the right ratio of refined sugar and caffeine.  

No wonder our "Christmas baking" never lasts until Christmas.

Finding the words

It's been a while since I have written much of anything.  I think I have hit my first writers block ever.  Not that life hasn't been full of things to feel , express and write about.  I just didn't have the words to write and the words I had I couldn't write down.

8 days ago we got the phone call that my husbands mother died.  Since then life has been a whirl wind of emotions, plans, and travel.

It was a phone call we knew was coming but was heartbreaking just the same.

I am exhausted emotionally and physically.  

This past week we left all four kids with my amazingly generous parents for four days as my hubby and I traveled to the Motherland in the Pacific Northwest of U.S.  

It is a trip we knew was coming.

It was a trip we have been dreading and even fearing  for various reasons.

God went with us, before us and surrounded us all.  There were rays of kindness and mercy.  The sun shone warmly on our backs. 

A lot of prayer has surrounded and proceeded these few days and for every grieving member of the family.

We felt sustained. 

I felt Him remove my own fear and hurt and replace it with  genuine love and grace that could only come from Him.

As we spent two days with my husbands family remembering my second mom we had hope and comfort.

We all have hope.

I have so many moments, emotions, memories and words that I am unable to process into anything but paradoxical fragments.

Sadness, hope

deep love, deep hurt 

beauty, pain

 kindness, cruelty

grief, comfort 

sorrow, peace
confusion, understanding

trust, fear

remembering, choosing to forget

miracles

memories

moments

As we reunite with our children and recover with a lazy day back at home my overwhelming emotion is gratitude.

which I find odd. 

I know God has us, he has this, he has my second mom with him in her eternal home.  

I am humbled by the reminder of his perfect sovereignty and His attention to even the smallest details of our lives. 

 Rickey,  your "marvel bars", your cards and gifts, your creativity, your encompassing hugs, your love of beauty, and your big laugh will be missed by us all. 

Whenever I see china tea cups, bouquets of flowers or watercolor paintings,  Whenever I  taste spice tea....

 memories will make me smile. 

I see qualities of you in each of my children.  Your freckles, shoulder dimples, thick hair, and creativity has not   been lost but only been passed on.  (although the thick hair seems to have skipped over a few of your decendants)

Here with us

Immanuel, God with us.

The hands that made the world became  tiny fists that clutched the finger of his mother and touched face of a leper.
The voice that commands legions of angels and can calm a storm with a single word, became the cooing of a baby boy.
 Jesus who is not limited by time, space, or strength limited himself to the frailty of a newborn.

As promised, as prophesied, a Messiah would come.
His people waited.  His people forgot.  His people watched.
At exactly the appointed time in history He came.   He came when nations, rulers, languages and history all converged together to set the backdrop for the greatest love story of all time.

He came in a way no one expected.  He saved in a way few understood.
Instead of a powerful ruler who sought out the beautiful and the influential to build up his kingdom.  He came as a  shepherd who seeks out and brings home each lost lamb.

(don't forget to scroll down and hit pause on my playlist before you hit play on this video)

"For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
His government and its peace will never end."
Isaiah 9:6-7

Filled up with Thanks

 Even though  I ate tacos today instead of Turkey and the American favorite "green bean casserole" (a dish that I have never made or eaten in a Canadian thanksgiving meal)  I am thankful.  We did not celebrate a holiday today in Canada but I did have thanksgiving on my mind.

 I have felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and blessing during the last couple days.   Despite my griping about the bitterly COLD weather, the squeaky blowing snow, the biting wind and the car that doesn't heat up properly I am actually thankful.  Despite my " it takes us forever to all bundle us all up like Artic sled dog racers before we go anywhere- overly scheduled -driving in horrible weather-11 appointments in various towns in 4 days" week of whining....

I am feeling very blessed and humbled and thankful.  I am overwhelmed with really feeling thankful...not just forcing myself to be.
I love my home.   I  appreciate my warm  house, my fireplace, and my cozy couch.  I am thankful for my husband curled up with me on it in the evening as we relax with  the humor of  shows like Modern Family or Big Bang Theory.  We are people of simple pleasures.

I look at my kids, who sometimes are so irritatingly  LOUD I want to rip the ears off of my head, and feel overwhelmingly blessed.

This afternoon was one of those moments.  Silas was napping ,  Roman was out trucking grain with his Dad,, and it was just me and "The Girls" making tortillas for supper.   In the peace of that moment I absorbed the scene.   I have two daughters.
One is on the brink of adolescence.   She now wears deodorant (out of necessity not desire), she has had a few pimples and she will be looking me in the eyes before long.  These things remind me that the years are fleeting.   This "brink of adolescence" stuff has kind of snuck up on me this year. She is still  a little girl in many ways but she is on the verge of being a young lady.   She has a ridiculously thick mane of light blonde hair. She has big round sky blue eyes.

My other daughter is 9 years younger than her sister.  She has silky,  shiny,  black hair.    She has gorgeous almond shaped dark brown eyes.  She is discovering the joy of banging objects together and that she has the power to make her daddy smile.  The two are like  book ends in our family.  My oldest and my youngest.

As I rolled tortillas, I watched my big girl standing at the stove cooking and flipping the tortillas,  an almost unbelivable image.  It made me smile to think of all the years we will be standing in a kitchen cooking together in the future.

I looked at my little daughter playing with measuring cups in her highchair.  It made me smile.  I didn't expect to be blessed with another daughter.  She is like the cherry on top.   The icing on the cake.   How were we ever complete without her?   Someday she will be standing at the stove helping me make dinner.   My heart dares to dream....

Two very different little girls.  

 One was  formed in  my body.  One was an unexpected gift handed to me as a tiny bundle.  

Although they came from different sources, I realized recently  that both of my daughters came in similar ways. 

Their arrivals were both proceeded by loss.    Both required an  unknown time frame of learning to wait. I struggled with fear as I loved them.   My daughters taught me how to surrender and hope at the same time.  

They are both my beautiful treasures.  

(And I have a new stove to be thankful for!!...see above photos to ooh and ahhh.

I am thankful to have a stove that has more than one rack and has a shutting door.  Loving the smooth top!)   

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

We love Christmas!  

Last  year we missed out on most of  our usual family traditions and opted for a Mexican Christmas which included stringing lights up around our trailer, caroling in migrant work camps, and delicious traditional

 Mexican feats.  The year before, we spent 2 weeks in Washington state with family.   It's been two years since we had Christmas at home.

Fingers crossed that we will have Christmas at home this year (if you wonder why read the post below).

Just in case we aren't we decided to get the festivities started nice and early.

 Silas, who has very little recollection of any of our Canadian traditions, REALLY got into it.

My hubby and I basically stood back, snapped a few pictures and let the kids take over.

We received this nativity set this summer as a gift  from my sister in law Brook.  

It's hand made Mexican tin art.  Tacky, colorful, different.  We love it!

It looks so pretty with the twinkling Christmas tree lights next to it.  

Six stockings this year.  For some reason that number just feels right. 

We have a fake tree.  We bought it a few years ago and it's the most beautiful tree we've  ever had.  Remember, we live in the Canadian prairie where real ones are expensive and mostly pathetic.  We've had our share of Charlie Brown trees.

The kids are already begging to begin Christmas baking.  I'm not quite as excited as they are.  I do like to eat Christmas goodies though.    I can't even keep up with our normal baking right now  but I've started to compile a mental list of easy. nut-free, cinnamon free, egg-free treats.  That pretty much leaves out all of my favorites and any thing good.  I will need to be creative (and keep a secret stash out of reach of allergy boy).

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.