After my last couple posts you might think I've got this parenting thing all figured out. Well not today. At least I don't feel that way. I feel discouraged and weak under the responsibilities that face me in life right now. Parenting being just one of those many responsibilities....but the most important of course.
My kids are good right now, no major behavior issues to report. They are generally respectful, obedient and fun to be around....even the two year old. (not that they don't make my ears hurt and my head ache once in a while!) . I am actually thoroughly enjoying each one of them at the moment. So why do I feel so inadequate? Its easy to feel that way when one of them is in a major funk...but I don't know why I feel that way right now. Why do I question myself so much? Is it just the curse of being a mother? Its not that I fear they will turn out to be horrible dysfunctional people ( although, I did have pictures in my mind of visiting juvi hall when Roman was a two year old, but he eventually did outgrow his little anarchist streak).
I think fear is something that the enemy is using right now to paralyze me. I see it for what it is but I still feel its effects. As a parent fear is not productive or healthy...vigilance yes...caution you bet....but fear no. Fear -based parenting causes a lot of problems...especially in our Christian parenting circles. That's not what I want for my family. I want my parenting to be a reflection of the absolute certainty , confidence and victory I have in my Lord....there is no room for fear in that.
As parents we are our kids advocates. I am learning as I go how to do that....usually by necessity. I think some parents go overboard and swing the pendulum too far and misuse the word advocate . Some don't allow their kids to experience consequences of unwise choices or will shield them totally from life and its let downs. I am not that parent. I am not a parent who will ever argue with a teacher gasping "not my child".
But as a mom I know my children best...next to the one who created them of course.
I make it my job to really know them.
I have an active "mothers intuition" that lets me know when something just isn't right.
The trick is to know when to step in to protect them and give them a boost and when to stand back and let them figure it out on their own. Its a delicate balancing act. I think its often best not to jump in to the rescue too soon....as long as there isn't immediate danger of course. Its ok to let a toddler figure out how to get out of a situation he's got himself stuck in...but being ever ready to step in when they are in over their head. That's where our intuition comes in.
Being a mom is a tough job. We are assertive advocates, vigilant protectors, loyal confidants, regular taxi drivers, impeccable maids, gourmet cooks, compassionate nurses, and household CEO's just to name a few.
I suspect I'm not alone in my doubts and fears.
I have a feeling I'm not alone in trying to tame my inner "mama bear " while listening to my child describe being bullied. Why is it that "nice kids" are the ones that are always targeted? The ones that are loyal friends and care about the feelings of others? I guess they just don't know how to make it in the pecking order. I am disappointed and grieved that they experience this but I would be more grieved if my child were the one being cruel. I'm trying to teach assertiveness and sticking up for themselves...that's what my gut has been telling me. So I'm going to follow that intuition and try to give them the strength of character, self esteem and confidence they need to assertively tell the ring leaders to back off. I want my little girl to somehow wear her first "dental appliance" with pride...sigh. While at the same time watching vigilantly for them to be "in over their head"....taking more than their maturity and life skills can handle.
I have a feeling I'm not alone in my worries and "fear" that my child will slip through the cracks in his education. I worry that he will feel "dumb" that he will always struggle to keep up. That is not what I want for my bright, imaginative little boy. I feel guilty like somehow I have failed him. I am embarrassed by the meetings with his teacher, the assessments, the evaluations, and the suggestions of needing extra help. I am afraid of future diagnostic testing....at the same time very eager to get to the bottom of the problems and get something done about them. I have to remind myself that I know my kid, and can be his advocate to get him what he needs. But my heart still aches for him and the uphill challenges that lie ahead.
I am afraid that despite my vigilance and scrutiny my allergy baby will eat something that he shouldn't and have a reaction that I can't control. What if he reacts to something completely unexpected or has a reaction when I'm not around? What if despite carrying an epi-pen it won't be enough to stop him from going into anaphylactic shock and cardiac failure? Its not something I obsess about ...but that possibility is there. Just one more thing to fear.
Will I be enough for them? Will I be able to protect them? Will I know how to teach them?
I guess as a parent the list can go on and on. From the time they are conceived there is always a list... just when they move past one danger zone they are into the next.
I made a conscious effort when I knew each one of them were in existence to turn over those fears and refuse to let them take hold in my heart. If I didn't where would it end?
Fear of miscarriage, fear of birth defects, fear of SIDS, fear of choking, fear of running into traffic, fear of illness, fear of bullying, fear of rebellion, fear of a drivers license, fear of rejection.....the list would go on forever.
I remember the feelings of anxiousness that would creep in throughout my pregnancies or on occasion after they were born. I would consciously need to get on my knees and re- hand it over. I guess that's what I need to do again. I just wasn't prepared for those anxious feelings again...its been so long.
So much for mama warrior....shaking in her armour. Or maybe I forgot to put on my armour today...that happens on occasion too. I think this warrior mama needs to battle on her knees for a while.
5/6/09
5/5/09
I'm a soccer mom!
Roman has been wanting to play soccer for a long time but sometimes in rural areas a league or a team to play with is hard to find. This spring however he will be playing with a group of about 30 kids at a park in the next town. Perfect. Thy have 4 coaches to practice drills with and will break up into groups and play real games. The best part is the registration cost for the whole season is $15 (for twice a week practices until the end of the school year).
I'm finally a soccer mom! Bring on the mini-van, bumperstickers and blowhorn! In honor of my new little soccer player I made a trip to walmart and got him dudded up with shin pads, cleats, soccer socks (that are way too big and go up to his shorts), shiny soccer shorts, a shirt and a ball. Sounds expensive but Walmart is good for outfitting kids for cheap. His shorts only cost $5 and his shin pads were $4.50! He was SO excited that he slept in his soccer outfit (after a family game of soccer that evening.) and wore it to school the next day. Sometimes you just gotta let them revel in their own excitement. Tonight is his first practice!
Silas was not about to be outdone by his big brother. He stripped off his clothes and insisted he needed soccer clothes too. Fortunately I had pulled his summer clothes out of storage already and found a sleeveless shirt and shorts to match his brother. It did the trick. Here he is winding up for a kick. He actually got the purpose of the game and would run his ball up to kick it in the goals and pass to other players.
Roman trying to be gentle with his little brother but at the same time trying not to let him get a goal. Its a tricky balance that he does amazingly well. Did you notice our fancy goal post?
Fortunately with Daddy he can be as rough as he wants to be. Mom was pretty good too. She can hold her own against 3 five year olds (the neighbors joined us).
GO ROMAN!!
Roman quote of the day...totally unrelated to soccer.
"Mom, if you ever see food for sale at an antique store....don't buy it."
5/4/09
Warrior Mama
revised and renamed version of this mornings post.
.....................................................................................
I have learned so much over the past almost eight years of actual parenting experience and I know I still have a lot to learn. I became a mother 9 years ago but didn't have the joy of doing the grubby work of parenting until our daughter was born. When our daughter was born I was so thrilled and felt so extremely grateful to finally have a child after such a rocky start to parenthood. I thoroughly enjoyed her as a baby and soaked up every minute but I also wasn't prepared for the challenges of caring for a "spirited" baby...around the clock. She was born ready to party and ready to take her place in the world. She still is!
Around her first birthday we lost our second baby to a miscarriage at 10 wks. A couple months later I was pregnant with Roman. Those first years are a whirl wind of pregnancies, nighttime feedings, tears and tantrums (sometimes my own). I was pregnant 4 times in 3 years...including 3 full pregnancies. I loved finally being a parent but also frequently felt overwhelmed with the challenges of two young children less than two years apart in age. I questioned my ability to effectively train up these two independent, strong willed and very quirky kids.
In the early years of parenting I frequently compared my children to other peoples kids, to other peoples standards and expectations of my kids. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on across the spectrum from Amish syle parenting to Dr. Sears. "attachment parenting" I tried so many parenting "technique's" and styles before I really started to get a handle on what worked for me and my kids individual and quirky needs. Somewhere in the middle is where I landed. I'm not about to strip a switch off a tree to "swat" my infant any time they fail a test I set them up to fail...and I'm not about to "free-range" parent my child either letting them decide their own boundaries. Kids need firm boundaries (moral, safety, respect) but inside those boundaries they need a lot of freedom to explore who they are, freedom to ask honest questions, freedom to make mistakes ....and freedom to be wacky kids. Its a balancing act that involves a lot of vigilance and constant adjustments. Raising kids is more like waltz between us and our kids than it is a left right left right march.
Confidence was what I was lacking in the earlier years. I was insecure and somewhat confused about my role and how to raise my kids in a God honoring way. Actually I was too busy with diapers, feedings, potty training and runny noses to give it much thought. I knew enough to do the basics of childcare, I was a good mom with great nurturing instincts but looking back I expected so much of my self and my kids. Discipline, consistency, quality time, fun play times,nutrition and affection were all part of those first years but they didn't always produce picture perfect kids with perfect behavior and I couldn't figure out why.
It was later that I got an epiphany. My kids are human. Humans make mistakes, humans have a sin nature that gets the best of us sometimes, kids are immature, kids are quirky, kids are silly and dorky and unpredictable. God made childhood as a time for them to get the dorkiness out of their systems :) My kids need a Savior just as much as I do.
I've come to the conclusion there is no one size fits all parenting system and no one discipline technique that fits all kids or situations. Parenting requires constant creativity and ingenuity. It requires flexibility, adaptability, consistency, perseverance and most importantly grace. I have become a student of my children learning what makes them tic, what they respond to and what they don't. I know what is important to them, what disappoints them , what they fear, what they hope for. I know them.
In the past Instead of trusting what I knew about my kids I let too many outside voices and judgments confuse me into thinking they should be something they just weren't.
(I couldn't make my extremely extroverted energetic toddler into a wall flower no matter how hard I tried, however I have helped to mold him into a charming, thoughtful ,extroverted ,energetic little boy.)
I just cared too much what other people thought. After all ,kids are an extension of our own image and ego aren't they(sarcasm inserted here)....or at least that's what we make them into sometimes. I now realize that kids are going to embarrass me on occasion. And that's ok because one of these days they will be teenagers and I will have the privilege of embarrassing them right back :)
My kids will say thank you 5000 times at home for random things like wiping their nose or pouring them a drink without ever being prompted but will forget it when it really counts and the world is watching....yikes. I now care more about nurturing a grateful spirit that will express that gratefulness consistently rather than just training a child to say a meaningless word for the sake of impressing a relative with the big gift
(not that I wouldn't prompt gratefulness at that point :) .
I'm just not going to let little bumps in the road like that embarrass me. I know my kids heart and whether they are developing a grateful one or not. I'm far more concerned with how pleased God is with them than anyone else.
This is only really part of my story of parenting. The part where I realize that an external set of standards is far less effective an an internal one. My focus in parenting is to raise them the way God raises us. With love, security, tenderness, joy, grace, boundaries, and natural consequences. Freedom to express ourselves and even bring our concerns and disappointments to Him without fear of being mocked or dismissed.
My favorite parenting book is called "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel. He has other parenting books that I have read as well. His newest books are this one and "Why Christian Kids Rebel". I like "Grace Based Parenting" because its not a "how -to book" or a step by step program on how to raise impressive kids. He talks more about what kids really need from us as parents. Actually the three driving inner needs of every human.
A secure love
A significant Purpose
A strong hope
Without their parents nurturing these things in their lives (and modeling for them the One who can ultimately fill these driving needs) kids will go looking for them elsewhere...and unfortunately the enemy (who wants nothing more than to steal the hearts of my children) has a whole lot of counterfeits that fit into these categories.
Its just one of those books every parent needs to read. Page after page of "aha" moments. Its a very balanced, common sense resource to help us through this maze of parenting. Its worth a read...you have to read it start to finish though to get the whole of what he is saying.
Are my children's live's (and my life as a parent) filled with a sense of wonder, joy, creativity, freedom and tenderness? Or is it filled with guilt, resentfulness, frustration, obligation and irritation? I must admit some days its a mix of both categories...but when looking at the big overall picture I sure hope its the first one. Which one of best represents our relationship to God...or at least should represent it?
I want to woo their little hearts to the Father who loves them best.
Their little hearts are the prize. Their hearts are what I am after.
There is a spiritual battle for the hearts of my kids and the enemy doesn't play by fair rules of warfare.I can't just build up the walls , arm the fort and then sit back assuming he won't find his way in (when your kid lies to you the first time you realize sin is alive and well even behind a locked fortress).
Having an exoskeleton isn't much good if the enemy may already be deeply ingrained in the flesh beneath....what they need is a strong endoskeleton. A strength of faith, character and value structure that comes from deep within.
When dealt a severe blow or break an endoskeleton will heal it self, it will prove painful but not fatal. If all we equip our kids with is an exoskeleton a blow or a crack in the external structure will prove fatal. That I cannot allow.
The competitor for my child's heart plans seductive, deceptive guerrilla attacks to lure them.
This warrior mama has a battle plan though....she plans to out romance the competition. While the competitor attempts to seduce, I will woo. I will romance their little hearts just like God has romanced mine leaving no desire for any thing less...for a counterfeit. I also have plans to go on the offensive deep into enemy territory through prayer. The prayer of one warrior mama is a powerful thing! Don't underestimate it. I should also add that the prayers of warrior Grandma's, Grandpa's, Auntie's and Uncle's...anyone invested in the life of a child who is willing to commit to praying for them..is vital. Don't underestimate your role and your influence even from a distance.
I want to thoroughly enjoy this short season with my children but more than that I want to prepare them for the future and all the things that it will hold. My job as a parent is to eventually parent myself out of a job :) ironic as that sounds.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go put on my armour, stand and keep watch over these precious little souls entrusted to me.
.....................................................................................
I have learned so much over the past almost eight years of actual parenting experience and I know I still have a lot to learn. I became a mother 9 years ago but didn't have the joy of doing the grubby work of parenting until our daughter was born. When our daughter was born I was so thrilled and felt so extremely grateful to finally have a child after such a rocky start to parenthood. I thoroughly enjoyed her as a baby and soaked up every minute but I also wasn't prepared for the challenges of caring for a "spirited" baby...around the clock. She was born ready to party and ready to take her place in the world. She still is!
Around her first birthday we lost our second baby to a miscarriage at 10 wks. A couple months later I was pregnant with Roman. Those first years are a whirl wind of pregnancies, nighttime feedings, tears and tantrums (sometimes my own). I was pregnant 4 times in 3 years...including 3 full pregnancies. I loved finally being a parent but also frequently felt overwhelmed with the challenges of two young children less than two years apart in age. I questioned my ability to effectively train up these two independent, strong willed and very quirky kids.
In the early years of parenting I frequently compared my children to other peoples kids, to other peoples standards and expectations of my kids. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on across the spectrum from Amish syle parenting to Dr. Sears. "attachment parenting" I tried so many parenting "technique's" and styles before I really started to get a handle on what worked for me and my kids individual and quirky needs. Somewhere in the middle is where I landed. I'm not about to strip a switch off a tree to "swat" my infant any time they fail a test I set them up to fail...and I'm not about to "free-range" parent my child either letting them decide their own boundaries. Kids need firm boundaries (moral, safety, respect) but inside those boundaries they need a lot of freedom to explore who they are, freedom to ask honest questions, freedom to make mistakes ....and freedom to be wacky kids. Its a balancing act that involves a lot of vigilance and constant adjustments. Raising kids is more like waltz between us and our kids than it is a left right left right march.
Confidence was what I was lacking in the earlier years. I was insecure and somewhat confused about my role and how to raise my kids in a God honoring way. Actually I was too busy with diapers, feedings, potty training and runny noses to give it much thought. I knew enough to do the basics of childcare, I was a good mom with great nurturing instincts but looking back I expected so much of my self and my kids. Discipline, consistency, quality time, fun play times,nutrition and affection were all part of those first years but they didn't always produce picture perfect kids with perfect behavior and I couldn't figure out why.
It was later that I got an epiphany. My kids are human. Humans make mistakes, humans have a sin nature that gets the best of us sometimes, kids are immature, kids are quirky, kids are silly and dorky and unpredictable. God made childhood as a time for them to get the dorkiness out of their systems :) My kids need a Savior just as much as I do.
I've come to the conclusion there is no one size fits all parenting system and no one discipline technique that fits all kids or situations. Parenting requires constant creativity and ingenuity. It requires flexibility, adaptability, consistency, perseverance and most importantly grace. I have become a student of my children learning what makes them tic, what they respond to and what they don't. I know what is important to them, what disappoints them , what they fear, what they hope for. I know them.
In the past Instead of trusting what I knew about my kids I let too many outside voices and judgments confuse me into thinking they should be something they just weren't.
(I couldn't make my extremely extroverted energetic toddler into a wall flower no matter how hard I tried, however I have helped to mold him into a charming, thoughtful ,extroverted ,energetic little boy.)
I just cared too much what other people thought. After all ,kids are an extension of our own image and ego aren't they(sarcasm inserted here)....or at least that's what we make them into sometimes. I now realize that kids are going to embarrass me on occasion. And that's ok because one of these days they will be teenagers and I will have the privilege of embarrassing them right back :)
My kids will say thank you 5000 times at home for random things like wiping their nose or pouring them a drink without ever being prompted but will forget it when it really counts and the world is watching....yikes. I now care more about nurturing a grateful spirit that will express that gratefulness consistently rather than just training a child to say a meaningless word for the sake of impressing a relative with the big gift
(not that I wouldn't prompt gratefulness at that point :) .
I'm just not going to let little bumps in the road like that embarrass me. I know my kids heart and whether they are developing a grateful one or not. I'm far more concerned with how pleased God is with them than anyone else.
This is only really part of my story of parenting. The part where I realize that an external set of standards is far less effective an an internal one. My focus in parenting is to raise them the way God raises us. With love, security, tenderness, joy, grace, boundaries, and natural consequences. Freedom to express ourselves and even bring our concerns and disappointments to Him without fear of being mocked or dismissed.
My favorite parenting book is called "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel. He has other parenting books that I have read as well. His newest books are this one and "Why Christian Kids Rebel". I like "Grace Based Parenting" because its not a "how -to book" or a step by step program on how to raise impressive kids. He talks more about what kids really need from us as parents. Actually the three driving inner needs of every human.
A secure love
A significant Purpose
A strong hope
Without their parents nurturing these things in their lives (and modeling for them the One who can ultimately fill these driving needs) kids will go looking for them elsewhere...and unfortunately the enemy (who wants nothing more than to steal the hearts of my children) has a whole lot of counterfeits that fit into these categories.
Its just one of those books every parent needs to read. Page after page of "aha" moments. Its a very balanced, common sense resource to help us through this maze of parenting. Its worth a read...you have to read it start to finish though to get the whole of what he is saying.
Are my children's live's (and my life as a parent) filled with a sense of wonder, joy, creativity, freedom and tenderness? Or is it filled with guilt, resentfulness, frustration, obligation and irritation? I must admit some days its a mix of both categories...but when looking at the big overall picture I sure hope its the first one. Which one of best represents our relationship to God...or at least should represent it?
I want to woo their little hearts to the Father who loves them best.
Their little hearts are the prize. Their hearts are what I am after.
There is a spiritual battle for the hearts of my kids and the enemy doesn't play by fair rules of warfare.I can't just build up the walls , arm the fort and then sit back assuming he won't find his way in (when your kid lies to you the first time you realize sin is alive and well even behind a locked fortress).
Having an exoskeleton isn't much good if the enemy may already be deeply ingrained in the flesh beneath....what they need is a strong endoskeleton. A strength of faith, character and value structure that comes from deep within.
When dealt a severe blow or break an endoskeleton will heal it self, it will prove painful but not fatal. If all we equip our kids with is an exoskeleton a blow or a crack in the external structure will prove fatal. That I cannot allow.
The competitor for my child's heart plans seductive, deceptive guerrilla attacks to lure them.
This warrior mama has a battle plan though....she plans to out romance the competition. While the competitor attempts to seduce, I will woo. I will romance their little hearts just like God has romanced mine leaving no desire for any thing less...for a counterfeit. I also have plans to go on the offensive deep into enemy territory through prayer. The prayer of one warrior mama is a powerful thing! Don't underestimate it. I should also add that the prayers of warrior Grandma's, Grandpa's, Auntie's and Uncle's...anyone invested in the life of a child who is willing to commit to praying for them..is vital. Don't underestimate your role and your influence even from a distance.
I want to thoroughly enjoy this short season with my children but more than that I want to prepare them for the future and all the things that it will hold. My job as a parent is to eventually parent myself out of a job :) ironic as that sounds.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go put on my armour, stand and keep watch over these precious little souls entrusted to me.
Outside fun
i
The weather here has been really cool and extremely windy so far this spring. The snow is gone but we are still in that ugly time between the white snow and the green summer. We are living in brown right now. The last precipitation we had was some snow in February and this spring has also been really cool. These two factors have kept things from growing and blooming.
The weather here has been really cool and extremely windy so far this spring. The snow is gone but we are still in that ugly time between the white snow and the green summer. We are living in brown right now. The last precipitation we had was some snow in February and this spring has also been really cool. These two factors have kept things from growing and blooming.
I have some tulips poking up out of the ground now to give me some hope of new life but it will be a while still until they bloom. I can't wait to get out into the dirt and plant my garden. The soil still needs to be worked up and the days and nights are a bit too cold still so I'll wait another week or so.
The boys have been enjoying the great outdoors again now that winter is over. They still go between spring jackets and winter coats...sun hats and winter hats. My entry way is a mess of various seasons of outdoor clothing.
The kids and their friends have been enjoying building a fort and playing at "The tree" not that we have only one in our town but this is a big half dead good climbing tree surrounded by other trees in an empty lot. Perfect setting for all sorts of adventures.
Roman is wearing his helmet because he rode his bike there and forgot to take it off...not for many other reasons children might typically wear helmets while playing.
The kids and their friends have been enjoying building a fort and playing at "The tree" not that we have only one in our town but this is a big half dead good climbing tree surrounded by other trees in an empty lot. Perfect setting for all sorts of adventures.
Roman is wearing his helmet because he rode his bike there and forgot to take it off...not for many other reasons children might typically wear helmets while playing.
My boy with the girly hair. He really does need a hair cut....but its so pretty. I think the shaggy look is in right now anyway.
Silas tries so hard to be like his brother!
Roman is a 100% outside boy. I'm so glad he can burn off some energy outside instead of burning holes in my carpet running laps through the house. He's got a huge imagination. Nature is the perfect place for kids to explore and nurture that imagination. Who needs an expensive play structure when you've got a really cool tree?
5/2/09
Crazy Blessed
Make sure to scroll down to the bottom of the screen and push pause on the music before you push play on the video. After the video start the music up again because you will want to hear Plumb's other mommy song. Another tear jerker for all you moms out there.
Mothers day coming up next week has me thinking about my own journey of motherhood over the last 9 years. I came across this song and it just so perfectly described motherhood that I had to put it with some pictures. I am posting it this weekend instead of next because I am sitting in a hotel right now with high speed. Ironically enough I am here taking parenting classes, foster parenting to be specific. At home with dial up it would be impossible for me to load this video ( I gave up after 6 hours of tying up my phone line).
I managed to figure out how to post my first video but its pretty choppy. I have no clue what happened to my nice smooth transitions but the effect is not quite the same with the choppy jerky picture movements. The kids are still adorable though. This month ,in honor of Mothers day and the month of the birth of my first child nine years ago, I feel like putting some more thought into this thing called parenting.
So as usual when something is on my mind I am bound to write some posts on the topic. :) I know I write a lot about my kids and family life but I want to narrow the focus a little and really sort through what it means to have the huge responsibility and privilege of raising kids. Its an amazing, fulfilling, challenging, exhausting experience....and I wouldn't trade it for all the candy in the world!
4/29/09
Fostering
We are "in-between" having extra kids in our house right now. We started being foster parents two years ago but have taken it pretty slow given the ages of our own kids. We have had three children in our care in those two years. We had lined up another little guy, a three year old little boy, but that got put on hold since we needed to take more classes. So last weekend my hubby and I hired a sitter and spent the weekend in the city taking classes. They were really good overall. I think I could have crammed 8 sessions into one weekend instead of two though. We still have another weekend of classes to do but since we are now in "seeding time" on the farm it will have to wait, at least for my husband. I might try to go on my own this weekend and see if that will suffice for a while.
Its hard to answer the question of why we want to be foster parents. One myth and subject of gossip in our little town that I intensely dislike is that we do it for the money. Where do I even start with that one? All I can do is shake my head at the ignorance involved. Let me just say that there are easier ways to make a buck than having a toddler that is not your own throwup on you all night...or a traumatized tantrum throwing kid take a baseball bat to your windows. I would make more babysitting a child in my home... sending them home at dinner time than I do being a mommy around the clock to a kid with major issues. The money enables people to do what they do and gives them some resources to care for the child. You can't pay someone enough for the rest...it has to come from somewhere else. Like a love for kids.
Its not that I necessarily have such an empty boring life that I need more laundry, more meals to make, and more teeth to brush. My house and my life are full and busy with the kiddos I have ...although I do have moments of spare time for things like this...that may change in the future. Its not because I have it all together as far as being a parent goes. I'm not a super-mom.
I actually have no idea why I want to be a foster parent (especially given the last post)...but I feel the need to. Not only because there is such an extreme need in our society but because I feel undeniably drawn to it. It engages my heart in a way that tests me to my limit but I love it.
During the classes I fought tears. I am not an emotional teary person at all usually , but every thing we were watching in the videos, every behavioral issue we discussed and every case study we looked at broke my heart. I could put little faces to the statistics....little faces that I've kissed goodnight. I was surrounded by seasoned older foster parents...some of them fostering for 20 years. They've seen it all and experienced more than we could imagine so I tried my best to hold it together. I didn't want to look like the bleeding heart rookie. I found it down right exhausting.
Foster parents in my part of the world have gotten an unfair bad rap in the media this year. There are so many over crowded homes and there is a largely dysfunctional government system. But there are countless good homes among the few bad ones. Its easier to lump it all together and not want any part of it. The reason that so many of the foster homes are overcrowded is because there just plain isn't enough of them. The kids, are why we need to do something. In our area of the world there is an enormous problem with dysfunctional families, addictions, addicted teens having multiple babies, and domestic violence. There likely is everywhere if you open your eyes to it. The collateral damage of all the pain and dysfunction is the innocent kids. Victims of neglect, all kinds of abuse, and so many atrocities. Not all kids are in foster care because of abuse or neglect, some families just need a chance to get their lives in order or are unable to care for a child for one reason or another. One thing I've learned is not to judge the bio parents....as hard as it is sometimes.
I'm a big fan of permanency in a kids life whether that is with their bio family, a permanent foster family, or the kids being made adoptable and being adopted by a loving family. Getting bounced around the system or back and forth to unsuitable parents is devastating for a kids. It has created a generation of kids with extreme attachment disorders...which is a horrible thing for society in general. Proper attachment leads to proper brain development, development of a conscience, ability to bond or trust, a sense of personal responsibility.... and the list goes on. Kids need stability, period.
Because of our future plans to return to work in Mexico this winter and possibly other ministry overseas in the future we have decided to open our home up as short term parents. We will get the kids in transition. I know I am setting myself up for some heartache but I also know my heart is attached to one bigger than my own. I also know its not about me. Yeah ,it is hard to let go of a kid after they are "yours" for any amount of time....really really hard. They are not my children. I might treat them as my own, love them as my own and call them my own but they don't belong to me. They will always hold a chunk of my heart, but they are not mine.
Here are some rights of children as listed in our paperwork.
1. The right to be protected against neglect, cruelty, abuse, and exploitation.
2. The right to safe housing, health care, and an education that prepares them for the future.
3. The right to be a unique person whose individuality is protected from violation.
4. The right to prepare for the responsibilities of parenthood, family life, and citizenship.
5. The right to maintain relationships with people who are important to them.
6. The right to a stable family
7. The right to safe, nurturing relationships intended to last a lifetime.
Its hard to answer the question of why we want to be foster parents. One myth and subject of gossip in our little town that I intensely dislike is that we do it for the money. Where do I even start with that one? All I can do is shake my head at the ignorance involved. Let me just say that there are easier ways to make a buck than having a toddler that is not your own throwup on you all night...or a traumatized tantrum throwing kid take a baseball bat to your windows. I would make more babysitting a child in my home... sending them home at dinner time than I do being a mommy around the clock to a kid with major issues. The money enables people to do what they do and gives them some resources to care for the child. You can't pay someone enough for the rest...it has to come from somewhere else. Like a love for kids.
Its not that I necessarily have such an empty boring life that I need more laundry, more meals to make, and more teeth to brush. My house and my life are full and busy with the kiddos I have ...although I do have moments of spare time for things like this...that may change in the future. Its not because I have it all together as far as being a parent goes. I'm not a super-mom.
I actually have no idea why I want to be a foster parent (especially given the last post)...but I feel the need to. Not only because there is such an extreme need in our society but because I feel undeniably drawn to it. It engages my heart in a way that tests me to my limit but I love it.
During the classes I fought tears. I am not an emotional teary person at all usually , but every thing we were watching in the videos, every behavioral issue we discussed and every case study we looked at broke my heart. I could put little faces to the statistics....little faces that I've kissed goodnight. I was surrounded by seasoned older foster parents...some of them fostering for 20 years. They've seen it all and experienced more than we could imagine so I tried my best to hold it together. I didn't want to look like the bleeding heart rookie. I found it down right exhausting.
Foster parents in my part of the world have gotten an unfair bad rap in the media this year. There are so many over crowded homes and there is a largely dysfunctional government system. But there are countless good homes among the few bad ones. Its easier to lump it all together and not want any part of it. The reason that so many of the foster homes are overcrowded is because there just plain isn't enough of them. The kids, are why we need to do something. In our area of the world there is an enormous problem with dysfunctional families, addictions, addicted teens having multiple babies, and domestic violence. There likely is everywhere if you open your eyes to it. The collateral damage of all the pain and dysfunction is the innocent kids. Victims of neglect, all kinds of abuse, and so many atrocities. Not all kids are in foster care because of abuse or neglect, some families just need a chance to get their lives in order or are unable to care for a child for one reason or another. One thing I've learned is not to judge the bio parents....as hard as it is sometimes.
I'm a big fan of permanency in a kids life whether that is with their bio family, a permanent foster family, or the kids being made adoptable and being adopted by a loving family. Getting bounced around the system or back and forth to unsuitable parents is devastating for a kids. It has created a generation of kids with extreme attachment disorders...which is a horrible thing for society in general. Proper attachment leads to proper brain development, development of a conscience, ability to bond or trust, a sense of personal responsibility.... and the list goes on. Kids need stability, period.
Because of our future plans to return to work in Mexico this winter and possibly other ministry overseas in the future we have decided to open our home up as short term parents. We will get the kids in transition. I know I am setting myself up for some heartache but I also know my heart is attached to one bigger than my own. I also know its not about me. Yeah ,it is hard to let go of a kid after they are "yours" for any amount of time....really really hard. They are not my children. I might treat them as my own, love them as my own and call them my own but they don't belong to me. They will always hold a chunk of my heart, but they are not mine.
Here are some rights of children as listed in our paperwork.
1. The right to be protected against neglect, cruelty, abuse, and exploitation.
2. The right to safe housing, health care, and an education that prepares them for the future.
3. The right to be a unique person whose individuality is protected from violation.
4. The right to prepare for the responsibilities of parenthood, family life, and citizenship.
5. The right to maintain relationships with people who are important to them.
6. The right to a stable family
7. The right to safe, nurturing relationships intended to last a lifetime.
4/27/09
Being Two
A day in the life of a raging two year old
6.15 am - Wakeup - I want my mommy, my sippy cup and my toys and then life will be good "MOMMY!!! MORNIN!"
I don't know why mommy is so grumbly ...she seemed fine a couple hours ago when I woke her up the first time.... the sun is up and so am I.
Whats that? my diaper is dry?...that must be why my tummy feels funny. "NO PEEE! " I don't want to pee, I don't need to pee. I will not sit on that potty. In fact I don't want my cozy pajamas taken off. This calls for a full out fight for my life and my dignity tantrum.
life is not good anymore. I can't believe I caved , I was betrayed by my bladder.
I will make her pay.
hmmmmm,
"MOMMY..PEE ON FLOOR"
wow, I'm not the only one who can throw a tantrum. Moms pretty good at them too.
I don't want breakfast...only milk please.....I said "NO WANT FOOD!"
Just me and my milk , life is good.
Uh-oh all gone, life is not good anymore. NO I will not get dressed! NO I do not want to wear underwear!
Please don't make me take off my sleepers! BAH! I hate change...this is devastating me! I hate clothes! I will never get over this injustice.
Ok, I'm over it now. And mom hasn't noticed I am once again naked..haha.
Ooohh I see my tractors. vroooom, vrooom, vrooom, pooop , pooop, uh - oh. Moms not gonna like this one. yucky. hmmmm. This pillow will cover it up nicely. No one will ever know. vrooom, vrooom, vrooom.
Oh, wow moms throwing another tantrum. You really should have your carpet cleaned mom.
Bake? You bet I want to bake! I love to bake! What I love even more than baking is making a mess. mess. mess mess ....ooh I love to mess.
Flour is the best! Look at my hands mom! ....uh - mom...I hate my dirty hands!! I like your diry floor though, that bowl full of flour looks good on your floor...even better squished in my toes! Why am I getting sent away? But I love to bake! Waaaaaaahhhhh
Mommy I need a snuggle....oh I love my mommy.
Lets go for a walk mommy. I love spring! I love outside! My hat , my boots, my jacket. I want to run mommy lets go!
WOWEEE WOW WOW I see rocks! Look mommy I can put the rocks in my hat. And dead leaves....LOOK mommy I see dead leaves! ooohh crunchy in my hair . LOOK I see a motorcycle in that yard.....RUN RUN RUN!
YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! I'M GOING TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE! HAHA I'M FREE!
Bahhh, she cought me.
waaahh I never get to do anything fun! All I wanted to do is ride a motorcycle.
I'm tired. This road is pretty comfy I think I'll just rest here a while.....ooohh bugs. I like bugs.
NO I WANT TO LAY IN THE ROAD!!!!!! You can't make me walk....haha I'm jello, squishy slidy jello and jello boys don't walk.
Baaah!
I don't want to go in the house....I thought we were going for a walk!
I want DADDY! I want to work with Daddy. Why is Daddy driving the tractor without me. I'm stuck at home with mommy who doesn't let me have any fun.
Oh lunch time...I like lunch time....but I don't like that! I hate soup. I don't want toast.. Why can't I have icecream? I know I liked the same soup yesterday but I hate it right now!
I wonder why mom keeps looking at her watch. I saw that smile. Why is she smiling? NAPTIME?!!
oh ok, I' m tired I don't have it in me to fight you about the nap. I want my bear bear and my milk though. NO DIAPER!! I've been wearing big boy underwear all day and have only had 5 accidents...why would I need a diaper?! Oh, the humiliation. mmmm I like milk.
zzzzzz
What happened? Where's my mommy? Is it Morning yet? "MOMMMMM" All done nap. C'mon bear bear, c'mon lamby, c'mon buggy lets go play.
I love my mommy, so snuggly. I wish she could carry me all day.
I will even pee on the potty for you mommy. I like when she does the happy peepee dance. She looks ridiculous but at least I get a piece of candy out of the deal. mmm, I like the yellow ones.
Do I want a cookie? Of course I don't want a cookie..how dare you ask me such a thing ."NO COOKIE!" oh, wait a minute what did I just say. I love cookies, my mommy makes the best cookies. "I WANT COOKIE PLEASE!!!" Why does she look so exasperated all I asked for was a cookie....mothers are so fickel sometimes.
Oh yipee yipeee Aili and Roman are home from school. AIVEE ! MAMO! I love Aili and Roman.
I bet it would be really funny if I ran up and hit Roman with this toy....oh thats just too funny.
Why is no one else laughing?
I don't want a time out....sorry sorry sorry. waaahhh. I hate time outs. what a waste of my childhood! tic toc tic toc...maybe if I just slowly scoot across the floor she won't notice. oh man she's got eyes in the back of her head. tic toc tic toc......
bzzzzzz. oh theres the buzzer. I'm a free man...freedom is sweet.
I have to pee again ..... I don't want to pee on the potty.
I think I'd rather just pee here on the floor that way I don't have to leave my toys. I'm a genious. Now for the sweet reward.
What do you mean I don't get a candy for peeing on the floor? I get one for peeing in the potty so I think its ony fair that as long as there is pee invovled I get my piece of candy!!! I WANT CANDY! hmmm she seems to be ignoring my tantrum ...I hate that, mommy is one tough cookie.
I like to be naked, naked is good. la-la-la I can see my toes and my tummy and this other thing that is so much to play with. I'm free, free free!
I want to watch tv. I love tv. I like Diego and Mickey Mouse but I still don't understand why I can't sit on the couch naked.
Yahooo DAddies home! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
I love my Daddy! I want to wrestle, and play and climb on him.
life is good when Daddy gets home!
Naked again, I like to be naked. No more pants, no more shirt, no more undies. I'm free to be me!
I still don't understand why I can't sit at the dinner table naked. These people have too many rules. I'll show them. oh ,oops was that my plate? It now appears to be on the floor. What a shame.
Waaahhh I hate timeouts! Not another one.... these people just don't learn.
Bath time. I love bathtime. I don't want my clothes off though. I love my clothes! I like to bath in my clothes. Oh, the injustice, the indignity of it all! WAAAH!
hmm, I wonder why mommy is turning that funny shade of red...and taking those wierd deep breaths. That lady really over reacts to things.
Goodnight. I have my fuzzy jammies back on and I'm ready for bed. You have to catch me first though.. I'm pretty fast. giggle, giggle, giggle.
Night night, Thankyou God for another day. zzzzz
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