Coming and Going

The last couple weeks have been crazy busy. In fact the last thing I should be doing right now is sitting at my computer. I'm choosing to call it a sanity break and let my work wait for me.
Last Sunday through Tuesday Aili was at a Bible Camp. She had a blast as usual and it was just the right amount of time to be away from home. This picture is Aili and her little brother Silas reuniting at the end of camp. They missed each other!
We stayed for a little chapel service and got a taste of the program and songs the kids had at camp. It was so cool to see Aili standing on the wooden pew (along with most of the other kids) singing, dancing and worshiping. As important a role as we her parents play in her spiritual development I love giving her chances like this to learn about God independently from us...free from trying to please us or our expectations. It makes it real for her and God can speak directly to her heart.

The next morning we left for another 5 days of camping as a family. More time in the car for this little clown! We went (for the first time as a family) to a camp that I went to every summer as a child and was a counsellor at in my teens. It was such a nice break.
They had fun programs for all the kids including the 2 year old (woohoo!) which allowed us to attend various small group sessions in the mornings (on various topics) and chapel in the evenings with only the baby along. We had all afternoon to enjoy the camp as a family and to hang out with the kids. It was a wonderful balance of fun family time and refreshing adult time. The guest speaker and the music were awesome. I felt refreshed both physically and spiritually. I think we'll make it a part of our regular summer vacation time.

Monkey boy doing what he does best....giving parents everywhere heart palpitations.
I can just picture him as a jungle boy climbing a coconut tree.

Silas and Daddy going for a sail on a gorgeous hot afternoon at camp.

We've had lots of comings and goings. The coming home is the overwhelming part for me. There is just so much STUFF that goes along with camping( and family life in general). I have an insurmountable pile of laundry that doesn't seem to be getting any smaller even though I've been plugging away at it for the past couple days. My house is neglected, my yard overgrown, my garden in need of harvesting, our trailer is disgusting and still needs to be fully unpacked and cleaned. Ack!
It will have to wait a bit though because as of this Monday we have begun VBS at our church 40 km away. I am the "crew leader" for the preschool group. Its fun and the "Crocodile dock"theme is great. The music is rock'n and the decorations are amazing. We have transformed our sanctuary into a Louisiana Bayou.
When I get home each afternoon the above list is waiting for me but I feel too tired to tackle any of it. One thing at a time.
Yesterday I picked and shelled a whole pile of peas....today folding a mountain of laundry (if I get my butt off of the computer!)

I'm putting the "Pro" in procrastinate right now.

I've been feeling not only slightly overwhelmed with the amount of work looming over me this week but with the emotional mountain that is looming on the horizon. It's hard to focus on the tasks at hand when I feel like I'm living in the shadow of what lies ahead.

As my time with "Cub" grows shorter my heart is growing more burdened. I feel like I am living in anticipation of pain.
Like the flinch before a blow. I feel like I am developing an emotional tick.
It reminds me of that moment of the blunt realization that I have to go through childbirth again after the joy and expectation of pregnancy (usually happens with the onset of contractions!) . Oh yeah....in my joy I almost forgot how painful this has to be.

My converstations with God lately go something like this:

"Lord I know I told you I would do this again and that I would love one of your precious babies. I have loved him, but I don't want to say goodbye this time...its going to hurt too much. I don't think I can do it. I'm not strong enough."

"I will be with you. I will be strong where you are weak. Trust me."

"But I love him"

"So do I. I designed and created him in my image for a purpose."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Rest in me ,for my yoke is easy and my burden is light"

"But Lord this isn't easy or light....it is difficult and painful."

"I was with you as you showed My love to My precious little one and I will be with you as you say goodbye to him. I will give you My peace."

Cub has been such a wonderful part of our family for 6 weeks now. He has grown from a skinny scrunched up new born to a chubby smiling baby interacting with the world around him. He has the biggest roundest brown eyes I've ever seen. He is so alert and aware of his surroundings. We all love him dearly and are just soaking up the time we have with him. He has been a great traveller and has been camping with us three times now.

I have no idea how much longer he will be with us or what his case plan is but I have a feeling it won't be much longer.
I transferred a bunch of pictures to a USB stick and will print them out in town tomorrow.
I want to start making his baby book so I have time to do it right.
I will send it with him so whoever enters his life next can carry on with recording his story.
We are just a small piece of his story but he will always be a big piece of mine.
I know there will be another big chunk of my Swiss cheese heart gone in the next couple months. Anticipating the amputation is not pleasant.
I have to remind myself I will have time to grieve later, right now I have a job to do and a lot of love to give.

Please pray for this little guy and his future.
(Send up a prayer for this family that is going to have a hard time letting him go too)

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1 comment:

Christy said...

You put the positive in PRO-crastination. ;) Well said.

When my 9 year old was sitting beside me while snuggling "Cub" last week, Cole asked me whose baby he was. I explained his Mommy couldn't look after him right now, so your family was taking care of him. I work at a daycare where we have 2 sweet foster girls and so he knows generally what it means.

As soon as I told Cole that, he reached up and did to him what my Dad does to his grandkids - he used his finger to put an invisible cross on baby Cub's little forehead. Melted my heart.

I was reminded in that gesture that God knows sweet Cub and loves him and can set his life aside as protected and blessed. We join with you in praying for this sweet boy's life and future.