Expectant - a letter to my child

It's a helpless feeling to be here.  While you're still there.  So far away.  If only, by shear force of will, I could project my love across an ocean.  I would wrap it warmly around you as you sleep and comfort you with it as you wake.   I ask the one who knows the very hairs on your head, and created your sparkling eyes, to light an ember of hope and warm you with his love while we wait for the day when you will come home.

It's a very strange thing indeed to fall in love with a child I have never held in my arms.  To love a child I have not yet been introduced to.   Although, it feels similar to waiting for a child hidden in my womb, a cherished mystery that I long to discover.  A loved child I long to gaze at... face to sweet little face, and caress with my mother's hands.  Only you are there, and I am here.    As I wait, I am reminded once again that my children are not my own.  They are cherished gifts to be released moment they are given.

I think about you every day my child.  I wonder if you're ticklish, and what your giggle sounds like. I wonder what your eyes look like when you smile and what your voice sounds like when you say "mama".   I imagine you wrestling with your brothers, and being doted on by your sisters.   I wonder when I will be able to name you as my own, because in my heart I already have.  You see, even though I have never sang over you in a rocking chair, or stroked your silky hair...I hold you when I dream.   I make up my lists of names and wonder if we'll know which one perfectly suits you once we see your little face.

You are an unexpected gift.  The reply to a sacred invitation.
 I'm coming baby!

Love, Mama


Kia said...

Beautiful ... What rejoicing there will be when you have your new son in your arms....!!!

Sherri said...

Beautiful letter!!!! Love the ultrasound. :)