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Showing posts from April, 2012

Monkey Kids Show Day

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I love this handsome little face!  Although the boy it belongs to is growing up awfully fast.   Here is spider boy in his element.

We're not fans of being overly busy with activities and sports.  Our family is minimalist when it comes to  signing them up and running them around.  I suspect it's a combination of cheapness, laziness, a general disdain for structured business,  and fundamentally different priorities that contribute to the preservation of family home time and unstructured childhood play.  However, they usually do one sport type activity during the school year.  Gymnastics was a great fit for us this winter.  One day a week we drove  40 minutes to town where all three took a gymnastics class.  Cece and I did our grocery shopping while the kids worked on their flexibility, balance and most importantly burned off some energy.   It was inexpensive, and convenient.  They really enjoyed their first year in this gymnastics program.   The last class of the year the paren…

Chronic Ache

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It builds up over time, the inexpressible ache, the isolating preoccupation.   The longing, that if spoken of, would only confuse those around me.

This transparent journal is the place I attempt to form this crazy roller coaster into concrete words.  We are in the active process of two different adoptions.  The vulnerability I feel with both is immense.

The world around me questions our decisions.  They judge our lack of 'good sense'.  With raised eye brows,  accusing questions, or even sometimes more hurtful...silence.

I don't expect anything from anyone else, this is between us, our children, and our Father who sets the lonely in families.  This has NOTHING to do with getting attention, good karma, cosmic brownie points, or gaining favor.   The reason we're so open about our experiences is to bring God the glory , and to challenge others to follow their Savior with reckless abandon to the death of their own comfort, convenience, or worldly common sense.  It'…

Introducing my new sister!

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{My Mom, Dad, Aili and my new sister at the airport}
 After several years of seeing photos of her and hearing stories from my parents.  After two years of adoption process,  after a lot of waiting and a lot of prayers, she's finally home!



{Aili meeting her new Auntie}

She has only been home for a few days but she's adjusting to her new world so well.  Just taking it all in stride.  I'm sure it helps that she has known my parents for years, and has lived with them for months at a time in Haiti.   She is a courageous young woman, who has a generous smile.  She is adapting to this change with an incredible amount of poise.   In the last few days she has experienced so many firsts...an airplane ride,  hot running water, a dishwasher, apple juice, Walmart, vacuuming, a house with carpet, wide open spaces, Canadian weather....such a different world than where she came from.  

We are enjoying getting to know her and look forward to many years of friendship ahead. 

{Me on the righ…

Sunshine and Chickens

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Just to prove that our Spring is extremely extreme.  A couple days after my last snowy post...summer showed up for a visit. So beautiful.  So warm.

We got a little yard work done.  

We spent some time playing outside.

We cooked some food over a fire.

We visited some friends and their chickens.

The flip-flops came out of storage.


We are SO ready for summer!  

Seeding season has officially started on the family farm.  The Hubster will be spending the next few weeks in a tractor.   So far parenting solo during bedtime/ evening  has been going really well.  It seems to be smoother than it was for the last couple years.  Probably because Silas and Cece have grown up so much since last spring.  The spring before that I had a colicky newborn so this year seems easy breezy.  I'm sure by the next post I'll be singing a different tune.   Most likely it will be a desperate cry for help from a mom convinced she won't make it through single parenting season alive.   

Split Personality Spring

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Spring here in the great white North gets easily confused.   He's a bit lacking in confidence and follow through.   Just when we think he's finally got the hang of things and is ready to take over from Old man Winter he slinks off and disappears for a few days.   Mind you Old man Winter is a tenacious old fellow who doesn't easily give up control.  

We might see Summer arrive before Spring can get his act together.   The forecast says 20 degrees Celcius tomorrow and 24 degrees C for Monday.   I'm dreaming of flip flops, and lilacs.



Messy little hands

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Sticky little fingers poking holes in the butter.  Skrawny little arms flexed as they try to kneed the soft bread dough.  Chubby little hands awkwardly dumping flour into the mixing bowl while spilling half of it on the counter.  I take a deep breath, and think to myself..." I could get this done so much easier myself, with so much less mess".  I fight the urge to chase them all away, sacrificing the prize, for something of lesser value.


It would be so much more efficient to not let them "help".  After all, this is my kitchen and they generally make a huge mess of things.  I have every right to assert my standard of peace and order, in which they always seem to complicate, but what I'm seeking is not a perfectly arranged house, or a batch of evenly shaped cookies, it's the hearts of my children.  I want them to learn, to be challenged, and to enjoy my company as I delight in theirs.


Today as I winced at spilled flour, and was tempted to mutter unholy thing…

Expectant - a letter to my child

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It's a helpless feeling to be here.  While you're still there.  So far away.  If only, by shear force of will, I could project my love across an ocean.  I would wrap it warmly around you as you sleep and comfort you with it as you wake.   I ask the one who knows the very hairs on your head, and created your sparkling eyes, to light an ember of hope and warm you with his love while we wait for the day when you will come home.

It's a very strange thing indeed to fall in love with a child I have never held in my arms.  To love a child I have not yet been introduced to.   Although, it feels similar to waiting for a child hidden in my womb, a cherished mystery that I long to discover.  A loved child I long to gaze at... face to sweet little face, and caress with my mother's hands.  Only you are there, and I am here.    As I wait, I am reminded once again that my children are not my own.  They are cherished gifts to be released moment they are given.

I think about you every…

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

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"At the first glimmer of dawn, Mary Magdalene and other women headed to the tomb to wash Jesus' body.  The early morning sun slanted through the ancient olive trees, drops of dew glittering on the leaves and grasses - little tears everywhere.  The friends walked quietly along the hilly path, through the olive groves, until they reached the tomb.  And immediately noticed something odd - it was wide open. 
they peered through the opening into the dark tomb. But wait.  Jesus body was gone!

...The angel asked them " What are you doing here?  This is a tomb and tombs are for dead people".
The women couldn't speak.
"Jesus isn't dead anymore! he said "He's alive again!"

And their hearts leapt.   And then the angel laughed with such gladness that they felt, for a moment,  as if they had woken from a nightmare.... 

.....and it seemed to her that morning, as she ran, almost as if the whole world had been made anew, almost as if the whole world was singing…

The Sun Stopped Shining

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Today is "Good Friday" on the calender.  What does that mean?  Sometimes we complicate things so much that no one has a clue, or simplify them into meaninglessness. I appreciate how a certain Children's Bible beautifully simplifies the entire story of God and his children, God's rescue plan, and points it all back to Jesus, the beginning and the end.


As I reflect on the cross, God's incredible rescue plan, and His great mercy this morning...I wondered what I could write here.   I decided that instead of coming up with poignant words to write, I would share with you what I read to my children today.



Jesus story book Bible pg. 36,

You see, sin had come into God's perfect world.  And it would never leave.  God's children would be always running away from him and hiding in the dark.  Their hearts would break now, and never work properly again.  In another story, it would all be over and that would have been..
The End. 
But not in this story.  
God loved his chi…

Summer Preview

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Today felt like summer....or at least a beautiful spring day.  It was amazing.  It's ridiculous how much a beautiful day out soaking up the sun can re-energize me.  I'm convinced I'm solar powered....and after 3 months basically cooped up inside I was nearly dead.  I'm glad we at least had that month in Mexico, or I might not have survived!
Roman is thrilled to have his bike out again.  The kids have been playing outside until bedtime the last couple days.  I love it!   



Roman couldn't be happier.  He barely survives winter.  Seriously...by the end of winter he is depressed, sullen, and generally miserable to be around.  We even installed a bar in the basement to try to help him...not THAT kind of bar, although after a winter cooped up with this kid it doesn't sound like a bad idea either.....a chin up bar.  He spends a crazy amount of time on there.  The other day he was struggling through school work and we ended up, kind of by accident, practicing his multi…

Signs of Spring

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Mommy yelling,  "Get out of the mud with your church shoes!"


Rediscovering sand toys.


Spring here is like an environmental identity crisis.  Flip flops one day, and snow boots the next.   I'm tempted to pack away all the winter gear because the snow is mostly all gone....but the forecast is calling for "flurries" this weekend.  Maybe I'll put it  all away anyhow.... as my form of protest.