I'm feeling so speshle.

I realize this is my second post in one day but I just had to brag a little. The "mothers day tea" at the kids school was lovely. Complete with cheesy songs, poems and talent. We were served coffee and fruit. Silas enjoyed the plate of fruit so much that he shoved more in his mouth than he could effectively process. I was busy visiting and didn't notice that he had overstuffed until it was all being spit out on my plate. I covered it with a napkin and apologised to the people lucky enough to have chosen to sit with us.

Speaking of lucky. I was particularly lucky today. First of all I was gifted with these wonderful items from my children. I love the card from Aili.
"roses are red viltits are blue
shiger is sweet and so are you"
"Have a speshle day."

awww, I feel so speshle.

And a nice mug shot of Roman to hang on the wall. And it will no doubt be hung on my wall...somewhere...Roman will make sure of that.

And to add to the luck I won the most coveted door prize! (It was arranged much more beautifully complete with plastic wrapping and a bow....but we already got into it). One of the Grandmas of a couple of the students often donates her baking for raffles or door prizes. And I won it!! ME the one who never wins anything! I actually snuck out to take Silas to the bathroom when they started to draw names figuring that was more polite than leavng during the singing solos. On my way back to my table someone said "Hey, you won a basket of bunnies" at least that is what I thought I heard. I was a little concerned as I made my way back to the table. Fortunately they were saying buns and not bunnies. yummy. Unfortunately I have to hide them from my allergy baby ...but the rest of us will have no problem eating our basket full of baking. Stop in for coffee and you can have one too :)

Too cute!

Look at the feet on this kid! Well the camera angle doesn't really help but he does have good sized feet, much bigger than his brothers were at this age. I think Silas will be the "big guy" in the family. He's always been skinny and gangly...even in the chubby baby stage but he is the tallest at this age and his bone structure is broad. He's got shoulders almost as wide as his 5 year old brothers already. And if its like looking at a puppies feet to see how big they will get ...he's going to be huge. At least if he grows into them :) Its that Viking/ Scottish mix in him I think....just 20 years and a big red beard. Makes me laugh. Ever since the last Olympics I joke that he's got Phelps proportions. Tall, short legs, long waist, broad shoulders, huge feet. Maybe I should get him into swimming :)

He just got out of the shower so his eyes are a little red looking. Must have got some soap in them. We are getting cleaned up to go to a "mothers day tea" at Aili and Romans school this afternoon. We are going right in the middle of nap time so I'm hoping my tired 2 year old will not steal the show. He is so much fun lately...just a little clown all the time. We have our "2 year old days" that usually correspond with missed naps or late bedtimes but most of our days together are so enjoyable...in a cleaning pee off the floor kind of way. He's been so extremely affectionate lately...probably because I've left him more than usual in the last few months. He's full of big long hugs, kisses and love at this age. There are some great things about this third year of life. He still adores his mommy for one thing :) Another thing I love is that he is absolutely fascinated and thrilled by everyday things that us big people don't even see any more. Its amazing to see the world through his eyes.

Showing off for the camera.

Stopping his somersaults to itch a little. Spring has made him a little more rashy lately.
Well I'd better go and get ready for the "tea"....wouldn't want to show up at the school in a bathrobe and no make up.

Shaking in my Armour

After my last couple posts you might think I've got this parenting thing all figured out. Well not today. At least I don't feel that way. I feel discouraged and weak under the responsibilities that face me in life right now. Parenting being just one of those many responsibilities....but the most important of course.

My kids are good right now, no major behavior issues to report. They are generally respectful, obedient and fun to be around....even the two year old. (not that they don't make my ears hurt and my head ache once in a while!) . I am actually thoroughly enjoying each one of them at the moment. So why do I feel so inadequate? Its easy to feel that way when one of them is in a major funk...but I don't know why I feel that way right now. Why do I question myself so much? Is it just the curse of being a mother? Its not that I fear they will turn out to be horrible dysfunctional people ( although, I did have pictures in my mind of visiting juvi hall when Roman was a two year old, but he eventually did outgrow his little anarchist streak).

I think fear is something that the enemy is using right now to paralyze me. I see it for what it is but I still feel its effects. As a parent fear is not productive or healthy...vigilance yes...caution you bet....but fear no. Fear -based parenting causes a lot of problems...especially in our Christian parenting circles. That's not what I want for my family. I want my parenting to be a reflection of the absolute certainty , confidence and victory I have in my Lord....there is no room for fear in that.

As parents we are our kids advocates. I am learning as I go how to do that....usually by necessity. I think some parents go overboard and swing the pendulum too far and misuse the word advocate . Some don't allow their kids to experience consequences of unwise choices or will shield them totally from life and its let downs. I am not that parent. I am not a parent who will ever argue with a teacher gasping "not my child".
But as a mom I know my children best...next to the one who created them of course.
I make it my job to really know them.
I have an active "mothers intuition" that lets me know when something just isn't right.

The trick is to know when to step in to protect them and give them a boost and when to stand back and let them figure it out on their own. Its a delicate balancing act. I think its often best not to jump in to the rescue too soon....as long as there isn't immediate danger of course. Its ok to let a toddler figure out how to get out of a situation he's got himself stuck in...but being ever ready to step in when they are in over their head. That's where our intuition comes in.

Being a mom is a tough job. We are assertive advocates, vigilant protectors, loyal confidants, regular taxi drivers, impeccable maids, gourmet cooks, compassionate nurses, and household CEO's just to name a few.

I suspect I'm not alone in my doubts and fears.

I have a feeling I'm not alone in trying to tame my inner "mama bear " while listening to my child describe being bullied. Why is it that "nice kids" are the ones that are always targeted? The ones that are loyal friends and care about the feelings of others? I guess they just don't know how to make it in the pecking order. I am disappointed and grieved that they experience this but I would be more grieved if my child were the one being cruel. I'm trying to teach assertiveness and sticking up for themselves...that's what my gut has been telling me. So I'm going to follow that intuition and try to give them the strength of character, self esteem and confidence they need to assertively tell the ring leaders to back off. I want my little girl to somehow wear her first "dental appliance" with pride...sigh. While at the same time watching vigilantly for them to be "in over their head"....taking more than their maturity and life skills can handle.

I have a feeling I'm not alone in my worries and "fear" that my child will slip through the cracks in his education. I worry that he will feel "dumb" that he will always struggle to keep up. That is not what I want for my bright, imaginative little boy. I feel guilty like somehow I have failed him. I am embarrassed by the meetings with his teacher, the assessments, the evaluations, and the suggestions of needing extra help. I am afraid of future diagnostic testing....at the same time very eager to get to the bottom of the problems and get something done about them. I have to remind myself that I know my kid, and can be his advocate to get him what he needs. But my heart still aches for him and the uphill challenges that lie ahead.

I am afraid that despite my vigilance and scrutiny my allergy baby will eat something that he shouldn't and have a reaction that I can't control. What if he reacts to something completely unexpected or has a reaction when I'm not around? What if despite carrying an epi-pen it won't be enough to stop him from going into anaphylactic shock and cardiac failure? Its not something I obsess about ...but that possibility is there. Just one more thing to fear.

Will I be enough for them? Will I be able to protect them? Will I know how to teach them?

I guess as a parent the list can go on and on. From the time they are conceived there is always a list... just when they move past one danger zone they are into the next.

I made a conscious effort when I knew each one of them were in existence to turn over those fears and refuse to let them take hold in my heart. If I didn't where would it end?

Fear of miscarriage, fear of birth defects, fear of SIDS, fear of choking, fear of running into traffic, fear of illness, fear of bullying, fear of rebellion, fear of a drivers license, fear of rejection.....the list would go on forever.

I remember the feelings of anxiousness that would creep in throughout my pregnancies or on occasion after they were born. I would consciously need to get on my knees and re- hand it over. I guess that's what I need to do again. I just wasn't prepared for those anxious feelings again...its been so long.

So much for mama warrior....shaking in her armour. Or maybe I forgot to put on my armour today...that happens on occasion too. I think this warrior mama needs to battle on her knees for a while.

I'm a soccer mom!

Roman has been wanting to play soccer for a long time but sometimes in rural areas a league or a team to play with is hard to find. This spring however he will be playing with a group of about 30 kids at a park in the next town. Perfect. Thy have 4 coaches to practice drills with and will break up into groups and play real games. The best part is the registration cost for the whole season is $15 (for twice a week practices until the end of the school year).

I'm finally a soccer mom! Bring on the mini-van, bumperstickers and blowhorn! In honor of my new little soccer player I made a trip to walmart and got him dudded up with shin pads, cleats, soccer socks (that are way too big and go up to his shorts), shiny soccer shorts, a shirt and a ball. Sounds expensive but Walmart is good for outfitting kids for cheap. His shorts only cost $5 and his shin pads were $4.50! He was SO excited that he slept in his soccer outfit (after a family game of soccer that evening.) and wore it to school the next day. Sometimes you just gotta let them revel in their own excitement. Tonight is his first practice!

Silas was not about to be outdone by his big brother. He stripped off his clothes and insisted he needed soccer clothes too. Fortunately I had pulled his summer clothes out of storage already and found a sleeveless shirt and shorts to match his brother. It did the trick. Here he is winding up for a kick. He actually got the purpose of the game and would run his ball up to kick it in the goals and pass to other players.

Roman trying to be gentle with his little brother but at the same time trying not to let him get a goal. Its a tricky balance that he does amazingly well. Did you notice our fancy goal post?

Fortunately with Daddy he can be as rough as he wants to be. Mom was pretty good too. She can hold her own against 3 five year olds (the neighbors joined us).

GO ROMAN!!

Roman quote of the day...totally unrelated to soccer.

"Mom, if you ever see food for sale at an antique store....don't buy it."

Warrior Mama

revised and renamed version of this mornings post.
.....................................................................................
I have learned so much over the past almost eight years of actual parenting experience and I know I still have a lot to learn. I became a mother 9 years ago but didn't have the joy of doing the grubby work of parenting until our daughter was born. When our daughter was born I was so thrilled and felt so extremely grateful to finally have a child after such a rocky start to parenthood. I thoroughly enjoyed her as a baby and soaked up every minute but I also wasn't prepared for the challenges of caring for a "spirited" baby...around the clock. She was born ready to party and ready to take her place in the world. She still is!



Around her first birthday we lost our second baby to a miscarriage at 10 wks. A couple months later I was pregnant with Roman. Those first years are a whirl wind of pregnancies, nighttime feedings, tears and tantrums (sometimes my own). I was pregnant 4 times in 3 years...including 3 full pregnancies. I loved finally being a parent but also frequently felt overwhelmed with the challenges of two young children less than two years apart in age. I questioned my ability to effectively train up these two independent, strong willed and very quirky kids.





In the early years of parenting I frequently compared my children to other peoples kids, to other peoples standards and expectations of my kids. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on across the spectrum from Amish syle parenting to Dr. Sears. "attachment parenting" I tried so many parenting "technique's" and styles before I really started to get a handle on what worked for me and my kids individual and quirky needs. Somewhere in the middle is where I landed. I'm not about to strip a switch off a tree to "swat" my infant any time they fail a test I set them up to fail...and I'm not about to "free-range" parent my child either letting them decide their own boundaries. Kids need firm boundaries (moral, safety, respect) but inside those boundaries they need a lot of freedom to explore who they are, freedom to ask honest questions, freedom to make mistakes ....and freedom to be wacky kids. Its a balancing act that involves a lot of vigilance and constant adjustments. Raising kids is more like waltz between us and our kids than it is a left right left right march.



Confidence was what I was lacking in the earlier years. I was insecure and somewhat confused about my role and how to raise my kids in a God honoring way. Actually I was too busy with diapers, feedings, potty training and runny noses to give it much thought. I knew enough to do the basics of childcare, I was a good mom with great nurturing instincts but looking back I expected so much of my self and my kids. Discipline, consistency, quality time, fun play times,nutrition and affection were all part of those first years but they didn't always produce picture perfect kids with perfect behavior and I couldn't figure out why.



It was later that I got an epiphany. My kids are human. Humans make mistakes, humans have a sin nature that gets the best of us sometimes, kids are immature, kids are quirky, kids are silly and dorky and unpredictable. God made childhood as a time for them to get the dorkiness out of their systems :) My kids need a Savior just as much as I do.



I've come to the conclusion there is no one size fits all parenting system and no one discipline technique that fits all kids or situations. Parenting requires constant creativity and ingenuity. It requires flexibility, adaptability, consistency, perseverance and most importantly grace. I have become a student of my children learning what makes them tic, what they respond to and what they don't. I know what is important to them, what disappoints them , what they fear, what they hope for. I know them.



In the past Instead of trusting what I knew about my kids I let too many outside voices and judgments confuse me into thinking they should be something they just weren't.

(I couldn't make my extremely extroverted energetic toddler into a wall flower no matter how hard I tried, however I have helped to mold him into a charming, thoughtful ,extroverted ,energetic little boy.)



I just cared too much what other people thought. After all ,kids are an extension of our own image and ego aren't they(sarcasm inserted here)....or at least that's what we make them into sometimes. I now realize that kids are going to embarrass me on occasion. And that's ok because one of these days they will be teenagers and I will have the privilege of embarrassing them right back :)



My kids will say thank you 5000 times at home for random things like wiping their nose or pouring them a drink without ever being prompted but will forget it when it really counts and the world is watching....yikes. I now care more about nurturing a grateful spirit that will express that gratefulness consistently rather than just training a child to say a meaningless word for the sake of impressing a relative with the big gift

(not that I wouldn't prompt gratefulness at that point :) .

I'm just not going to let little bumps in the road like that embarrass me. I know my kids heart and whether they are developing a grateful one or not. I'm far more concerned with how pleased God is with them than anyone else.



This is only really part of my story of parenting. The part where I realize that an external set of standards is far less effective an an internal one. My focus in parenting is to raise them the way God raises us. With love, security, tenderness, joy, grace, boundaries, and natural consequences. Freedom to express ourselves and even bring our concerns and disappointments to Him without fear of being mocked or dismissed.



My favorite parenting book is called "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel. He has other parenting books that I have read as well. His newest books are this one and "Why Christian Kids Rebel". I like "Grace Based Parenting" because its not a "how -to book" or a step by step program on how to raise impressive kids. He talks more about what kids really need from us as parents. Actually the three driving inner needs of every human.



A secure love

A significant Purpose

A strong hope



Without their parents nurturing these things in their lives (and modeling for them the One who can ultimately fill these driving needs) kids will go looking for them elsewhere...and unfortunately the enemy (who wants nothing more than to steal the hearts of my children) has a whole lot of counterfeits that fit into these categories.

Its just one of those books every parent needs to read. Page after page of "aha" moments. Its a very balanced, common sense resource to help us through this maze of parenting. Its worth a read...you have to read it start to finish though to get the whole of what he is saying.



Are my children's live's (and my life as a parent) filled with a sense of wonder, joy, creativity, freedom and tenderness? Or is it filled with guilt, resentfulness, frustration, obligation and irritation? I must admit some days its a mix of both categories...but when looking at the big overall picture I sure hope its the first one. Which one of best represents our relationship to God...or at least should represent it?

I want to woo their little hearts to the Father who loves them best.
Their little hearts are the prize. Their hearts are what I am after.
There is a spiritual battle for the hearts of my kids and the enemy doesn't play by fair rules of warfare.I can't just build up the walls , arm the fort and then sit back assuming he won't find his way in (when your kid lies to you the first time you realize sin is alive and well even behind a locked fortress).

Having an exoskeleton isn't much good if the enemy may already be deeply ingrained in the flesh beneath....what they need is a strong endoskeleton. A strength of faith, character and value structure that comes from deep within.
When dealt a severe blow or break an endoskeleton will heal it self, it will prove painful but not fatal. If all we equip our kids with is an exoskeleton a blow or a crack in the external structure will prove fatal. That I cannot allow.

The competitor for my child's heart plans seductive, deceptive guerrilla attacks to lure them.

This warrior mama has a battle plan though....she plans to out romance the competition. While the competitor attempts to seduce, I will woo. I will romance their little hearts just like God has romanced mine leaving no desire for any thing less...for a counterfeit. I also have plans to go on the offensive deep into enemy territory through prayer. The prayer of one warrior mama is a powerful thing! Don't underestimate it. I should also add that the prayers of warrior Grandma's, Grandpa's, Auntie's and Uncle's...anyone invested in the life of a child who is willing to commit to praying for them..is vital. Don't underestimate your role and your influence even from a distance.

I want to thoroughly enjoy this short season with my children but more than that I want to prepare them for the future and all the things that it will hold. My job as a parent is to eventually parent myself out of a job :) ironic as that sounds.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go put on my armour, stand and keep watch over these precious little souls entrusted to me.

Outside fun

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The weather here has been really cool and extremely windy so far this spring. The snow is gone but we are still in that ugly time between the white snow and the green summer. We are living in brown right now. The last precipitation we had was some snow in February and this spring has also been really cool. These two factors have kept things from growing and blooming.

I have some tulips poking up out of the ground now to give me some hope of new life but it will be a while still until they bloom. I can't wait to get out into the dirt and plant my garden. The soil still needs to be worked up and the days and nights are a bit too cold still so I'll wait another week or so.

The boys have been enjoying the great outdoors again now that winter is over. They still go between spring jackets and winter coats...sun hats and winter hats. My entry way is a mess of various seasons of outdoor clothing.
The kids and their friends have been enjoying building a fort and playing at "The tree" not that we have only one in our town but this is a big half dead good climbing tree surrounded by other trees in an empty lot. Perfect setting for all sorts of adventures.
Roman is wearing his helmet because he rode his bike there and forgot to take it off...not for many other reasons children might typically wear helmets while playing.

My boy with the girly hair. He really does need a hair cut....but its so pretty. I think the shaggy look is in right now anyway.

Silas tries so hard to be like his brother!

Roman is a 100% outside boy. I'm so glad he can burn off some energy outside instead of burning holes in my carpet running laps through the house. He's got a huge imagination. Nature is the perfect place for kids to explore and nurture that imagination. Who needs an expensive play structure when you've got a really cool tree?

Crazy Blessed

Make sure to scroll down to the bottom of the screen and push pause on the music before you push play on the video. After the video start the music up again because you will want to hear Plumb's other mommy song. Another tear jerker for all you moms out there.

Mothers day coming up next week has me thinking about my own journey of motherhood over the last 9 years. I came across this song and it just so perfectly described motherhood that I had to put it with some pictures. I am posting it this weekend instead of next because I am sitting in a hotel right now with high speed. Ironically enough I am here taking parenting classes, foster parenting to be specific. At home with dial up it would be impossible for me to load this video ( I gave up after 6 hours of tying up my phone line).

I managed to figure out how to post my first video but its pretty choppy. I have no clue what happened to my nice smooth transitions but the effect is not quite the same with the choppy jerky picture movements. The kids are still adorable though. This month ,in honor of Mothers day and the month of the birth of my first child nine years ago, I feel like putting some more thought into this thing called parenting.

So as usual when something is on my mind I am bound to write some posts on the topic. :) I know I write a lot about my kids and family life but I want to narrow the focus a little and really sort through what it means to have the huge responsibility and privilege of raising kids. Its an amazing, fulfilling, challenging, exhausting experience....and I wouldn't trade it for all the candy in the world!