Boys Baking Bread

Because the weather is still blasting winter and the highways are treacherous (even for us tough Canadian drivers) we have been stuck at home this weekend.  Our stretch of highway has been so bad that it has been closed on and off for the past few days.   The strange fluctuations in temperature, wind and snow have made our only connection with town into a white, snow drift covered sheet of ice.  There have been so many accidents, some fatal between us and our usual destinations.  We we were all disappointed to miss church.

I kept the boys busy making bread on Saturday.  Two birds with one stone.  A project that keeps us fed, and keeps my boys from systematically destroying my house.

Although there was some extra sweeping and scrubbing to be done as a result of the extra "help".

They love the kneading.

I use a big bowl and a wooden spoon to mix the dough.  Then when it's too stiff to mix with a spoon I dump it out onto the counter and the mess fun begins.

Just a little more flour.

The punching and kneading was a great activity for Roman.  He could punch, squish, stretch, and smash to his hearts content.  

He even tried his skills at making buns.

Maybe I'll raise a future baker, or a future really awesome husband who can surprise his wife with fresh baked bread.  

The sesame seed covered  swirly loaf was Roman's creation.  They are a little less fluffy since I stopped using eggs (allergy boy) but they are still yummy.

I made enough to stock the freezer, although it's insane how much of this batch has already been consumed.

We are bread fans.  It's a cheap way to fill a lot of tummies.  Maybe not the most trendy or health conscious food, but satisfying, wholesome, and comforting.  

Something else that is satisfying, wholesome and comforting is time snuggled up with my littlest boy.

My Silas boy so often gets lost in the mix.  He's not  the baby and not the "big kids".  This leaves him vying for attention in ways that drive me crazy (intentionally doing naughty things).  I love this boy to bits but I'm honestly still trying to figure him out.  This past couple weeks the Hubster and I are making an almost exaggerated effort to spend time with, encourage, and show a lot of spontaneous affection to him ,at the same time cracking down on the behaviors that are making our life more stressful.   I'm seeing glimmers of him trying to please me, reciprocating affection, and even remembering the manners I've been drilling into him for 3 years.  He is a sensitive boy and afraid of everything.  He has so much potential but he hides in his shell and interacts with the world on his terms.  

It has been causing me a ridiculous amount of parental guilt lately.  Stupid really.  I feel that somehow I have traumatized him causing him to retreat, or form some sort of attachment issues.  I know that sounds crazy.  Probably Satan trying to wound me in the worst possible way. 

The thoughts that invade tell me that our foster parenting caused his insecurity, traumatizing him with instability at a vulnerable age.  

I feel nuts for even mulling these things over but , could it be?  

Could these things have caused him harm?

Is he scarred for life because we left him for 10 days when he was 2 years old?

What is it with mothers guilt?

It doesn't matter what we do or don't do as mothers we will always find some area we may have failed our child.

Ok, that's enough of a peak into my inner parental insecurity

I never want him to doubt my love for him or question his value in our family.

I sure do love this sweet boy

even if I haven't quite figured out how he's wired yet.

Visions of Spring

Today is March 24th.

My calender tells me it is officially Spring.  

My camera and I wanted to share with you the stunning beauty of springtime here on the Canadian prairie.

The lambs are frolicking in the meadows of fresh green.

The wild flowers are blooming on the hills.

Children and animals enjoy the sun on their backs as they once again find freedom in the great outdoors.

Winter coats are exchanged for light sweaters.   Mittens are stored away in the basement.

There are  no lakes of mushy snow and rivers of mud.  There are no snow drifts that block our driveway. 

The cold howling snow storms  have been replaced with gentle spring showers. 

...because I said so.

Being grounded in reality is highly over rated.

 I see  tulips and the daffodils blooming.   Fruit trees blossoming.

The colorless landscape has been  filled with a vibrant new green.

It's springtime in Canada.   Can't you tell?

Happy Spring!

Once upon a time

( My little sister, me in the middle and my twin sister in the lead)

I played with my scanner for the first time today.

It was fun to look through envelopes filled with old photos and reminisce.

It makes a person think.

Appreciate.

Remember.

Thank God for family and friends.

Life flies by.

It is too short of grudges, selfishness or ignorance. 

Life is fragile, brief  and precious.

Four fleecy little girls (me on the left)

30 years ago.

Now each with babies of their own.

So many of my pictures  include me mothering real babies or my dolls.

Foreshadowing I suppose.

It's fun to look back.  

It's strange to see myself at the same age that my kids are now and have such vivid memories of that time.

I guess it's a good reminder as a parent to make the most of these years.

I  used to love to make up my own strange cake recipes and then feed them to my Dad. 

Thanks mom, for letting me experiment in your kitchen.

Thanks Dad for tolerating my masterpieces.  

A little stroll down memory lane put a smile on my face and brightened up this blustery, wintery, "spring" day. 

Miss Cece's first birthday

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine

You make me happy,

when skies are grey.

You'll never know dear

how much I love you.

Please don't take my Sunshine away.

Mercies in Disguise

I heard this song on the radio for the first time this morning.
 I stopped clearing up breakfast dishes for a minute and just listened.
I have never heard a song that dares to point out where God's real blessings are often found.
We aspire to happiness, comfort, safety, health and success.  We ask God to give these things to us and our loved ones.  I need this reminder.
What if God has something better for us that can only be learned through grief, struggle, or heartache?
I want my prayers to look more like this.


I'm yours God, 
I crave more of you.
Bring me into your Holy presence and refine me with your consuming fire.
Teach me what love really is.  
Take away more of me, so I can see more of you.
Use my life for your glory.


Lord, my children are yours.
Help me to raise them with hearts that have been transformed and filled with you.
Give me your strength and wisdom every day. 
 Remove my selfishness as I pour myself out.
May my little ones truly know, to the depth of their spirits, the you are faithful,
even if that means you take them through experiences that strips everything else away.  
Lord I don't aspire that they be successful in the worlds eyes, 
perform to impress, or that they live safe and happy lives.
Make them strong in your strength.
Make them wise in your wisdom.
Create in them men and woman after your heart. 
Use them for you glory.
You hands, voice, and heart in a hurting world. 
Bless them with real blessings.  
The greater joy that can only be found
in the places few people are willing to look. 


May my Fruit be watered by the storms,
may they be fertilized by trials,
may they grow in desperation for more of you.
As they reflect your beauty may it bring 
nourishment to those around me.  

Empty me of distractions, selfishness, and ambition that is not a part of who You are in me.
Give me eyes to see your mercies in disguise 
and to receive the blessings 
that I'm too afraid to receive. 
Help me to trust in Your love even 
when it extends beyond my understanding.




We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
But long that we'd have the faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Waterslide and Burgers

Our week started out with a spontaneous "family fun day" trip to the City.   My husband, who has a wonderfully flexible job, took the day off of work.  My kids and I took the day off of school work.  We drove 2 hours to the City with our swim suits packed.  

It was a wonderful day.   The weather was sunny, slushy and Spring-ish.

The company was unbeatable.

The destination was sure to provide hours of fun.

We weren't disappointed.

This Daddy's girl  couldn't get enough of the water slide.  She gleefully clapped her way to the top as I lugged her up flights of stairs over and over. 

Being that it was a Monday we basically had the place to ourselves.  

Aili and Roman feel pretty lucky that they have the freedom that they do.  

I love that we have time together as a family.  Especially now that the weather is nicer and we can have little breaks from each other too!

It was nice to get out of our routine and just enjoy each other's company doing something fun.

Sometimes in the monotony of  daily book work, chores, and routines it's easy to forget how much I really like them, as people.  They are some really great little people.  

They make their mama proud. 

I love how Roman always runs up ahead to hold doors open for us and is always eager to help carry bags.

I love how Aili unbuckles her little siblings and then holds onto her little brothers hand as we walk through parking lots.

I love how Silas is becoming a "big kid" and we can make it through a long, tiring day without meltdowns, begging, whining or the like. 

And Cece...I just love that she soaks it all up with a big smile on her face. 

I love how they appreciated every bit of our day.

It made me appreciate them.

Roman was in sensory seekers heaven the whole time.  Couldn't get enough water to the face.

This little one was as brave as could be.  

Making memories.

We all worked up a fierce appetite so off to Fuddrucker's we went.

We don't eat out very much.  Mostly because we live in the middle of no where but also because we must pinch the pennies when it comes to feeding our crew.  We do enjoy a meal out though!

It is a treat for all involved, especially when there is pop involved.

We have been keeping an embarrassing secret but I feel the time has come that I must share it with you.

Our 4 year old has a drinking problem.

We are seeking out treatment options.

I thought his camera pose was funny.  Maybe I have low standards for what amuses me.

Yummers.  The burgers arrive.

Roman beat us all to the finish line.  I think the hubster was the most in love though.

Stop and Think

I am a woman of deep conviction and active faith. That is evident to any who read more than one or two lines of this blog.

What does that mean?

I believe in an awe inspiring, all powerful, creator. I also believe that the One who created the Galaxies hundreds of thousands of light years apart, and the intricate muscles in a caterpillars head also knows me. He knows you.

Do you know Him?

Do you believe that a God that holds our universe in His hand, and spoke the sun into existence can also know the number of hairs on your head?

So many people are convinced there is no God and yet question what the meaning of it all is. Is life really all just random? Is this just a bunch of molecules accidentally falling into place or is there order, meaning, and purpose?

If you wonder what all this God/ faith stuff is about.  Watch this.  I dare ya.