Swimming with the kids

This is such a funny picture of Aili jumping off the spring board. She is so careful and nervous about each jump. This just captures it so perfectly.
I don't have a picture of Roman doing flips off of it but I should look through my archives and find one. Not a careful or cautious bone in that kids body.

Skinny rocket boy.
p.s I do feed my kids. They aren't ill or starving , just healthy and very active. :)

Dad's new work out plan. The goggles are just for looking extra cool. :)

This little water boy's eyes match the water. He loves to be wet!

Our hot summer days were in short supply this summer and are already feeling more like fall days. We are squeezing as much summer fun out of our too short summer as possible.
Harvest is just around the corner.
It just occurred to me that I've been blogging for a full year!

The count down to Mexico has begun. Not so much in days but it things that need to be done before we leave. Yikes.
We are all excited for this trip, especially the kids. I'm so relieved and happy about that. We didn't know if they would start to resist the move or grumble about it as it approached. Aili and Roman talk about our upcoming adventure all the time.

This week I'm mostly getting caught up in the garden, yard and house. This evening I need to climb and fold Mount Washmore.
I guess I should get off the computer and get something done!

The last couple days

This post will likely be a somewhat scattered compilation of the happenings of the last few days.
This "little bear" shirt is one I bought for "Cub" a few days before he left. I thought it was pretty cute...given his bloggy alias.

This past weekend my husband's twin brother and his family were out for a visit. We had a really good time with them, lots of visiting and playing. The Dads took the kids for quad rides, out to play in some nearby "forts" and gravel pits. I think they took the city cousins explore the farm a bit.
The kids all got along great, (minus the occasional sword fight gone bad). Not too bad for 6 kids under 8 years old.

Me and my girl hanging out next to the backyard campfire. Still not too big to sit on moms lap.
I'm so proud of this girl.
After years of strong wills, butting heads and irritating quirks I can honestly say I am enjoying her to pieces right now...irritating quirks and all :)
She is turning into such a lovely big girl. I feel so blessed not only to have a daughter but one as kind hearted as this one.

Making Smores!

Silas thoroughly enjoying a Smore!


Yesterday my hubby and I celebrated 13 years of marriage. I suppose I should right a post in honor of all that life we have spent together. That is a lot of living! Maybe in another post.

Yesterday we spent the day together in the City. We had to drop "Cub" off at the Social Services building at 2pm so we decided to make a day of it. We left the other three kids with Grandma and we spent the day shopping for our upcoming migration to Mexico. We enjoyed our time spent together. Even the 2 hours of driving each way made for great uninterrupted conversation time. That's something not taken for granted after a housefull of kids and 13 years of marraige.

We found some great off season clothing sales and bought a few new things for each family member. We don't do a lot of shopping and clothes shopping usually gets put at the bottom of the list. We tend to "make-do" with what we've got for as long as possible.

Looking ahead to six months worth of growing kids , wear and tear, line drying in the desert sun....it has become apparent that we need to go strategically and well stocked with clothing.
My best big sale was at the "Dawg's" store (you know those rubbery colorful shoes?)
I had a pair of sandals that I love and have worn for 2 summers but they are wearing out so I went to look at getting another pair. The first pair cost $40. I wasn't sure if I was willing to pay that much again even though they've been well used and they would be perfect for this winter.
I got to the store and the "Dawg's" shoes were $5!!!
The sandals I wanted were $12!

I outfitted our whole family in sandals and shoes for $60!!

I even bought Silas 3 pair since he is notorious for loosing his shoes and he is growing so fast.

We also started buying other various supplies that we will need while down there.

On a less cheery note.... dropping of "Cub" was really hard. I had remained emotionally numb, disassociated or something for most of the weekend and morning. As usual, the dam started to break as we drove up to the building. I did my best to hold it in with only a few tears and sniffles as we said goodbye. It took so much effort to hold in the torrent of emotion that after I left I felt so extremely drained and even nauseous for the rest of the day.

The few errands we did right after (wood stores and such) were hard. I felt like a zombie wandering around pretending to be a person.
Just existing was exhausting at that moment. At one point while standing in a woodworking store waiting for hubby I had a ridiculously strong urge to lay down on the floor and just lay there.....which I didn't actually do. I did however imagine, with amusement, the scene that would have ensued had I given into my urge to lay lifeless on a store floor.

I then envisioned myself asking the clerk if they had a corner or a hole or something I could crawl into and have a good cry...you know, something less ridiculous than laying on the floor.
Am I the only one who runs bizarre scenarios through my mind? It seems to happen quite frequently for me...like a little "Scrubs" daydream. Maybe I'm just weird that way.

After we left that store (which I refrained from making a scene in). I requested we go to the Christian book store. I LOVE it there. The smell of coffee and fresh baking, aisles and aisles of books, music ....ahhh. I spent too much money there. Call it therapeutic shopping.
We stocked up on some Christmas and birthday presents for the kids there (we are stowing them away in the trailer until Christmas in Mexico...the gifts ...not the kids) . We bought chapter books and some dvd's for them....shhh don't tell. I found a family devotional book and a parenting boys book.
I figured I could use the help right about now. I haven't read it yet but it looks REALLY good.

Wild Things, the art of nurturing boys

a practical guide to understanding the way, the mind, and the heart of a boy

by Stephen James and David Thomas

While at the store we ran into a friend of Nathanael's from Bible College days. He and his wife then joined us at a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I know it was a God thing. We needed encouragment and distraction and He provided it in His wonderfully perfect and unexpected way. Two hours of good uplifting conversation followed and a new friendship was forged.

We also bought a new cd!
"tenth Avenue North"


I'm in love with this band now!
I SO enjoy music ...at risk of sounding oddly like an eccentric artist...it speaks to me.

I do have an artist's soul....not to be confused with autistic soul :) (I'm a little sensitive about that one since as a child I couldn't say my "r"'s and I loved to draw and paint! I used to announce things like "I'm very awtistic" )
Music, images, words, dance...so many ways to express and create beauty.
Its one of the ways we were created in the image of God, the Master Artist.
When we create or appreciate created beauty we connect with that little reflection of God in us and have a greater appreciation for the Great Artist.
I put some songs of theirs on my playlist at the bottom of my blog.

I have a question for you. Does my music work?
Since I have dial up I can't always get the music working...in fact it has been quite some time since I've actually been able to hear it.
I have no idea if it is even working at all.
Let me know if it works and what you think.

Is having music too distracting?

I suppose if it is, you can always turn down the volume on your computer while you read or hit pause on the playlist.
Like I said I love music and lyrics and like to share them with others.
Enjoy.


Today I still feel wiped out...to quote vegi tales "like pudding spread across too much ham"

My coping mechanism, my drug of choice, is sleep (well maybe nachos and a Mojito are right up there too). When faced with unpleasant emotion all I want to do is sleep. Unfortunately with three kids left at home that's not really an option.
So I'm busying myself with chores instead....I'm also trying not to stress too much about all the things that have fallen behind and that need to be done...apples need to be picked and made into jam, beans , peas, raspberries all in need of picking.
One thing at a time.
If the peas rot in the garden while I'm recovering on the computer I'm kind of ok with that right now.
I have managed so far to do many loads of laundry, bake cookies, go for a bike ride with the kids and unload all our shopping bags from the car.
Just putting one foot in front of the other.

For the most part I'm feeling "ok"...not my usually fabulous self :) , but I'm coping well and functioning. Mostly I feel a little dazed and spacey as I go about my day. Kind of just going through the motions. Every so often it catches me in my tracks and I find myself gasping for breath (literally)...that squeezing in my chest and choking feeling in my throat that reminds me that my heart is feeling sad. If I stop and think about him too much the dam bursts for a moment until I can function again. I keep coming across baby blankets, burp cloths, used bottles and all sorts of baby things. I've busied myself gathering all that kind of stuff washing and putting it away again.

Every so often I forget he's not just napping or I feel like I'm forgetting someone. Its a weird feeling.

We have no idea where Cub went or who he is with. All we know is he went to another foster home. That is the hardest part I think. Where is he? What is he doing right now? Will they take care of him?
Is he crying?
Its enough to break a mommy's heart.

Ok, here I go again......

I know God loves him even more than I do so that will have to be good enough for this mommy.

Thankyou for all of you that have kept us and little Cub in your prayers. I have felt upheld and sustained through out the last few days.
Thankyou.
Please continue to pray for Cub as he faces a very uncertain future.

Goodbye ...again.

Yesterday was a rough day. Started out with grumpy kids and a frustrated mommy. One of those mornings.

It ended with an abrupt phone call from "Cubs" case worker resquesting I bring him in today.
Since we have family coming out today to spend the weekend with us I told them I couldn't come until Monday.
Like I needed an excuse.
I worked on his baby scrap book all yesterday evening and got it finished. I feel good about how it turned out. Now I wish I could keep a copy for myself. I might have to photograph some of the pages.
I don't know if the foster family that he is going to live with will keep up with it or not but the first chapter of his life has been recorded in loving detail.



We brought him home at 4 days old...he will leave our home a day before his 2 month birthday.
We are considered short term emergency.
I think I would be better suited to long term/forever.

This is SO hard.

I wasn't expecting it to happen like this....this suddenly.
Although it has happened like this most every time.
A cold abrupt phone call interrupting my peaceful life.

We will be moving to Mexico in 2 months so we really can't demand that he stay longer. We don't have a leg to stand on.
The transition will only be harder for us and for him a month or two from now.
As much as I would like to keep him, he's not mine.
I'd take him with us if I could , but from what I know of the law....running for the Mexican border with a baby wouldn't be considered a noble thing. (I have only briefly pictured this bizzare scenario in my head...usually involving my mugshot on the evening news).

I have enjoyed being a mommy to him though.
He feels like my own....but he's not.

Its funny how a year ago I wondered if we ever adopted how it would feel to have a baby that didn't look like "my" babies.
You know how your biological kids all have "that look".
My babies all look like Burlando babies.

Well ,with each new baby I foster....the Burlando baby "look" changes.
My babies now have fluffy black hair that stands straight up and big brown eyes.
Every time I see a raven haired baby he will look like one of mine.

3 more days.

How do you count down the days until your baby leaves and you pack up the baby stuff and put it away? Its not like when my kids moved onto new stages and didn't need the cradle or the swing anymore...even then there was a sense of sadness. It will be cold turkey. Here one day and gone the next. It will be strangly like he was never here.

What kind of a crazy person sets themselves up for this?!

There is a lot of grief involved right now but its so strange and unusual....he's not dying. I will just never see him again.

I will miss him.

I guess its comforting to know he won't be looking for me for very long. His memory will be short lived. I wish my own was. Right now he adores his mama and definitely has a preference for me. That's a healthy bond but I feel like a traitor. I feel like I'm abandoning him.
He's had a good two months. Tons of snuggles, kisses, warm baths, soothing massages, lullabyes and time spent in the rocking chair.
He's been camping 3 times and been to 5 different lakes.
He's been loved on by three adoring "siblings".
All I could do for him was give him a good start on his journey through life. I played a role in the first chapter. It will be a very short chapter and one that he won't remember though. He will have proof that ,whatever comes..someone loved him and thought he was precious once upon a time.

I know I'll get through this. I know I'll come out the other side just fine. I also know that its going to hurt and feel awful for a little while. It doesn't get easier each time like I had hoped. I think this one will be the hardest to say good bye to in fact.

This little guy will be our last for this year. I think my husband and I both are wanting to open up our home again in the future, when we are back from Mexico. I'm looking forward to being available for longer term "placements"....not that it would make it any easier to say goodbye. We will be open to whatever God brings into our lives.

Please pray for us on Monday.
It happens to be our 13th wedding anniversary that day too. Sounds romantic doesn't it?
Dinner out with a red eyed , blubbering, snotty lady. My poor husband , pray for him too. :)
Please pray for "Cub" and his long term arrangements and case plan.
They still don't have that figured out for him yet.
So much uncertainty.

I don't really know how to pray right now other than the inner cry that pleads "go with him God....take care of him when I can't".

Thankyou for keeping him in your prayers!

10 things about me

I am posting 10 things about me as part of a getting to know each other "McLinky" community over at my favorite blog. Lynette, I might not be able to join you on your front porch for a good chat but I do have a pile of beans that need to be snapped. :) I'll think of you while I'm snapping.


Here goes!

1. I'm a big dork/ nerd that tries in vain to pretend that I'm not. Now the truth is out. Those who know me are not at all shocked.
( In an attempt to rearrange the writing and pictures from their currently disfunctional format I accidentally deleted the picture to go with this point...and have since discovered it is also deleted from my picture files..hmm. The rest of the pictures have no particular purpose or placement)


2. I'm a totally flexible and spontaneous person. Life is more fun that way.


3. I like to dance in my kitchen with my kids. Why? see #1.


4. I like adventures. I like to see new places and try new things. I've never had the resources to travel extensively....but I would like to see as much of the world as possible someday.



















5. I'm actually a pretty shy person. Small talk and meeting new people (in person) makes me totally uncomfortable. Fortunately my husband is an extreme extrovert so I just hide behind him in new social settings. Once I warm up though , look out.














6. Despite some residual shyness and insecurities I am not at all a private person. In case you haven't noticed I'm pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. I have definite aversion to hidden motives, ugly secrets and phony facades.



7. I have "thick skin" and take life as it comes. Things really don't shock me any more. I am not easily offended and usually assume and look for the best in people and situations. I'm not a big fan of "drama" or pity parties.





8. Although I appreciate and strive for a sense of order and cleanliness in my home ( I'm a bit of a germ phobe) I am not at all talented in the area of organization and structure. My house is clean enough to be healthy but messy enough to be happy.





9. I like learning about nutrition and healthy living. I'm not extreme and make no "off limits" rules but I think its important to take care of the bodies that God gives us. Its part of good stewardship. Being healthy also makes life a heck of a lot easier. Teaching kids to enjoy healthy foods and eat adventurously early sets them up for a lifetime of good habits. I will never serve my kids stuff like kool-aid or pop tarts...but if they happen to have "junkfood" somewhere else or on a special occasion I don't give it a second thought.




10. My happy place is a beach chair overlooking a warm ocean. Sitting under a palm tree with a good book in one hand an exotic drink in the other. Nothing but the soothing sound of waves.
Not a frequent occurrence for this prairie farm girl but I like to imagine myself there on occasion (usually the occasions that include screaming children and dinner burning on the stove!)

Baja picnic

For the first time in my blogging history I am participating in "Wednesday's Walk down Memory Lane"


I am supposed to have a link button but I'm not exactly sure how to put it here and I have run out of time to try to figure it out. I know its amazing I am able to even function at all in blog land. I'm actually a technologically challenged poser.

Since I have a whole list of things that need to be picked, processed, cleaned, baked and folded today this will be a brisk walk.
Join me for my speed walk down memory lane :)

Winter 2005, we spent 6 months in Baja Mexico. We lived along with our two kids (ages 4 and 2) in a camping trailer at an orphanage for 6 months. I have been thinking more about our time there lately because in 2 short months we will be packing up again and moving our crew down there for another 6 month stay.
As preparations and packing lists have begun I'm sure I'll be posting more about our plans in the near future.

This is a fond memory of an amazing day with friends.
We formed a friendship with one of the "Casa's" (houses) at the orphanage. The young house parents had a one year old son of their own and a baby on the way. They were also parenting about 10 of the children living at the orphanage. The children there are divided into family groups or "casa's" to make for a slightly more normal childhood.

One afternoon we were invited to join them on a family trip to the nearby beach. It was a beautiful day, slightly chilly but warm enough for the kids to try out the water.

The first picture is of Nathanael, the house dad and two of the boys going to catch our lunch.

Here is Aili having her first ocean experience. Not bad for a little girl from the Prairies.

Our fishermen were successful and each of us got our own little fish. I can say I've never eaten a fish cooked and served exactly in this manner but it was surprisingly delicious.
Of course no beach picnic is complete without limes, radishes, salad and hot salsa.

It was a fun day watching children enjoying being children,
forging new friendships,
and trying new food!

We still keep in touch with this couple and their two children. They have since moved on and he is currently pastoring a small church of indigenous Oaxacans. We look forward to future beach trips and picnics with them this winter.

Gods heart for Orphans

"Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
Psalms 82:3

43.3 million orphans live in Sub-Saharan Africa.

87.6 million orphans live in Asia.

12.4 million orphans live in Latin America & Caribbean.

At any given point 500,000 children are in the U.S. foster system.

In 2010 the # of children orphaned by AIDS is expected to be 25 million.


These are real statistics. They are shocking but easy to forget.
They are just numbers so they are easy to put out of our minds.

What we need to remember is that each one of those numbers is a forgotten child, a neglected resource, and a priceless treasure.
They have the same needs any of our children and have the same value.

They need the freedom to be children and to act silly.





They need a mommy to love them and make them feel safe.

They need a swing to go high as the trees.

They need to taste of the sweet side of life.

They need security, love, affection, a sense of purpose, hope, nutritious food, education, discipline and guidance.

They need a Mommy and Daddy to tuck them in at night and kiss their little forehead.

The sad fact is that millions of children in the world have no Daddies to chase away the scary monsters. No mommies to kiss their boo-boos'. No safe secure loving place to call home.

The statistics for "Orphans" are staggering but this doesn't even include the millions and millions of children that are neglected, abused and abandoned. Technically not "orphans" but emotionally they are orphaned.

These are our children. They are the future generation who will shape our world.
Ignoring these children now will have dire consequences later.

The children that these statistics represent are most likely to be exploited, abused, uneducated and desperate. Little boys without the guidance of a mother or father are likely to run in packs and join gangs in order to survive. They are more likely to commit crimes and fall into addictions. They are more likely become little "soldiers". Without healthy attachments and love they are likely to grow up with-out compassion and sometimes even a conscience. These are the future men of our world.

Little girls left to raise themselves are exploited, abused and too often enter the sex trade at a young age. They are uneducated and are likely to continue the cycle of AIDS and poverty. These are the future women of our world.

These children have experienced grief, loss and other horrific things in their short lives. Will they be able to overcome the statistics and their pasts and become the people God created them to be? Not without help.


Who will love these children? Who will rise up and train these impressionable little boys to be men of true strength and integrity? Who will show these precious little girls how much they are valued by the God who created them?

Who will defend the cause of the fatherless, the orphaned and the weak?

My desire is for the Church as a whole, the global Body of Christ to rise up and reach out.

If only 7% of the 2 billion "Christians" in the world would give hope to an orphan their would essentially be no more orphans.

We look at the disturbing and overwhelming statistics and it seems too big. We ask why God allows these children suffer.
I ask where are His people?

I have a feeling that for each specific need in the world God equips someone to fill that need.

Each need is different just as God gives each of us different talents and resources.
The problem is we forget why He gave them to us and in the rush of life we fail to see the need in front of us and fail to reach Gods purpose for our lives.

Sometimes that need is a woman who has lost hope next door to us and sometimes its a lonely child on the other side of the world. It might be extending a much needed friendship or it might be opening up your home to a child. It could be using your financial blessings to help bring together an orphaned child and his forever family.

Give me your eyes Lord. Break my heart with the things that break your heart. Use my hands to reach those that need your touch.

For more information and ways to help children visit:

www.showhope.org

www.ffhm.org

Summer Randomness

I love this picture of Aili.

I'm guilty of sneaking a picture of "Cub" in again. (in my defense the cutest part of him is covered by Silas' hands.)
You have no idea how hard it is to not plaster pictures of this baby all over my blog or facebook. I've taken SO many pictures. The beauty of babies and digital cameras. I want to show him off and send out birth announcements like any other mama...but he's not legally mine so I must refrain.
Silas insisted on helping me bath the baby. Of course he had to do it buck naked too.
Silas is a baby junkie.
Silas notices babies anywhere and won't leave them alone once he finds them. He always wants to snuggle, hug and kiss them. Needless to say he is totally in love with this little one. He's such a sweet "big brother" to him.
It will be the hardest for Silas to understand....even though I try to prepare him for the separation and remind him once in a while that "Cub" will be going to another home someday.

Silas enjoying his snack at VBS (Crocodile Dock). The other kids had all left to do crafts but I found Silas still sitting making out with his icing cracker. It's not everyday he gets blue icing on a graham cracker....he savoured the moment ! I was the crew leader for the preschool bunch so Silas was able to tag along even though he was about 6 months too young.

Roman and his Daddy building a Bionicle space ship thingy he got for his birthday. It took these engineers a couple hours but they assembled it. Its pretty cool. It even shoots little balls at his little brother.